She glanced at the picture in my hand and took it with a warm smile. “You always looked like her.”
“I know. I always knew. I’m the one piece left of her in this world.”
“Oh, Nikki,” she sobbed. “I look at you now and it’s the precious little innocent girl again.”
I raised a brow. “I would hope not.”
“Oh you know what I mean, the girl who dreamed for the world and had a glint of happiness in her eye. It looks like she’s back.”
I nodded to her as we walked down the concrete steps, towards the parking lot.
“Your puppy is driving me crazy. You have no idea how much she misses you. Gowan had to replace the front door a couple of times.”
“Gowan is…staying at my mother’s house? He’s back from wherever he was?”
“Yep,” she replied flippantly. “So, any particular food you’re craving? Anywhere you’d like to go first?”
“Home. I miss Kifo.”
“Great. I can cook whatever you’d like when we get home.”
I nodded with a fake smile. I didn’t like the fact that she was overtly coddling me as if I were a fragile doll. It was degrading. Legally, I was stuck under her guardianship until I could prove that I was mentally stable.
I looked around my mother’s home, noting that Angie and Gowan had fully moved in.
“How long are you two going to babysit me?” I looked at Gowan. Although I’d never met him before, there was something so familiar about him.
“That’s right. You two have never met,” Angie surmised in realization. “I tried to get him to go to that one family therapy we had—“
“I told her that was something that should’ve been reserved for family. I wanted you to be comfortable with me first. I’m Dr. Gowan Lemon, Angie’s husband. It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Givens.” His eyes twinkled with a falsity behind them. “I’ve heard…so much about you.”
“H-have you?” I asked, staring at my hand as it lingered in his hold. Those eyes. That name. Eric’s tattoo flashed in my memory. I remembered the title the nurse gave Angie in the hospital: Mrs. Lemon. I remembered what Trent’s hacker friend knew about the doctors on Suicide Angels. Dr. B went to Africa and got married. This wasn’t a coincidence. “You…wouldn’t happen to be related to a Howard Lemon, Jr., would you?” My question was redundant, because I knew the truth.
“Sr., actually. How did you know that?” Angie asked with surprise. “That’s his father. Howard Lemon Sr. He passed away from colon cancer some time ago.”
“Jr. was my brother. He died some time ago—before my father.” Gowan studied me….as if waiting for something. “It’s such a big house, Nikki,” he beamed. “I hope you don’t plan to kick us out.”
“Dr. Longo said that we shouldn’t smother her, babe. She has to figure out how to cope on her own.”
“We’ll be here, until you want us to leave,” Gowan promised.
I snatched my hand from his crushing hold. “Tomorrow, then?”
Gowan’s grin deepened as Angie looked at me in awe.
“I’m just kidding,” I said with an uneasy smile.
Angie continued to look at me with fragility. Gowan stopped short when his phone chimed. For some reason, the mere fact that he looked at it, drew ire from Angie. They argued with their eyes for a moment, making me feel awkward.
“I’m…going to go for a walk with Kifo.”
“That’s a very good idea,” Gowan agreed
“No!” Angie snapped. Again, more disagreements with their eyes. “Fine,” Angie relented. “Whatever you decide. Just…be mindful of the past. Be mindful of what’s really good for you.”
“Angie,” Gowan warned, “butt out.”
She turned back to the stove without a word of reprisal.
The domineering nature of the family was genetic, I supposed. I glanced at Gowan, not sure if he should be left alone with my aunt. Given they had been married for nearly a year, maybe this was all a coincidence. Maybe I wanted to play dumb, because I wasn’t prepared to deal with all things that pertained to being with Eric.
“Don’t worry yourself, kiddo,” Gowan said. “It’ll all work itself out. Enjoy your walk. I’m quite sure you will.”
“Um…okay.” I drawled. With a nod, I was out the door.
I couldn’t help myself, my steps were drawn to the empty driveway. I stood on the walk, staring at the seemingly empty house.
“He moved out,” the man from across the street said. He looked at Kifo with a slight familiarity.
“Was…Maisha your dog?”
“Maisha?”
“The Rottweiler. Pink collar—“
“Ah. Yes. My ex-wife’s,” he responded through a short nod. “You’re the one who got her? Your boyfriend must be smitten. He paid a pretty penny to buy her from me in—guess that was August. Heard she was well taken care of. She was always a loyal dog. How’s this one doing you?”
“Good.” I looked back at Eric’s house, shaking my head. “How much did Maisha go for?”
He gave me a look and tossed his eyes to his house. “Don’t recall the exact amount. I don’t believe in counting other people’s pennies.”
“That usually means it was a lot, or not enough. Given the way she was taken care of, sure she meant a lot to you. I like to count pennies, by the way.”
He pointedly glanced back at his house.
“He paid off your mortgage?” I gasped as I clutched my chest.
“Are you…all right there?”
“Fine,” I swallowed. “When did he…?” My eyes darted to what use to be Eric’s house.
“Oh about two and a half months back. Don’t know where he went though. He wouldn’t exactly say. Sure it’s not far. He still works at the hospital. I had to take my kid to the E.R. and saw him there.”
“How did he…look?”
He looked at me with puzzlement. “Fine, I guess. I’ll…let you get on with your walk.” He walked back across the street.
“Nikki? Nikki?”
Immediately feeling like I was doing something wrong, I looked back at Angie with question.
“You forgot this—just in case you need it on your walk.” She shoved her messenger bag at me.
I glanced at the leather satchel. “Um…this isn’t mine.”
“Just take the thing, Nikki.” She shoved it at me. “You’ll need it.” She clutched her chest while grimacing and glanced back at the house. Gowan was standing in the drive, calling for her. She looked suddenly nervous. “I love you, Nikki. I’m sure you think I have a strange way of showing it, but we’re family. If you ever doubted, just remember that I always knew who murdered your father. I could’ve gone to the police at any time. I didn’t because we are all we have. I’m counting on you to use that ruthlessness to protect yourself. I suppose it’s the one thing you inherited from your mother that I’m grateful for.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I deadpanned. “My father’s death was an accident. And you have someone. You have Gowan.”
“Right.” She touched my shoulder, seeming to have a problem leaving. “I found out some things, Nikki. When the time is right, open the bag and see what I put inside. Use it wisely.” She plodded back up the walk, towards my mother’s home.
I scanned through the digital radio playlist and set it on a work out theme. The fast paced music made me feel like I should run, but that was the one thing I wasn’t changing. It still seemed….pointless. I switched the music back to melancholy.
My feet fell heavily against the paved trail. When I reached a particular spot, my sense memory kicked in. Though covered with snow and remarkably colder than it was in the memory, it hit me all the same. It was the same area where I met Eric. I wondered if, like meeting Maisha, the run-in was staged as well.
I looked up at the sky to keep the emotion down, but it didn’t help. It should’ve been my mother waiting for me, coddling me, and making me dinner. It should’ve been Eric, still next
door, waiting for me. It should’ve been a better homecoming. Although the list of characters was strangely flawed, they would’ve made up the perfect guest list for my welcome home party. I fingered the strap of the cross-shoulder satchel, strapped to my shoulder, wondering what Angie put inside.
Kifo began to bark and tug at the leash. I took out my earbuds, allowing them to dangle around my neck. I looked around, searching for what made her upset. I was glad she wasn’t quite full grown. If she was, she would’ve easily dragged me with the way she was carrying on.
“Kifo? What’s wrong with you?” I heard the resounding whistle that drove her crazy. When I lost my grip on her leash, she ran towards the densely packed wooded area. “Shit!”
Now running, I called after her, unable to find her. I wrestled my way through the stray branches and snow, nearly screaming her name. I heard her bark. The way the sound carried, I knew she was closer than I expected. I turned around, finding that I was correct in my assumption. But who stood beside her…wasn’t expected.
I felt the full extent of the frigid air as I stared at him. Kifo happily barked at as she stood by Eric. He looked ridiculously well as he smiled brightly at me.
I dropped my keys immediately. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
He walked towards me, allowing the scent of his cologne to permeate my nose. “Never thought I’d see the day. You run like a girl, you know.” He picked my keys out of the snow, grinning from ear-to-ear as he thumbed the moon key chain that hung from the key ring. He looked me over, taking me in. “You look…” He catcalled.
When I swallowed, I felt like I swallowed my erratically beating heart along with a mouthful of cotton. Looking at him, our three months apart was palpable. The tumultuous time periods of our relationship never existed. “Three months—” My voice cracked. I tossed my head to the sky in an attempt to collect my emotions. “—with no communication and that’s what you have to say to me? I gained twenty pounds. Give me back my puppy.” I darted my hand out to retrieve her leash. I gained weight being that at Parkland, we were forced to eat at least four times a day. It was the most I’d eaten in my life. I looked nearer to my mother’s healthy, envious form than I ever did.
“You wear it…” He started toward me until his body nearly met mine. “…very fucking well.”
“Are we going to really behave like the last three months didn’t happen? Who am I kidding? Our tragedy of a relationship should be erased from all memory banks. If our relationship was anything, it was a disaster.”
“A disaster?” he asked incredulously through a raised brow. “Really?”
I wiped my clammy hands down the front of my jeans. “What do you want, Eric?”
He slid his hands in his pockets, leaving his thumbs out and kept his shoulders broad. “Do you really want me to pretend like the last three months didn’t happen? Don’t think I can. For me, being without you ranked as the hardest thing I’d ever done above taking the MCAT.” His lids lowered, breaking through my ice piece by piece with a simple look. “I know what you’re really pissed about. I got your letters, Nik. Every. Single. One. I think I wore out the paper with how many times I read them. It was…nice. People don’t write letters anymore. I even liked the first thirty letters where you wrote about how badly you wanted to punch my cock. What did my cock ever do to you? If I remember correctly, it did you pretty well, didn’t it?”
I choked on my swallow and tried to casually recover. It didn’t work. His overt cocky smirk told me it didn’t. “T-technology wasn’t allowed. I didn’t have a choice. I think I would’ve written you less, if I could’ve e-mailed you. Seemed like a waste of paper and a stamp to continuously write four-worded letters.” I shifted my weight and put my fingers in the air as I counted each word. “Eat. Shit. And. Die.”
“Nikki,” he groaned while sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. “When has that smart mouth ever done you well when it comes to me?”
I cleared my throat and straightened my posture. “Why…didn’t you write me back?”
“My letters were returned.” He shrugged. “When Angie told me to fuck off and let you get well, I figured it was her doing.”
“Surprised you didn’t do something with her. Which brings me to my next question; how is it that she’s married to your cousin?”
He crinkled his nose, unamused. “Small world, eh?”
“Very, very small.”
“They’re in love,” he responded flippantly. “It happens.”
I didn’t believe him. Not that I could suddenly read through the telltale signs that indicated when he was lying. I never could, and I still couldn’t. I remembered our history—it was all I truly needed to know. “Things are never that simple with you, Eric.”
“Probably a good thing you didn’t get to read my letters. I went through a really dark time—darker than usual. Started doing things out of character. Questioned myself. Started thinking Angie was right; I never deserved you.”
“If you think you’re going to worm your way back into my heart by being self-depreciating, it’s not going to work.”
“For the point, that phase was over as quickly as it started. As for what you just said, your cold front would work, if I didn’t remember the last line of your last letter. The attitude you’re giving me right now to punish me—” He shook his head. “—not falling for it.”
“Why…did you just leave me?” My voice quavered.
“Nikki,” he quietly moaned and placed his hands behind my head, pulling me close.
Having his arms around me, holding me, it became difficult to manage my austerity.
“Timing was bad, didn’t want you to find out about Estelle and me that way.” He clasped his forehead against mine and swallowed hard. “I see the most disgusting things on a daily basis. Seeing you near to death, and damn near swimming in a pool of your own blood, served its purpose. It fucked me up. I might’ve been wrong to think it, but I convinced myself I went too far. My penance for lying to you including letting you go…temporarily.”
“I remembered something about a lesson…?”
“I’m sure one was learned. Nikki. I never wanted to break you like the others. All I’ve ever wanted from you, was what told to you the night you asked me for help.”
“I can…understand,” I stated slowly.
“Ah, I see. So I was right. You’re giving me shit just because.”
“Pretty much.”
He slowly grinned.
I slipped my hands to either side of his waist, clenching the fabric of his black button-up. “You could never fix me. You tried—but it wasn’t up to you to do it. I just wish…you’d found a way to get to me. Knowing nothing about where we stood made the first month—okay entire time there hell. I kept thinking you moved on.”
“I haven’t had sex in months, and looking at you—” His eyes drifted to my breasts through my open leather jacket. “You’re making me so hard, baby. I want to take you down in the backseat of my car and fuck the living shit out of you, while spanking you for every time you labeled me as a murdering asshole in your letters.”
Feeling a mix of feelings at the same time, I squeezed my thighs together to dull the ache. I drew my lids down as the tears came. “Damn it,” I whispered.
He inched his face closer to mine, firming the hold he had on the back of my head. “Good. I’m glad you stopped with the games, because I’m not waiting any longer to do this.” He brushed his hands down the length of my hair, smoothing the strands. His lips swayed against mine. Pushing my lips apart with his tongue, he ran the tip along the roof of my mouth. He ended with a slight bite into my bottom lip that made me shudder. He gave me a short break to catch my breath. The wall fell down and the months apart never happened. When he kissed me, the memory of the things that pulled us apart in the first place began to fade away.
“I felt like you abandoned me,” I whispered.
“You’ll never feel that way again, twisted angel.”
<
br /> “Prove it.”
He slowly smiled and fingered my lips. “Really hoped you would say that.” He withdrew from me and whistled to Kifo. She circled me and nudged the back of my knees with her snout. I turned around, noticing there was something tied to her collar. I bent over to finger the ribbon. She thought I wanted to play and tried to dance. I wrestled with her in order to pull the ribbon from her collar. A ring hung from the end of the black silk ribbon. I untied the ribbon from around the ring, fingering the antique-looking piece of jewelry in my hand. It looked art deco and definitely seemed fit for the 1920’s. It was very beautiful. But I didn’t understand what it was for.
“Eric? What’s this?” I turned around to Eric on one knee, smiling at me.
“Nikki, will you marry me?”
The rush in my gut almost made me double over. “You’re…crazy,” I barely got out.
“I didn’t spend three months in a mental health facility.”
I finally smiled, and nodded because my tongue felt glued to my mouth. He pulled the ring from my death grip and slid it on my fourth finger, left hand.
“Come with me,” He slipped his hand in mine and guided me out of the thicket.
“Angie is going to have a conniption, if I don’t check in with her.”
“She knows.”
I thought back to the weirdness between her and Gowan earlier. I mindlessly touched my satchel. “Months of pent-up sexual frustration later. Are you going to make me wait all day to fuck you? No one’s around right now.”
His grin grew insidious as he continued to walk and pull me along. “You’re going to wait like a good girl should.”
I slowly blinked.
“Glad to see something else that hasn’t changed. Good.”
We reached his car in the open parking lot on the brink of the skies releasing large heavy flakes of snow. As Eric place Kifo in the backseat I slid into the front passenger seat.
He started up the car and turned the heat on full blast.
I looked out of the windshield with a small smile. “I can’t believe you’re making me wait through a romantic dinner. You know I hate romance.”
The Sordid Promise Page 27
