by Tia Louise
17
A Pass
Zelda
Mako likes to play blackjack. It’s an unexpected stroke of luck I can’t believe dropped right into my lap.
The night he left, after I’d wandered away from the camp, Selena was quiet. Ximena never left her bed, but the girl managed to get her mother to eat a piece of the flat bread she’d prepared with our meal. I felt mild nausea again, which I’d assumed was because Mako had thrown me down on the path and irritated my existing injury.
My little friend had taken out a worn pack of playing cards, and I watched as she played a round of solitaire. When I felt better, we’d played a game of Twenty-One. Now card games are our favorite way to pass the time.
Another week has passed, and no one has come to the island. I don’t know if I’ve been forgotten or if I should be looking over my shoulder every morning, noon, and night. The problem with indefinite imprisonment is the tendency to grow complacent.
“Mako loves to bet,” Selena says holding a handful of cards. Today we’re playing Go Fish. “Give me all your aces.”
I pull a pair of aces from my hand and pass them to her. I’m sitting across from her in a light cotton dress scattered with tiny pink flowers. It’s loose and flowy and keeps me cool in the rising heat.
The denim dress I wore to this place is soiled and tight around my middle, which I know is the result of doing nothing but sitting on my ass in this house all day. I’m going to be so fat by the time this is over Cal won’t even want me anymore.
“Give me all your kings,” I say as I study the hand I’ve been dealt. My hair is piled on top of my head in a bun. “What happens when he wins?”
“He takes away a pass. Go fish.”
A tiny bead of sweat is lingering around my hairline, and I reach up to flick it away before pulling a card from the pool. “What’s a pass?”
“When the boats come, if we have a pass, we don’t have to go.”
My brow lowers, and I look across the table at her. “How many passes does Ximena have?”
“None. Give me all your twos.”
I hand her the deuce I just took from the pool. “How do you earn passes?”
“One week with no violations is a pass.”
“A week?” I think about the time that’s passed. “But I’ve been here at least a week. Ximena never does anything wrong. She should have a pass!”
“She had many passes.”
“What happened to them?”
Selena is quiet, and I lower my hand slowly.
“How did she lose her passes?” My eyes are fixed on the girl.
She only shrugs. “It’s your turn.”
Reaching across the table, I grasp her forearm. “How did she lose them? That first night he took her? What happened?”
Selena shakes her head so that her dark waves bounce around her cheeks. “It’s not your fault. She chose to do it.”
“Do what?” I can’t move. I feel as if all my muscles are frozen while I wait for what she’s about to say.
“The day you came, everyone left, and you were lying on the sand in the yard unconscious and bleeding.” Her green eyes are fixed on her cards. “Ximena wouldn’t leave you that way even when Mako told her not to touch you.”
Folding my hand, I put the cards on the table and stand. We’re in the small room, and her mother is outside. I go through the curtain door and around the cinder block structure to where she’s in the little garden on her hands and knees digging.
“Ximena?” I say, going to where she’s working. I stop and lower to my hands and knees beside her.
Stopping, she pushes a lock of straight dark hair behind her ear and studies me with those black eyes. A knot twists my throat when I see the faded yellow bruise still on her cheek. My stomach twists when I realize she got that beating, and god knows what else, because of me. She was abused and probably raped because she took pity on me. She carried me into her house and gave me water. She gave me her food. She carried me to the bathroom.
The night they took her, her screams and Selena’s cries, fill my mind. I remember how I crawled onto that cot, clutching the blanket over my ears. I remember how I couldn’t help them, my splitting head, and I’m so ashamed.
Reaching for her hand, I blink fast to clear the heat from my eyes. “Danke.”
Her thin black brows pull together, and I know she doesn’t understand why I’m thanking her. Still, I scoot forward and hug her.
“Danke,” I whisper again.
That’s how it started.
Mako doesn’t come to the camp very often—at least he never did before. Selena told me he makes weekly checks to be sure all the women are in their houses. Unlucky for me, I happened to have wandered off to the shore on the day of his weekly check-in.
Today when he appears, I make a point of having Selena play blackjack with me.
“It’s the same as Twenty-One,” I tell her. She’s afraid, but she trusts me. She’s so much like Ava, I know I’ll never be able to leave here without her.
On the table in front of me showing is a king. Selena has an ace.
“Hit me,” I say, and she puts a six on my king.
She stands, and when we turn up the remaining cards, I have a ten. She has a king. Mako explodes with a loud laugh, causing us both to jump in our seats. Selena looks so afraid, I’m worried she peed.
“Abo bust!” he shouts, and bends at the waist laughing because I lost.
It’s exactly what I hoped would happen.
I nod to Selena. “Go again.”
Her small hands tremble as she collects the cards and shuffles them in her clumsy manner. I told her not to let me shuffle. Nothing gives a card shark away faster than an expert shuffle.
I wait as she deals each of us a card facing down and then a six to her, a three to me. “Hit me,” I say fast.
I watch as she deals me a king, and I know what’s coming. It’s all playing out perfectly. She deals herself a five, and it’s time to flip our remaining cards.
Selena has a ten, and I get a nine—and even louder laughter from Mako.
“Un mucha bati abo!” he laughs, pointing at me. “Un mucha!”
His laughter and taunting makes me think of bullies on the playground. I remember when Ava and me were little, and I would kick their asses. I got in so many fights in foster care.
I allow the anger to show on my face as I glare at the little man who holds so much power over us. He sees me glowering and laughs more.
“Abo rabiá!” then he changes his voice, so he sounds like John Wayne. “Abo pissed.”
“I’ll play you!” I say loudly to him.
He only looks at me, not understanding. I nudge Selena. “Tell him what I said.”
Her eyes are wide as she looks at me. “No, Selda, we don’t play with Mako.”
“I’ll play you!” I say, infusing my voice with as much fury as possible.
He speaks quickly to my young friend in their language, and she answers equally fast. I sit at the table watching, warm satisfaction filtering through my insides. Get ready to get hustled, I think, still holding my expression steady.
Black eyes are on me, and I can see him gloating.
“He wants to know what you’re playing for,” Selena says, nervously.
“If I win, Ximena gets a pass,” I say and Selena translates.
Mako sits back, looking from me to her. I don’t know what he will ask for if he wins. I don’t know if he’s been instructed not to touch me. If I’m a bargaining tool in Wade Paxton’s plot to win Monagasco, I might be off-limits.
He looks at my young friend a moment, and a sick gleam sparks in his eye. It’s so fucking familiar. I’ve seen that lecherous look before, and I know what it means. His words come fast, and Selena’s face goes white. Her head jerks to me.
She jumps up from the table and runs out of the house. Mako explodes with laughter, but I only pause a moment to give him an angry glare before I’m fast on her heels.
; I find her in the back garden kneeling in front of the tomato lattice. She’s sniffing and holding her legs, and I see her little body tremble.
I drop beside her in the dirt and put an arm around her shoulders. “What did he say?” My voice is soft.
She doesn’t answer me right away, she only shivers, and I’m right back in that fucking culvert in Florida holding my little sister as she shivers and cries. Only this time, I’m ten years older and about a hundred casino cons smarter.
“He said if he wins, he gets me.” Her voice is so soft, and I know she’s terrified.
I want to tell her not to be afraid. I want to tell her while it sounds scary and she might think it’s a huge risk, it’s not. I know I’ll win. I know it as sure as I’m standing here looking at her. I’ll get that pass and Selena will never be in danger.
“I’ll beat him,” I say. It’s not a wish. It’s not even me being reckless or bragging. I’ve been winning at blackjack against tougher competitors than a jacked-up pimp since I was old enough to sneak into bars. “Come with me and tell him it’s a deal.”
Her green eyes are huge when they flash to me. “You can’t even beat me! How will you beat Mako? I won’t do it!”
She crosses her arms over her stomach and turns away. I hate putting her in this position, but I don’t have a choice. I can’t tell her about a hustle. I can’t tell her anything she might accidentally slip up and repeat.
I touch her gently, turning her back to me. Our eyes meet, and I smile my most reassuring smile. “Trust me. We’re going to get Ximena her pass. We’re going to get her twenty passes.”
Selena doesn’t move. She sits in that garden watching me, turning over my words. “How?”
“Trust me!” I say. “I know what I’m doing.”
“And if he wins?”
I catch her arms and hold her tight. My eyes level with hers, and I make a promise I mean with all my heart. “I will never let him touch you.”
She still hesitates, but I take her hand and pull her up with me. “Tell you what,” I say. “If anything goes wrong, I’ll take your place.”
Her face jerks, “Don’t even say that!”
Giving her a little hug, I laugh. “I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t sure I’d win.”
That seems to reassure her.
* * *
Mako is waiting when we round the corner of the house, and I feel Selena’s body tense. I give her another reassuring squeeze, and she tells him in their language it’s a deal. The three of us return to the table, and I’m determined to win those passes for Ximena. I didn’t say it out loud, but that’s another thing I won’t let happen again. No one suffers for me.
With trembling hands, Selena places two cards face down in front of us, followed by two cards face-up.
Silence falls over us as we examine our hands.
I have a three; Mako, a Jack.
My breath stills. I do my very best to channel all the casino-cool that’s been pounded into me through the years.
“Stay,” he says, leaning back and grinning.
“Hit me,” I say, and Selena turns a ten up next to my three. Mako begins to laugh, and Selena’s eyes flood with tears.
I want to reach over and squeeze her hand, but I can’t. It’s the moment of truth, and I can’t appear to know what’s coming.
Selena takes a shaking breath as she reaches to flip the final two cards, but Mako is eager. His hand shoots forward and he flips up a two for him…
An eight for me.
We’re quiet a moment as the truth sinks in. Selena does some fast math, and then her breath explodes from her mouth with a laugh.
I glance up through my lashes to see Mako’s face turn bright red. “NO!” he points to the table and shakes his head.
“A deal’s a deal!” I say, scooting back in the chair. “A pass for Ximena.”
His eyes cut to me, and for a moment he considers reneging. I can see it in his shifty eyes. He’s a double-crosser. He makes deals and then changes them when they don’t go his way.
Standing, I go to the door and pretend to call into the yard. “I should tell the other women what happened here. How we won fair and square, and you’re taking it back.”
His eyes move from me to the table, to Selena then to Ximena. He doesn’t know what I’m saying, as far as I know, but he gets up and walks fast to where I’m standing at the door. Selena is still at the table, frozen in place as if she’s unsure what might happen next.
Mako leans into me, says something in his language, and then pushes through the door, storming out into the yard and away.
I explode a breath. “Shew!” I say, leaning forward.
I want to laugh, but instead my head spins. My breathing is labored, and while I’m so happy I won, I have to close my eyes against the rising nausea.
“Are you okay?” Selena asks, walking to me and touching my arm.
“Yeah,” I say, trying to nod, but I’m afraid to make any fast movements. “It might not be twenty passes, but it’s a start,” I manage.
“Do you want to do it again?” she asks.
I want to say yes, but my stomach is churning. I don’t know if it’s my head injury. I don’t know what’s the matter, but I dash out the door and around the corner of the house just in time… to lose my lunch all over the ground.
I hold the side of the house, gasping, my eyes damp with tears. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’m not getting better. In fact, I’m afraid I’m getting worse. What if I have internal bleeding? What if my brain is swelling?
Ximena appears at my side, and she touches my arm. She reaches around my shoulder and helps me move back, away from my vomit, back to the front of the house facing the yard.
“Na estado?” she asks, dark eyes large, face lined with worry. “Beibi?”
My eyes hold hers a moment. I don’t know their language, but some words sound the same in any language.
“What did you…” I can’t finish my sentence as I race through the math, as I race through all of it.
From the time I arrived in Monagasco and met Cal, we’d pretty much had a long, sex-filled holiday until I ran away. Then when he found me, we’d spent the proceeding days making up for lost time.
How long has it been? I don’t remember having a period since… before we left for Monagasco. So many weeks ago… A month ago? Two months? Oh, god, I don’t even know!
How could I be so careless? I’ve never been careless about such things… It’s yet another way MacCallum Lockwood Tate came in and turned my carefully controlled life upside down.
Sliding my hands over my cheeks, I know none of that matters now. What’s worse is it only makes me long for him more. Tears flood my eyes. Cal… I need Cal. I can’t be here in this… prison camp away from him, possibly facing death, and pregnant with his child.
Pushing away from Ximena, I shake my head. “No!” I gasp. “Not like this.”
I have to get back. I don’t know how, but I have to get out of this place. I have to save our baby.
Holding the wall, I trail my fingers along the blocks as I make my way to the house. Selena is inside humming a tune while she cleans up the dishes.
“Hey,” I go around to where she’s standing and hold her hands. My desperate mind is scrambling for any possibility. “Tell me about your school.”
She smiles so big when she sees me and jumps forward to hug me. “You saved my mama. You are a good person.”
“It was nothing,” I say fast. “Tell me about your school. Do you have a teacher?”
This makes her laugh. “Of course, I have a teacher! Miss Jimenez. She’s my best friend Elana’s mother.”
“Elana? Does she live here on the island?”
Selena nods. “Her mama is one of Enrique’s women. They stay on the other side of the island.
My insides plunge. “What do you mean? She’s not a real teacher?”
“She has a book, Will-iam Shakespeare,” Selena only stumbles slightly o
ver his name. “She taught us to speak English and write our names in English.”
Closing my eyes, I shake my head as my hope begins to die. “But she never leaves the island? She doesn’t know how to get away from here?”
Selena’s brow wrinkles, and she looks at me as if I just suggested the most outrageous thing. “No one leaves the island.”
“But the boats… How do you think I got here?”
“Yes,” that makes her nod. “You were brought on a boat. But the boats don’t take us away.”
Pacing the small space, I chew on my nail. “How old are you?” I ask, pausing.
“Thirteen,” she says, “but Mama says I’m twelve. Mako leaves us alone if we’re twelve.”
My throat tightens, and I start to panic. “Selena, I need a doctor. I need to leave the island.”
She drops the plate she’s holding into the sink and takes my hands. “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Is it your head?”
“Beibi,” Ximena says.
We look up and she’s standing in the doorway watching us. Her face is calm. She’s entirely focused on her daughter and me. In the meantime, I’m terrified. I have to have a doctor, vitamins, Cal…
Selena smiles and walks to the door. We’re all standing in the space when noise breaks out behind us. Mako is back and the women in the other house are howling and crying. It sounds like they’re struggling. Ximena holds her arms out, guiding us all to the back wall of our tiny shelter, then steps to the window to peek out.
Mako is speaking rapidly, and one of the other women is arguing with him. We all hold our breath. I’ve never heard the other women speak much less argue with Mako. Selena is beside me, and I can feel her body rigid with fear.
“Another boat has come,” she whispers. “He’s telling them they must go, and they’re angry. They say it’s not their turn.”
The three of us hold our breath, and all I can think is how I have no leverage. I have no money, none of us has anything, and we’re counting on some pimp to keep a deal he made over a game of cards?
“What kind of boat is it?” I ask, but Selena doesn’t know. “Ask your mother. Is it a cruise ship? A cargo ship? Some kind of kinky yacht club?”
