In the midst of the darkness of Hamilton’s, his body felt like comfort, his arms provided safety, and his grip on my hair offered protection.
This was the first time I’d been in his arms.
Secretly, I prayed it wouldn’t be my last.
14
SASHA
I rested against the passenger window of Ben’s car as Monroe flashed before my eyes while we sped away from Hamilton’s. The past twenty minutes had been insane. After clawing as much comfort as I could out of Ben’s arms, he’d entwined his fingers with mine, and we moved through Hamilton’s at a rapid pace. Thank god I had years of experience wearing heels, because there was no way I could keep up with him if I wasn’t a seasoned heel wearer. He had the front exit in sight, and nothing or no one was going to stop him. He refused to stop to speak to Austin, and I couldn’t tell Missy I was okay or answer Shelley’s questioning gaze as we passed her. All I could do was give Andy a brief wave as he stared at us from across the room. I’d have to call him to explain why a random man was dragging me out of the bar like a caveman.
But I had no complaints.
I just wanted to get away from the lingering presence of Edward O’Leary.
And Ben offered me that.
I twisted in the seat and looked back at Ben when the sound of his phone ringing saturated the car. His profile was tense, and his jaw ticked as he waited for whoever he was calling to answer. Even when he was clearly pissed off, he looked good.
“Hey.” Austin’s calm voice sounded through the car after two rings. “What’s happening?”
“You’re on loudspeaker,” Ben said, talking for the first time since we left Hamilton’s. “You got Missy?”
At the sound of Missy’s name, my hand shot out and grabbed Ben’s thigh. His eyes dropped to my hand and then met my gaze. I didn’t take away my hand, I just squeezed it tighter, silently encouraging him to find out what was happening.
“Yeah, she’s sitting beside me, eating a slice of pizza and giving me a rundown of the latest episode of some reality shit she watches. Apparently, it’s imperative that I know who is giving who fuckin’ blow jobs,” Austin groaned, sounding less than impressed. “How are you doing, Sasha?”
I looked at Ben briefly, my hand still on his thigh, and took a deep breath. “Well, my cheek hurts like a mother, I was kissed again by Edward ‘creepfest’ O’Leary, who I do not want to be kissed by, I’m still nauseated at the fact he’s spreading lies that I’m having sex with him, and let me tell you, I would never allow my vagina anywhere near him. Oh, and its Missy’s birthday, and my plans of dancing the night away with her have been foiled. Besides all of that, I’m sunshine and freaking kittens.”
I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes. I could rant with the best of them.
“Fuck, Hunt, now I know what you mean about the sass.” He laughed, and I was not amused. “Sasha, babe, how about Hunt and I take you girls out when we have a weekend off and you can dance your little ass off?”
My eyes shot open and I looked at Ben. “Will you dance?”
He fired me a smirk. “Sweetheart, do I look like I dance?”
He didn’t seem like the kind of man who would dance to Beyoncé with me.
“Austin, will you dance with me?” I asked, and I had to admit there was a little flirty undertone to my voice.
His response was immediate. “If you were asking, fuck yeah I would.”
“You got moves?”
“Oh, I have some serious moves, both on and off the dance floor.”
“Hart, you wanna stop flirting with the woman sitting in my fucking car?”
Ben’s reaction caused the butterflies to flutter a little.
“Did I just hear something about going out dancing?” Missy’s voice filtered through the air, and I squeezed Ben’s thigh tighter.
“Are you okay?” I shot out quickly. I hadn’t spoken to her since I left Hamilton’s, so knowing she was with Austin and sounding like her normal self relaxed the worry storming within me.
“I’m having pizza with the second hottest guy in Monroe, and I’m gossiping about my fave TV show. I am very okay.”
Stupidly, I asked, “The second? Who’s the hottest?”
“Sash.” she laughed. “Look at the man sitting beside you.”
Like magnets, my eyes were drawn to Ben. Even in the dull glow offered by the streetlights we passed, his rugged sexiness and inviting lips were on full display. It was as if sex appeal swam through his veins instead of blood, and I swear every time I looked at him, I found another thing that got my attention. Every time he spoke, something else intrigued me.
I shook my head, amused. “Uh, Missy, you’re on loud speaker.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Hey, Ben, I hope you’re going to take care of my girl.”
“Miss, you just became my second favorite woman in Monroe.” Ben chuckled, before shooting what could only be described as a heated look my way. His second. I didn’t have to be a genius to figure out what he had just insinuated.
“Good choice. I’ve got to go. I think I’ve pissed off Austin by saying he’s the second hottest guy in Monroe, so I need to go and charm him again with my reality TV knowledge.”
“Hunt, you owe me big for this,” Austin grunted. “Really fucking big.”
“Rock my girl’s world tonight, Ben! Sash, enjoy your night. It’s time to break the drought.”
She did not just say that.
Five minutes later, Ben pulled off the main road and started driving up the mountain, toward the lookout, and again silence had fallen within the car.
“Ben, what’s going on?” I asked, hesitantly, after he stopped the car and switched off the engine.
He opened his door and slid out, closing the door behind him, and then I watched him stalk toward the edge of the lookout with the most beautiful view of Monroe, both during the day and at night. I remained in the car, my eyes locked on him, as he stood with his arms folded over his chest, looking like he was lost in thought.
“Damn it,” I whispered to myself as I unbuckled, opened the door, and climbed out of the passenger seat. Slowly, I made my way to him and gently placed my hand on his back. He flinched under my touch, but I refused to move my hand.
In the light from the full moon above us, I held my breath as he turned to face me. His eyes roamed over my face and zoned in on my cheek, then his jaw tensed. Gently, he cupped my face and began softly running his thumb over my throbbing cheek.
“When I find out who did this, there will be fucking hell to pay,” he hissed, and his tone was anything but gentle.
“I’m okay,” I whispered, leaning into his hand.
“Well, I’m not.”
I sighed. “Ben, it’s my cheek.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly my point.”
I stared at him in the moonlight as frustration raged inside of me. My cheek throbbed like a mother. I was majorly pissed off that O’Leary was once again making himself known in my life, and now I had Ben being all alpha male and moody. I did not have the time or the patience to deal with this right now, and I shouldn’t have to deal with it.
“Can you just take me home?” I ground out.
I stepped away from him and stormed back to the car. All I wanted was to go home, shower, put ice on my cheek, then crawl into bed and hope I slept forever. Tonight was complete shit.
“I’m an asshole,” he said from behind me. “I’m just pissed that—”
I looked over my shoulder and his eyes met mine. “Can we just go?” I interrupted.
“Come here, Sasha,” he murmured in a tone that caused my feet to move toward him before I could decide whether I wanted to or not. When I reached him, his arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me toward him. He lowered his voice when he asked, “Now, are you sure you are okay?”
“I think so. I’m a little freaked out though.”
He grabbed my chin gently and lifted my face so I had no choice but to look him in the eye. My hesi
tation was palpable. But what looked back at me knocked the air out of my lungs. The intensity of his gaze made me feel like he was staring inside my soul, stealing all of my locked away secrets and reveling in my wildest fantasies. Like my truth was everything he needed. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want this man to give me everything he offered at this moment under the stars. I had nothing to offer him in return. I didn’t trust myself to believe that I had anything to offer anyone. What could a woman with a fragile heart, broken promises, and major abandonment issues offer anyone? This was my life, and I’d spent years getting to the place I was at now. I could not let anyone take that away from me.
“What are you thinking?” I whispered as the air began to crackle around us.
“I don’t want him to be the last memory of a kiss you have,” he murmured as his lips inched closer to mine. “I want to erase him and give you a brand new memory.”
I grabbed hold of the side of his shirt and tugged him closer, then I took a risk, I’d wanted to take since I met him. “Please erase him.”
His mouth crashed onto mine and it felt like a billion white lights sparked to life behind my eyes. My whimpers tumbled down his throat as his lips began to own mine. I clutched his shirt for dear life as our mouths fused together and I lost the ability to think and breathe. He tasted of beer, comfort, and the best kind of crazy, and under the moonlight blanketing Monroe, I didn’t ever want this kiss to end. With every swipe of his tongue and nibble of his teeth, he erased every horrific memory of O’Leary’s lips tainting mine. His lips cleansed me. His mouth enthralled me. His arms protected me. I gasped against his kiss at the sensation of his fist gripping my hair and tugging roughly. I didn’t feel any pain, it was only pleasure that pulsated through my body. This was insane. Completely and utterly insane. But I didn’t want the insanity to end. For once, I wanted it to wrap itself around my body and bring perfect chaos into my life. I’d welcome it into my life as long as the chaos was attached to the man currently kissing me within an inch of my life.
Our lips parted as we each took desperate breaths, but his hold on me didn’t lesson. “Even sweeter than I could have imagined.”
“You erased him,” I whispered, offering him a small smile. “But was that the only reason you kissed me?”
I sucked in a breath as he gave me a knee-trembling smile, and then he completely rocked my world.
“Sweetheart, I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was nineteen.”
15
BEN
There was something about watching Sasha make grilled cheese at midnight in my kitchen that did crazy things to me. She was getting under my skin at a fast fucking rate, and I no longer had any control. After taking her to the lookout and being given the best kiss of my life, we’d climbed back into my car and headed here. I had been ready for a fight, and was even ready to tell her I’d stay at her place, but she didn’t object, she didn’t fight it—fuck, she even encouraged it.
After I brought her inside, I made her sit on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on her cheek. She complained about it being too cold, but once she started getting some relief she ceased complaining. There was no doubt it was going to bruise and mark her beautiful face. It pissed me off that it even happened in the first place. While she sat on the couch, I watched her closely. My mind kept going over what could have happened if she hadn’t been able to get back inside. The fact O’Leary got near her again caused my blood to boil. But I couldn’t let the thought of him tarnish having her here now. She was my priority.
“You should try my pizza toasties one day.” Her voice floated from the kitchen and into the living room where I was sitting. “They will rock your world.”
I looked up from my phone and into the kitchen, and asked, “Toasties?”
“One of my customers was from Australia, and that’s what she called them. It’s basically grilled cheese but with awesome fillings. My personal favorite is ham, mushrooms, pizza sauce and a ridiculous amount of cheese.”
I stood from the couch, and walked toward her. “You want to make me one, I’ll eat it.”
“You’ve got it.” She smiled, before taking a sip of her Coke. “This is hands down the weirdest night ever. I did not expect to be ending the night at your place.”
I smiled, and her eyes zoned in on my mouth. Her tongue darted out and touched her lips, and I felt it in my cock. “You’ve got to stop looking at my lips, Sweetheart, otherwise we won’t be eating Grilled Cheese anytime soon.”
“Well, we can’t have that happen. My Grilled Cheese is pretty damn good.”
“I’m sure your Grilled Cheese is great, but I’m sure what I’m imagining is fucking phenomenal.”
She rested her hip against the cupboard and eyes shimmered with mischief. “You’re pretty awesome at this whole distraction thing. Because I haven’t thought once of what happened tonight, and now I’m considering ditching the Grilled Cheese and getting you to show me what you think will be phenomenal.”
I stepped toward her and caged her in against the counter. “Are you flirting with me, Miss Hamilton?”
She offered me a sexy smile and looked up at me. “Maybe a little, Detective Hunt.”
Fuck, she was going to kill me. I wanted nothing more than to forget eating, and instead feast on her, but there were things that needed to be talked about first. I wasn’t going to let my needs make me forget what was right, and what had to be done. Even if being near her was the best kind of torture I’d experienced.
“You need to feed me.” I said softly, leaning in and lightly kissing the side of her mouth. She swayed toward me, and sighed under my touch. I felt that sigh through my whole body. “Fuck, you’re killing me.”
“I’m innocent.” She declared, putting her hands up. “Okay, let’s eat.”
I refreshed our drinks, led her into the living room, and took a seat beside her on the couch. Silence fell between us as we both ate. Although neither of us spoke a word, there were questions simmering just below the surface, just waiting to be asked.
I was first to finish, and if we didn’t need to talk I would have asked for another grilled cheese. It was that fucking good. I placed my plate on the table and then rested back against the cushion, and waited for her to finish. She glanced at my empty plate, and then back at me as she nibbled on her grilled cheese. I looked at her over the top of my beer. She was the first to break, and I smirked into my bottle.
As soon as she finished, I grabbed her plate, placed it on top of mine, sat back on the couch, and twisted toward her. I didn’t want to bring O’Leary up because I didn’t want him infiltrating my time with Sasha, and I certainly didn’t want him discussed in my house, but it had to be done.
My jaw clenched. “How well do you know Edward O’Leary?”
“He grew up in the house next door and was best friends with my brother, Drew. Every day he was over at our house, and because our parents were best friends, it was just normal for him to be there. When I got a little older, he decided he had a crush on me and he was relentless. I wanted nothing to do with him, and I never led him on, but he just never got the point.”
“And he was who you went out to dinner with the night Sass got broken into?”
“Yes, but it wasn’t a date. I don’t date. Like, at all. But I thought maybe if I went to dinner with him, I could make him realize nothing will ever happen between us. You know, like have an adult conversation. But it clearly backfired on me, and he ended up kissing me and somehow getting it in his head that we had sex.”
“Does Drew have much to do with him?”
She shook her head. “Not that I know of.”
Fuck. “When we picked up O’Leary, Drew was having lunch with him at Missy’s.”
“What?” she gasped, her eyes shooting wide. “I didn’t know they still spoke. After we lost Dad, Drew pulled away from a lot of people, including Edward. I have no clue why they’d be at Missy’s.”
What the fuck was going on?
“I need
to ask you something.”
I looked over at her and waited for her question.
“What did you mean when you said you’ve wanted to kiss me since you were nineteen?”
She gave me her gorgeous green eyes, and within them swam intrigue and confusion. I hadn’t meant to say a fucking thing about knowing her since I was nineteen, but kissing her, tasting her, and having her whimper against my lips made me lose all control and next thing I knew I was admitting things that I should have kept to myself.
“The first time I saw you, I was nineteen,” I confessed, then I watched as her eyes shot wide and she sucked in an unsteady breath. “You and Missy were at Hamilton’s, dancing in the middle of the day, with a bunch of families around for Sunday lunch, and you looked like you didn’t have a care in the world. You were laughing, smiling huge, and wearing the smallest shorts I’d ever fucking seen. I was nineteen years old and being overrun by hormones, so I couldn’t take my eyes off you. That vision of you dancing, shaking your little ass, and laughing burned itself deep into my memories.”
She edged closer to me on the couch, stealing the distance between us.
“Three months later,” I said, my voice dropping deep, and my need to protect her from what I was about to say increased, “your mom left.”
Her breathing hitched. “Ben—”
“When I was twenty-one I started working at the PD, and over the years I’ve spent a lot of time away from Monroe, and working undercover around the country. But when I came home, I saw you around. I’d go to Hamilton’s because the beer was cold, the chicken wings were fuckin’ divine, and it was where I’d seen the pretty blonde so many years beforehand. I’d sit in the back, nursing my beer with the hope of getting a glimpse of the girl who took my breath away with one look. I’ve seen you there, but I’ve never been gifted the pleasure of seeing that smile or hearing that laugh again. The girl who took my breath away looked like she was barely breathing.”
All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1) Page 11
