Golden Trail

by Ashley, Kristen

  “Not that I know of. He had a hot date last night but then he’s always got a hot date. Boy needs to settle down, he’s too old for this shit. I don’t know what was wrong with Mia. Never could get that.”

  Layne couldn’t either. He hadn’t been around when Merry hooked up with Mia but he knew her before he left town. She was a seriously pretty, petite redhead with a temper that matched her hair but a wicked sense of humor and a smile that rivaled Rocky’s, falling short because she didn’t have a dimple and Layne had never been in love with her. Word was Merry fell and fell hard then broke loose for no reason.

  Seemed the Merrick kids shared a particular trait.

  Fuck, he really needed to talk to Merry.

  “Dave, can you tell him if you see him or hear from him that I need to talk to him?” Layne asked. “As soon as he can.”

  “Sure, son, no problems,” Dave paused then asked, “How’s Roc?”

  “We’re back together,” Layne announced without preamble and this was met with utter silence.

  Layne let the silence stretch and waited for Dave’s response as he took a drag and exhaled.

  Finally, Dave whispered, “Sorry?”

  “We’re back together, Dave,” Layne repeated. “Things changed on Friday and we talked it through last night.”

  “You talked it through?” Dave repeated.

  “Yep,” Layne replied and waited.

  “You been separated for closin’ on twenty years and you talked it through,” Dave said.

  “Yep,” Layne returned.

  “How is she?” Dave asked, this question giving Layne nothing.

  “She would be fine but Ma’s here and not Roc’s biggest fan so let’s say it’s not goin’ as smooth as I’d like it to go.”

  “Vera’s there?”

  “Yep.”

  “Oh boy,” Dave muttered, knowing Vera and living in the same town as Vera until Vera moved to Florida five years ago. Vera hadn’t just decided to hate Rocky for breaking Layne’s heart. She became an equal opportunity Merrick hater, blaming them all. The only person Vera hated more than Rocky and her family was Gabby and that was only because Gabby wasn’t just a bitch to Layne, she was a bitch to his mother too and such a far cry from what Vera had when she had Rocky, it dug that particular knife in deeper.

  “You need me to come over, even out the numbers?” Dave offered.

  “I’ll take care of Roc,” Layne replied.

  There was more silence then, “Tanner, I’m happy for you, I’m happy for Rocky, if this is the right thing but…” he hesitated before he went on, “doesn’t this seem sudden?”

  Sudden? Jesus.

  “Don’t know, Dave,” Layne returned. “Been wanting her back for eighteen years, she’s felt the same, we’ve been together for a month, both of us strugglin’ to hold it back, Friday it broke through, that doesn’t seem sudden to me.”

  “Right,” Dave whispered.

  “You got anything to give me?” Layne asked.

  “Anything to give you?” Dave asked back.

  “Yeah, anything to give me,” Layne repeated.

  “Like what?” Dave asked.

  “Anything,” Layne returned, losing patience.

  Dave was silent.

  Layne lost patience.

  “Dave –”

  Dave cut him off. “I’ll give you this, Tanner, I’ll tell you I lost faith in God the night he took Cecilia from me but, if I’d believed in Him, I woulda prayed for this to happen so now that’s it’s happened, it’s made me think maybe He’s finally kickin’ back in.”

  This statement made Layne go silent.

  “Happy for you, son, happy for Rocky. It’s about damned time,” Dave whispered and Layne heard the disconnect.

  He flipped his phone shut, took a drag from his cigarette and turned to look into the house to see Vera sitting back in her armchair, a smug smile on her face. He couldn’t see Tripp but Jasper was staring at his grandmother, his profile not happy and Rocky was strutting up the stairs.

  Fuck, she’d said something else.

  Layne crushed out his cigarette and entered the house just as Rocky disappeared around the top of the stairs, heading to his room.

  Layne moved after her.

  “Tanner,” Vera said. “You shouldn’t smoke. Not even one a –”

  She stopped talking when her mouth clamped shut after Layne’s eyes hit her and she read what was in them.

  Layne took the stairs two at a time.

  He found Rocky in his bed, back to the headboard, knees up, an arm around her calves, pillow sandwiched between her chest and thighs, cheek to her knee and an arm outstretched to point the remote at the TV.

  Her head came up when he walked in.

  “Hey,” she said softly.

  “Hey,” he replied, walked direct to the bed and climbed in.

  She watched him do this, her face blank, clearly locked in her head then, when he settled, she went back to the remote, flipping channels on the TV.

  “I’m footballed out,” she mumbled her fictitious excuse to leave the living room.

  Layne leaned forward, pulled the remote out of her hand, switched the TV off, tossed the remote to the foot of the bed and then gripped the pillow Rocky was cradling and tugged it out. Her head came up and he shoved the pillow behind his back at the headboard and then he went after her. Grabbing a hand, he yanked her forward until she came off-balance and landed with a hand to his chest, her body to his side and her head to his shoulder.

  Her head went up and back and she started to pull away while looking at him.

  “Layne –” she began.

  He interrupted her. “Don’t lock yourself in your head, sweetcheeks, talk to me.”

  Her head tipped to the side. “About what?”

  “Cassie was a one night stand,” he told her straight out, her eyes got wide then shut down, Layne ignored it and kept talking. “Ma was takin’ the boys to Disneyworld. I’m not a Disneyworld type of guy so I wasn’t goin’ with them. They were gonna leave at oh dark thirty and I went out the night before to meet a friend of mine who lives down in Florida now. I met Cassie while we were out. I came home as they were leavin’ and Ma’s not stupid. But Cassie knew my friend, he gave her my number, she called my cell while we were still there and Ma picked it up. Ma never even met her and I only saw her that once.”

  “You don’t have to explain this to me, Layne.”

  “Yeah, Roc, I do.”

  The blank went out of her eyes as they started to ignite then she said, “Okay, then I don’t want you to explain this to me, Layne.”

  “I know you don’t, but you need me to.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I do.”

  “Why?”

  “’Cause I had a life for eighteen years and you’re gonna hear about it and when you get upset or your feelings hurt, I want you to talk to me about it and not lock yourself in your head.”

  “I lock myself in my head to sort things out,” she told him.

  “Yeah, baby, but once you locked yourself in your head and locked me out.”

  She froze against him then started to pull away but he yanked her right back and when she struggled, he rolled so she was on her back and his weight was on her.

  She stilled and glared up at him.

  “Why am I always asking you to get off me?” she snapped.

  “I don’t know, probably because you’re always tryin’ to take off when I’m not done talkin’ to you.” he clipped.

  “Get off me,” she bit out.

  “We’re not done talkin’,” he shot back.

  “We are,” she informed him. “See, you just threw that in my face which tells me you’re not passed it and it also tells me you’re not going to get passed it so maybe all this was a bad idea.”

  “I didn’t throw it in your face, sweetcheeks.”

  “You damn well did!”

  Layne cupped her cheek in his hand and dipped his face into hers. “Yo
u’re pissed at Ma, takin’ it out on me and I’m tryin’ to smooth it out. I’m not throwing anything in your face. I’m tryin’ to get you to talk.”

  “Well, maybe I don’t want to talk.”

  “I had a life, Rocky.”

  “I know.”

  “There were women in it.”

  “Trust me, Layne, I know.”

  “None of them was you,” he went on.

  “I know that too,” she snapped.

  “So, except for the one I married ‘cause I got her pregnant, none of them even so much as had a toothbrush at my place.”

  She snapped her mouth shut and stared at him.

  Then she asked, “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Not even a toothbrush?”

  “I was seeing Melody for four years and she tried to leave at least three toothbrushes, a box of tampons and pair of underwear at my place. I found ‘em and I put ‘em in her purse. She eventually got the message and quit trying.”

  Rocky stared up at him with her lips parted.

  Then she asked, “Why?”

  “Why?” Layne repeated.

  “Yeah, why?”

  Layne took his hand from her cheek, pulled in an impatient breath and tipped his head back to look at the wall before looking down at her and explaining, “Baby, ‘cause she wasn’t you.”

  Rocky stared at him. Then the fire in her eyes went out.

  “Poor Melody,” she whispered and she didn’t know the half of it.

  Layne knew Melody was in deep with him, he even tried to find it in her, he just couldn’t but she never pulled away, she kept trying, kept hoping one day she’d get in. She never did. He should have cut her loose ages ago but even if she wasn’t Rocky, she was the closest he’d had.

  “It’s over with her,” Layne stated and Rocky’s body relaxed beneath him.

  “Does she know how to make Milky Way cake?” she asked softly.

  “Ma taught her but Melody is not a kitchen person. Melody is a get dressed up, wait at the bar for an hour and half for a table and then eat a fifty dollar meal person.”

  “That doesn’t seem your style,” Rocky noted.

  “It isn’t.”

  “I like to get dressed up,” she informed him, “um… every once in awhile.”

  “Baby, you wear that dress you wore the other night, I’ll take you out where you can get dressed up every fuckin’ night.”

  She grinned. “That’s not even my best dress.”

  Jesus.

  “Seriously?” Layne asked.

  “Seriously,” Rocky answered. “I have this one, it’s clingier and shorter and –”

  Layne’s brows shot up. “Clingier?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And shorter?”

  “Uh… yeah.”

  He rolled to his back, his arm over his eyes, muttering, “Shit. You’re killin’ me.”

  She rolled into him, put her hand on his chest and called, “Layne,” he dropped his arm and looked at her, “how am I killing you?”

  “Because Rutledge stares at your tits, Gaines stares at your ass and every other man who lays eyes on you finds somethin’ to stare at. This does not exactly make me happy.”

  “Baby,” she whispered. “If I wear that dress, it’s just for you.”

  He looked up at her and her eyes were half-mast, her mouth soft and he liked that look so much, that look directed at him again, finally, after all these years, that he lifted his hand to her jaw and ran his thumb along her cheekbone.

  She turned her face into his hand, looked at his chest and kept whispering. “I wasn’t in my head because of Cassie and Melody.” Her eyes came back to his. “It was because I fucked up and your Mom talking made me realize just how badly I did it.”

  “Rocky –”

  She shook her head and kept talking. “I missed those birthdays and Christmases and horseback rides. I tried to remind myself while she was talking that if I didn’t, Jasper and Tripp wouldn’t be in that room but it didn’t make me feel much better.”

  Layne rolled into her, putting his arms around her and settling them both on their sides.

  “Roc, honey, I don’t know what to say.” And he didn’t because she was right, with her, there would be no Jasper and no Tripp and Layne couldn’t imagine that. Without her, he had them and he knew he was lucky, no matter how fucked up it got along the way.

  “There’s nothing to say. I just need to lock myself in my head and sort it out.”

  “I know how it is to fuck up and miss birthdays and Christmases with people you care about, baby. And I fucked up bigger than you because I didn’t miss just one person’s, but three.”

  “Layne –”

  “Don’t go into your head, let me in and maybe I can help you out. Yeah?”

  She stared into his eyes for a beat that led into three and then she whispered, “Yeah.”

  Layne smiled at her and leaned in to touch his mouth to hers but her head suddenly moved back and he stopped.

  “Just that…” she hesitated, “can I ask that that’s the last we talk about the Cassies and Melodys in the life and times of Tanner Layne?”

  He was still smiling when he rolled her onto her back, slanted his head and, with his lips on hers, he muttered, “Yeah, baby.”

  Then he kissed her and Rocky kissed him back.

  * * * * *

  “Is Roc okay, Dad?” Jasper called out when Layne was walking down the stairs, leaving Rocky in his bed because she wanted a minute to “get presentable” which he figured meant she needed a minute to shore her defenses before she faced Vera again.

  Not to mention she needed a minute to right her clothes considering Layne not only made out with her, he felt her up.

  Layne hadn’t even made it to the middle of the stairs before Jas asked his question and by the time he hit the bottom, Vera and Tripp’s eyes were on him.

  “She’s good, Bud,” Layne answered.

  “She got quiet,” Tripp noted as Layne walked to the couch.

  “She gets that way when her feelings get hurt,” Layne replied and Jas and Tripp both looked at Vera.

  Vera looked at the television.

  “What hurt her feelings?” Jasper asked after Layne had stretched out on his back on the couch, head to the armrest, and his eyes went to his boy.

  As usual, Layne gave it to him straight. “She lost her Mom when she was fourteen so pretty much every memory for her is fucked. The birthdays and Christmases before her Mom died have bitter mixed in with sweet ‘cause she had birthdays and Christmases after her Mom died that weren’t so good because her Mom wasn’t there and she remembered them bein’ better when she was. So, talkin’ about that shit today made her realize she missed your old man during those times while we were apart and she got upset about it. ‘Cause of what happened with her Mom, she doesn’t deal with getting upset like other people do. She gets quiet first then she shuts down.”

  Jasper’s eyes went back to his grandmother but Tripp asked, “But she’s good now?”

  “She’s good, Tripp.”

  Tripp nodded then muttered, “I got homework,” and he got to his feet and went to the stairs, avoiding looking at his grandmother.

  “You got homework, Jas?” Layne asked.

  “Yeah,” Jasper answered.

  “It done?” Layne asked.

  “No,” Jasper answered.

  “Boy…” Layne said low and Jasper looked at his grandmother then to Layne.

  “I was wondering if Rocky could help me. It’s English Comp. We’re diagramming sentences and it’s stupid. I try to get it but it just doesn’t make sense to me. My teacher is a dork and when I asked her after class if she’d give me some time, she made me feel like a dork because I didn’t get it.”

  “Who’s your teacher?” Layne asked.

  “Mrs. Reiger.”

  Layne didn’t know Mrs. Reiger. What Layne did know was that diagramming sentences was stupid and the only person in that house who prob
ably wouldn’t agree was Rocky.

  “Roc!” he shouted.

  There was a beat of silence then the, “What?” of Rocky shouting back.

  “Jas needs your help with his homework!” Layne yelled.

  There was another beat of silence and Layne and Jasper stared at each other as this became prolonged. Then Layne heard quiet footfalls on the stairs.

  “What are you studying, Jas?” He heard Rocky ask from the stairs.

  Layne grinned at his boy and Jasper’s lips twitched but he said to Rocky, “Diagramming sentences.”

  “Get your books, honey, we’ll work at the island,” Rocky invited.

  Jasper moved and Layne looked at the television set wondering if Jasper actually needed help diagramming sentences or if he’d just played his grandmother and Rocky.

  Probably both.

  “You shouldn’t say the f-word in front of the boys,” Vera murmured and Layne twisted his neck to look at his mother.

  She caught his eye and tried to hold it but eventually looked back to the TV.

  “Ma,” he called when she did and her gaze slid hesitantly back to his. “Don’t pull that shit again,” he whispered.

  She pressed her lips together and glared at him for about a second before he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes and she looked back to the TV.

  Layne sighed.

  The front door opened and Blondie, who’d been flat out on her side napping in front of the television, shot up to her feet, barked and galloped to the door.

  “Damn mutt,” Devin grumbled.

  “She’s pure bred, Dev,” Jasper informed him.

  “She’s still a mutt,” Devin returned. “Please God, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, tell me you have whisky.” Layne heard Devin call.

  Layne didn’t bother lifting his head from the armrest when he replied, “What do you think?”

  “Cupboard over the coffeemaker,” Jas answered.

  “Thank fuck,” Devin muttered and Vera’s eyes shot to him, she had the tears under control and her eyebrows flew up.

  Layne ignored his mother, leaned forward, nabbed the remote from the coffee table and found another football game.

  * * * * *

  Layne walked into a mostly dark house. He dropped his keys onto the kitchen counter and saw Dev’s head turn to look at him over the couch. He was watching TV which was, with light coming from upstairs, the only light in the room.