She put slight pressure on him, not too much but avoided his eyes.
“Baby, look at me,” Layne ordered gently and her eyes came to his. “How you feelin’?”
“Weird,” she answered.
“You remember?”
She pressed her lips together. Then she nodded.
“All of it?”
“What day is today?” she asked.
“Saturday,” he answered.
“Then yes. All of it.”
“How many days you lose to this shit?”
“Well, I’ve been lying there thinking about it and I’m guessing… two.”
“That’s my guess too,” Layne told her. “So it never happened before?”
“Not that I know of.”
“But you might not remember?”
“I’m thinking… no.”
“Doc gave me some names and numbers of people you can call. We’ll see it never happens again.”
She stopped pressing against him and her weight hit his side.
Then she whispered, “Tripp and Jas saw –”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I think –”
“Rocky, honey, you know they’re good kids. This is life. I can’t shield them from life forever. They’ve gotta learn how to deal. What happened was real. It needed to happen. You needed to get that shit out. You did it surrounded by people who care a lot about you. When that shit happens, that’s the best place to be.”
“It’s embarrassing,” she whispered.
“Baby,” he whispered back, pulling her closer and wrapping his other arm around her. “Your mother died while you listened. That marked you. There is nothing embarrassing about that. You loved her, you lost her and it marked you. It’s not embarrassing because there’s beauty in that.”
“Beauty?” she breathed.
“You loved her.”
Her eyes grew bright with tears and she nodded.
“That’s beautiful.”
She dropped her head, planted her face in his chest and his hand came up and slid over her hair.
“You go to her grave,” Layne whispered.
“I miss her,” Rocky whispered back.
“She was a good Mom,” Layne stated.
“The best.” She lifted her head and looked at him. “You would have liked her. She was funny.”
“I remember her. You look like her.”
She nodded. Then she sucked in breath.
“It was talking about having babies,” she whispered. “After you said that, I started to get these thoughts.”
Layne’s arms gave her a squeeze. “I’m sorry, honey.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be. You can’t guard against everything you say.”
“No.”
“Then it was the table.” She shook her head again. “Mom always made us eat at the table. Every night. I have trouble eating at a table.” Her eyes were intense on his. “It’s been hard, since she’s been gone, to sit at a table with family around. When we were together, I used to look at you, something about looking at you made me settle.”
Layne closed his eyes then opened them and wrapped his hand around her neck.
“I remember,” he told her.
“It made me feel safe.”
“Yeah?”
“I knew, you were around, you’d never let anything hurt me.”
“Baby.” His voice was hoarse and his arm at her back and hand at her neck gave her a tight squeeze.
“I’m scared a lot, Layne,” she admitted quietly. “So often, I got used to it. It lives with me. It’s in my skin.”
“It gets to you, if it’s dark.”
She nodded. “You help me beat it back.”
“Rocky –”
“Then and now.”
“Baby –”
“I don’t want to be scared anymore, Layne.”
His fingers slid into her hair and he pulled her face to his, touching his mouth to hers, then he let her move back an inch.
“We’ll see to that, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
His thumb swept her cheek but his eyes didn’t leave hers and then she dropped her head and rested her cheek to his chest, her arm wrapping around him.
“I ruined our dinner plans,” she whispered to his chest.
“We’ll do it next weekend.”
“The boys won’t be here,” she reminded him.
“Jasper’s got a car, they can be wherever they wanna be. They’ll wanna be here.”
“Gabrielle won’t like that.”
“Do I give a fuck?”
A startled giggle escaped her then she held on tighter.
Then she muttered, “I’m hungry.”
“What you want, baby?”
She lifted her head. “Shanghai Salon?”
His brows went up. “Sesame chicken?”
Her mouth got soft and her lids lowered. “You remembered.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, sweetcheeks? I remember everything.”
“Thank you, Layne.”
“For what?”
“For loving me like you do.”
His arms tightened around her and they did it automatically.
“Christ, Roc,” he muttered.
“Mom would have liked you too.”
“Baby, stop it.”
“Because you love me like you do.”
“Rocky –”
“And ‘cause you’re hot.”
He gave a startled bark of laughter and stared at her.
“Because I’m hot?”
“She used to point out all the cute boys to me. Say things like, ‘Rocky, look at him. He’s the perfect height for you.’ and ‘Rocky, he’s cute, but he’s blond. Blond boys can be cute but they’ll always be cute. Cute dark boys will turn gorgeous.’ Stuff like that.”
He’d never heard her talk about her mother that way. Never. He liked it.
“You’re dark,” she went on.
“Yeah, sweetcheeks, seen myself in the mirror.”
She smiled at him. “And you’re hot. Mom had a good eye for cute guys. Ergo, she’d like you.”
“Ergo?” he teased.
“Shut up,” she whispered.
He grinned at her. Then his arms tightened in preparation.
Then he shouted, “Tripp!”
Rocky went still in his arms.
The door opened almost instantaneously and Tripp was there which meant his boy was doing sentry duty close. When he arrived, Rocky’s body jerked.
“Yeah Dad?” he asked then his eyes slid to Rocky. “Hey Roc,” he said casually.
“Uh… hey Tripp.”
“You’re awake, cool, can we eat?” Tripp asked.
“Shanghai Salon. Roc wants sesame chicken. I want Kung Pao shrimp. Get your brother, Gram and Devin’s orders. Call it in. Delivery,” Layne ordered.
“Cool!” Tripp shouted then his torso twisted and he yelled, “Jas! We’re havin’ Chinese.”
“Awesome!” They heard Jasper’s voice shout from far away.
“Chinese!” Vera shouted, also from far away. “I’ll make tuna casserole.”
“No way, Gram, we want Chinese!” Tripp yelled, turning from the door, he left it ajar and jogged away.
“I want lemon chicken, Tripp-o-matic,” Jasper shouted.
Rocky settled into him, cheek back to his chest, arm tight around him.
“Okay, well, it appears they’re not traumatized by my drama.”
“No, sweetcheeks, but expect a lot of attention for awhile. Tripp will likely talk your ear off and Jasper will stick to you like glue.”
Her head came up. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Why?”
“Because they care, because they want to know you’re all right and because that’s their way of making that so.”
She lifted a hand to rest on his neck. “It’s scary how much they’re like you.”
“I talk your ear off?”
“No, you want to make sure I’m all right and find a way to make it so.”
Layne smiled at her.
Rocky kept talking. “Though, I have to ask, where did Tripp get his blond hair?”
“Fuck knows.”
Her eyes unfocused and she said softly, “If he didn’t have your exact body and your intensity, I would swear Gabrielle stepped out on you.”
Layne started laughing, Roc’s eyes focused on him then her face flushed. “I don’t mean to intimate –”
“Baby,” Layne said through his chuckles, “Tripp’s my son and even if he wasn’t by blood, he’s still my son. That’s all there is to it.”
“He’s your son, Layne, I know it.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Dad!” Tripp yelled from downstairs. “I need your wallet!”
“Mine’s in my purse on the counter, Tripp!” Rocky shouted back.
“You get Rocky’s wallet, Tripp, you’re grounded for a month. Come up here and get mine.” Layne shouted after Rocky.
Her eyes shot to him. “I can pay for dinner, Layne.”
“I know you can, you just aren’t.”
“Layne.”
“Rocky.”
“Layne.”
“Roc.”
Their stare down was interrupted by Tripp coming to get his wallet and Layne handing it over intensified Rocky’s glare when his eyes returned to hers.
“Close the door, Pal,” Layne called, his eyes locked to Rocky.
“Right,” Tripp muttered and Layne heard the door catch.
Then Layne chose option two to end a stare down. He rolled her to her back and kissed her and when he was done, he shoved his face in her neck.
“Love you, baby,” he whispered against her skin as his hands slid up her sides.
“Love you too, Layne,” she whispered back and her arms got tight around him.
Then Layne’s arms wrapped around her, his face still in her neck, he rolled them to their sides and he expelled a breath, a breath it felt like he’d been holding for decades.
And, Rocky in his bed, in his arms, her arms tight around him, it felt good to let that breath, finally, go.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Meant to Be
Layne left his room, walked through the weight room, rounded the stairs and stopped dead when he looked down to see Vera and Devin sitting together three steps from the top.
When Vera sensed him, her neck twisted, her head went back and she put her finger to her lips.
“You have pictures?” Layne heard Tripp ask from downstairs and Layne’s attention shifted to listen.
“Yeah, Tripp,” Rocky answered.
It was Sunday morning, after Vera’s pancakes but the TV wasn’t on. Layne couldn’t be sure but he was guessing Tripp and Rocky were on the colossal, cushiony sectional that was a connected square that looked part-bed, part-couch and all comfortable and now sat in the corner by the front window taking up nearly the entirety of the front space.
“Was she pretty, like you?” Tripp asked and Layne pulled in a breath and his neck muscles got tight.
Tripp was asking about her mother.
Devin turned his head too and shook it at Layne.
“No,” Rocky replied. “She was beautiful.”
“So,” Jasper put in, “like you.”
Layne closed his eyes and his hand went to the top of the post at the stairs, his fingers curling around it, holding on.
“That’s sweet, Jas,” Rocky said softly.
“Yeah, I’m sweet, Keirry says so,” Jasper returned arrogantly and Layne opened his eyes and smiled.
“You’re also full of it,” Tripp told him.
“Watch and learn, Tripp-o-matic, and you’ll hook Giselle deep,” Jasper noted.
“Giselle’s already hooked deep, dude, she totally digs me,” Tripp replied.
“That’s because you’re sweet too,” Rocky said.
“Yeah?” Tripp asked, sounding like an affirmative answer meant everything in the world.
“Yeah,” Rocky answered softly, with one soft word, giving his son the world.
There was silence then Tripp remarked, “I’m fourteen.”
“I know, Tripp,” Rocky replied.
“I turn fifteen next month,” he told her.
“Yeah? What do you want for your birthday?” Rocky asked.
“Milky Way cake,” Tripp answered.
“That can be arranged,” Rocky stated.
“You were fourteen too,” Tripp noted and Layne watched Vera’s hand shoot out and clutch Devin’s knee, she knew what he was referring to, they all did.
Layne’s body went alert, ready to move in case this went bad.
“Sorry, honey?” Rocky asked.
“When it happened… uh, with your Mom,” Tripp answered.
“Tripp,” Jasper said low, a warning.
“It’s okay,” Rocky whispered. “Yes, Tripp, I was fourteen.”
“Dad was shot,” Tripp announced and Layne started moving but Devin’s head jerked around again, he shook it sharply as his arm went around Vera.
“I know,” Rocky said softly.
“So, um… I just want you to know, uh… well, it wasn’t the same but… I know,” Tripp stated and Layne, down two steps, dropped to sit on the landing mostly because, fuck him, his legs couldn’t hold him up anymore.
“I guess you do,” Rocky replied.
“It’s not the same,” Tripp told her something she already knew.
“Yes, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad,” Rocky returned. “I was there and I saw you were worried. I know how that feels. My Dad was shot too.”
“You were there?” Jasper asked. “You were at the hospital when Dad was shot?”
“You didn’t see me but, yes, I was there.”
“Wow, totally missed that,” Tripp muttered.
“Dad says that him getting shot tweaked you,” Jasper remarked.
“Yes, Jas,” Rocky confirmed and Layne could tell she was smiling, “it tweaked me.”
“’Cause you were into him, even though, you know, you guys had broken up,” Jasper stated.
“Yes, Jas, I was into him,” Rocky confirmed.
“All these years, right?” Jasper pushed.
“Does that make you feel weird?” Rocky asked.
“No, it’s cool. I’m a dude but girls say Dad’s hot,” Jasper answered. “So, I can see that’d make you stay into him.”
“Yes, your father is hot and that’s part of why I stayed into him,” Rocky now sounded like she was trying not to laugh. “Though, just an FYI, Jas, you look like your father, you’re very good-looking but that isn’t the reason why Keira likes you.”
“It isn’t?” Tripp asked.
“Nope,” Roc answered.
“Why’s she like him then?” Tripp asked.
“We already talked about it,” Rocky answered, “because he’s sweet.
“No, she digs my six-pack,” Jasper informed them and Layne pressed his lips together as he saw his mother’s back go straight and Devin’s back start shaking with silent laughter.
“Jasper Layne, I do not want to think of why Keira Winters would know you have a six-pack,” Rocky stated severely.
Jasper, always quick, replied, “She saw me at a pool party last summer.”
This was not true. As far as Layne knew, Jasper didn’t attend a pool party last summer.
“I hope that’s it,” Rocky muttered.
“What I don’t get is,” Tripp started, obviously helping his brother out changing the subject, “shit happens for a reason.
“Sorry?” Rocky asked.
“Well, you and Dad had a thing and he, like, has photos of you. He showed us one. And, you know, it was kind of meant to be, you know?” Tripp said.
“I think so,” Rocky responded hesitantly.
“What I’m sayin’ is, like, see, Dad got shot which tweaked you, so, that happened for a reason. I mean, it isn’t good, you know, Dad having to get
shot and you gettin’ tweaked and all but, since you guys were meant to be, something had to happen for you guys to get back together and I reckon it had to be big,” Tripp explained.
Layne felt his chest start burning and he noted his mother’s head had fallen to Devin’s shoulder but this didn’t penetrate as he listened to his son and his woman.
“Yes, honey, now I understand so I guess you’re right,” Rocky replied.
“So, what I don’t get… and, what really sucks… is your Mom died for no reason,” Tripp went on, Vera’s head shot up, Layne’s body shot up and so did Devin’s.
Devin turned and shook his head at Layne and Layne scowled at him but held himself in check.
“Sometimes,” Rocky said softly, “sometimes, I guess, stuff happens for no reason.”
“Our Mom can be harsh,” Tripp declared.
“Uh… okay,” Rocky replied.
“But, it’d suck, losin’ her,” Tripp finished.
“She’s a good Mom and she loves you like crazy,” Rocky told him.
“Yeah, that’s why it’d suck,” Tripp stated.
“You won’t lose her,” Rocky assured him. “So, you shouldn’t think about that.”
“I’m not thinkin’ about that. I’m just thinkin’, I’m sorry you lost yours,” Tripp returned.
Layne closed his eyes again.
“I’m sorry too, Tripp,” Rocky said.
“I am too, Roc,” Jas put in. “You’re the shit so I reckon your Mom taught you to be the shit so I bet she was cool.”
Layne opened his eyes.
“Yep, Jas, she was super-cool,” Rocky replied.
“Will you show us pictures of her?” Tripp asked.
“Sure, honey,” Rocky answered.
“Cool,” Tripp muttered.
There was silence and Layne started to move but something happened, something he couldn’t see but it was something big and Layne stopped when Tripp spoke again.
“I gotta say somethin’,” he announced.
“What, honey?” Rocky asked.
“You’re gonna think I’m a dork,” Tripp told her.
“It’s impossible for you to be a dork, you’re Tanner Layne’s son and just like him, so there is no way you could be a dork,” Rocky assured him.
“You think I’m just like Dad?” Tripp asked, his voice intense.
“Sure, a younger version of him, maybe, but yes.”
“I don’t look like him,” Tripp noted.
“So?” Rocky prompted.
Golden Trail Page 65
