by Harry Potter
“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?” Hermione screamed as she dove off of Harry. He absently noticed that her hand was still covered with her own spittle and his pre-cum.
“Please, don’t stop on my account,” Gryffindor’s ghost implored. “Continue. Pretend I’m not here.”
“Is that...” began Hermione as she crouched in the corner while clutching her half-opened blouse in front of her. “Is that Godric Gryffindor?”
“See that?” Gryffindor said to Harry. “She didn’t take a kip during History of Magic, now did she?”
‘How can you kill someone that’s already dead?’ Harry wondered internally. He had been so close to cumming... so very close... now he had to suffer. And suffer he would, because ‘Harry, Jr.’ didn’t get to finish playing. And ‘Harry, Jr.’ had quite a temper. Harry knew that when his little friend started to play, but was forced to stop before he got “sleepy”, there would be hell to pay! ‘Harry, Jr.’ sulked off to bed like a petulant child. Harry groaned as ‘Harry, Jr.’ took out his frustrations on his luggage.
“Got a bad case of blue balls, don’t ya boy?” Gryffindor said with a chuckle upon noticing Harry’s discomfort. The ghost turned toward Hermione and asked, “Why don’t you give Harry some assistance and rub one out for him?”
A fluttering of wings announced the return of Hedwig. The owl looked between the three people arguing and sagely decided not to get involved. Hedwig hopped into her cage and watched the verbal battle unfold.
“You disgusting old pervert!” Hermione shouted in shock.
“Guilty as charged,” the ghost answered with obvious pride.
“Is this why you needed my help?” demanded Hermione, turning to Harry. “Some perverted ghost was pestering you, and you thought that I should get involved.”
“Um yeah... no... kinda,” replied Harry sheepishly. “I mean sorta... well he told me that his sword will help destroy the Horcruxes and that I need to get my hands on the sword by tomorrow or it’ll be too late.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me about it before... before...” Hermione stammered obviously embarrassed. “Before I... we...”
“Started to play a gauntly little tune on his skin flute?” Gryffindor helpfully offered. Both Harry and Hermione did their best to ignore the ghost.
“I was worried about you,” replied Harry truthfully. “When you came in, you were awfully upset. I wanted to make sure you were okay, to see if there was anything I could do to help you, before I asked you to help me. And then well, I kinda forgot about it when we um... were...”
Hermione’s eyes shined as she looked at her friend.
“You were worried about me? That’s so sweet!” Hermione said. “I’m sorry for getting angry at you.”
“Now that you two have made up,” Gryffindor interrupted, “why don’t you go on and shake glands?”
“Harry, do you know any method to kill a ghost?” Hermione asked as she looked at Gryffindor, scathingly.
“I was going to ask you about that, actually,” answered Harry.
“Fine, spoil my fun. It’s not like there’s a lot to do when one’s a ghost,” Gryffindor pouted.
“Oh, sod off, you old coot!” both Hermione and Harry shouted in unison.
“Why do you need to get the sword by tomorrow?” Hermione asked Harry.
“He told me that the charms on the sword that would help me destroy the Horcruxes will fail if I don’t get it by then,” Harry answered. “But I can’t leave this house until my birthday, which isn’t for two days. And I have the Order standing guard making sure I don’t leave.”
“So you need a distraction in order to escape,” clarified Hermione to which Harry nodded. The brunette witch thought for a moment before snapping her fingers and calling out triumphantly, “We’ll get Fred and George to help!”
“That’s what I said,” stated Harry, “but the degenerate over there said I should get you...”
“Well, the twins wouldn’t have given you a hand job, would they?” Gryffindor defended himself. “I had your best interests in mind.”
“You mean start to give him a hand job,” Hermione argued bitterly. “Before you barged in for a cheap show and said ‘brainy girls are naughty’!”
“Let’s not point fingers and play the ‘blame game’ now,” Gryffindor brushed the witch off. “You have a quest ahead of you! Get cracking!”
And with a pop, the ghost of Gryffindor disappeared.
“Can ghosts Apparate?” Harry asked.
“No, the old pervert is probably just invisible,” answered Hermione. “He’s just hoping we go at it again.”
“Fine, I’ll leave then.” Gryffindor’s disembodied voice called out and his footsteps were heard walking out of Harry’s room.
“So, are we going to go at it again now that he’s gone?” Harry asked hopefully; ‘Harry, Jr.’ and his luggage were already starting to ache. Hermione gave the young man a look that clearly said “No.” As a matter of fact, one could discern from that particular look that if Harry had wished to pursue this inquiry, it could be quite easily stated that the look also insinuated that he would get his willy cut off.
Hermione walked over to Harry’s desk and wrote a lengthy letter to the twins. She handed Harry the letter which he attached to Hedwig’s leg.
“Could you take this to the twins, girl?” Harry asked. The owl nipped at Harry’s finger affectionately and flew out the window. Harry was quite a bit surprised when his snowy owl dove toward the ground after only flapping her wings twice instead of soaring off into the horizon. “She doesn’t do that normally,” he said aloud.
Both Harry and Hermione went to the window to check on Hedwig’s progress. They were both astonished to see the owl perched on nothing, in mid-air, across the street from # 4. “She doesn’t do that normally, either,” announced Harry.
The two teens rushed out of the house and across the street to where Hedwig had landed and seemed to be hovering six feet above the ground; hovering without using her wings at all, that is. The owl hooted to her master from her invisible perch as if she wanted to be congratulated for doing a good job. Harry moved toward his bird when he heard a noise coming from the empty space below Hedwig.
“What’s he doing here?” a familiar voice asked in a hushed tone.
“Shut up you prat, or they’ll hear us!” another familiar voice hissed.
“Hi, Fred,” Harry greeted the air.
“Hi, George,” Hermione added.
“I think they know we’re here,” one of the twins stated.
“Really? I couldn’t tell,” retorted the other.
A slit opened in thin air revealing the interior of an invisible magical tent. Fred and George stuck their heads out and greeted Harry and Hermione.
“Do you like our new invention?” Fred asked innocently.
“Yes, it’s called the Peeping-Tom-Tent!” George added. “Quite ingenious really, the amount of charms used on it and whatnot.”
“Yes, you see a Disillusionment Charm is used on the outside...
“While a Transparency Charm is used on the inside.”
“So the people on the inside can see out...”
“But no one on the outside can see the tent...”
“So sexual deviants can peep to their hearts content,” both the twins laughed weakly.
“So, you just happened to decide to test your new product right across the street where Harry is staying?” asked Hermione.
“Well... we wanted to test it in a Muggle neighborhood...” George stammered.
“... And it was just coincidence that we ended up here...” Fred completed his brother’s poorly fabricated lie.
“When did you two join the Order, then?” Harry asked, effectively ending the charade.
The twins slumped their shoulders in defeat.
“Right after the Death Eater attack on Hogwarts,” said George.
“Yeah, because our Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder was essential in the attack...” Fred cont
inued.
“We didn’t know Draco was gonna use it like that when we sold it to him,” concluded George.
“How did you think he was going to use it then?” Hermione inquired.
“Well... he said he was going to use it to seduce Ginny...”
“WHAT!?!” Harry and Hermione shouted.
“What makes you think she would have been seduced by Draco if he used the Darkness Powder?” Hermione asked.
“Our little sister gets turned on by the dark...” George answered.
“Bit of a strange turn on really,” Fred offered. “And Malfoy told us he had an elaborate plan to win Ginny’s heart.”
“You wanted your sister to be with that slimy git?” Harry asked, completely shocked.
“Well it’s better than you and her getting together,” argued Fred. “You and Ginny are just disturbing.”
“What do you mean?” demanded Harry.
“Come on mate, she looks like your mother!” George stated, while Fred shuddered.
“WHY THE HELL DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME?” Harry cried to the heavens.
“We thought you knew,” said George.
“We just assumed you were bent in the head,” offered Fred.
“I hate you both a great deal,” pronounced Harry. “Really, I do.”
“Let’s get back to the matter at hand,” Hermione implored, “and drop how sick Harry and Ginny’s relationship was.”
“Hey!” Harry cried, taking offence.
“Harry and I need to leave this house immediately,” Hermione continued, ignoring Harry’s protest.
“No,” Fred stated at once.
“We’re under strict orders from the Order,” George continued.
“You don’t have to tell anyone,” Hermione implored compassionately. “Do it for Harry, please?”
“Nope,” the twins pronounced in unison.
“We’ll give you money to turn your back for just a few hours.” Hermione offered.
“Nope!”
Hermione threw her arms up in disgust; she had tried to get the twins to do it out of compassion and then bribery but to no avail. That only left blackmail.
“Fine, have your way. But just to let you know, if you don’t let us leave, when we go to Bill and Fluer’s wedding, I’ll slip Harry and Ginny a Lust Potion,” threatened Hermione as she fought back the bile creeping up her throat caused by the images running through her head.
“So what?” George asked as Harry’s gag reflex kicked in.
“Yeah, Harry would like it,” Fred continued, neither twin noticed that Harry had doubled over.
“I’ll give them a Lust Potion and I’ll make sure that they sit at your table,” Hermione stated as she broke out in a cold sweat. “I can imagine it now; you’ll see Harry’s hand slip under the table, but what you won’t see is Harry’s hand slip into Ginny’s skirt and then... slip a finger or two into Ginny herself...”
