by Jess Bryant
“I know. Me too.”
“You could have told me.”
“I know I could have I just… I didn’t want to deal with it so that’s how I got away with it. If nobody knew, I didn’t have to talk about it. I could just move on with my life like it never happened or, if not that, then at least just move on.”
“But you didn’t move on, did you? Alec left you. That fuckhead left you after you lost your baby, didn’t he?”
She nodded and her sister cursed his name. She made no move to stop her. Lemon had publicly declared the divorce a mutual decision but her sister had always blamed Alec even if she’d had no solid evidence for it. And no matter what they’d been to each other or how far they’d fallen by the time he left, he had still hurt her so she cursed him plenty herself and wouldn’t blame Lydia for doing the same.
Her sister sighed, “You haven’t moved on, Lem. Not really. It’s been years and you haven’t been with anyone since that fucker ex-husband of yours. Why?”
Lemon winced at the words that felt too much like an accusation, “I tried. I did. I tried to put myself back out there but whenever I thought about getting involved with anyone I thought about what the doctors said, about how I would never be able to have kids and I thought… how’s that fair to them?”
“Oh, Lem.” Lydia refused to be pushed away and dragged her into her arms, squeezing her tight, “You’re an idiot.”
Lemon sniffled, “Gee, thanks sis.”
“I mean that though. You could have told us. We’d have been there for you. And any man that would’ve cared about this isn’t the right man for you.”
“I know.”
“I’m willing to bet there’s at least one out there that doesn’t give a damn about your ovaries. He just cares about you.”
Lemon bit her trembling bottom lip as her heart swelled in her chest and an image of Shane filled her mind. Shane with his adorably disheveled hair and his big, white smile. Shane with his intense eyes full of heat and passion and then softness and understanding. Shane with his bossy attitude and his refusal to let her push him away. Shane’s only concern when she’d told him had been for her and how she was holding up and dealing with it and he’d wanted to help, to be there for her, to fix it for her if he could.
“You know…” Lydia brushed her hair back softly, “I have a feeling you already met that guy.”
She pulled back from the hug and brushed at her tear-streaked cheeks, “Lydie.”
How did her sister always do that? She must be a mind reader. Whenever her thoughts drifted to Shane, Lydia seemed to know it. Or maybe she was just a terrible liar. Maybe everything she felt for him was written right there on her face all the time for the entire world to see.
“Don’t give me that warning tone. I haven’t said a word about him all day or for the past two weeks for that matter even though Mom told me you went and shacked up with our resident sexy deputy. I haven’t pushed but you’ve been home for a month now, Lemon. There’s no way you ever intended to stay this long when you left Nashville. So I have to ask, what’s going on with you two.”
“Lydie I…” She shook her head as that knot came back to clog her throat, “I like him.”
“Well of course you do.” Her sister smiled softly, “You told him all of this already, haven’t you?”
She nodded and Lydia smiled softly.
“I feel like I should be offended that you didn’t tell me first. I’m your sister. I’m your best friend. But…” Lydia shrugged, “I’m just glad there’s someone you trust with the hard stuff and if that’s Shane then… good for you. I’m glad you two found each other.”
“It was supposed to be casual.” She hedged.
“But it’s not?”
“Not from the moment we gave in to it.” She bit her lip, “It’s sparks and fire and crazy out of control but…”
“But?” Lydia prompted when she didn’t continue.
Lemon swallowed hard, “But it’s also calm and easy and natural and… right? God, I’m crazy to be thinking it let alone saying it out loud but we’re good together, Lydie. We balance each other in ways that don’t even make sense but it just works and… it scares the crap out of me because I’m falling for him. Falling so damn hard and I don’t know how to make it stop now that I’ve let it get this far.”
Lydia raised an eyebrow, “Why do you want to make it stop?”
“Because it was supposed to be casual, like I said…. Like you said. I don’t live here and his life is here. He has the girls and I… I have decisions to make about my future.”
She hadn’t expected this conversation to become about Shane but maybe she should have. Her problems and that man were so intertwined now. Her reason for coming home to Fate and her reason for staying. Because Lydia was right and she’d given Millie a new excuse every time she called to ask when Lemon was coming back, coming home. Because she couldn’t tell her assistant that she felt like she already was. Shane had become such a big part of her life in such a short amount of time and she didn’t know what was going to happen when she did have to make her decision.
“Lem, honey, first off… I’ve known that man all my life and he doesn’t have a casual bone in that fine ass body of his. If he’s involved with you, if he’s let it get this far, there’s no way that he’s thinking of it as casual. No way.”
“But…”
“Holly knows, right?” Lydia cut her off. “About the two of you seeing each other I mean? About the whole moving in together thing?”
Lemon nodded.
“And the kids obviously know too.”
She nodded again, “Obviously, like you said, I’m living there with him and with them.”
“How’s that going? What do they think about you two?”
“They’re good I think. I mean, we have dinner and I help them with their homework and… it’s amazing, Lydie. Everything I ever wanted is in that house. Everything I thought I lost a shot at when the doctors told me I couldn’t have my own kids. That’s why it’s so scary.”
“Oh, honey…” Lydia pet her hair again, “Of course it’s scary. Love usually is.”
Lemon bit her lip because she hadn’t said she was in love with Shane but of course her sister knew. It must be obvious. She was crazy about him. What had started as a childhood crush had turned into a bit of an obsession and then pure, unadulterated lust and then… love. She’d been falling for him from the moment she saw him in the middle of that rainstorm her first night in Fate and everything that had happened since had only deepened her feelings for him.
She was falling in love with him and Lydia was right. She didn’t want to stop it. She couldn’t. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t terrified of it at the same time.
“Have you talked to him about how you feel?” Her sister prompted when she remained quiet.
Lemon shook her head, “No, I mean, not in so many words. He knows I care about him. He’s asked me to stay and give us more time, give us a chance, and I have. I do, every time. But eventually my real life is going to catch up to me and I’m going to get a call from Nashville I can’t ignore and then what?”
“Then you figure out how to make it work if that’s what you really want.”
“You said yourself that his life is here and mine isn’t.” She argued.
“If you both want to make it work, you will. If you don’t, then it won’t. It’s as simple as that, Lem.” Her sister sighed, “But you need to talk to him about it before the time comes and you have to leave out of the blue. Don’t put it off and risk losing him just because you didn’t tell him how you feel.”
Lemon managed a small smile, “Where’s my sister that warned me off the hot deputy just a few weeks ago?”
“Hey, I was just trying to look out for you both. I still am.”
“I know.”
“So, talk to him, because really, I can tell how happy he makes you and if there’s even a shot in hell that he could make you happy for the rest of your lives, you
’ve got to take it, Lem. You deserve it. Especially after everything you’ve been through.”
“Him too.” She smiled softly when her sister tilted her head, “He deserves to be happy too and I… I don’t know, is it narcissistic to say I think I make him happy too?”
“Of course not.”
“He smiles more I think. The girls say he does. And I know I do when I’m with all of them.” Lemon blinked back a tear, “It’s not just him I’ve fallen in love with, Lydie.”
“I know.”
“And it’s not just that I’m trying to fit them into the roles I’ve cast in my head as some sort of surrogate family because I can’t have my own.”
Lydia’s brows furrowed, “I didn’t think that for a second.”
“I did. At first. I wondered if I wasn’t so attached because they represented something I couldn’t have on my own but they’re not. I love them. I love playing princess with Rosie and working with shy little Sophie on her music. I love that Georgie will open up to me about her boyfriend and her friends even though she shuts out her parents. I like that I feel like one of them, like I belong there, with them and with him.”
“Maybe because you do?”
“You really think that’s possible?”
“Why not? This is Fate. Anything is possible right?” Lydia laughed, “You had a crush on the guy almost all your life but the sparks didn’t fly until this trip home. Why? Because you needed each other now? Because you were finally ready for each other? Who knows? Don’t question it so much. Just go with it and be happy.”
Lemon blew out a rough breath. Just go with it had pretty much been her motto all her life. She’d done what she wanted, gone where she wanted, and damned the consequences. But she couldn’t take that approach with Shane. Not with him or his girls or them. Because she wasn’t the only one with something to lose. It wouldn’t just be her heart shattered if it didn’t work out. So she had to go slow and figure it out before she made any more huge leaps.
If she was going to be responsible for once in her life, it was going to be with Shane’s heart.
“I have to go back to Nashville eventually.”
Lydia played with her hair, “You don’t sound excited about that.”
“I’m not. I… I don’t think I want to go back. If staying is a choice, I want to stay.”
“So, stay.”
“My doctors are there and…” Her throat tightened again, “They’re recommending a hysterectomy. I… I have to go back and see them and make the decision and…”
Lydia didn’t balk at the new information. Her lips thinned slightly but she didn’t press for more details. Lemon should have known she wouldn’t have to. They’d always been a lot alike. Lydia had experienced fertility problems of her own and there had been difficulties in both of her pregnancies. It was another reason Lemon hadn’t wanted to burden her with her own problems. Lydia must have already figured out that a hysterectomy was in the cards for Lemon because she simply shook her head.
“There are doctors in Fate, Lemon. The Sands still have their clinic and they’ll refer you to whoever you need. There are doctors in Amarillo and Fort Worth. You don’t have to go to Nashville to see a doctor. Come home, see a doctor here and you won’t have to go through it alone. You’ll have the whole family with you.”
Shane had said something similar to her just last night as they lay wrapped around one another, sweaty and sated in bed. He’d said telling her family was the first step and then she could decide the rest. It had warmed her heart because she’d known he was trying to come up with reasons for her to stay, with him, and every day she only wanted that more and more.
“I’ll think about it.”
“And talk to Shane about it.”
Lemon managed a small smile, “Yeah, I’ll talk to Shane too.”
“Thank you for telling me all of this.” Her sister squeezed her hand, “I hate that you felt like you couldn’t tell me before, but I’m glad that you told me now.”
“Me too and I am sorry that I kept so many secrets.”
“I get it. It’s your life and so much of it is public but just remember, we’re family. I love you no matter what. And I can tell you don’t really want to talk about this anymore so I’m just going to say one last thing. If you want to be a mother, there are plenty of other ways to do that. You don’t need your ovaries for it. Okay?”
Lemon bit her lip and nodded, “I know.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll drop it for now then. You just come to me anytime you need to talk from now on, okay?”
“Okay mom.”
Lydia laughed and shoved her playfully, “Don’t mom me.”
“Sorry. You’re right. This went much more smoothly than I expect that conversation to go.”
“You haven’t told Mom and Dad yet?”
“Nah, I thought I’d try you first. See how it went.” Lemon snorted.
“Figures. You always did want backup when it came to the big talks. That’s why I got the birds and the bee’s discussion when I was like ten.”
Lemon laughed at the memory. Lydia was right of course. They’d always worked better as a team. She might be the older sister but she’d always relied on Lydia to have her back. It made her want to hug her sister that so easily understood her, and was there for her. So she did. She wrapped Lydia in a hug and nuzzled at her sister when she instantly hugged her back.
“So you’ll come with me to talk to them then?”
“Of course.” Lydia stroked her back.
“Love you sis.”
“Love you more.”
Chapter Sixteen
Shane had a really bad feeling. He’d had it all night. Ever since Lemon showed up an hour late for dinner. She’d said everything was fine but her words hadn’t matched her body language. She’d been stiff and distant and when he’d commented on it she’d spun off the other direction.
Her over-the-top smile was the fakest he’d ever seen. Her voice had been too loud during dinner. She was trying too hard to be cheerful. It wasn’t the same easy-going pleasure that had always existed between them and he thought from the way Georgie kept looking at him that he wasn’t the only one that had noticed something was off. His teenage daughter had taken up a spot in the corner of the couch, phone in hand, and been peering at all of them over it most of the night. Rosie had sensed something was up too but he’d distracted his youngest daughter from her endless questions by letting her paint his fingernails. Only quiet Sophie had been able to get close to Lemon tonight and so he’d left the two of them to their guitar lessons, telling himself that he would talk to Lemon about whatever was wrong once the kids were in bed.
But he couldn’t shake the little voice in the back of his head that said he was losing her, even though she was here, even though she was with him, playing with the girls, smiling in all the right places, he felt like he was losing her.
They’d come so far in such a short amount of time. She’d been in Fate barely a month. Barely four weeks ago, he’d seen her for the first time in that thunderstorm. In a matter of weeks he’d gone from telling himself it was smart to keep his distance to touching her to kissing her to making love to her.
His heart was in her hands. His future was hers to set. And she was pulling away from him. He could feel it and all he could do was try to hold her close. Try to get her to open up to him. Again.
“Babe?”
“Hmm?” Lemon glanced up from where she’d fallen quiet, simply staring at the guitar in her hands and making Sophie glance at him worriedly.
“You okay?”
He watched her blink as if refocusing herself and she gave a one-shouldered shrug, “Yeah, it’s just been a long day. Sorry Soph. Your turn.” She handed the guitar back to his daughter who took it but only frowned at the instrument.
“Lem, come here baby.”
“No, it’s okay I’m…”
“Lemon.” He used his sternest voice and watched her back straighten. She licked her lips expe
ctantly and he raised an eyebrow. He knew that tone of voice got to her. Just like her reaction to it got to him. But now wasn’t the time and place. This was about more than sex. This was about them.
Slowly, she uncurled from her spot on the floor and moved to sit beside him on the couch. She cuddled in close to his side and rest her chin on his shoulder. He wanted to wrap his arm around her but when he started to his youngest daughter shrieked.
“Daddy, no! You’re still wet!”
He groaned and felt Lemon’s answering smile against his arm.
“Purple is a really good color on you.”
“You think?” He grinned back at her laughter because for the first time all night it was real and twisted his free hand in front of him showing off the bright purple nails Rosie had painted.
“The glitter makes it stand out.” Rosie grinned brightly.
He gave his daughter a warm smile and let her finish painting his other hand. It wasn’t the first time he’d sported colorful nails. It was a side effect of having three daughters. His buddies at the station had long ago stopped teasing him when they saw it had no effect. So long as it made his girls happy he didn’t care if his nails were purple, pink or rainbow shades with glitter and ladybugs.
“Why don’t you paint Georgie’s next?” He nudged his oldest daughter with his foot and nodded to Rosie and she sighed but pasted on a bright smile. He needed her to distract her youngest sister for a minute and she understood. He needed to figure out what was going on with Lemon.
Georgie moved around to the other side of the coffee table, “How about pink?”
“I like purple!”
“Well they’re my nails and I like pink.” Georgie handed her little sister the other bottle of polish. “So make them pink.”
Rosie huffed, “Fine.”
Shane waited until his daughters were suitably distracted before he brushed his mouth over Lemon’s ear, “You want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
He sighed when he felt her shake her head against his shoulder, “Come on, baby. Tell me what’s going on. You’ve been off all night.”
