by Leanne Davis
She glanced up hope flashing in her eyes. Then she shook her head as the light dimmed from her gaze. She didn’t trust that he could believe or help her. “Nothing. Really.”
“Yeah, right. Nothing. Why didn’t you tell me what he did to you?”
“You wouldn’t have believed me. No one does. He’s the general. He’s the superstar of the Army. Why would anyone believe he hurts me? His own daughter? Besides a lot of people would tell you I deserve anything and everything he does to me.”
“No. No, you don’t deserve it. He doesn’t do any of it to Lindsey, does he?”
“No.”
“She doesn’t even know, does she? That her precious father intimidates you, belittles you, abuses you, bullies you, and then hits you. She doesn’t know, right?”
“I don’t think she does.”
“Why is that?”
Smiling easily and with complete confidence she said, “Because she’s the good sister.”
“No, she’s not. But why doesn’t she know?”
Jessie shrugged. “Because she can’t see it. Or maybe she thinks I deserve it too.”
“That’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it? And why you don’t tell her. You’re afraid she’ll take the general’s side.”
“Sure she will.”
“No, she won’t. I promise you she won’t blame you for a grown man trying to kick you while you’re lying on the floor. I’ll back you up if you tell her.”
“I won’t tell her.”
He nodded. “I know. I think you’re wrong. But it became very clear to me today what has been going on. You see, when the general sent me to Mexico, he had your location down to a tiny pinpoint on the map. He knew exactly where you were, how many were holding you, and what the circumstances were. The only thing he didn’t know was what they did to you. I was so prepared by his briefing, it was like clockwork. Got me to thinking today.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He did it. He planned the kidnapping.”
Jessie recoiled. “How can you say that? He’s harsh, but no, he wouldn’t do that to me.”
“I think it was supposed to be one of those “scared straight” kind of deals. You ever heard of those? They’re out there, unbelievably. The child gets kidnapped and taken someplace. For some reason, yours went way beyond that. He probably didn’t plan on that. That’s where I came in.”
The swirling blackness descended over her head. She pushed her fingers into her skin. No. No. Her father couldn’t hate her that much to do such a thing to her. She wasn’t so unlovable that he’d do that to her. Or was she?
“Why do you live here? Why don’t you leave? Get away from him and what he does to you forever?”
She couldn’t follow his conversation. He was so all over the place.
“Leave here? I can’t do anything. I flunked out of school. I can’t get a job.”
“You can’t live here anymore. After what I witnessed today, I don’t think you’re safe with the general. He’s enraged at you. His plan went wrong. I entered the picture, and now you’re pregnant. I think he must realize I could easily figure out what happened. He’s terrified of me. As well as you. And that makes him a real threat.”
“I have nowhere else to go.”
“He might have tried to strangle you today in his office. I saw it in his eyes. I was right there. I fucking sat there while he pushed a pregnant, hundred-pound girl into the wall. He’s dangerous right now. Whatever he planned to have done to you completely failed, and now you’re worse off than ever. You’re pregnant and a total humiliation to him. Jessie, you can’t stay here.”
“You can’t go against him, he’ll ruin your career.”
Will stared at her. “No, he won’t. No one pushes me around. Not even the great General Bains.”
“That’s good. I can’t believe he tried to order you to take responsibility for this pregnancy. I can’t believe he had the guts to do that to you.”
Will stood up and ran a hand absent-mindedly through his hair. He still wore his fatigues. He looked dangerous in her bedroom. But then again, he was Will. He could never be dangerous to her.
“We had a little discussion today. About you.”
“I know. I was there. It was stupid.”
“I watched while you were raped. I watched while you cut yourself. I watched you deny everything that was done to you. I watched your sister call you names, and your father almost kick you. I watched all that without a word of defense for you,” Will admitted, pausing to glance at her. “You are not something I ever wanted in my life. I never chose to be anyone’s savior, or the person to turn to for help. Thing is, you and I, just are. We’re in this together, because of Mexico, because of your father. But here’s the clencher, I will not watch you get hurt anymore. Not again. Not ever again. Not if I can stop it.”
“Don’t say that. You’ve done everything. You did save me. You did help me. You don’t have to feel guilty.”
“But I am guilty. Guilty of doing nothing. Which is almost as bad as what your father does to you.”
“It’s nothing like what my father does to me.”
Will held her gaze, and came closer to her. “He won’t do anything else to you.”
She shrugged. “It’s just how things are.”
“Not anymore. You see, I’m going to marry you. You’re going to leave his house, and no one will ever hurt you again.”
Chapter Eleven
Jessie stood up, looking shocked, as if a bolt of electricity just shot through her. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? Or should I sit by while your father beats you up one night so you miscarry? No fucking way. I’m getting you out of here.”
“You don’t even like me.”
“I can’t watch you suffer anymore. I mean it. I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t do something for you.”
She got up and paced her dark room. “This is crazy. This is what my father put you up to. This makes no sense.”
“I’ll get you out of here, away from him. Don’t you get it? You have to do that right now or he’s going to kill you. Everything he planned went so far the wrong way that it’s made things ten times worse for him. And no matter how irrational it is, he persists in blaming you for it.”
“Again, I remind you that you don’t even like me.”
“I don’t have to like you to help you. We both know what it means: getting you away from here and dealing with a pregnancy you can’t hide forever.”
She turned her back to him. Hearing him say that he really didn’t have to like her, although expected, stung her. “And when the baby comes out Latino? What are you going to do then? Announce to everyone that I must have cheated on you?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when it’s closer. You don’t even know if you’re keeping it, do you? One thing at a time: first, we need to get you out of here.”
“What did my father say to you? Promise you a change in rank? Gold? What could be worth your freedom to take me?”
“Nothing. I mean, he thinks he’s convinced me to marry you for my own good. My career. But I’m not doing it for anything. I’m doing it because of what I saw today. Saw and didn’t stop. I’m not proud of that, or anything else I’ve watched happen to you. But I won’t make that mistake again. And you know as well as I do, that you need me right now.”
“I could just abort the baby.”
“You could. But that doesn’t stop your father.”
“You really believe he’ll hurt me?”
Will leveled a look at her. “We both know he already has. I’d like to keep you from getting killed.”
She shut her eyes with relief. Someone finally saw what her father did to her. It was heady. It was scary. It was life-changing. “How will you stop him?”
“I made it clear if I marry you, he no longer has any say over you.”
“What? So now you do?”
“No. You do. You have control over yourself. All I’d be giving you is a
way out of here. We’ll get married so you, at least, will get the general off your back, it’s all in name only.”
“I have no money. I can’t do anything.”
“I know, but I do. I have a job. The least I can do is get you out of here. And I’ll help you find something you like to do. I’m sure there is a job out there just for you.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I owe you. What I didn’t stop in Mexico, or in the general’s office today, I owe you. If I do this for you, the rest is on you to fix yourself, move forward, whatever. I’m here to give you a chance, then we’re even.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“I do. I really do. Let me do this… Wait, let me rephrase that, I am doing this.”
Her heart felt like it could start beating again. For hours, it seemed frozen, dull, dead. Now it pumped happily, moving blood through her body. She was alive again. He would take her away from here. Away from her father. Will would save her.
“He’ll try to make a big splash out of it, you know. Really play up Mexico, try to garner publicity for himself.”
“Fine, let him. Once we’re married, he’s out of it. You’ll be free from his control.”
She shook her head. She could never be free. That much she knew. But getting away, that could be a vacation, and really nice. Really, really nice. “Okay we’ll do it. Until this baby stuff is figured out. Then we’ll get divorced, agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“Thank you, Will.”
****
“How could you agree to marry her? I don’t understand. We were just on a date, now you’re marrying my sister?”
Will sighed and opened the door to Lindsey Bains a few nights after his proposal to Jessie. She pushed past him, into the foyer of his small apartment. She had tears in her eyes. She looked so heartbroken, so fragile, that his gut quivered. Why couldn’t Jessie just tell her sister the truth? All of it? There were a few moments, here and there, when he considered dating Lindsey, a few moments when he wondered what they might become. But now he owed Jessie, through no fault of his own, and felt responsible for her. She deserved that much from him.
Lindsey stalked around his apartment. She paced and felt betrayed. Will felt terrible for her, but Lindsey didn’t harbor half the grief her little sister did.
“She told you?”
“No. My father told me. How could you? I don’t understand. We were on a date just last week. How could you be engaged to my sister this week? Why would you marry her? My God, it’s crazy and stupid. What could possibly make you do this?”
“She’s pregnant.”
Lindsey paused. Her mouth fell open, and her eyes widened. Then she said,“No. She’s lying.”
“No, she’s not.”
“And it’s yours? It’s your baby my sister is carrying?”
“Yes.”
“But how? When? How could you accept a date with me?”
Inevitably, the math would go back to Mexico. He could always deny it, or make up some more stories. But he needed to protect Jessie from the one thing in her life that wasn’t her fault.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant then.”
“But you knew you slept with her!”
“Understandably, you’re upset. You hate me. I get it. It happened in Mexico. We were under extreme circumstances and stress. I guess I didn’t put much stock in it.”
“So let her have the baby. You don’t have to marry her.”
“And how she’s going to afford it? She’s a broke, college drop-out. What else can I do, but try and help her?”
“No one can help her. She’ll destroy you.”
“She won’t destroy me. She won’t even hurt me.”
“Yes, she will. I know. I’ve watched it time and time again.”
“No. I have control over her. She listens to me.”
“But you can’t do this. Marry her? You don’t even like her.”
“Actually, I do like her.”
“How? How can you like her?”
“Because I understand her.”
“Then why did you go out with me? I can’t believe I thought I was in love with you.”
Will went still. So did Lindsey. She slapped a hand over her mouth. Will closed his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t plan any of this. I’m sorry.”
“She ruins everything. She’ll ruin this too.”
“It’s not at all like you think.”
She laughed bitterly. “It’s exactly what I think. Jessie wins again. She ruins something I care about again. Mark my words, she’ll taint you, this marriage, everything.”
Lindsey came nearer and stopped right before him. She looked up into his face, into his eyes. She had the same large shaped eyes as Jessie, but hers were blue, beguiling and innocent. She suddenly, surprisingly, lifted her mouth to his, and kissed him. She kissed him long and deep until he responded, following her lead, opening his mouth to hers. He finally pulled back. She was in his arms. How did he manage that? “I can’t do this.”
“Of course you can’t. You are a good, decent, honorable man. A leader among men, just like my father. And so far above my sister, it makes me sick to think of her with you. She will never make you happy. Once the sex wears off, she has nothing to offer. Trust me, I’ve watched her show enough times to know.”
Lindsey walked around him and slammed the door.
****
The shock of his engagement to Jessie Bains rippled through the ranks of soldiers, and eventually trickled down to the media. He tolerated the surprise, the shock, even the disdain over his choice in a bride. No one could believe it. How could it happen? He wasn’t talking. Somehow, he felt he owed Jessie for not stopping what happened to her in Mexico. It might not have been his fault, but on a visceral level, he didn’t stop it. And look what Jessie’s life had become.
“I don’t get it, man, how did this happen?”
Tony was Will’s best friend since childhood. They had joined up together and had each other’s backs for everything from boot camp to ranger school to officer training to war. Tony had seen Will through almost everything, including his divorce. Tony was stung Will didn’t confide he was sleeping with the general’s daughter, especially the bad daughter. The scandalous daughter. Lindsey’s sister.
Will glanced at Tony, and sighed. He hated lying to a man he considered a brother. “She needs my help.”
“You need to marry her because she needs your help? Did you really knock her up?”
“Not me. You gotta trust me, I’ve gotta do this. I need you to be the one person I can talk to, whom I can trust.”
“You trust me with your life, yet you doubt I can keep your gossip to myself?”
Will smiled, that’s why Tony was his friend. He was a straight shooter. Will told him his story. He kept out any details that weren’t necessary, like what happened in Mexico. But he managed to tell him enough to deal with his current crisis. At least, Tony could understand how Will came to his decision without thinking he totally left Tony out of the loop.
Tony whistled at the end of the saga. “You’re playing with fire, the general’s daughter and all.”
“I’m aware. I need your word.”
“You got it. But you’re more man than I am to volunteer for this duty.”
“I didn’t volunteer, I was ordered from day one.”
“You could have said no.”
“Not if you knew what I know.”
****
Jessie tried in vain to talk to her sister. She called, she e-mailed, she texted, all of which were ignored or deleted. She made two trips to Lindsey’s apartment. Lindsey refused to give her the time of day. The tape on YouTube, only made the sex tape that was already out about Jessie worse.
The rest of the time, Jessie huddled in her bedroom, very afraid, terrified even, to cross her father. The ideas Will planted in her head about Mexico took root, and blossomed into full bloom. Did her father really have her kidnapped? Did he
r own father do this to her? She shuddered every time the thought entered her brain. The numbness became a constant. She didn’t cry. She didn’t even think. She hid. She cut. She tried to figure out what could be so wrong inside her, and so twisted, that her father would resort to having her kidnapped.
But now she was Will’s fiancée. For that reason alone, she didn’t physically fear her father. It was liberating. For years, she tiptoed around him, but now, she had Will looking out for her.
Will called to ask if she’d been to any kind of doctor since Mexico. She hadn’t, of course. He insisted she make an appointment, and confirm it with him.
Jessie answered the knock at the door one afternoon to find Will there. She hadn’t seen him in the few days since his “proposal.” She suddenly felt strangely shy with him, if that could be possible. He’d seen it all, and heard it all. Why was she so shy with him now?
“I’m driving you to your appointment.”
“I told you I would go. You don’t have to babysit me.”
“Just get your coat.”
The October weather was cool and gray. Gusts of wind blew wayward leaves off the trees as they piled along sidewalks and scattered when cars passed. Will drove his black truck. They had nothing to say to each other during the short ride across town to the doctor’s office.
Jessie got checked in, weighed in, and tolerated the physical examination, and prenatal care instructions. There was a heartbeat. That stopped her. There in her stomach, magnified by the sonogram, was the heartbeat of a live baby growing in her. It stunned her. The weird pregnancy tests didn’t mean much. They were so abstract, and so unwanted that being pregnant didn’t hold much meaning to her life. Suddenly, now it did. A heartbeat. It was alive. She struggled with what to do about that. She had always been careful about birth control, and this wasn’t because she was careless, this was a result of rape. She clearly, starkly, knew the difference, and that she didn’t deserve this.
