by John Ortberg
Acknowledge that you have tried once again to live life alone and then welcome him back. Go back to the last scene where you were so joyfully filled with his presence, and then continue the journey.
God invites you to let your soul rest in him.
CHAPTER 11
THE SOUL NEEDS REST
In the Bible, God never gives anyone an easy job. God never comes to Abraham, or Moses, or Esther and says, “I’d like you to do me a favor, but it really shouldn’t take much time. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” God does not recruit like someone from the PTA. He is always intrusive, demanding, exhausting. He says we should expect that the world will be hard, and that our assignments will be hard.
The Bible does use the word easy once, though. It came from Jesus. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened . . . and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Easy is a soul word, not a circumstance word; not an assignment word. Aim at having easy circumstances, and life will be hard all around. Aim at having an easy soul, and your capacity for tackling hard assignments will actually grow. The soul was not made for an easy life. The soul was made for an easy yoke.
Years ago, a Christian psychiatrist named Frank Lake worked with many people who wanted to serve noble causes, but the stress and demands and difficulties got to them, and soon they became drained and bitter and cynical and discouraged.
He got together with the great Swiss theologian Emil Brunner, and they began to reflect on the life of Jesus in the Gospels. Jesus faced enormous stresses and difficulties and pain. Yet he never got sarcastic or cynical or unloving or burnt out. No one took away his joy.
When they looked at Jesus’ life, they saw a pattern to it, different from the pattern of the lives of the missionaries Frank Lake saw burning out. All human beings face challenge and pain and demands. Jesus, however, lived in a divine rhythm where grace was constantly flowing into him and then flowing out from him.
FLOWING IN THE GRACE OF ACCEPTANCE
The beginning movement in the Cycle of Grace is Acceptance.
Jesus is brought into the world by a mother who loves him; he is cared for by parents who give him protection and nurture. Before he began his ministry, he was baptized, and when he came up out of the water, a voice spoke from heaven:
You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.
For Jesus, identity and acceptance come before achievement and ministry. This is joy no one can take away. You cannot earn acceptance.
Interesting fact: The day on which your sheer existence is celebrated is your birthday. But you get no credit for your role in that event at all. You were never less competent on any day of your life than the day you were born: You were weaker, slower, dumber, slimier, least coordinated, least developed in IQ, and of a higher nuisance factor that day than any other day of your existence.
A birthday is grace. If you have 100 birthdays, you actually get a card from the president of the United States. What did you do? Just didn’t die. That’s grace.
We forget that the work of our own lives is a gift from our heavenly Father. Jesus never forgot. He heard the voice of heaven.
He heard it again, right before he was to die, on the Mount of Transfiguration: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
Jesus depended on God’s acceptance because he faced massive human rejection. God’s acceptance is stronger than human rejection, but it was not just for him. Jesus realized that his acceptance was not just for his own sake.
The alternative to soul-acceptance is soul-fatigue. There is a kind of fatigue that attacks the body. When we stay up too late and rise too early; when we try to fuel ourselves for the day with coffee and a donut in the morning and Red Bull in the afternoon; when we refuse to take the time to exercise and we eat foods that clog our brains and arteries; when we constantly try to guess which line at the grocery store will move faster and which car in which lane at the stoplight will move faster and which parking space is closest to the mall, our bodies grow weary.
There is a kind of fatigue that attacks the mind. When we are bombarded by information all day at work . . . When multiple screens are always clamoring for our attention . . . When we carry around mental lists of errands not yet done and bills not yet paid and emails not yet replied to . . . When we try to push unpleasant emotions under the surface like holding beach balls under the water at a swimming pool . . . our minds grow weary.
There is a kind of fatigue that attacks the will. We have so many decisions to make. When we are trying to decide what clothes will create the best possible impression, which foods will bring us the most pleasure, which tasks at work will bring us the most success, which entertainment options will make us the most happy, which people we dare to disappoint, which events we must attend, even what vacation destination will be most enjoyable, the need to make decisions overwhelms us. The sheer length of the menu at Cheesecake Factory oppresses us. Sometimes college students choose double majors, not because they want to study two fields, but simply because they cannot make the decision to say “no” to either one. Our wills grow weary with so many choices.
These categories of fatigue are difficult enough in and of themselves. But they combine to make us feel separated from God, separated from ourselves, and distanced from what we love most about life and creation.
This is soul-fatigue.
RESTING IN SUSTAINING GRACE
The next movement is what might be called Sustenance, or sustaining grace. The idea here is that Jesus engaged in certain practices that allowed God’s grace to keep replenishing his spirit:
• He prayed.
• He had a circle of close friends — the twelve who went through life with him. He shared everything with them; people underestimate the role of friendship in Jesus’ life.
• He engaged in regular corporate worship at synagogue.
• He fed his mind with Scripture.
• He enjoyed God’s creation — mountain, garden, and lake.
• He took long walks.
• He welcomed little children and hugged them and blessed them.
• He enjoyed partying with non-religious types.
Notice that the last one — one you might not have thought about — was so much the case that it actually gave rise to rumors about him:
The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and people say, “Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of immoral people.”
A common problem is that people think of spiritual practices as obligations that will actually drain them. Sometimes I may need to engage in a practice like giving generously, or serving humbly, which my sinful side resists. But generally I need to engage in practices that connect me to God’s grace and energy and joy. That might be going to the ocean, listening to glorious music, being with life-giving friends, taking a long hike — doing them with Jesus.
The test of a sustaining spiritual practice is: Does it fill you with grace for life? What are your sustaining practices? Do you want to explore some new ones?
The soul craves rest. Our wills sometimes rejoice in striving; our bodies were made to (at least sometimes) know the exhilaration of tremendous challenge; our minds get stretched when they must focus even when tired. But the soul craves rest. The soul knows only borrowed strength. The soul was made to rest in God the way a tree rests in soil.
The American devotional writer Lettie Cowman wrote about a traveler visiting Africa and engaging a group of carriers and guides. Hoping to make her journey a swift one, she was pleased with the progress of the many miles they covered that first day. On the second day, though, all the carriers she had hired remained seated and refused to move. She was greatly frustrated and asked the leader of her hired hands why they would not continue the journey. He told her that on the first day they had traveled too far too fast, and now they were waiting for their souls to catch up to their bodies.
Cowman reflects, “This whirling rushing life which so many of u
s live does for us what the first march did for those poor jungle tribesmen. The difference: they knew what they needed to restore life’s balance; too often we do not.”
Have you ever felt that you needed the time and space to let your soul catch up with your body? That’s a good indication your soul needs rest.
Psychologist Roy Baumeister has coined the term “ego depletion” to describe a level of fatigue that goes beyond mere physical tiredness. People living in this depleted condition report more tiredness and negative emotions, but those are not the only effects. Depleted people who watch a sad movie become extra sad. When facing temptations like eating chocolate chip cookies, they are more likely to give in. When faced with challenges like an especially difficult assignment at work, they are more likely to fail or turn in lower quality work. The brain area that’s crucial for self-control (the anterior cingulate cortex) actually experiences a slowdown.
Soul-fatigue damages our relationships with the people in our lives. Baumeister writes about a therapist who noted that dual-career couples tend to fight over seemingly trivial issues every evening. The therapist advised these couples to go home earlier, which seemed to make little sense — why have more time to fight? But it was the long hours at work that were draining them. They had nothing left to help them overlook their spouse’s annoying habits. They were more likely to interpret a spouse’s comment in a negative light. They had no energy left for the relationship. They gave it all at the office.
One of the challenges of soul-fatigue is that it does not have the same obvious signs as physical fatigue. If you’ve run a marathon, your body lets you know it’s finished. After mowing the lawn, you’re likely to relax with a glass of iced tea because your body tells you it needs rest. My wife hates to put gas in her car. She prides herself on seeing how close to empty she can get before going to a gas station. She has one of those cars with a little screen that will tell you how many miles you can go before you hit empty. Recently she texted me a picture of her dashboard: the screen read that she had 0 miles to go before empty.
The soul was not made to run on empty. But the soul doesn’t come with a gauge. The indicators of soul-fatigue are more subtle:
• Things seem to bother you more than they should. Your spouse’s gum-chewing suddenly reveals to you a massive character flaw.
• It’s hard to make up your mind about even a simple decision.
• Impulses to eat or drink or spend or crave are harder to resist than they otherwise would be.
• You are more likely to favor short-term gains in ways that leave you with high long-term costs. Israel ended up worshiping a golden calf simply because they grew tired of having to wait on Moses and God.
• Your judgment is suffering.
• You have less courage. “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” is a quote so ubiquitious that it has been attributed to General Patton and Vince Lombardi and Shakespeare. The same disciples who fled in fear when Jesus was crucified eventually sacrificed their lives for him. What changed was not their bodies, but their souls.
The soul is not well when we rush so much. If it does not get the rest it needs, it becomes fatigued. Who better to help me understand the solution to this problem than my friend Dallas? For I sincerely believe he was incapable of hurry.
I watched a video recently of an interview I did with Dallas. I have done this many times; it helps break Dallas’s thoughts into bite-size chunks for those of us who need time to digest. But what struck me as I watched was how quickly I spoke and how slowly Dallas responded. You can tell by watching that’s he’s actually thinking before he speaks. (Imagine that!) When he finishes one sentence, there is often a long pause before the next one begins. I realized while watching that this is one of the reasons it was a challenge to interview Dallas. You never knew if he was actually finished talking. He might be done with his response to a question, or just pausing to reload. I think I could have asked him a single question, and his answer might never have ended.
It was the same riding in a car with him, or sharing a meal, or listening to a conversation with a third person. He never rushed a song, or a walk, or a prayer. Part of the reason people found it healing to be with him was this quality, which was highly contagious. We think of it as being rested or unhurried, which it is. But it is the effect resting has on the soul: it gives it peace.
Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” When you give your soul rest, you open it to the peace Jesus intends for you.
FINDING SIGNIFICANCE OUTSIDE OF PERFORMANCE
The third movement in the Cycle of Grace is Significance.
We were made to make a difference beyond ourselves. Significance as it relates to the word sign — our lives were meant to be signs that point beyond ourselves to God.
Jesus had great clarity about the significance of his life, often described in his great “I AM” statements: I am the bread of life; I am the Way; I am the Vine; I am the Good Shepherd. The reasons he was here in the world.
Then he would state the significance of his followers, the “You are. . .” statements: You are the light of the world. You are the salt of the earth. You are a city on a hill.
This third movement involves grace not just flowing into us, but also now through us and out into others for their sake. But this, too, is a gift of God’s grace. Do we know who we are, apart from money, power, and reputation?
As Jesus began his ministry, his very first temptation took place after he had been told by the Father, “This is my beloved Son.” In the next verse Jesus goes into the wilderness. The Evil One says to him: “IF you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread. . . . IF you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from the temple.”
In other words: Don’t listen to the voice. Don’t trust grace. Don’t believe your Father. Prove it. Earn it. Make it happen. Make it about you.
Jesus said, “No.”
Temptation depended on getting Jesus to question his identity, to feel as if he had to prove his identity by doing spectacular things that would set him apart and mark him out as superior to everybody else.
Significance is about who we are before it is about what we do.
My friend Kent is a coach.
My sister Barbie is an encourager and a people-builder; I watched her do this for hours with my daughters not long ago, and I was in awe.
Debbie is a singer and artist who brings healing through beauty.
Dave is a connector who makes little families out of strangers.
What is the core part of you God made you to be that they will talk about at your funeral? If you’re not clear on this, ask some people who know you well to describe why they think God put you on earth.
The grace of significance liberates me from the need to hurry.
Dallas pointed out to me once that there is a world of difference between being busy and being hurried. Being busy is an outward condition, a condition of the body. It occurs when we have many things to do. Busy-ness is inevitable in modern culture. If you are alive today in North America, you are a busy person. There are limits to how much busy-ness we can tolerate, so we wisely find ways to slow down whenever we can. We take vacations, we sit in a La-Z-Boy® with a good book, we enjoy a leisurely meal with friends. By itself, busy-ness is not lethal.
Being hurried is an inner condition, a condition of the soul. It means to be so preoccupied with myself and my life that I am unable to be fully present with God, with myself, and with other people. I am unable to occupy this present moment. Busy-ness migrates to hurry when we let it squeeze God out of our lives. Note the differences between the two:
Busy Hurried
A full schedule Preoccupied
Many activities Unable to be fully present
An outward condition An inner condition of the soul
Physically demanding Spiritually draining
Reminds me I need God Causes
me to be unavailable to God
I cannot live in the kingdom of God with a hurried soul. I cannot rest in God with a hurried soul.
Jesus was often busy, but never hurried. Moreover, he seemed to be quick to detect hurry-sickness in others. Once when he had sent his disciples out on a mission, they returned to him to report what they had done and taught. Imagine being one of Jesus’ closest followers given the privilege of sharing his message of love and forgiveness. You just completed a big assignment successfully and are probably a little jazzed about what your next mission will be. It’s not like there isn’t a lot of work to be done. So many needy people came to Jesus that, according to the Bible, he didn’t have a chance to eat. So what assignment does Jesus give his willing followers? “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Instead of hurrying off to the next assignment, Jesus got everyone into a boat, and they went off to what was recorded as “a solitary place.”
But what about the mission to save the world? What about all the sick people who needed to be healed? I believe Jesus knew the power of a rested soul. He slowed his followers down so that their souls would not become fatigued. We seem to spend most of our time trying to draw crowds and please crowds; Jesus seemed to spend much of his getting away from them.
A rested soul is the easy yoke.
As we learned earlier, our souls exist to integrate our lives so that we can live in harmony with God and the world. They become sick when we are divided and conflicted. I should be content with my job, but I become jealous of someone in the next cubicle because she got the assignment I wanted. I obsess about making more money but to convince myself I am not a greedy person, I tell myself that I am really just trying to provide more security for my family. I become so wrapped up in myself that my choices and values and desires and beliefs are at odds with each other. They are also at odds with other people and with God.
Then I go into nature. I stand on a beach before the ocean. My mind is filled with admiration for the sights and sounds of the waves. Other distracting thoughts melt away. There is congruence between what my body experiences (the sights and sounds of the ocean) and what my mind is thinking (God’s beauty and goodness). By slowing down and observing the beauty of my surroundings, I tend not to worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday. I am less enslaved by other people’s opinions of me.
