by Holly Martin
‘Sorry to interrupt but we’re closing up now and although I’m sure you’d like to be locked in here all night, it can get quite cold after a while.’
George quickly scrabbled up and held out a hand to pull her up too.
‘Shall we go home?’
Libby nodded as they walked towards the door, still feeling the taste of him on her lips. There really was no way back from this now.
* * *
On the way back from the ski centre George drove through the town of White Cliff Bay. It was late, snow was falling and the streets were almost deserted.
Libby was silent next to him; she hadn’t said a word since the kiss, leaving him wondering if he should have done it. She had kissed him back though, there was no doubt about that and she had seemed to be enjoying it as much as he was. It was too much though – the lines of their friendship were blurring so much it was hard to see what was for practice and what was real any more.
‘Look!’ Libby shouted, snapping him out of his reverie.
On the side of the road a man was loading two live reindeer into the back of a horse trailer. There was a large sleigh on wheels nearby.
‘Oh yes, I heard there was someone in town doing reindeer sleigh rides,’ George said, relieved that they were speaking again but annoyed slightly that she had spotted it – it had ruined the surprise slightly for what he had planned for the next few days.
Libby turned to him accusingly. ‘And you didn’t think to mention it?’
He laughed. ‘I think it’s for children. But if you want that could be one of our dates.’
‘I’d love that.’
They drove down the hill towards their home, lapsing into an uneasy silence again. They parked up and walked back into the block of flats.
‘Want to come and watch a movie?’ George asked, hoping to get things back onto normal ground again.
Libby yawned and it was very obvious it wasn’t genuine. ‘I’m actually really tired, so I’ll catch you tomorrow.’
She waved at him and disappeared into her flat, leaving George feeling hurt and confused. He had kissed her and now she was pushing him away.
* * *
Seb slowly disentangled himself from Amy’s arms and got dressed. He had persuaded her to call in sick again today, so where she would normally be up and out by now, she was still sleeping in his bed and he liked it a lot. Holding her whilst she slept, waking up to her, the thought of coming back from his walk with Jack and making love to her again, he could get used to this.
He sat down and watched her.
Fear still circled at the edges of his heart but when he was with her it all just went away. At the moment only a handful of people knew about their relationship and by keeping it secret it was almost like he was keeping it safe. By not admitting how much he loved and cared about her, it meant that she couldn’t be taken from him. He rubbed his face, sighing with defeat. Losing Marie had messed him up spectacularly.
Could he ever truly embrace a future with her or would he always be looking over his shoulder for the grim reaper?
Suddenly his mobile phone rang on the drawers next to the bed. He moved to grab it before it woke Amy up but it was too late, her eyes snapped open at the shock.
He looked at the caller ID and saw it was his sister. Panic raced through him – why would she be ringing so early? Amy wasn’t the only one who had to live with his fears, his family bore the brunt of it too.
He answered it and heard a soft giggle on the other end which was instantly recognisable and immediately melted his fears as he remembered what day it was.
‘Uncle Seb, it’s me,’ came the sweet voice of his niece, Angel.
He sat down on the bed, next to Amy, leaning against the headboard. ‘Hey Angel, Happy Birthday.’
Amy stretched, grabbed her own phone and sat next to him as she quickly read an email.
‘Thank you for my present,’ Angel said. ‘I love it.’
‘Oh, I’m so glad you like it.’
Amy was smiling at something in the email; it was obviously good news.
‘It blows snowflakes from my wrist just like Elsa. And with the crown I feel like a real princess.’
‘You are, Princess Angel, I shall bow and curtsey to you when I see you.’
Angel let out a squeal of giggles. ‘I might turn you into a snowman if you don’t.’
‘You will? Now that’s no way to treat your favourite uncle.’
‘Are you coming to my party today? We have jelly and ice cream and chocolate cake with bits on the top.’
‘I do love jelly and ice cream, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’
‘Will you play Pass the Parcel with us?’
He smiled. ‘Of course.’
He was aware that Amy was now looking at him with a big grin on her face.
‘I love you, Uncle Seb, I’ll see you later.’
‘Love you too, Angel.’
He hung up and looked at Amy who was smiling hugely.
‘What?’
‘Was that your niece?’
‘Yes. Angel.’
‘Angel is such a pretty name, is it because she was born at Christmas?’
‘I think it was more that she came along when they had all but given up hope of having children. My sister, Rebecca, had five miscarriages before she fell pregnant with Angel. I don’t know where she found the courage from to keep trying when every time would end in heartbreak.’
‘Because if you want something more than you want to breathe, you keep trying regardless of your fears or the consequences.’
He stared at her, knowing that she was right. Some things were worth fighting for.
‘What was in your email that made you smile so much?’
‘You know I do this Cancer Awareness work? Well, on Wednesday I was dressed as a penis to bring awareness of testicular cancer and the importance of having regular checks. I had to hug all these men and hand out leaflets.’
He smirked at the thought of it.
‘When I was chasing this one man, I tripped up and ended up flooring him, then my hair got caught in his belt and he couldn’t get away. He was so embarrassed by being molested by this giant penis. Anyway he went home and told his wife and she said if that wasn’t a sign that he should get checked out, she didn’t know what was. She’s a doctor at St Mary’s, the private hospital on the far side of Port Cardinal, and she got him checked out that afternoon. He was mortified, being checked out by the girl who had been bridesmaid at his wedding. His wife made him go through all these tests and even her friend thought it was a bit extreme, but they actually found micro traces of cancer, very small, just a few cells. He was gutted, but because they’ve caught it so early, a simple operation will probably eradicate it. He’s going to talk through his options with the doctor, but they’re confident that it’s treatable. He emailed Mia to say thanks which she passed on to me. If it hadn’t been for me it might have gone unnoticed and untreated for years. I actually made a difference; it’s such an amazing feeling.’
Seb looked at her, her eyes bright with excitement, and his heart swelled with love for her. He leaned forward, cupping her face in his hand and kissed her softly. ‘You do make a difference, not just in your cancer work, but to your friends and to me. You’re healing me, making me stronger.’
She smiled, her eyes soft with love for him.
‘I know you have this thing down the town hall this afternoon, but do you fancy going to a kids’ birthday party at lunchtime? It will be loud and noisy but my sister makes the best jelly and ice cream and I’d really like you to meet them.’
‘I’d love to. You’re so good with her. Your conversation made me smile so much.’
He smiled, sadly. ‘I always wanted children. That was one of the things me and Marie would disagree on, I wanted them, she didn’t – she thought she was too young. And now… it’s too late.’
‘It isn’t too late … Well, it’s too late for you and Marie but not too late for you –
you could still have that. We could still have that… one day.’
‘I’m not sure I can give you that. The thought of losing you terrifies me, the thought of losing our baby is not something I can even bear to think about.’
Amy shifted so she was straddling him, facing him eye to eye.
‘No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but that’s why we need to enjoy what we have now. Life is for living, it’s for jelly and ice cream and spending time with loved ones, it’s for long walks on the beach with a fat retriever, it’s for dancing in the rain, it’s for amazing sex and making a difference, it’s for making every second count. This is all new for us and I understand you are scared but you’re going to have to grow some balls and man up. If we are going to be together then we are going to have children so you’re going to have to deal with that. And if you can’t then you need to tell me. You can’t live your life in shadow, afraid to step into the sun. And I won’t live like that either.’
Seb swallowed down the lump of emotion that was sticking in his throat. He couldn’t let her walk away when he had only just found her. He tried to change the subject away from the sudden fear of losing her, but this time not through death but his own stupid stubbornness.
‘Any more clichés you wish to share?’
‘Life is a cliché, Seb. You’re born, you die and you try to have as much fun as you can in between.’
‘Tell me more about this amazing sex we could have.’
She smiled. ‘I’m happy to enjoy the next few days with you. Christmas is in four days and I’d like to spend it with you. After that you need to make a decision about our future and how much you want it.’
She kissed him and, as with every time they were together, the fear just faded away. He needed her in his life. He just had to find the courage to take what was on offer.
* * *
Libby woke to the smell of bacon and she smiled with love for George. It was weird knowing that she was falling in love with her best friend, after all this time. She had never fallen in love before, she had never allowed herself to, but somehow her feelings for George had sneaked up on her without her knowing. She still didn’t know what she was going to do about it or whether her feelings would be reciprocated, even if she did do something about it. Could she stay if he turned her down and watch him go out with Giselle instead? George was a large part of her wanting to stay, but he wasn’t the only reason. Beyond George, Amy and Kat were the first friends she had ever had, her relationships with the people of the town were also something she hadn’t had before. She wanted to stay but the whole George thing was so complicated and really it shouldn’t be at all.
She got up, wrapped herself in her robe and padded out to the kitchen where George was dishing up bacon onto doorstep-sized pieces of bread.
‘This is nice,’ Libby said, following him into the lounge.
‘Well, I just thought…’ He trailed off and she knew he was still thinking about that incredible kiss the night before. It was all she had been thinking about as well.
She sat down opposite him and he watched her carefully.
‘We’re OK, aren’t we?’ George asked.
‘Of course we are.’
He rubbed his hand round the back of his neck. ‘You feel weird about the kiss?’
She didn’t, not really. The kiss had been perfect and beautiful. What was awkward was she was slowly falling in love with her best friend and he was blissfully unaware about her feelings for him.
She reached across the table and took his hand. ‘I don’t feel weird about it. I’m worried that it means something different to you than it does to me.’
He stared at her in shock but he didn’t say anything else. She relinquished her hold on his hand and turned her attention back to her sandwich.
‘We’ll always be friends though, right, George? Whatever happens between me and you and Giselle or whoever, whether I stay or go, that won’t change, will it?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’
She nodded, satisfied by his answer. She just had to pluck up the courage to tell him her feelings at some point.
He focussed on eating his sandwich and she switched her attention to the light flakes of snow swirling past the window. Outside there was a black motorbike, a beautiful old classic Honda Shadow.
‘Whose is the bike?’ Libby asked.
‘I think it’s Giselle’s.’
Of course it was.
‘I do love a woman on a motorbike, there’s something incredibly sexy about that,’ George said.
‘I used to ride a bike,’ Libby said, wondering why she felt like she now had to compete with Giselle for his affection. ‘A red Ducati.’
George looked surprised. ‘You had a Ducati?’
‘Yes, it was my pride and joy, a big shiny red beast of a machine. Until I had an accident and completely wrote it off.’ She slid her robe over her shoulder and pointed out the faint silvery scar there, then pointed out a similar larger scar on her elbow and her knee.
‘There was a sheep in the road and I skidded to avoid it. The worst thing was, I was lying in the middle of this dark road, in agony. I had a broken collar bone and two ribs, I couldn’t move, couldn’t get up, my bike had slid off the road somewhere and I could see this car coming. Its headlights were careening round the corners so fast and I knew he wouldn’t see me till it was too late, knew he was just going to run straight over me and there was nothing I could do about it. It was terrifying, that moment when you know that death is coming. Luckily he did see me at the last second and swerved off the road to avoid hitting me. The guy in the car ended up almost as bad as I was and I felt so guilty about that. The only one not to get hurt was the bloody sheep. Anyway, after that, I decided to give up on the bike and get a car instead. Though I do miss it. I keep thinking about getting another bike, one day.’
‘You know, Lib, if you fall off the horse, you just have to get straight back on again.’
‘Yes I know you’re right, but it’s a bit scary…’
‘But that’s why you have to do it, you can’t go through life scared of the “what ifs”.’
She nodded as she stared at him. He was right in more ways than one.
His phone beeped and he fished it out of his pocket.
‘My mum,’ he indicated the phone, ‘texting to remind me that I offered to help her clean out the loft this morning. Well, offered would probably be pushing it, coerced is probably more accurate. I better go, I’ll meet you outside the town hall at four?’
She nodded and watched him go, deciding that straight after they left the hall she would tell him exactly what was going on in her heart.
* * *
Judith had just finished throwing the dirty plates into the dishwasher when there was a knock at the door. Rumour had it that Amy was still staying at the pub, so she and Seb were obviously still together, despite Judith telling him she was a prostitute. Slamming the dishwasher door closed, she stormed over to answer the front door and was surprised to see Verity Donaldson on her doorstep.
‘Judith, how are you doing? Are you busy?’
‘I’m fine, come in, do you want a cup of tea?’ Judith opened the door for her. In the kitchen she set about making tea, as Verity selected a chocolate chip cookie from the biscuit barrel.
‘So how are you doing, really?’ Verity asked, taking the mug of tea from Judith.
‘I take it you’ve heard about Seb and Amy? I’m sure the whole town knows by now.’
‘I have, yes.’ Verity dipped her biscuit into her tea. ‘Why is this such a problem for you? I thought you wanted him to be happy again, after all this time?’
‘Yes, of course, it’s just that…’ Judith swallowed. ‘Seb and Marie would have been married nine years now, they would have had children and it seems weird, wrong somehow that he might have that with someone else. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Marie’s death, and it doesn’t seem right that he will. When Alan died, Marie’s father,
I knew there never would be anyone else for me, and there never has been. I… just don’t want him to forget her, and for him to have the life with Amy that he can never have with Marie doesn’t seem fair.’
She looked at Verity as she sipped her tea. What was it with her that made Judith bare her innermost feelings? And she didn’t pussyfoot around either, she just told it as it was.
‘Fair on whom? Is it fair that Seb’s life stops just because Marie’s has? He might as well have died too if that’s the case. Do you think that Marie would have wanted that for him? Do you think Alan would have wanted that for you? Do you honestly think that Seb will ever stop loving Marie, or that it’s not possible to love two people at the same time?’
OK, maybe that was a bit too honest.
‘He doesn’t love Amy, how could he? She’s nothing like Marie.’
‘Do you think we have one type that we are attracted to, that we have any control over who we fall in love with?’
‘But she’s vile.’
‘Is she? From what I remember of Marie she doesn’t seem that different.’
Judith felt her hands clench into fists in her lap.
‘Marie spent a lot of summers down here with your sister, Alice. She was accident-prone, clumsy, always getting into scrapes. She nearly killed Alice’s dog when she was cleaning out Alice’s car and accidentally released the handbrake. She had a very kind heart. I remember she used to mow the lawn for my dear old mum before she passed away and walk the dogs for some of the other elderly neighbours. Not that far away from what Amy does now for the some of the old ladies at the far side of White Cliff Bay. Marie spent most Saturdays when she was down here collecting money for the PDSA, selling cakes and rattling a tin. Did you know that Amy volunteers for the local Cancer Awareness charity every Wednesday, raising money, handing out leaflets or, as was the case the other day, dressing up as a penis to raise awareness of testicular cancer?’
‘I didn’t know that, no.’ Judith swallowed. That’s what Alan had died of when the cancer had spread to his prostrate. If they had caught it earlier…
