by Shea Balik
There were only a handful of times he could name where he thought she might actually love him. When he’d admitted to being gay was one of them. As terrified as he’d been to tell her, to give her more ammunition to use agasint him, she’d made it surprisingly easy. Even sticking up for him when someone tried to tease him about it.
She wouldn’t win mother of the year, but she was still his mom. No other logic could possibly explain how he still loved her when she acted like he was some sort of abomination.
At the same time, was he really willing to keep going back for more of her emotional abuse? She’d tried to have Cabe arrested. Shouldn’t that be the last straw?
“Whatever you want to do,” Cabe whispered in his ear, “I’ll support you.”
As much as Elden appreciated Cabe saying that, he was the one person Elden knew he could count on. Just as he would always be there for Cabe, he knew he Cabe would do the same for him.
Wasn’t that how love was supposed to work?
He glanced at his mother, who appeared lost. Would finding out the person you loved didn’t love you back make you keep people at arm’s length? Even your own child?
“Dad cheated on you, didn’t he mom?” It was the first time he’d called her mom in years. He wasn’t sure when he’d stopped, but he’d done it for the same reason she had stopped letting people in. He hadn’t wanted to be hurt.
For some crazy reason, Elden had believed by using her more formal title of mother, he was holding her at arm’s length. But he was only kidding himself. No matter what he called her, she was his mom. She always would be, faults and all.
Her head was bowed as if she were ashamed. “He had been on a date with one of his many mistresses when they were hit by that drunk driver.” She let out a shaky breath. “They were both killed.”
Elden stepped away from Cabe and went to his mother. Carefully, as if he were afraid of being bitten, he placed his arms around her. He honestly had no idea when they last hugged, or shown any type of affection for each other.
That one little act had been all she needed, though. Doris clung to Elden as sobs racked her body. People had started to come in as they’d finished work, but Doris hadn’t noticed them.
He had no idea how long they’d stood there like that, but Elden refused to let go until Doris was ready. Cabe stayed nearby, his hand on Elden’s back, but otherwise didn’t interfere. The police had left and Shine was no longer around.
Still, Elden held his mother as she cried for a man who had never really loved her. How could he have and cheated on her? Elden understood that things happened in a marriage, but his father had apparently had multiple mistresses. That wasn’t a single lapse in judgment.
It was no wonder Elden had never really missed the man. Sure, he’d been young, but not so young that he wouldn’t have remembered so little about him. There were the few family outings he’d told Cabe about, but when he really thought back, they hadn’t happened often and his dad was usually talking with at least one or two other women wherever they went.
It explained so much about why his mother always seemed miserable bowling or going to the park. Elden had assumed it was because she didn’t know how to enjoy life. But how was she to find happiness when her husband’s infidelity was constantly being shoved in her face?
“I’m so sorry, mom,” he whispered. “You deserved better from him.”
Or, if his father couldn’t find a way to remain faithful, maybe she could have found a better man. The reality was, none of that mattered. What was done, was done. All he, or anyone else, could do was just to be there for his mom and, with a little luck, help her to get over the past.
“It was my fault,” she whispered. “Everyone told me not to marry him.”
Elden wasn’t so sure that mattered. His mother had tried to warn him about Cabe. Warning or not, he loved Cabe. He trusted the man with his very heart. Nothing she or anyone else could have told him would have changed that. “Mom, you can’t help who you fall in love with.”
She pulled away from their hug and glanced around at the fairly crowded bar. It wasn’t by any means full, but for midweek they were doing pretty well. Her gaze fell on an empty table in the far corner.
“Would you mind if we sat down over there? I think I could use a drink right about now.”
Cabe led them over to the table and pulled out a chair for Doris. “What can I get for you two?” Cabe asked.
Doris chuckled. “I would say wine, but, you know, I’ve never really liked the stuff.”
If someone had run through the town’s square naked, Elden wouldn’t have been as shocked. “What?” he squeaked. “But you once told me it was the only civilized form of alcohol.”
“Doesn’t mean I liked the stuff,” Doris admitted. “It’s just what my friends kept saying and I was too afraid of them turning on me after…” she faltered, then gave a heavy sigh. “Well, the point is, wine is not my favorite.” She looked up at Cabe. “I’m going to need something a little stronger. What do you recommend?”
Elden felt a flutter in his stomach when Cabe winked at him. “What do you think, my sweet? Should I make her a Berry-You or a Sweet and Sassy?”
A little devil on his shoulder made him say, “Berry-You.”
The sound of that deep chuckle had Elden’s dick twitching even though his mother was sitting right across the table from him. He couldn’t help it. His dick had become Pavlov’s dog and Cabe’s laugh the bell.
“Why do I think I’m going to need to have someone drive me home?” his mother laughed as Cabe went to get them drinks.
“I was never in love with your father,” his mom blurted out after a few moments. Then she shook her head and her nose wrinkled in distaste. “No. That’s not quite… I mean…” She stopped and bowed her head as if considering her next words.
Elden wasn’t certain what she was trying to tell him and he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to hear it. If only Cabe would come back, maybe then he could borrow a little of his courage to listen to his mother.
Thankfully, just as Doris raised her head to try again, Cabe arrived with three drinks in hand. “Here we are,” Cabe called out as he approached them. “A Berry-You for Doris. A Sweet and Sassy for Elden and beer for me.”
That wasn’t surprising. When Cabe needed to drive, or in this case possibly take care of Elden after listening to his mother, he never allowed himself to drink too much and stuck to nothing but beer. Usually, he ended up nursing just one the whole night if need be.
Doris had waited to speak until she saw that Cabe pulled out a chair and sat down, with his hand firmly linked with Elden’s. Her eyes widened a bit, and Elden was fairly sure she’d thought Cabe wouldn’t be there for this discussion.
He was about to explain that Cabe wasn’t going anywhere when she seemed to give a small nod of acceptance at his presence. “I met your father when I was a freshman at college and he was in his last year of law school. My dream hadn’t been to study hard and find a career,” she admitted. “It had been to find a husband who would be able to take care of me.”
Her gaze met Elden’s. “Your father was that man. Love didn’t really have anything to do with it.” She reached across and placed a hand on forearm. “Don’t get me wrong, at the time, I thought that was love. For a teenage girl, it probably was love.”
Elden thought back to Paul. “Some teenage boys, too,” he admitted.
His mother gave a mirthless laugh. “I suppose that’s probably true.”
Experience told him it was, but he really didn’t want to discuss Paul, and Elden’s childlike fantasy of falling in love with the first boy he’d had sex with, or had even noticed him, for that matter.
“Your father did all the right things. Took me to nice restaurants, campus parties, and brought me flowers.” She frowned as if wishing to forget things she hadn’t wanted to see. “Everyone told me I wasn’t the only one he was dating, but I was so sure…” her voice trailed off for several minutes.
“Both our parents had insisted we get married. Our families had money, so we wouldn’t have to worry about finances as your father finished school.” She gave a little shrug. “And since I hadn’t cared about my education, I became a stay-at-home mom, like I’d always dreamed of becoming.”
“I’m the reason you ended up marrying dad?” Guilt nearly bent him over in half as he thought of the life his mother might have had if he hadn’t been born.
“Oh, honey,” his mother said as she moved to kneel in front of him. Her hands touched his face gently. “I will never regret having you. You are the best thing that ever happen to me. I was just too mortified by your what your father did to remember that.”
Elden wasn’t sure if that helped or not. It was because of him that his mother chained herself to a man who couldn’t be faithful.
“Hey,” Cabe kissed his temple. “Your mother was a big girl back then. You weren’t even born. None of this was your fault.”
He appreciated what Cabe said, but Elden wasn’t so sure he was right.
“Cabe’s right, Elden. Yeah, I suspected my friends might be right about your father, but I was also sure I could change him. That I would somehow be enough for him once we were married.” She rolled her eyes as she went back to her chair. “Boy, was I wrong.”
She took a long drink of her Berry-You. “Wow, that really packs a punch,” she teased when she put it down. “Anyway, I…” There was another sigh as she looked anywhere but at Elden. “I know this conversation isn’t enough to repair what I’ve done. I’m not even sure I can change.”
Then her eyes met his, the sincerity the only thing that made Elden want to believe his mother might love him enough to try. “But I do want to change. Nellie recommended I see a therapist.” His mom shook her head and lowered her gaze again. “I’ve been resisting, but I think she might be right.”
Elden really hoped she would do it. At the same time, he needed it to be her decision, not his. “I think you should do what feels right for you,” he told her honestly. “I can’t promise what our relationship will be from here but I do want you in my life, mom.”
It was far harder than he thought to call her mom instead of mother. But if she was going to try, so was Elden.
CHAPTER 20
“You are going to love the new fall blend Montague and daddy are creating.” Shine walked in pushing a two-wheeler loaded with six boxes of moonshine. The wheels on the overburdened equipment appeared ready to deflate in defeat at its effort to carry such a heavy load.
“Oh?” Cabe asked only half-heartedly.
It was only late July, fall wasn’t even on the radar at the moment, especially since all Cabe could really think about was Elden. He glanced at the empty table where Elden normally worked every day, wishing he could have been with Elden at the moment.
Shine tilted his head as he stared at Cabe for a minute. “It’s a ginger pear. What’s going on with Elden?”
The quick change of topic didn’t exactly surprise Cabe. Shine had never been one to beat around the bush. “What do you mean?”
Not buying Cabe’s innocent act, Shine sharply tapped his fingers against the top of the stack of boxes several times. “Umm, maybe because you look more nervous than a pig in a bacon factory, now spill.”
Cabe didn’t answer at first. To be honest, he wasn’t sure what to say. This was Elden’s life, not his. Did he really have any right to talk to anyone about it without Elden’s permission? On the other hand, Cabe was about to lose it and could really use a friend.
“I’m more stubborn than a mule in the rain,” Shine told him.
Huh?
Cabe had no idea what that even meant. Then again, when it came to Shine, he often had no clue what the man was saying.
“I take it this has something to do with that mother of his.” Shine was shaking his head. “I tell you, that woman is ten pounds of crazy in a five-pound sack.”
Laughter burst from his lips at that one. All his pent up nerves about Elden was poured into that laugh that lasted much longer than Shine’s lame joke deserved, but it was what Cabe needed, so he went with it.
“That really wasn’t one of my better quips,” Shine said. “Want to tell me what has you cackling like a hen being chased by a wolf?”
He did. Cabe just hoped Elden didn’t mind.
“Doris has been seeing a therapist since…” Cabe was uncomfortable bringing up what happened that day in his bar.
“She tried to have you arrested?” Apparently, Shine had no issues saying it.
“Yeah.” It had been nearly two months and Cabe was worried about Elden. “There are times when Doris isn’t quite…” Cabe faltered to come up with something that Elden wouldn’t take issue with, but he was having trouble being diplomatic when it came to Doris.
“A bitch, the devil?” Shine’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I know. Meaner than a rooster in a cock fight?”
“Gruesome, but yeah.” Shine might be more than a little colorful with his phrases, but he had a way of getting to the heart of it. “The problem is, her attempts to be nicer aren’t exactly working, most of the time.”
There were times Cabe wondered if she even knew what nice was. “A few days ago she told Elden only the seriously disturbed believed in things like love and fidelity. That it was him, not her, that should be seeing a psychologist to fix his archaic ideas. She even offered to pay for him to be institutionalized until he was cured of his disorder.”
“Yeah, well, in fairness, here in the south we don’t usually hide our crazy, we dress it up and parade it on the front porch then give it a cocktail.” Once more Cabe just stared at Shine as if the man had lost his damn mind. Then again, if anyone knew crazy it was Shine, so he might have a point.
“But that doesn’t explain why you’re as nervous as a whore in church or where Elden is.” Shine grabbed two shot glasses and a bottle of his high octane moonshine. Then he went around to the other side of the bar and sat down, indicating Cabe join him as he poured them each a shot.
“She did manage to convince Elden to go to counseling with her today.” Cabe had tried to put his foot down, but Elden refused to listen to him. “She claimed her therapist thought it might help if she could speak to them together.”
They each picked up their shot and downed it. Cabe welcomed the burn as the liquid slid down his throat and landed in his stomach. It was good, but not nearly enough to get rid of that damn knot that was twisting around inside of him. Which was probably why he didn’t say anything when Shine poured them another shot.
Cabe may own a bar, but he didn’t usually drink much. Shine, on the other hand, poured moonshine into his coffee in the morning and gargled with it before bed. The man never turned down a drink, yet there were only a handful of times he’d ever seen Shine drunk.
Yet, Cabe gratefully took that second shot.
“I get that Elden hasn’t had a great relationship with his mother but he’s not so fragile that a session with her and her therapist will crush him,” Shine said when they set their glasses on the bar.
He was right. Cabe knew that, but it didn’t change anything. “But this isn’t just about Elden. Let’s face it, Doris is bat-shit crazy. I mean, she actually told the police I kidnapped Elden. There’s no way to predict what she might do or say.”
“Shine,” Montague called from the doorway. “You said twenty minutes.” He pointed to the clock on the wall. “That was an hour ago. Cindy is expecting us.”
Shine poured himself another shot and drank it down. “I still can’t believe we’re getting married at a winery.” He turned to face his fiancé. “You do know we own a distillery, right? How is that going to look?”
Mo
ntague rolled his eyes as he sauntered to where Shine was sitting. “That we don’t want our guests to pass out when they get a whiff of the stench from the barrels of corn mash that fill the distillery.” He leaned in and kissed Shine with so much love, Cabe actually felt himself choke up a little. “And you’re the one who said you’d wear a tank top and flip flops if we got married outside,” Montague teased.
Shine returned Montague’s eye roll with one of his own. “Only because you decided to get married during the hottest month of the year. Hell is cooler than August in the south. I, for one, don’t want to think about sweating my balls off in a tux.”
Cabe laughed at the full body shudder Shine gave. “Anyway,” Shine said. “We were discussing Elden and his crazy mother.”
There was a wealth of understanding when Montague glanced over at Cabe. “Crazy family is kind of Shine’s specialty, since his own is as nutty as a fruitcake.”
“Hey.” Shine slapped Montague’s chest. “We resemble that remark.”
Montague chuckled as he leaned in to give Shine another kiss. “Yes, you do, sunshine. You most certainly do.”
Cabe was just about to go into the back, as he felt like he was an intruder on their moment, when Shine’s entire face lit up. “Hey. My daddy is single.”
“You just figuring that out, sunshine? Or did you have a point?” Montague teased.
Shine flipped him off. “Watch it,” Shine warned. “Or you’ll find yourself sleeping with Daisy.”
Cabe still had no idea who Daisy was, but Montague didn’t say another word.
“Why don’t you bring Elden’s mother and we’ll fix her up with my daddy,” Shine suggested.
As much as Cabe appreciated the gesture, he wasn’t sure that was a good idea. “Thanks, but she tends to be a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of girl since Elden’s father died. I don’t want your dad to get his heart broken.”
