He’d thought he was doing the right thing to make her pull herself together. Being cruel to be kind.
It had just been cruel.
He made himself look at Bella, made himself ignore the tears building in her beautiful eyes. ‘Apparently she didn’t see a doctor until another month or so later. She’d thought the weight loss and sore throat was just anxiety and heartache. Instead it was because of a fast-growing mass in her stomach. The kind of cancer that grows so fast, every day before detection matters. Every day missed meant she was closer to death.’
If found in time, treatment could work well. But if not found in time?
Too late already.
‘Antonio—’
‘My parents were killed the weekend she got the diagnosis. Her prognosis was dreadful. She decided I had enough to be getting on with, so she didn’t tell me. Her parents didn’t tell me. Eduardo didn’t tell me.’
Because he’d been so arrogant to think he could handle the coronation and transfer of power all on his own. He’d refused to allow Eduardo to return to help. In his own grief for his parents he’d wanted just to work his way through it.
But he hadn’t realised how much that decision would hurt those around him. And ultimately haunt him too.
‘Not long after, I found out through the press, as the world knows. But the world still thought we were engaged...’ He released a shuddering, painful breath. ‘I saw her once more before she died.’ He paused, hating that memory more than any other in his life. ‘And the worst of it was, she apologised to me.’
When he’d been the one to break her. He had never regretted anything as much in all his life.
Bella walked over to him. But he was too on edge and he didn’t want her compassion. He didn’t want that caring. He didn’t want anything from her. Not now. He held up his hand again. Desperate to control his damned emotions. ‘Don’t touch me.’
Bella flinched at the raw agony in that command. But this time she was ignoring his rejection of her. She had to. She wrapped her arms around his waist.
‘Don’t.’ This time it was a whisper. ‘I don’t...’
She held him in the gentlest, smallest of embraces.
‘You didn’t kill her,’ Bella said softly. ‘Cancer killed her.’
‘If she’d seen a doctor sooner...if she hadn’t been stressed and heartbroken...if she’d fought harder...so many ifs. So many mistakes that were my fault.’
But as he spoke his voice went from emotional to expressionless.
He put his hands on her arms and lifted them so he could step back, free from her. She gazed up into his shadowed face but she could see the determination glinting in his eyes. Goosebumps peppered her skin. He was so used to controlling himself. Even now, he could pull himself together. A cold fear rose within her.
‘I will not hurt another person the way I hurt her,’ he said softly, intently looking down into her eyes. ‘Do you understand?’
‘And you think keeping yourself isolated is the way to do that?’ It was hard to talk past the giant lump that had formed in her throat. ‘You think living only half a life is going to somehow make up for the loss of hers?’
‘I lie,’ he said harshly, his hold slipping for a second again. ‘I live a lie. Every. Damned. Day.’ He slammed his fist on the wall behind him. ‘I’m not some heartbroken hero. I’m a cold-hearted bastard.’
‘You’re not that at all.’ A tear spilt down her cheek. ‘Because you do lie. You’re protecting her memory. You’re caring about her parents and her.’
‘It doesn’t make it okay,’ he said roughly. ‘It will never make it okay.’
CHAPTER TEN
HE NEVER, EVER should have told her. Because now it was pity in her eyes when she looked at him. And he didn’t want that. He forced himself to walk away from her. It was over. There was no going back to their lovers-go-lightly affair now.
But she was more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. Her skin glowed, her hair hung in a long, glossy swathe, she smelt of sea and sun and when she’d first got back to the boat after the dolphins she’d looked supremely happy and relaxed. And he was arrogant and egotistical enough to take pleasure in that it was because of something he’d done. But now, the truth was out and she was in tears and their escape was up.
‘The helicopter will be here in twenty minutes,’ he said formally, determined to recover his equilibrium. ‘We have to go back.’
‘Of course. I’m ready now.’ When he turned back to face her she’d dried her eyes and her back was straight.
He wanted to bring her glow back. That unadulterated happiness that for once had had nothing to do with sex. He wanted to know she was going to be happy beyond this moment. He hated the thought of her returning to that club and its exhausting demands. He wanted to know she was going to be happy in her future.
‘I want to give you the funds to establish your ballet school,’ he said without thinking.
She stared at him fixedly.
‘As an investment,’ he clarified quickly. ‘San Felipe is a cultural capital of Europe and we don’t have a ballet school that could train dancers to professional level...’ He trailed off as her expression hardened.
‘It’s a poor investment,’ she said. ‘You won’t get the return that you would for almost anything else.’
He didn’t want a damn return on his investment. ‘Is that what that backer told you? He doesn’t know what you’re capable of.’
She would make it a success, he knew, because she would work herself to the bone to ensure she did. She was more determined than anyone he’d ever met.
‘I appreciate what you want to do, but I can’t accept it.’ She was very, very polite.
‘Why not?’
She paused, picking her words with care. ‘I want to do it myself.’
‘You don’t have to do everything on your own,’ he argued grimly. ‘You want the academy, it’s yours. No one will ever know where you got the backing from.’
Her eyes flashed fire. ‘Are you trying to buy my silence? Are you worried I’m going to go back to shore and suddenly sell my story?’ She paced across the room, turning back to berate him in a furious whisper. ‘I will never tell a soul what you told me about Alessia. Not a word. Nothing about this trip. Nothing about us. Not ever.’
‘I never for a second thought you would.’ That wasn’t why he’d mentioned this at all. He knew he could trust her. She understood too well how it was to be judged.
‘I don’t want to be dependent on a lover for my lifestyle. I don’t want to be my mother.’
‘This isn’t like that.’
‘It’s exactly like that,’ she snapped back.
He paused as the whomp-whomp-whomp sound of the helicopter echoed. The boat’s interior had amazing soundproofing, which meant that the helicopter had to have arrived for them to be able to hear it at all. Sure enough, within another second the whirring began to fade as the pilot powered the engine down. They wouldn’t leave until Antonio gave the word.
He wasn’t ready to do that yet. He walked towards where Bella stood glaring at him. ‘I just want to help you.’
‘Why? You won’t let me help you.’
That was different. This was an easy kind of help. This was just money. ‘Bella—’
‘I’m not a prostitute, Antonio. I’m not your concubine or courtesan. Don’t treat me like one.’
He drew up short, feeling out of his depth now. ‘You’re a friend. Friends help each other.’
‘Not like this they don’t,’ she said. ‘We’re not friends. And I’m not using you for this, Antonio.’
‘You won’t be using me.’
Why did she look so wounded? His anger boiled over. He should have known she’d reject his offer. He’d never put himself out for anyone. Never offered another woman what he’d offered her. Couldn’t she appreciate that? She was so damn stubborn and independent and now acting as if he’d somehow insulted her?
‘Why can’t you accept I’m jus
t trying to help you?’ he asked.
‘Why can’t you accept that that kind of help isn’t something I can ever be comfortable with?’
‘Then pay me back,’ he exploded back at her. ‘We can make it a loan. Just as you have a loan from the backer of BURN. He’s not as nice a guy as I am and yet you’re happy to accept his assistance.’
‘Ours is a strictly professional relationship. Always has been, always will be.’
‘And our relationship?’
‘We don’t have a relationship. We can’t have a relationship.’
He knew she was right but her refusal angered him anyway. He loathed being told what he could or couldn’t do. ‘No?’
‘Of course not.’ She turned and walked towards the nearest door. ‘We need to get on that helicopter. We need to stop this.’
‘Stop?’ He strode over to her. ‘What do you mean “stop”?’
She paused and glared up into his eyes. ‘You know exactly what I mean. It was fun while it lasted—’
‘You’re saying we’re over?’
‘I think that’s for the best, yes.’
‘Because I offered to help you?’
‘It’s really nice you wanted to help, but it’s not appropriate.’
‘What am I supposed to do?’ he asked her in frustration.
‘I’ve never asked you to do anything for me.’
No. She hadn’t. And that angered him even more. She didn’t want anything from him. Other than hours in his bed.
Which was all he wanted too, right? Because as he’d told her just moments ago, he was never hurting anyone the way he had Alessia. Yet here he was, feeling as if he’d just hurt Bella. Badly.
‘You’re not ending this.’ He turned her towards him, then backed her up two paces to the wall. ‘This isn’t finished. You know it. I know it.’
‘Antonio—’
‘Shut up and kiss me.’
He needed to vent the frustration rushing along his veins. Sex would help. Sex right now would help a lot. And he knew it would help her too.
‘We’re supposed to be leaving,’ she argued, but her flush deepened.
‘I don’t care.’ He didn’t give a damn about his timetable. He needed her soft in his arms, looking upon him with sparkling, sleepy-eyed pleasure, not this hurt and annoyance.
He didn’t want to feel guilt where Bella was concerned. Only pleasure. She’d only brought him a sense of well-being and that was the least he could do for her.
He couldn’t make her accept his offer. He, who could make decisions that affected every one of the people in his country with the stroke of a pen, had no power over her. Not even to damn well help her. She would never forgive him for it even if he tried to force her. He couldn’t make her do anything—except in this one area.
‘In this you won’t say no,’ he said, aching for her sexual submission. Frustrated despite her warm willingness as he pressed against her. ‘You will not deny me the permission to pleasure you. You’ll come. Over and over.’
‘Egotist.’ Her eyelids were heavy but she kept those green jewels tightly focused on him.
‘You want it too.’ He sighed in gut-wrenching relief when she sighed and turned towards his touch. ‘More than anything.’ He leaned close. ‘Isn’t that right? Say yes.’
He needed to hear the words as well as see the willingness in her eyes and feel the hot softness of her body.
‘Only to this,’ she whispered back, her lips brushing his as she answered, her gaze still locked on his.
Oh, he knew that. He knew it and he hated it. Her slender body was hot and wet and tight as he pushed his finger into her sweetly slippery curve.
‘We’re not done,’ he promised with another rough kiss as he pressed close.
‘I know.’
But they were. And they both knew it. They were both lying now.
‘Antonio,’ Bella muttered as he pressed tiny little kisses over and over her mouth and his wicked hands tormented her and all the while he watched her. He watched and he knew.
Because she’d caught sight of the determination glinting in his eyes and knew he made all the rules as he pleased. And he was damn well going to please her now.
And she could no more deny him than she could deny her lungs air. She wanted to embrace him. Wanted him to feel as good as she. She was so hurt for him—more now she knew the truth of his past, than before. The guilt he felt? The burden he carried?
He’d denied it, but he punished himself so much—how could she deny him this last pleasure? How could she deny herself?
But it was too much.
‘It wasn’t supposed to be like this,’ she groaned harshly as he made her come. So quickly. So intensely. And she was so hungry for more.
It was supposed to have only been a physical relief. A one-night stand to boost her sexual confidence, to make her smile, to be her secret. But it had become more. She wanted more. But not his money. Not his condescension.
And he wouldn’t let her in where she really wanted to be. He’d made that clear. This had become too emotional for him. And for her.
Dazed, she leaned back against the wall, watching as he quickly shed his clothes all the while watching her, his ruthless expression so easy to read. He was ready to test her erotic limits again. And heaven help her she wanted him to already. Because that was the thing: she ached to be with him on so many levels—and she wanted to comfort and be comforted by him even if it could only be in this most basic of ways.
‘You’re sure you’re covered?’ he roughly asked, pausing just before taking her.
It took her a moment to realise he meant contraception. ‘I am,’ she assured him. ‘But is it too much of a risk for you?’
‘Everything about you is a risk.’ He pushed her legs further apart and claimed her with a powerful thrust that made them both groan. ‘But worth it,’ he muttered hotly before kissing her. ‘Worth it.’
This one last time.
Their hands locked together, their bodies locked, their gazes locked. He started, a searing, slow, devastating drill. He held her to him, teasing all her most sensitive parts with that skill and determination she’d come to accept was his strength. She couldn’t stop herself muttering his name in a broken whisper over and over as he ruthlessly thrust her to that agonising, tense peak.
She didn’t want to read all those conflicting emotions in his pale blue eyes. She wanted this to be the carnal affair it had begun as: they were here for orgasms only. Not for opening up emotionally and admitting old hurts that couldn’t be healed.
But she couldn’t look away, couldn’t break the physical bonds shackling her to him. She should. She knew she should. But she couldn’t. Because he held more than her body in his hands now. He held her heart.
And he was about to crush it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE CONJECTURE ABOUT Antonio’s twenty-four-hour absence was subdued, thanks to the valiant efforts of Eduardo, who’d surpassed his own legendary ability to charm an entire nation with his smile and good humour. He’d done that by simply bringing his wife and new baby to the event. As it was the first formal photo opportunity with the baby Princess, and was wholly unexpected, the press had a field day. Sure, there were questions about Antonio’s whereabouts, but Eduardo had simply told them he was working on an important matter in the palace and had wanted Eduardo and Stella to have their moment.
‘It went well. I appreciate your effort.’ Antonio stood by the helicopter. Eduardo’s wife and daughter were already safely strapped inside.
‘There’s nothing else you need me to do?’ Eduardo asked, his gaze keen. ‘I can stay longer...’
Antonio shook his head. ‘Go back to the island with your girls. I’m in control here now.’
‘You’re never not in control,’ Eduardo teased, but it was barely a joke.
Thing was, Antonio had never felt less in control. ‘Thanks for coming,’ he said gruffly.
‘Thanks for asking me to.’ Eduardo flashed th
e smile that had made millions swoon. ‘See you in a few more weeks.’
The next couple of days passed in a blur of meetings and events, greetings and parties. As they rolled into one Antonio attended on auto. Too much of his mental energy was taken up with trying to forget. Trying not to want more time with her.
Trying not to miss her.
But at every event he couldn’t help but cast his eye over the crowd feeling both the dread and hope of seeing her. Bitter disappointment flooded him every time.
But the San Felipe festival fortnight was almost over and his schedule would return to normal busy, not insanely busy. For the most part from now on, he ought to be able to avoid her. He ought to be able to stay in control.
Except the final event loomed tonight. There was no way Bella Sanchez would miss the annual San Felipe Masquerade Ball. Not when she was the nation’s club queen. She’d be there in all her sensual beauty.
He buttoned up his starched shirt and fastened his tie. Each guest would hold a delicate mask, but he didn’t bother. Everyone knew who he was; there was no escaping it.
He knew there was no escaping that public attention for Bella either. Not yet. But she didn’t really want to be in this fishbowl world with a camera in her face every second and the press writing stories about every aspect of her life. She wanted to be free of it and once she’d funded her business she’d retreat into a normal life that had privacy.
That was what she wanted and it was best for her. So she’d been right on the boat: it had to be over between them. No more stolen moments. No more kisses. No more laughter. And that was right for him too—he’d had his time.
The Mistress That Tamed De Santis Page 12
