I wanted to say yes. The word yes pounded quickly inside my brain, keeping time with my throbbing pulse. I’d never felt so tempted. It would be so easy. And feel so amazing.
But something inside me whispered that I’d regret it. It was like dumping a bucket of ice water over my head.
“Chase.” I pushed softly against his chest so he’d stop burning my skin with kisses. “I’m sorry. We should stop.”
He leaned his forehead against mine and let out a sigh of regret. “Don’t be. You set your boundaries and made them clear. I just really want to cross them.”
Now that I’d had a small taste of what it would be like between us, I kind of wanted to cross them, too. “We should go back to where there are other people.”
He kissed me one last time, fierce and quick, and it was over far too fast. Then he leaned across me and turned the knob to let us out of the room. He laced his fingers through mine, and we walked down the hallway, my legs totally unstable beneath me.
We passed a mirror, and I said, “What?” when I saw my reflection.
It wasn’t because my cheeks were flushed or my lips looked swollen and well kissed. My hair looked as if it had been attacked by a dray of crazy squirrels. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad my hair looked?”
He twisted a lock of it around his finger. “Because I like how it looks right now. Like somebody was running their fingers through it. And very much enjoying it.”
Hearing him say that made me feel it all over again. Like we were still in that bedroom, and he was drugging me with his magic touch. But if I walked downstairs like this, everybody would know what we’d been up to.
And nobody would believe we’d stopped at just kissing.
We were next to a bathroom, and I ducked in, looking for something to help. I found an elastic band, quickly took out the bobby pins Lexi had used, and pulled my hair into a messy bun. It wasn’t as cute, but it would have to do.
I studied myself in the mirror. I looked different. Maybe because I felt different. I felt . . . beautiful. Wanted. Desired.
Even a little adored.
Chase came up behind me, slipped his arms around my waist, and kissed the top of my ear. “I liked your hair better before.”
I gulped, hard. I loved the feeling of being held against him. “We really need to go back downstairs.”
Before I forgot about my morals and choices and stuff.
He seemed to find that funny, and he kissed my hand once before turning toward the stairs.
When we reached the bottom step, he asked, “Do you understand now how attracted I am to you?”
Now that we weren’t alone, it felt safe to tease him. “Almost. I may need more convincing.”
“Careful, woman,” he growled playfully, and I giggled in a way I didn’t know I could.
I felt light and free and just . . . really happy.
Which sent a jolt of worry through me. The only times in my life when I’d felt this way, truly happy and contented, something had always happened to ruin it. I’d suffered some truly terrible losses.
I’d grown so attached to Chase in such a short amount of time, I didn’t think my heart could take it if I lost him, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“So where’s your second favorite place?” Chase asked. We were in the parking lot of my apartment complex. When we left the reception, we’d been chased by the paparazzi for about half an hour, but Chase finally lost them on the freeway. I thought he would just drop me off, but we’d been sitting in his car for hours, talking and carefully kissing. Neither of us felt ready to push our boundaries again, so his kisses were soft and playful and tender.
Which turned out to be almost as dangerous as his passionate kisses, given what they were doing to my heart.
“Paris, France,” I promptly responded, making him laugh.
“Well, Miss No Passport, that’s not a possibility. But I will take you there someday. We’ll climb the Eiffel Tower, walk next to the River Seine at twilight . . .” He laced his fingers through mine, and I sighed. Both at the imagery of us being together in the most romantic city in the world and because I didn’t think I’d ever get over the electricity that sizzled through my blood every time he touched me. “But what about Vegas?” His eyes didn’t quite meet mine.
“Vegas?”
“We could fly there, get married in one of those little white chapels on the Strip, spend a week in a suite, and get it annulled when we get back.”
My stomach sank at his words. He didn’t get it. It wasn’t about a technicality. It was about being committed to someone so thoroughly that I knew I would love and trust him for forever. I got that he couldn’t understand my perspective, since it would be so foreign to someone like him. He thought he’d found a loophole that would allow us to be together. He’d already let me know he thought marriage was disposable and unimportant.
“My grandparents were married for over fifty years. My mother and stepfather had the most incredible marriage before he died. I’ve been surrounded by good examples that showed me how important marriage and those vows are. I could never treat them so lightly.”
“Worth a shot, right?” He winked at me, and I felt better. Even if I’d disappointed him, he wasn’t sulking or getting angry with me, like some other guys had when they’d realized I was serious about this celibacy thing. “But you didn’t answer my question. Where else do you love to go?”
“The Marabella aquarium. My grandma had season passes, and we went there almost as often as we went to the beach. It made me love the ocean.”
“How did she die?”
“She got breast cancer and didn’t find out until it was too late. She waited until she’d been admitted to the hospital to tell us. It all happened so fast. My grandpa died a year later. I know dying of a broken heart’s not supposed to be a real thing, but I believe it.” Especially now that I’d had a little taste of what it felt like to have serious feelings about someone. “And my mom and Duncan moved into their little bungalow after my grandparents died. Sometimes I think they did it for me. So I would miss them less by being where they’d raised me.”
“I’m sorry.” He breathed the words against my lips just before he kissed me and made me forget what I was talking about. He broke away to add, “I can’t believe you thought I wasn’t interested in you. I thought I’d made myself pretty clear.”
“Muddier than swamp water in Louisiana,” I told him.
“Not wanting to push things too far wasn’t the only reason I waited,” he said as he reached up behind my head to undo my bun and let my hair fall loose. He started massaging my scalp, and it took all my willpower not to purr in response. “In the program they tell you to wait a year before you start dating. I met you online at exactly the one-year mark. My therapist and my sponsor thought I could start dating again.”
“You thought your best bet was to find a fan and date her? What if I’d been psychotic?”
“Then I wouldn’t still be here.”
“Oh, you would be. Tied up in my basement.”
He laughed and pressed a kiss against my eyelid that made my stomach go all fluttery. “But my therapist warned me to go slowly and to date like it was 1955.”
I opened my eyes to give him a pointed, teasing look. “You’ve totally failed. We haven’t been to a single sock hop or drive-in, and we haven’t shared even one milk shake.”
“That wasn’t what she meant.” He shook his head, smiling at me tenderly. “She wanted me to go glacier slow. To not trade one addiction for another. Problem is, I think I was already addicted to you long before I kissed you.”
Another gentle, quick kiss. “Does that mean you’ll have to go to Zoe rehab?”
“I don’t ever want to get you out of my system.”
My heart started to race not only from what he’d said but also because I wanted to ask him something. “So, are we dating? Are we exclusive?” Because the thought of another woman touching him filled me with a slightly murderous
rage.
He studied me seriously, tracing my jawbone with his thumb. “I haven’t been with any other woman for a very long time. I can’t even imagine wanting to. But that’s going to come down to you trusting me. To not believing tabloids or online gossip. I’m not the cheating type, no matter what they say to sell content. If you ever have any doubts, please talk to me first.”
“I will. And I already told you. I do trust you.”
OMG, Chase Covington was my boyfriend. The fourteen-year-old girl in me fainted with delight. A much older-sounding voice reminded me that he hadn’t committed to anything. He’d only said he didn’t cheat and “couldn’t imagine” being with anyone else. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t.
I told her to shut up and stop ruining this for us.
“Yeah, you’re the first person I’ve ever been with who didn’t text me forty times a day when I was off on location.”
I leaned forward, feeling bold now that I’d decided he was my boyfriend, and pressed a kiss at the base of his throat. I heard his breath catch. “I’m not really the clingy type.”
“It wasn’t about that. I mean, it might have partially been.” He stopped talking and closed his eyes when I kissed his neck again, softly. “It was about checking up on me, and they wanted me to know how much they hated that I was gone. They were angry I had to be away on a regular basis.”
“I didn’t like you being gone, either. I missed you. But I’m good being on my own. And why would I get mad? You were working. It couldn’t be helped.”
I kissed him again right below his ear, and he groaned softly and then put his hands on my shoulders to push me back. “It is much too late, and you are much too beautiful, and that feels much too good for me to keep my hands to myself. You should probably go inside. My lack of self-control is what landed me in rehab in the first place.” I loved the rough timbre in his voice.
“You’re not going to walk me to the door?” I protested, leaning forward slightly to see if he’d let me.
He didn’t. “I’ll watch you from here, and then you can text me when you get inside safely.”
I knew I should listen to him and stop acting like the Tease-manian Devil. “Okay. Good night.” He released me, and I got out of the car but stopped before shutting the door. “Before I go, I want you to know that what happened tonight between us at Austin’s house . . . that was even better than meeting Alex Trebek.”
He flashed me his most charming grin, and it was all I could do not to climb back inside and throw myself at him. “You’re only saying that because when I introduced you, you yelled out ‘Who is Alex Trebek?’”
Embarrassment rippled through me, turning my cheeks bright red. “When are you going to stop teasing me about that?”
“I was planning on never.”
I sighed. “Good night, Chase.” I ran up the three flights of stairs, my feet feeling light and carefree. Even with multiple blisters from my new shoes. When I was inside, I texted him that I had made it through the gauntlet safely and then took off my annoying heels. He texted back to tell me to lock the door. I liked that he was protective.
I really should have stopped provoking him. I think I was just so happy and thrilled that Chase Covington not only liked me, not only wanted to kiss me (and more), but also was my protective, gorgeous, amazing boyfriend. I couldn’t help myself. I saw dots on my screen, indicating that he was typing to me.
I was glad he couldn’t see me blushing.
I heard an engine rev and a car pull out of the parking lot, and I assumed it was Chase leaving. I didn’t want to text him while he was driving, but the cure? The cure for what? Boredom? Alcoholism? Having to date women whose IQs were lower than their BMIs?
I padded into the kitchen and saw a bag from CVS on the counter. Lexi had made a snack run!
I opened the bag, but the only thing inside was an empty pregnancy-test box. Oh no. A second later I heard her sniffling.
I ran to the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Lex? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“It’s open.” I found her on the floor next to the sink with trails of black mascara running down her cheeks. She’d been crying for a while. “I’m okay. The tests were negative.”
Hadn’t we already déjà-ed this vu? “What happened? You told me you’re always careful.” I sat on the floor next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.
“Remember when I was sick last month and I took those antibiotics? Apparently those can interfere with birth control pills. Which I feel like somebody should have told me.”
“Lexi, how many times do I have to tell you that the only one hundred percent effective form of birth control is having my social skills?”
That got her laughing. “I thought you were going to say abstinence.”
“That, too.” The horse was kind of out of the barn on that one. “If you had been?”
“I don’t know. I think I might love Gavin.” She laid her head against my shoulder.
“Seriously? I’ve never heard you say that about anyone.” Other than Chase, but she didn’t even know him. Not the way I did.
“I can’t tell.”
“My mom always says go with your gut.”
“My gut is really small and easily distracted.” She sighed, and I squeezed her.
“Yeah, mine just demands food, and then my butt says, ‘Shut up!’”
Another laugh, and she started wiping mascara with the backs of her hands. “Okay. Enough crying. How was the wedding?”
“Incredible doesn’t seem like a strong enough word.” I stood up and grabbed some tissues for her. She cleaned up her face and followed me to our bedroom. She lay down in bed while I got changed.
“You didn’t tell me Noah has money.” Hearing her use the wrong name made me cringe, but I didn’t say anything.
“Why do you think he has money?”
“Because even with my stuffy nose, I can smell his cologne on you. And that did not come from a drugstore.”
For a moment I panicked and wondered if she would place the scent from the day she’d worked with Chase on the movie set.
“He does have money.”
“We should double-date sometime. And let him pay,” she teased, but I kept my back to her as I pulled out a soft T-shirt to wear to bed. “That is, if this thing is serious between you guys. Do you see a future?”
Oh, I saw a future all right. And it included a Labrador retriever, and blonde, blue-eyed babies, and me standing up to applaud him for winning another Academy Award while we crusaded to save the ocean in our free time.
But since it wasn’t normal to say that about someone you’d been out on only a few dates with, I settled for, “Right now we’re just living in the moment.”
I put on thin-cotton pajama bottoms and pulled the shirt over my head.
“Did he knock on the door of the Fortress of Solitude?”
“He knocked, but I didn’t answer.” Just thinking of the word door made me feel the phantom pressure of Chase against me, holding me and kissing me hotly. “And before you ask, yes, there was finally a pretty serious kiss.”
She sat straight up in bed. “How was it?”
How could I explain that he’d made me feel like I had molten lava pumping through my veins? “It was like my birthday, Christmas, frolicking puppies, and rainbow-colored unicorns had a baby.”
“I love magical kisses.”
So did I. “Let’s go have ice cream and Jeopardy!” It was our go-to pick-me-up when we were sad. I didn’t think Lexi even liked the show that much, but she watched it because it always made me feel better.
“Okay.” She shuffled out of the room, and I leaned in to smell my dress. Lexi was right. I could smell his cologne. I wished I didn’t have to get it cleaned and give it back.
We opened some Ben & Jerry’s and sat on our couch. Lexi queued up the show. She settled in with her pint and smiled at me. “Just so you know, you’re the friend I’d feel the worst about killing in a postapocalyp
tic death match.”
“Right back at ya. I’m always here for you. Like a celebrity apology after a sexist comment,” I said, the guilt inundating me. She was my best friend. NDA or no NDA, I should tell her. My deception ate away at me, making me lose my appetite. I set the ice cream on the coffee table.
I would tell Lexi. Later. When she knew whether or not she loved Gavin and wouldn’t take Chase from me, accidentally or otherwise. When I knew whether or not what Chase and I had was serious. When I figured out where this was going and how he felt about me.
Soon. I would tell her soon.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The next morning, I made lemon squares, inspired by Austin and Marisol’s wedding. I checked my laptop, and Chase had sent me an e-mail with an attachment. Pictures. Of me and him at Disneyland.
But not the ones the tabloids had used. These were all personal pictures of us throughout our day. Sitting close together, smiling at each other, laughing together. As I flipped through each one, I wondered how I could have ever questioned his feelings for me. They were all over his face.
And mine.
I liked that we were the only two people who had these pictures, and they weren’t splashed across some magazine cover.
My phone rang. It was Chase. Wanting both the lemon squares and for me to go with him to the Marabella aquarium.
The completely people-free aquarium. On one of their busiest days of the week, he had rented out the whole thing for just us. I brought the requested lemon squares, and he finished the entire plate before we’d even reached the first exhibit.
“I wish you’d mentioned beforehand that we’d be the only people. And I don’t think you’re supposed to eat in here,” I told him in a hushed voice. I probably shouldn’t have been complaining, as I preferred not having other people around so I wouldn’t have to make small talk, but it was strange being in this darkened place without anyone around but the fish. Beautiful, but odd.
#Starstruck Page 18
