There was a knock on the door and Sir Bolson opened it. He frowned at the sight of Brianna locked in Garek’s embrace. “Brianna. I thought I would see if there was anything I could do for you.”
Brianna extricated herself from Garek’s arms and moved out of his reach. “Thank you, Sir Bolson, but there is nothing.”
His look passed from one to the other. “There are things I need to discuss with you. I have a message for you from King William himself.”
Surprised, Brianna motioned him into the room. “Please, enter. Sir Garek was just leaving.”
Garek’s eyes flew to hers. She had no right to give him orders and she knew it. And he certainly had no intention of leaving Bolson and Brianna alone.
Her pleading look changed his mind. Her eyes reminded him of his duty, and hers. Anger still rising, he went quickly to the door. “I will see you later.”
After the door had closed behind Garek, Bolson crossed to where she sat upon the bench. He looked down at her for a long time. “You are well, Brianna?” he finally asked.
She smiled up at him reassuringly, though there were tears in her eyes. “I am well.”
He sat next to Brianna but couldn’t bring himself to look at her. Bewildered by his reticence, Brianna prompted him, “What is this message from King William, and how did he come to know about me?”
Taking a deep breath, Sir Bolson lifted his eyes to her face. “His majesty found out about you through me. I knew that this fief was Garek’s to hold for William. In actuality, it is William’s land.”
He stopped and she frowned. “But what has this to do with me?”
Brianna could see him swallow convulsively. “I asked King William to give you to me in marriage.”
Brianna’s mouth dropped open. “Marriage?! But, Sir Bolson. . .”
“Etienne,” he interrupted.
“What?”
“My name is Etienne. I would prefer you use it.”
She looked as though she were about to refuse, but then she thought better of it.
“Etienne, why ever would you ask the king if you could marry me? I have no home. I am only a servant in this great hall. Why, I have nothing I can even call my own.”
Etienne took her hand in his. “I care not. I wish with all my heart for you to marry me.”
Confused, Brianna pulled her hand from his clasp and rose from the bench. She began to pace the room.
“This makes no sense.” Stopping, she glared at him. “And what of Mary?”
“Mary has nothing to do with this. This is between you and me.”
Brianna was already shaking her head. “Does Garek know of this?”
“He knows.”
“And he has agreed?” Brianna was more than a little surprised.
Etienne hesitated so long, Brianna had her answer. She came back and sat beside him again.
“I think you better explain,” she told him quietly.
For the first time in a long while, Etienne felt like a child. His tongue tripped over the words he wanted to say.
Brianna faced him solemnly. “You don’t love me, Etienne. Why marriage?”
He felt his frustration begin to mount. Taking both of her hands into his, he willed her to understand. “You are so kind and gentle—a bright light in a dark universe. I want to preserve that light.”
Her brows drew together. “I do not understand.”
“You love Garek. As innocent as you are, that makes you vulnerable.” He stared at her intensely. “His darkness will swallow your light. I do not wish to see that happen.”
Touched by his chivalry, Brianna pulled one hand free and brushed his face gently with her fingers. Her heart was warmed by his friendship.
“I am honored,” she told him softly. “But I cannot marry you.”
His face fell, and he turned away. “Then you will remain with Garek, and eventually, he will steal your innocence.”
Angered by his assumption that she had no will of her own, she took his chin firmly in her fingers and turned his face back to hers. Her blue eyes became a dark sapphire. “I would not do that. Not to Garek. Not to Marie. And certainly not to my Lord.”
Etienne wasn’t so sure. It was easy to be firm when temptation was so far away.
“King William has already decided. When he arrives in a few days for Garek’s wedding, he will announce ours as well.”
Brianna watched him, strangely calm. “We shall see.”
❧
Marie wrung out the wet rag and handed it to Brianna. Brianna took it and placed it on the woman’s forehead.
“How fare you today, Anne?”
Anne stared back at her from a thin face with sunken eyes. “You should not be here, Brianna,” she croaked through dry, cracked lips. “Take Matilda and leave. I am dead already.”
“Shhh. Do not speak like that. You will frighten little Matilda.”
The young girl in question stared at Brianna with remarkably intelligent eyes for a child of six. “Is my mother going to die, Brianna?”
Brianna wouldn’t lie. “We hope not, Matilda. Why don’t you go with Marie and tell Alfred that your mother needs some of the white liquid he uses to make breathing easier?”
The child’s eyes went from Brianna to her mother. Reluctantly, she allowed Marie to take her from the room.
Anne smiled her thanks. “She is too young to see so much death. First her father. . .now me.”
Brianna pushed the straggly hair back from Anne’s forehead. She knew the woman hadn’t long to live. Already her breathing took on the rattle that was a precursor of death.
A coughing fit brought blood-flecked spittle to her mouth. Brianna gently wiped it away with a soft rag.
“Please. . .please take care of. . .my Matilda,” she rasped.
“I will see that she is cared for, Anne. You have my word.”
Satisfied, the woman leaned back with a sigh. When Marie and Matilda returned a short time later, Anne was dead.
Brianna and Marie took Matilda with them to the castle. The child clung to Marie, her huge round eyes staring vacantly around her.
Brianna felt for the child. To lose two parents within such a short time would be hard for most adults to bear; how much more so for a child.
“If you think it will be all right, I will keep Matilda with me,” Marie told Brianna.
Nodding, Brianna watched the two walk away together, the child’s hand firmly clasped within the young woman’s. Brianna smiled. Marie would make a fine mother. She often could be seen talking to the children from around the castle. It appeared she had a great love for them.
And she had a talent for dealing with the sick and injured, too. Sir Hormis was evidence of that. When Brianna returned to the castle from the convent, she found the young knight on his feet. Though still a bit pale, his lively personality was quickly returning.
Such thoughts brought more recent reflections to mind. Brianna had made it clear to Garek that she did not relish the attention he lavished upon her. As long as he belonged to Marie, Brianna would not even contemplate a relationship with him.
Etienne, on the other hand, took great pleasure in trying to convince Brianna that she would be happy as his wife. If not for the fact that it would be the first place they would look, she would have fled back to the safety of the convent.
Word arrived by courier that King William would join them on the morrow. Brianna had every intention of asking the king if she might be allowed to finish her vows and become a Benedictine nun. She knew without a doubt that there would never be another man for her. She loved Garek with her entire being, and if they could not be together, she would serve God the rest of her days. Where she had been hesitant before, she now was filled with certainty.
She was just about to douse the torch in her bed chamber when a knock sounded on the door. Thinking it to be Marie, she opened the door without a thought.
Garek faced her across the threshold, his face carefully devoid of emotion. “I would speak with
you a moment.”
“Aye, milord,” she told him, stepping aside so that he might enter. He stayed where he was.
It was then that she noticed he held something carefully within the cupped palms of his hands. He held it out to her and Brianna peered down, seeing a squirming little mass of black.
“I know that Loup cannot be replaced in your affections,” he told her. “But I thought perhaps you might consider loving this pup just a little.”
Brianna’s heart melted at the sight of the wiggling little creature. His tiny eyes had yet to open, just like Loup’s in the beginning.
Reaching out, she carefully lifted the pup into her own hands and began cooing softly to it. She turned puzzled eyes up to Garek. “Where is the mother? He is too young to be taken from her yet.”
“She was killed by a wild boar. She and all her pups, save this one.”
Filled with compassion, Brianna smiled at Garek sadly. “I will try, Garek.”
Garek reached out a hand, stroking a finger down her cheek. “If anyone can save him, you can,” he told her huskily.
They stared at each other a long moment before Garek turned on his heels and strode away.
❧
Marie sat beside Brianna near the fire, working on her needlework. Little Matilda sat at her side, and the young woman was patiently showing the child how to form the stitches.
Matilda was a bright child, and eager to please. She mim-icked Marie in every way possible. Watching the two of them together, one would never know they were not mother and child.
Matilda’s hair was very similar in color to Marie’s, strengthening the illusion.
Finally, Marie sent the child outside to play. It said something for their growing relationship that the child quickly obeyed, for before she could not be coaxed from the young woman’s side.
It had been two months since Matilda joined the castle household. Lammas, the autumn time, was nearing an end and Michaelmas was fast approaching. Already the villagers were preparing for winter.
Word had come from William that his journey to Castle Fenlac would be postponed since the English had again taken to arms and he would be marching forth to crush the rebellion. It was therefore decided that the wedding would be held at Christmas instead.
It seemed everyone breathed a little easier after the news arrived. Still, it was like having the sword of Damocles hanging over one’s head.
Marie continued with her tapestry after the child went outside. Brianna could tell that something was on her mind. She waited patiently until the young woman finally looked up, biting her bottom lip.
“Brianna, do you think Garek will allow me to. . .to keep Matilda after. . .after we are wed?”
Although Garek seemed to like the child, there was no telling what his thoughts were on such a matter. “I honestly cannot say.”
Marie continued to chew on her lip. “I have grown to love the child much. I would not wish to lose her.”
Brianna smiled. “You have been good for her.”
“It is because we understand each other. She lost her mother. . .I lost my father.”
“In God’s holy Word He tells us that we often suffer so that we can comfort others the same way the Lord comforts us.”
“Perhaps that is true, but why must we suffer at all?”
Brianna knew where this conversation was headed. She had heard it often before. “Marie, God did not force Eve to sin. She chose to do so. Her action allowed sin to enter the world.”
“And why must we pay for her sin?”
“Why did God’s Son have to pay for ours? He did not ask to die. He offered to.”
Brianna and Marie continued to talk until Brianna noticed the light growing dim. Hurriedly, she excused herself and went to help Mary in the kitchen.
❧
September twenty-nine arrived and with it the rents due the manor. Mary and Brianna were busy preparing roast goose for the Michaelmas celebration.
As the tenants brought their provender, it was stored in the cellar below the keep and in storehouses built for that purpose. Although the fare was meager, there was still plenty to supply the lord’s needs and those of the villeins.
The building of the stone fortress went forward with incredible speed. Every man, woman, and child worked in one capacity or another. They were tireless in their desire to see the land secure.
Brianna watched the building of the castle chapel with satisfaction. Although the main keep would eventually be torn down and rebuilt of stone, Garek chose to build each new building of stone right from the start.
Brianna had been surprised that the previous lord had not built a chapel. It seems he had not been a pious man, though Brianna already knew that was so from the cruelties he had inflicted upon the people.
Garek could be seen everywhere, managing and advising. His knowledge of warfare helped him construct a castle that would repel invaders. For the time being, he kept his distance from Brianna and so did Sir Bolson, but she knew that both men were biding their time until William arrived. They seemed to watch her constantly.
The puppy Garek had given her had survived and was growing, and although he looked nothing like Loup, Brianna treasured him. She had named him Beowulf, and Garek had grinned when she had told him the illustrious story, for it seemed little Beowulf had conquered this castle as easily as his legendary namesake.
Matilda adored the pup and often spent time with him. But although the pup cherished the attention, he would not stray far from Brianna’s side.
“That pup reminds me of Sir Bolson,” Mary commented one day. “Neither one wanders far when you are near.”
Brianna sighed. “Mary.”
“Nay, Brianna. It is fine. You tried to warn me often enough but I would not listen. I tried to make the knight dance to my tune, but he was not so easily made to do so.”
“Are you grieved over it?”
Mary watched from the door to the cooking chamber as Sir Bolson practiced his swordplay in the distance. “I am not certain.”
Brianna hugged her friend. “There is still time. Sir Bolson does not love me.”
Mary shook her head sadly. “Perhaps not, but neither does he love me.”
Not knowing what to say, Brianna took refuge in silence. Both women silently finished preparing the feast for Michael-mas in honor of Saint Michael, the archangel, patron saint of knights.
❧
November, the blood month, came and the villeins were busy slaughtering animals for winter sustenance. Brianna shivered at the thought of the killing, but she well knew the arts of preservation.
She handed Mary another salt block, and Mary began to crush it with the pestle in the mortar bowl.
Taking slices of meat, Brianna added them to the brine barrel, making sure the meat was covered with the salt solution. Although the meat would have to be soaked prior to cooking to remove most of the brine, still the salt gave it extra flavor.
While Brianna finished the meat, Mary helped the other kitchen maids as they prepared the barrels of mustard. Everyone was busy with some chore. Even Garek was helping with the slaughter.
Brianna could see Garek outside, his broad, muscled shape standing out among the smaller villeins. Everywhere Garek went, his vital presence seemed to give life to the atmosphere.
Brianna always knew when Garek was close. Often he would catch her eye and she would find it hard to look away. His gray eyes spoke volumes to her.
As Saint Nicholas’ Day approached, tempers began to flare. Time was growing short, and the precariousness of their situation was unsettling. Often Garek and Etienne could be found in heated discussion.
Brianna began to lose weight, and though she was thin to begin with, she started to take on an emaciated appearance. Etienne was the first to comment upon it. He cornered her in the chapel where she often went to pray, even though the building was as yet unfinished. He waited until she had concluded her prayers before sitting on the bench beside her. He didn’t look at her, but
instead studied the cross on the wall in front of them.
“I came to tell you that when King William arrives, I will not force you to marry me.” He turned to look at her then and she stared steadily back at him. She waited without speaking for him to continue.
“You look like a walking skeleton, and I am afraid much of this is because of me. You need fear me no longer. I want you to know, though, that if you change your mind, I will still be here for you.”
Brianna knew he was trying to ease her mind, but more than the thought of marrying him plagued her. Still, it was a relief to know Etienne would consider her feelings above his own.
She wasn’t sure how to answer him, so she reverted to teasing. “You were worried that Saint Nicholas would not leave you any gifts.”
He gave her a halfhearted grin. “There is only one gift I truly want,” he told her softly.
“You think so now, but sometimes the wanting is more desirable than the having.”
He got slowly to his feet. “If you need me, will you call on me?”
She took his hand in hers. Her heart was full to overflowing with love for him. Why couldn’t she love him differently? Was it possible she could learn to love him the same way she loved Garek? No. She knew she could not, and anything less for someone like Etienne was unthinkable. He deserved the best God had to give him.
“I will.”
“Do I have your word on it?”
She smiled, the teasing glint back in her eyes. “You may be sorry one day that you offered.”
He grinned back at her, shaking his head, and turning, left her sitting alone with her thoughts.
twelve
Brianna deftly twisted dry grape vines into a huge wreath. At the top she tied one end of a long ivy vine, winding it around the grape vines until the whole wreath was covered in green.
Matilda handed her sprigs of holly berries that she tied intermingled with the leaves.
The little girl smiled at Brianna. “You do that well, Brianna. It is beautiful.” She sighed. “I wish I could do that. It looks like more fun than sewing.”
A Light Within Page 13
