“Yeah, you do know what fun is, don’t you, darlin’?”
Her mind went blank and she stared at him for a moment. “Jesse, I have to be honest. I can’t remember the last time I did anything just for fun.”
One eyebrow rose, but he wasn’t particularly surprised. Her plate was filled with responsibilities, leaving very little time for recreation. “Well, Hannah, seems to me that’s something we need to correct.”
As long as he was planning on being here for a few days, he’d decided he wanted to spend that time getting to know her—and Riley—a bit better. There was no harm in that, he assured himself. As long as he remembered this wasn’t permanent. This wasn’t serious. This was merely one old friend getting reacquainted with another.
“Correct?” She frowned. “Jesse, I don’t know—”
“Turn around,” he whispered softly.
She blinked in confusion. “Excuse me?”
“Turn around, darlin’.” Taking her by the shoulders, he gently turned her so her back was facing him. “Now, I want you to take a long, deep breath and then let it out very slowly.” He began to knead and massage her tight shoulders as she did so, pressing against the spots of tension until there was a low, soft purring in her throat, a sound that was incredibly arousing to him.
“Oh, Jesse,” she moaned, letting her head fall forward. “If this is your idea of fun, I think I’m going to like it.”
He laughed, and continued kneading, realizing he liked touching her, liked the way her body responded to him, liked the way her voice was husky deep in her throat. In another time and place, that purr would be highly erotic, he thought, shifting his weight to relieve the pressure his own body was feeling.
Sliding his fingers upward, he massaged the base of her neck and into her hairline, using his fingers in a circular motion until he could all but feel the tension seep from her.
“Feel better?” he murmured against her ear. The urge to trace the outline of that ear with his tongue was nearly overwhelming, but he resisted.
Hannah shivered. He was so close, she could feel the whispering warmth of his breath against her neck and her ear and it sent a wicked tremor of longing and need through her.
“Much,” she murmured, allowing herself to relax and lean back against him. She could feel the hard length of him pressed against her back. Her softness nestled comfortably against his male hardness. Her face flamed a bit when she realized that he was just as affected as she was by the touch of their bodies.
“Good.” Deciding he’d better quit before he did something he’d regret, Jesse planted a soft kiss on her neck, felt a quick shiver jolt her, then turned her by the shoulders to face him again. “Now, go take a long, hot bubble bath and get some sleep.” He kissed her forehead, not trusting himself or his body to do any more. “And I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded, still trying to regain control of her traitorous body. An impossibility whenever he seemed to be around, close enough to smell, to touch.
“Jesse, listen.” She laid her hands to his chest. “I know Riley asked you to come over tomorrow, but I’m sure there are a lot of things you have planned. So I don’t want you to feel obligated to her. I’ll just explain tomorrow that you’re busy.”
“Darlin’.” He shook his head. “I told you something before—several times as I recall—but apparently you didn’t believe me.” His gaze met hers as he lifted her chin so she had no choice but to look at him. “I never make promises I can’t keep. And I would never make a promise to a child I wasn’t about to keep. Definitely not my style, darlin’.” He grinned at the relief that passed over her face. “Now, I’ll see you and Riley tomorrow.” He chucked her under the chin. “Go take your bubble bath, then go to bed. I’ll see myself out.”
Watching him walk down the hall and down the stairs, Hannah had to rub her hands over her arms. She wasn’t chilled. No…what she was feeling was far more complicated.
When she heard the back door click shut, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, relieved that she wouldn’t have to disappoint Riley by telling her Jesse wasn’t coming over tomorrow.
It was clear that her daughter was totally besotted with Jesse, and the thought of Riley getting hurt had nearly sent her into a panic.
She’d tried so hard to protect her daughter from life’s hurts that it was simply second nature to her now. She reacted to any real or perceived threat to her child, to any situation that could cause her harm.
As she thought about the day, and Jesse, Hannah realized that as much as she wanted to make sure that Jesse did nothing to hurt Riley, she also wanted to make certain he didn’t hurt Tommy or the Ryans, either.
With a sigh, Hannah pushed her hair back and went to run her bath. Too bad she hadn’t quite figured out if she’d done enough to protect herself from getting hurt.
He was having trouble sleeping. But Jesse figured that was simply because of the strange bed and the strange environment. Not to mention all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. He hadn’t had a minute to try to sort things out until now. And even now, he wasn’t certain he could untangle the web of confusion and memories.
Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, Jesse turned and surveyed the room. It was a child’s room, he realized. His old room.
Painted in a deep shade of blue, the walls were decorated with wallpaper that boasted gaily colored ships and boats. The windows had matching curtains tied back with a thick white rope resembling a sailor’s knot, allowing a hint of the moon or sun in.
The bed itself was small, a twin, he guessed, considering the fact that at six-four, his feet were now hanging off the end like a pair of wayward snowshoes. The spread was a deep blue as well, and atop the bed, he’d found a small plastic sailboat and a stuffed animal, a one-eared dog with sad, droopy eyes, or rather an eye, and a paw that had obviously been split and mended many times.
In one corner was a bookcase, spilling over with picture books and more plastic models of boats. Schooners, sailboats, even a tanker. A bureau sat against another wall, its top covered with aged photographs. In a corner, a lone basketball sat forgotten and forlorn. Nestled in the small bright blue beanbag chair in another corner was a weathered baseball, clearly well used. It was, he’d decided with a smile, a typical little boy’s room.
When he’d first walked into the room, he’d merely stood in the doorway, staring, hoping to feel or remember something.
It hadn’t happened and he was surprised by the pang of disappointment he’d felt.
Tommy had told him nothing had been changed in his room since the day he’d disappeared. Concerned that Jesse might be uncomfortable, Tommy had offered to put him in one of the rooms in the guest wing, but Jesse had refused, hoping that perhaps being back in his old bedroom might bring back some memories.
Antsy, Jesse got up from the bed and walked to the bureau. Squinting, he bent down to study the framed photographs. There was one of a little boy and Tommy, both laughing. Jesse picked it up.
Tommy was standing on the front lawn of this very house. The little boy he was holding was clearly delighted that his grandfather was playing with him. Dressed in what looked like too-big bathing trunks, at the moment the boy was hanging upside down, his arms swinging free, nearly touching the ground. There was a wide toothless grin on his youthful face.
Sinking down on the bed, Jesse continued to stare at the photo. It had been summer, blisteringly hot that day, he suddenly remembered, and he and his brothers had been out back swimming in the pool. Unlike his brothers, he wasn’t allowed in the pool alone, so when his brothers got tired of swimming, he knew he’d have to get out of the pool, too. Instead, he ran around the front of the house to find his grandfather, knowing Tommy would always come for a swim with him.
A soft knock on his bedroom door startled Jesse out of his memories and he glanced up.
“Come in,” he called quietly. It was well past midnight. He thought everyone had turned in for the night.
&n
bsp; The door slowly creaked open and Jared poked his head in. “Jesse, you still awake?”
“Yeah,” he said with a smile, glancing down at the picture again.
“I saw the light on.” Jared shifted nervously. “I had to get up with one of the twins. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. Come on in.”
“You know, Jesse,” Jared began softly, coming into the room and glancing around, “every night for twenty years on my way to bed I walked past your bedroom, hoping against hope it was all a nightmare and I’d find you sound asleep, your covers kicked off, your pillow on the floor. But every night I’d be disappointed. Your room would be dark and empty.” Jared sighed. “But tonight, when I walked past your room, there was a light shining under the door.” Running a hand through his already sleep-rumpled hair, Jared’s eyes burned from the enormous emotions swelling within. “I was almost afraid to open the door tonight. Afraid I’d open it and realize this whole day had been a dream, and the nightmare was what was real.” Shaking his head, Jared blew out a weary breath, then dropped a hand to Jesse’s shoulder. “Jesse, I don’t know how to say this, but…I’m sorry.” Tears blurred Jared’s vision for a moment as he looked at his brother.
“You’re sorry?” Jesse scowled. “For what?”
“I was your older brother, Jesse, I should have protected you, taken care of you, looked out for you.” Jared had to pause to keep his emotions under control. “It should never have happened. For every day of these twenty years I felt responsible for what happened.”
“You shouldn’t have,” Jesse replied. “It wasn’t your fault or your responsibility. What happened, happened.” Jesse shrugged. “I reckon there’s no sense feeling guilty about something you had no control over.” Jesse hadn’t expected this, he realized. Hadn’t expected to feel this enormous emotional connection to the Ryan men. His brothers, he thought, still getting used to the idea.
“Yeah, well, try telling that to a kid who’s lost his little brother.” Jared gave Jesse’s shoulder a squeeze. “I just want you to know how sorry I am that this happened to you, to us, to Tommy. And how happy I am that you’re home again.”
“Thanks,” Jesse said quietly, moved too much to speak. For the first time in a long time he hadn’t inwardly flinched at the mention of the word home.
“And Jesse, I don’t care what happens in the future, I want you to remember something. I’ll always be your brother,” Jared said firmly, setting his jaw in a way that all the Ryan men did. “I don’t know what your future plans are, but whatever they are, wherever they may take you, whatever you may do, I want you to know, no matter what, I’m always here for you. That’s a promise.”
Jesse fingered the photograph in his hand, too touched to speak. He’d never known the luxury of having someone—a brother—in his corner to back him up no matter what. And he realized he liked the thought. Felt comfortable with it, something he never thought he would be.
Grace had been very reclusive, keeping to herself, teaching him to do the same. As a kid, he’d never really questioned it. He grew up a loner, keeping to himself, determined not to want or need anyone else.
Now he understood Grace’s obsessive need for privacy and why they kept to themselves. She must have lived in fear of someone finding out that he wasn’t her real son. Jesse sighed. She made it seem as if it was him and her against the world, and he wasn’t old enough or smart enough to even question her behavior.
Until now.
He’d never really had any male figures in his life, he realized. Not a father. A brother. Nothing. Kind of like Riley, he thought wistfully, understanding her need for a male influence and her instant attachment to him.
There’d been foremen on the ranch when Jesse was growing up and he got along well enough with them, but there’d been no emotional connection between them, he realized suddenly. And perhaps that was the difference.
“Thanks, Jared,” he said softly, glancing up at his brother and feeling that connection, that emotional connection that ran deep, as if it was an inherent part of him, flow gently through him like a welcome river. “I appreciate it.” He had to clear his throat. “And I appreciate all the hospitality as well.”
“Well, we intend to make you earn your keep,” Jared said with a laugh. “I understand you’ve been running your own spread down in Texas.”
“That’s right, but it sure is nothing compared to this.”
“Well, I can always use a hand if you’ve got a free one.” Jared rubbed his stubbled jaw and stifled a yawn. “Josh is busy most days with his law practice in town. And Jake, well, ranching has never been his idea of a good time. He’d rather be out chasing down a new deal. He handles all new land and business acquisitions for the family.” Jared shrugged. “But that’s their thing. Mine is the land.” Jared walked to the window and glanced out. “It’s always been this way, I guess.”
“You always loved it, Jared, even as a kid.”
Jared turned abruptly. “You remember that?”
Jesse looked as startled as Jared. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “I reckon I do.” He frowned, trying to catch the memory before it dissipated. “I remember we used to go lie down by the creek and talk about the day when we were old enough to run the place ourselves.”
“That’s right,” Jared said quietly, surprised his brother remembered.
“And you were always good with the animals and the help.”
“Still am,” Jared admitted with a hint of pride. “But I still can’t handle the building and repairs. Much as I try, I can’t get ahead of it, and quite frankly it bores me to tears.”
“Well, I’ll be happy to help any way I can.” While I’m here, Jesse thought of adding, then changed his mind.
Jared glanced down at the picture Jesse still had in his hand. “That was always your favorite picture,” he said with a smile. “Every time Mom and Dad or Tommy had to go out of town on business, you’d sleep with that picture.” Jared chuckled. “Of course, in the morning all your covers might be on the floor, along with your pillow, but that picture would be firmly tucked in your arms.”
Jesse smiled. “Yeah, I was just sitting here looking at it.” He glanced up at Jared. “I was remembering the day it was taken.” He laughed suddenly. “Josh was at a friend’s house, but you and Jake were in the pool with me.”
“We were trying to drown each other, no doubt,” Jared said with a laugh.
“Yeah. And me as well. Mom wouldn’t let me go swimming by myself, so when you and Jake wanted to go play ball with Luke next door, I knew I’d have to get out of the pool.” Jesse grinned. “So I went running around the front of the house to find Tommy because I reckon I knew he’d always go swimming with me.”
“You remember all of that?” Jared asked carefully.
“Yeah.” Jesse blew out a breath, then glanced up at his brother. “Didn’t reckon I remembered anything until I picked up this picture.” He shook his head. “It’s funny, until I drove past Hannah’s house I didn’t rightly remember anything at all. My life seemed to begin in Texas. But since I’ve been here, certain things will trigger a memory so clear it’s as if it just happened today. And then again, other things, things I try to remember, I just can’t seem to. It’s a mite frustrating, I tell you, Jared. Truly.”
Jared squeezed Jesse’s shoulder again, then smiled down at him, wishing he could relieve his worry. “Don’t worry about it, Jesse. Just give yourself some time.” Jared smiled. “Time takes care of everything.”
Jesse glanced up suddenly, his eyes cloudy and confused. “Jared?” His eyebrows drew together in a frown of concentration that had Jared coming to attention.
“Yeah, Jesse?”
“Didn’t our mother use to say that all the time?” He could hear her voice, soft and lilting, as if it was coming down from a long, dark tunnel. Jesse’s eyes slid closed.
“Jesse, honey, don’t you worry. You’ll be as old as your brothers one day. Time takes care of everything, honey. In time
, you’ll be twelve just like Jake. I promise. Now go out and play with your brothers and stop fretting on such a beautiful day.”
Mama.
He could see her standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, listening patiently to him. She was small and delicate, not much bigger than Hannah, he supposed. Dressed in a pair of slim jeans and a sweatshirt that swamped her, she had flour all over her. On her jeans, her sweatshirt, on her feet, which were bare, and she smelled of something sweet and familiar.
Jesse laughed suddenly and his eyes flew open and he felt that unmistakable shiver of recognition roll over him. It had happened enough times now that it was becoming commonly familiar.
“Yeah,” Jared admitted with a smile, doing a little remembering of his own. “She used to say that all the time to us.” He laughed. “Almost every time one of us started complaining about something.”
“Yeah,” Jesse said quietly. “I remember.” He frowned again. “Jared, did she do a lot of baking or something? Something she’d use flour for?”
Jared laughed. “She was famous for her apple pies. Every Friday, Mom would be up and in the kitchen bright and early, preparing the ingredients for her special apple pies.”
Jesse laughed suddenly. “And she used to get flour all over everything. The counters, the floors, the table, and especially herself.”
“That’s right.” Jared smiled at the pleasant memory. “Dad always used to say if she wasn’t careful someone might pop her in the oven one day.”
“Vanilla,” Jesse said abruptly, glancing up at Jared. “That’s why she always smelled like vanilla.”
Jared shrugged, not certain of the importance. “I guess so, Jesse.”
“Vanilla,” Jesse said again with a shake of his head. “I didn’t remember that until this moment.” If he tried hard enough, he could almost smell her. He shook his head suddenly, another piece of the puzzle sliding into place. “Now I know why I can’t handle the smell of vanilla.” He looked at Jared. “It makes me ill and I never knew why.” Jesse glanced down at the picture he still held in his hand, his fingers tightening. “It’s because it reminded me of our mother.” His words hung in the air for a long, silent moment.
A Family to Come Home To (Saddle Falls) Page 10
