This could be his life, a future with Mae. But no, not only would he not burden Mae with his deformity and a child to boot, but also the thought of encroaching on her land as well sickened him.
Although Mae and he had remained civil toward each other since the night she'd spent in his bed, a curtain had fallen between them. He wasn't certain if he or she had done the honors of hanging it, but there it remained. Soft, yet still a barrier separating them nonetheless.
She deserved a whole man, and he would not stand in the way of her finding someone who would love her unconditionally. Regardless of how she'd made him feel on the night she'd come to his bedroom, as if his deformity did not matter, it did.
It had to.
Then there was the obstacle of her tarnished background. No matter how much he tried, it was impossible for him to ignore it. That someone would look upon her as before, a prostitute if she ever were to become his wife was something he could not reconcile. What would his reaction be? Was it fair for others to judge her? For him to?
She'd only had one other lover. How was it possible? She had no reason to lie. And he believed her, but for some reason it did not change the picture of her in his mind.
A scene repeated in his mind of the interior of the brothel. Tinny piano music playing, while the smoke and chatter of people filled the already overcrowded room. Presiding over the space like a royal, Mae stood out in spite of the colorful clothing of the other woman. With Kohl-lined eyes and feather in her hair, she reined over the establishment, a beautiful seductive madam.
And what about him? The desire of his heart was to have a wife, a family and a life something just like the current one here with Mae and Wesley at Hawkins ranch. His leg pulsed in reply.
Although Mae hadn't recoiled at the sight of his missing limb when she'd taken care of him, he'd felt its absence. No longer able to walk without a limp, he hated the lack of smoothness in his stride.
No. A life here was not for him. Most women expected more from their husband.
Not for you.
Having rounded the house and walked to the front, John neared the porch and peered through the window. He looked through the large picture window and stopped in his steps, taking a minute to soak in the scene before him.
He could not tear his eyes away from the interior. Mae sat in an overstuffed chair before the fireplace with Wesley in her lap holding a book, their heads so close together they touched. The little boy traced lines along the page as she read out loud to him. Before long, his hands fell away and Wesley burrowed into the woman who the little boy had come to see as a mother figure. He thrust his thumb in his mouth while Mae continued with the story.
John remained transfixed, remorse shoring into his chest at the knowledge he'd separate the two very soon. The guilt grew upon spotting Wesley wrapping his little fingers around Mae's wrist seeking the security of her to hold him after he fell asleep.
As if sensing his watch, Mae turned to the window then quickly away. But not before he caught sight of a tear trailing down her cheek.
It was best he find a way to leave without delay.
"So soon?" Mae twisted her hands in her apron. The flour from the bread she was making leaving a dusty print.
Elma nodded, her lips pressed together. "Yes, Senor McClain told me this morning before he left to go into town. He is going to look at a property to buy. And that he hoped to move in a couple of weeks."
"Well I suppose it's to be expected," Mae trailed off when Wesley rushed into the room and threw his arms around her legs.
"Go walk!" He announced looking up at her with anticipation. It had become their routine after she'd finished her morning chores to go outside and walk while teaching him words and spelling. "Not now Wes, in a few minutes." She leaned down and placed a kiss on top of his head.
He looked to Elma and she held out a cookie for him. "Go wait on the porch and eat it," she instructed him watching with fondness as he scampered out the door.
Mae blinked away the moisture in her eyes. She'd come to think of this as a permanent life. She'd written Miss Lady to inform her she'd decided to remain in Texas indefinitely, inviting her to come out to visit. It would do Miss Lady good to get away from the brothel and spend time here.
Now she wondered at her plans. What would her life be after John and Wesley left? Would she wish to remain in Texas? She caught sight of Wesley on the back porch nibbling at his cookie and she wondered if John would allow the boy to remain with her. After all, he could not possible complete all the duties involved in starting a horse farm and hiring men while caring for his young son at the same time.
The idea of approaching him to allow Wesley to remain there for an indefinite period made her feel much better and she finished by placing the dough into a bowl to rise then wiped her hands.
"I'm going for a walk with the handsome gentleman who stares at us through the window," she announced.
Elma looked to see Wesley's face pressed against the glass and burst out laughing. "He is not a very patient man, now is he?"
"So much like his father," Mae replied shaking her head.
Elma stopped her with a light touch to her upper arm. "Senorita, you can stop Senor McClain from leaving. Why do you not accept him as your husband?"
"He's never asked Elma. I believe he is not interested in marriage." Mae gave Elma an even look. "Even if he was, he knows my past Elma." Mae swallowed hard past the lump forming in her throat. "And cannot forget it, I'm afraid. John would never marry me."
"I don't know what your past is," Elma huffed. "But I know love when I see it, and that man loves you."
"Not enough apparently." Mae untied her apron and went to leave. Stalling at Elma's next words.
"We will see."
Just as Mae went outside Alan, approached, the man hurried to where she stood holding Wesley by the hand. It was hard to read the large man, his quiet reserve a shield. He frowned at her and took a breath as if not sure what to say.
"What is it Alan?"
The man looked to the child. "Someone is here," his eyes remained on Wesley. "You should see about it alone Miss Mae."
Without asking anything further, she guided Wesley back inside instructing Elma who'd come to see what happened to keep him inside and out of sight.
Alan removed his hat and scratched his head. "Miss Mae, there's a woman out front. Came in a wagon. She's claimin' to be the boy's mama. Said she wants to talk to Mr. John. I told her he was gone, but she insists on talkin' to someone."
Wesley's mother?
Mae straightened her shoulders and brushed the flour from her skirts, then ran an expert hand over her hair to ensure all was in place. "Thank you Alan. Please come with me, and remain a short distance away while I speak to her."
Thankful for the man's size, Mae walked alongside Alan his presence reassuring. They went through the house and exited the front door onto the porch. Alan stood a few feet away to safeguard her if the woman decided to over-react.
Her years of working in the brothel brought with it an innate knowledge of people, the cause for actions and words. And no time was Mae more thankful for it than upon meeting Carla.
Mae kept the knowledge of knowing the woman's name to herself. Instead stood just outside the door and motioned for the woman to join her on two chairs on the front porch. "How can I help you?"
Although attractive, the woman was very thin and harsh in appearance and with her speech. Her serviceable clothing although well tended to and clean, were old. Mae noted fraying at the hems of the brown skirt. The telltale sign of a hard life was evident in the manner of her posture and lack of luster in her skin and hair. Her shrewd eyes took a fast inventory of both Mae's face and clothing before agreeing to sit. "I'm Carla, Wesley's mother," she stated without giving indication of the purpose for her visit.
It struck Mae as odd how the woman had not asked to see Wesley right away. Instead of saying anything, Mae remained silent, not introducing herself.
"I've
come to get Wesley." "I'm moving west and have decided it's best to take the boy with me."
The boy. Not "my son" or "my child".
"I'm afraid the decision is up to John McClain, and as you've been told, he is away, gone to town for the day. You can return tomorrow and speak to him." Mae remained still, giving the impression of calmness with her hands folded on her lap. Her steady hands gave no indication of the pounding in her chest. She looked over to see the woman had driven up in a serviceable wagon and came alone.
"I don't have time to wait another day," Carla told her leaning forward. "We're starting a new life. My husband and I. He's ready to leave, but the more I think about it, I want him along. I refused to go without Wesley."
Mae cleared her throat and slid her gaze to ensure Alan remained a few short yards away. "I'm afraid I will not budge on this matter, like I told you, return tomorrow."
"The fact you're shacked up with John McClain does not give you any say over this. I came to take the boy and will not leave until you hand him over." Carla sneered and jumped to her feet. "I don't have time to waste coming back here." She shrieked, but took a step back when Alan cleared his throat.
When the woman looked inside the house, her eyes narrowing in calculation. It was then Mae understood the true purpose of her visit. "You people with all your money have no idea what it's like to travel so far and not have enough to make it. That's why we are going west. There ain't no money to be made here."
"How much would it take to get you to leave without Wesley and never return?"
Carla was shrewd enough to lower eyes to hide any gleam of greed, but when she licked at her upper lip it became obvious.
Mae fought to understand how easily the woman would give up the beautiful little boy. "How much?"
"Well I do care deeply for my child."
Mae almost laughed out loud.
The woman had yet to ask to see Wesley.
"Alan, please keep the lady company. I will return shortly." Mae stood and went inside to fetch the payment. Anger simmered in her gut, but she kept it at bay. No use in showing the woman how much the visit affected her. When John returned, she'd beg him that Wesley would never learn of this. The pitiful amount the woman demanded almost made her want to pay more just to prove how much Wesley was worth.
19
John watched on as Elma and Mae made a big production out of putting Wesley to bed. The boy was definitely doted upon and would be a handful for him once they moved. Yet he didn't interfere knowing this was one battle he'd not win.
Once tucked in, the tired but still smiling boy looked over to him and held his arms out. "Night Da."
As was customary, he went to the bed and leaned over to hug his son. "Good night Son." Wesley held on to his neck and sighed. John wondered at the boys' thoughts at times. Whenever John was within his sights, Wesley tracked his movements, always watching where he went. He'd hoped by now to have proven to the child he'd not leave him, but sometimes he wondered if there was another reason why Wesley watched him so closely. Perhaps he'd ask Elma her opinion. The woman had told him she'd raised four sons.
"I must speak to you," Mae caught up to him in the hallway. "It's important." She went past him towards the front room and he followed.
Her perfume assailed his senses when he entered the room. Mae closed the door behind them, and John steeled himself against the urge to reach for her, to touch her. Even in her sensible pale green calico dress, her stand was regal and she was breathtaking as always.
What a fool he'd been to think he'd be better able to keep a distance from Mae. He'd actually believed once he'd kissed her again and the illusion was broken, he'd be able to remain impassive.
Quite the opposite, he'd craved her with a hunger that constantly gnawed at him.
The beauty moved across the room, and she stood by the window, her hand on the drapes. While Mae processed whatever she would speak to him about, John took full advantage and studied her profile at leisure. Had he'd noticed how her slightly upturned nose fit her face so perfectly before? She pressed her full lips together for a moment and then faced him. "A woman claiming to be Wesley's mother was here today."
His stomach sank. "Why wasn't I alerted about this as soon as I returned?" He stalked to where she stood and scowled down at her. "What happened? Did she see Wesley?"
Mae took a step backward and stepped on the hem of her skirts. She wobbled and threw her hands out to get her balance. John held her steady until she regained her stability. When she straightened, their faces only a scant inch apart both froze, gazes locked.
Seconds ticked by while they faced off, neither wanting to be the first to move away. Stubborn woman.
John looked away first and motioned to the couch. "The ride to and from town took its toll. I have to sit down."
"Of course, goodness, I didn't think on it. Let's sit."
He cringed at the instant concern in her tone and followed her to the chairs flanking the fireplace sitting across from her. "Now tell me what happened please."
Mae took a breath. "I had Alan stand by while I met with her out front and instructed Elma to keep Wesley out of sight. The woman, Carla, contended her reason for coming was to take Wesley with her out west. I informed her I could not allow it. That it was your decision to make. After several more exchanges, where she claimed not to be able to return another day to speak to you, I offered her payment in exchange for leaving permanently. Without Wesley."
John searched her face. "Why would you do that?"
Mae shrugged. "The woman never once asked to see her son. I am a good judge of character. By the way she sized up my clothing and the house, I knew she was more interested in money than in seeing him."
"Did she take it then?"
"Of course," Mae shook her head. "Honestly John, I don't see any of her in Wesley. I don't know what your relationship is with her, but I must apprise you she insinuated to be married to the outlaw."
"She must be then," John answered then met her questioning look.
"Do you think she'll return again? I mean how can she just leave her son?"
"I didn't get the opportunity to know Carla enough to claim to understand her motivations or what she'll do. From what I understood from her sister, she's always been a bit of a free spirit. After she contacted my parents when Wesley was born, they exchanged correspondence with a solicitor. My parents did not care for her reputation for taking lovers. I wanted to find the child and see for myself whether or not he was mine since it seemed questionable I was the father."
"Yet you went to great lengths to find him," Mae stated. "It's a good thing you did, because there is no question. Wesley is your son."
"Yes he is." He couldn't stop the smile at speaking of his son. "Tell me the amount you paid her, I will repay you of course."
She told him the amount, and it was a much smaller amount than he expected. Pleading eyes met his. "John, promise me you'll never tell Wesley about this." Her concern for his son touched him and he was forced to clear his throat. Mae was such a caring soul.
"Of course, don't worry Mae. He will never learn about it. If I can help it, he will never meet her either."
"Thank you," she placed her hand over his, the warmth of it ran up his arm to settle in his chest. "Tell me about your day."
John nodded and looked into Mae's eyes only to find a mixture of curiosity and sadness. "My trip to town was to see about a property I learned was for sale. I found it to be a small piece of land with a small serviceable house. I plan to purchase it once my money is transferred to the bank in town. I will also repay you then as well."
"Elma told me this morning of your plans to. I would like to propose that until you are settled, Wesley remain here." Without giving him time to reply, she launched into the next statement. "He has been through enough John. Once you get your house into acceptable shape, you will be required to work long hours to get everything prepared for the winter. Then there is the matter of hiring a caregiver. You must fin
d someone who is trustworthy to care for Wesley and see about his studies."
She loved his son. John settled back in his chair, enjoying the fire in her eyes as she made the case she'd no doubt practiced. Her chest heaved with every breath as her passionate pleas fell away from her lips. "John, please think on it, I am not asking for an answer this instant. I do understand it would be hard for you to be away from Wesley, but we can arrange to come and spend time with you or you can come and sup regularly. I don't want to take him from you…I just want…"
"I understand," John interrupted her. "And I'm grateful you care for my boy as much as you do. But you have to understand, the longer he remains here, the harder it will be for him to come away with me." He hesitated when tears sprang to her eyes. "Mae, it's going to be a painful transition for everyone involved. I am not so uncaring not to know how you feel. I will think on this and make a decision. But I have to decide based on what I feel will be best for Wesley." He covered her hand with his and once again was forced to hold back the need to move it further up her soft skin. "Thank you for loving my boy so much."
Mae slipped her hand from under his and stood. "Very well. Good night John."
"Senorita, there is a wagon approaching." Elma came into the front room where Mae sat mending the next day. She dropped her sewing into the basket at her feet and went to the window.
Indeed a wagon approached, a couple sat on the bench, the man guiding the horses toward the house.
"It's the Jacobs'!" With a shriek of laughter, Mae ran to the front door and out to meet the wagon.
No sooner did the wagon stop than Patty dressed in a red calico dress and matching bonnet, practically flew off of it and went to embrace Mae who was already standing to the side. The women hugged, stood back and looked at each other with broad smiles only to hug again. Ryan remained back and held the horse's reins, smiling at their antics while patiently waiting for Mae to turn her attention to him.
Westbound Awakening Page 13
