by Ryan Casey
Because Harvey was one of us now. He’d stumbled upon us with Ibrahim; he’d decided to help us get to this safe haven, and that made him one of us, regardless of how reluctant, how resistant, I might be towards new people.
I looked back at the rest of my people, Ibrahim included. I saw them all look over at me, only this time, they were smiling.
Then I looked back at Harvey.
He opened his mouth, readied himself to say something else.
He never did get a chance to say those words.
He didn’t get a chance to say any more words.
Not when the bullet flew through the air and pierced his neck.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I watched the bullet pierce Harvey’s neck.
And before I could do a thing about it, before I could react in any way, he was already lying on the ground.
My surroundings seemed to blend together. I could hear shouting, screaming. Footsteps, too. The footsteps of those who had shot him getting closer, I was sure. I didn’t know where they were coming from. I didn’t know who they belonged to. I couldn’t know, not for definite.
All I knew was that Harvey had been shot.
He’d been shot and he was bleeding out. Fast.
I crouched down beside him, tried to hold the wound on his neck, but it was bad. His eyes were wide. And the most painful thing about everything? He was opening his mouth, trying desperately to say something. All those days and weeks and however long trying his best not to say a thing because talking caused problems, and in his most desperate of moments, all he wanted to do was talk.
It was then that I heard the footsteps getting closer.
And it was then that I looked up and saw the people walking towards us.
There were six of them. All of them were armed.
I recognized a few of them.
One of them in particular.
The one leading the group.
Ian.
“Well, hello again,” Ian said, a smile widening on his face. “Quite a shot I got there if I say so myself. I would’ve got a video of it if I’d been able to. But damn. The new world doesn’t make that quite so easy anymore, does it?”
I looked up at Ian, tears welling up in my eyes, the shock and impact of this situation still building inside me.
“Now. I’m quite a forgiving man. I mean, I’m not a pushover. That’s one thing you have to understand about me. And I really hoped you’d seen that by now. I mean, we gave you not one chance, but two. Two real, good chances to comply with us. And you didn’t. You didn’t. So, hey. I’m sorry about that man there. Really, I am. But he was ours anyway. He was a leftover from a previous alliance gone wrong. Hopefully, that’ll be a timely reminder that no matter what, we don’t let things go. We remember. And we never give up. Never.”
“You killed him,” Ibrahim shouted. I could hear that his voice was breaky, tearful. “You—you killed him.”
Ian looked around at Ibrahim, tilted his head. Then he looked back at Harvey. “No, I don’t think that’s entirely true,” he said. “I mean, he’s still spluttering something or other, isn’t he?”
He walked over to Harvey, grabbed his cheeks. Blood seeped out of his mouth as Ian applied pressure.
“What?” Ian said. “What’s that you’re saying? I can’t hear you. Speak up, man.”
He put his head back on the ground, that smile still on his face. And that smile… I couldn’t deny the shivers it sent up my spine. I couldn’t deny the creeps it gave me. Because it was a sign of what Ian was, well and truly. He was twisted. He was fucked up.
And he was right.
He didn’t forget.
I went to reach for my pistol.
Then I realised something.
It wasn’t there.
Shit. I must’ve dropped it. Must’ve dropped it back in the conflict at the sweet shop.
Shit shit shit.
“Now I’ll tell you what we’re going to do here,” Ian said. “Because I don’t think you truly understand the consequences of your rebellion. You’re going to get on your knees, all of you. And I’m going to choose.”
I shook my head. “That’s—that’s not going to happen.”
“Get on your knees,” Ian said, raising his gun. And as he did, the rest of his people did too. “Because if you don’t, I’ll take out all of you. Every single one of you, right here. And then there’ll be no future for any of you. No hope for any of you. So get on your knees right now. I’m waiting.”
I looked at Sarah, right into her eyes. I felt like I was failing her. And all this time, the true horror of the situation was that Harvey was still alive, still gasping for air, still coughing up blood.
So I did the only thing I could do.
The only thing I could do to save my people.
I got onto my knees.
I saw Sarah shaking her head, tears rolling down her cheeks as she realised what I was doing; the only thing I could do.
I saw Ibrahim still standing. Ellie still standing. Suzy still standing. The kids still standing. And suddenly I felt so broken. So weak. Like I was no leader at all.
Ian walked over to me, smile on his face. He moved right towards me, pressed his face right up to mine. “Well, well,” he said. “Would you look at that. Only one person on their knees. And you’re the one supposed to be running this group, right? You’re the one supposed to be their leader? The one they look up to?”
I felt his hands grab my cheeks, some of the blood that Harvey had spat up covering my face. And then he looked right into my eyes. He was so close that I could smell his breath.
“Maybe this is all I need. Maybe I only need one volunteer, hmm? Maybe you’re the only one I need at all.”
“No!” Sarah shouted.
He stepped back. Pressed the gun to my head.
I braced myself for the pulling of the trigger as everyone around me cried out.
Then the gun clicked.
I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t hear anything.
And the fact I was still comprehending thoughts and feelings meant I was still here.
Then I heard Ian laughing and I knew that he still had the upper hand, somehow.
I opened my eyes, which were blurry from the tears.
And then I saw Ian stepping away. Ordering his people to lower their guns. Smile on his face.
“Come on, boys,” he said. “Let’s give these bastards time to grieve.”
He pointed right at his eyes then back at me.
“But we’re watching you. We’re watching you closely. Anything we don’t like, anything we’re not keen on… it’s over for you. I hope you understand that. So get yourself in line. Get yourself working for us. Fast.”
I wanted to stop him. I wanted to fight back. I wanted to get back to my feet and prove to him that we weren’t subservient to him; that we were willing to fight him.
But then I saw the people gathering around me, and I realised they weren’t gathering around me at all—they were gathering around Harvey.
I looked down onto the concrete as the footsteps of Ian and his people disappeared into the distance.
Harvey had stopped struggling.
He was silent now. For good.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I sat in the darkness and I closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would come fast and take me away from my thoughts.
We hadn’t walked far from the country lane where Ian’s people had attacked us. Mostly out of fear. Fear that he was still watching from afar, as he’d threatened. We’d gone off the beaten track, into the fields, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to get his vehicles into there, or that he could be easily shaken off somehow.
But I wasn’t holding out hope. It felt like his people were watching us all the time. It felt like we had eyes on us, studying our every move.
And as we sat in the creaky old house that we’d found to stay in for the night, the only thing I could think about was the way Harvey had been standing one second, t
hen on the ground choking for his life the next.
I felt sickness creep through my body, tightness build in my chest. And it was mostly because I knew that Harvey hadn’t just died, but he’d died seconds after we’d made friends. Seconds after I’d actually managed to see through my own trust issues and see him for what he actually was—someone honest. Someone just trying to get by. Someone trying to help.
Like so many times in my life before, I’d allowed myself to get close to somebody. I’d let myself see something in them. And then they’d either stabbed me in the back, or they’d fallen.
The number of people who could still let me down like that was running out—fast.
I opened my eyes after much tossing and turning, unable to get any rest. How could any of us rest anyway when we knew that Ian’s people could be right outside, watching, waiting?
I thought about what’d happened. The way Ian held that gun to my head as I got to my knees. And I realised what that made me look like in the eyes of the group; what it did to me, to my reputation.
I’d been the only one willing to kneel.
Which meant I’d been willing to sacrifice one of us rather than all of us falling.
Did that mean the rest of our people were all willing to die for one another?
The thought of Sarah and our child dying at all… I’d choose anything over that. Even if it meant my own death.
And as bitter a pill as it was to swallow… even if it meant the death of the rest of the people I cared about most.
I got up, unable to get any sleep. I crept out of the room, stepped outside. The moon was bright. I could see my breath. I stared up at the moon, rubbed the tops of my arms. Waited for a sign of life; evidence that somebody really was out there, watching, waiting.
“Cold night for this time of year.”
I jumped. Looked to my left.
Ibrahim was standing there.
He looked… more reserved than I’d seen him before. His shoulders slumped. His head hanging. His eyes firmly on the ground. He looked like a kid who’d just had his toy taken away from him, realising that he was never going to get it back.
“Sorry,” I said, catching my breath. “Didn’t realise you were out here.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay. I just… I guess I can’t get it out of my head. What happened to Harvey.”
A knot built in my stomach, in my chest. I knew I had to get away from here, out of this conversation. “I’m gonna head back in—”
“He was good, you know?” Ibrahim said. “And I don’t mean that in the way they always say they were good on the news when in fact they’re little selfish shits. He really, really was a good guy. An innocent soul. He never wanted anyone to get hurt. He wanted more than anyone for people to… to find new ways to reach each other. To get through their problems one way or another. And I really think if someone like Harvey was put in charge… I really think humanity would’ve found a way to be better.”
I saw Ibrahim wipe his eyes. For the first time, I really felt something for him—serious sympathy. Which was dangerous. Because it was setting me up to lose someone else I was beginning to realise wasn’t a bad person at all.
“Sounds like you thought very highly of him,” I said.
“Hell yeah,” Ibrahim said. “Harvey was there for me ever since high school. When I joined, I was pretty much the only brown dude in the area. So, like, I got picked on. Bullied for the colour of my skin. People calling me asylum seeker, terrorist, all that crap. But Harvey was my friend, right from the off. He didn’t judge me for my skin colour. He didn’t judge anyone for anything other than the things they did. And that’s something he carried with him for the rest of his… for the rest of his life.”
I let Ibrahim cry. I wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, to tell him I had his back and that we were all here for him. But that reluctance was still there. That resistance. That desire to avoid bonding with anyone.
But this time I ignored it.
I put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re here for you. I know Harvey was a good person. And I’m sorry for what happened to him. But we aren’t going to let those bastards get in our way. We aren’t going to give up. We’re going to get to this safe haven and we’re going to do it for Harvey.”
Ibrahim looked up into my eyes. “You really have no idea how grateful I am for you letting us on board. For trusting me and Harvey. Not everyone would’ve done that. But you’re… you’re a good person, Alex. It’s people like you that will be a credit to the new world, whenever it decides to show up.”
I looked at the ground. Warmth swelled in my chest after Ibrahim’s words. Because maybe he was right. Maybe I wasn’t as mistrustful as I thought. Maybe it wasn’t just me. Maybe everyone was fighting the same battles.
“We all have a way to go,” I said. “But we’ll get there. We’ll find a way. One way or another.”
I patted Ibrahim’s shoulder then I turned to head back inside.
And as I walked inside, I saw things differently. I saw them through a new light.
I saw that everyone had been right all along.
If I’d allowed myself to trust other people, maybe things could’ve been different.
Maybe so, so much would be different.
And as I stepped into the lounge where we were crashing, as I lay beside Sarah, putting my arm gently over her soft, sleeping body, I knew right then that I was going to try. I was going to work on my trust. I was going to try and be better, no matter what.
And that started tomorrow.
That started with reaching this new safe haven.
That started with fighting, no matter what Ian and his people said, no matter what they did.
Because we were together.
“You okay, honey?” Sarah asked.
And as I heard her voice, I leaned in and kissed her neck.
Then I closed my eyes, took a deep breath.
“I will be,” I said. “I will be.”
For the first time in a long time, I actually believed it.
Because it was fight or die.
And tomorrow, the fight began.
For real.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The following day, we all awoke bright and early and set off from the abandoned house we’d spent the night at.
And as much as there was a confidence to us about the journey ahead—as much as I felt a renewed vigour in the wake of Harvey’s death that the safe haven he and Ibrahim had told us about was exactly where we needed to go—there was still a wariness, mostly because of what Ian had told us.
We’re watching you closely.
It was a nicer, warmer day today. The sunshine could be fooling and mischievous, though. It could convince you that everything was good and normal, that there was nothing to worry about. And of course, that wasn’t true. There were plenty of worries out there—and not just worries about Ian’s people either. There were worries that we weren’t going to have enough supplies with us to make this journey. There were worries that we were going to run into someone even worse than Ian’s group, as unlikely as that seemed. And there were worries that we were going to get to this supposed safe haven and find it wasn’t there anymore—that it’d fallen just as ours had, or even worse, that it hadn’t even been there in the first place.
I didn’t want to get too carried away in the “what ifs?” though. We had a job to do, and that was to reach this safe haven. I wanted it for Harvey. I wanted it for Sarah. I wanted it for our unborn child, and for their future.
But more than anything, I wanted it for the group. For the people around me. For the people I trusted.
I looked over my shoulder and saw my people all walking together. I saw the smiles on the faces of Ellie and Suzy. I saw Will and Kaileigh playing together, running along like they always did. Further back, I saw Ibrahim on his own. I figured it was a good chance to check he was holding up okay after what’d happened to Harvey.
“Lead the way for a sec,” I said, le
tting go of Sarah’s hand.
She narrowed her eyes, which were dark underneath. “What’s got into you?”
I pointed back towards Ibrahim. “Just want to check how he’s holding up. After everything that’s happened, y’know? He’s been through a lot.”
I started to walk away from Sarah when she grabbed my hand and pulled me close to her, pressing her lips right up against mine.
“Whoa,” I said. “What did I do to deserve that?”
She smirked at me, her eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “You’ve been good. With Ibrahim. After what happened to Harvey. I… I like the new you. Just make sure he sticks around no matter what, okay?”
I heard Sarah’s words—praise with a thinly veiled warning, too. She feared this change in my perspective wasn’t permanent. She was right to, of course. I couldn’t guarantee there was any permanence to it. I didn’t know what might push me over the edge or what thin thread was keeping me on this path right now.
All I knew was this was me right now. And I had to make it last while I could.
I smiled at Sarah, returned the kiss. “I’ll just be a second.”
I walked to the back of the group, over towards Ibrahim. When I saw him, I made sure he saw me smiling right away.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked at me with a frown, like I was some kind of weirdo. “Uh, hey?”
“How you holding up?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. Opened his mouth, like he was going to protest the way I was speaking—as if it was too forced. I thought about rolling back the way I was speaking, making it a bit less obvious. Because this, as nice as it was, wasn’t totally myself.
But still. I’d be damned if I didn’t try.
“I’m doing better, thanks,” Ibrahim said. “I dunno. I mean, it hurts. It always will hurt. But just having you people around, being so welcomed… that makes a difference. Really.”
I smiled at him and felt like my newfound friendliness was justified.
We walked a little further. I chatted with Suzy and Ellie, then with the kids for a while. And it wasn’t long until I was back at the front of the group, back by Sarah’s side.
