by Harry Potter
“It’s quite all right, Hermione,” replied McGonagall. “I was young and in love once, too.”
It was at this point that McGonagall focused on Harry and the message on his pajamas. She then gave Harry the same saucy smile she had given him the other day. It was like someone had dumped a very large bucket of ice water on his head.
“And speaking of love,” McGonagall said to Hermione, oblivious to Harry’s discomfort, “I thought it would be best if you had a look at today’s Prophet.”
The Headmistress pulled a rolled up copy of the newspaper out of her robes and handed it to Hermione.
“Is there anything wrong, Professor?” Harry asked as Hermione took the Prophet from the Headmistress. Harry noted that when she took the paper from McGonagall, Hermione was guffawing softly and he swore he heard her mutter a word that Hermione would never say. But he could have sworn he heard her mutter the word “gimmie.”
“Oh, no, not at all. The Prophet is merely reporting the declaration made during the reception yesterday, Mr. Potter,” McGonagall answered. “I’ll leave you two alone.” With that, McGonagall left the Common Room.
Harry gasped in fear. He had totally forgotten to warn Hermione about his outburst. And now, she was going to hear about it from the Daily Prophet!
“What declaration?” Hermione asked as she started to read the front page.
“I’m sorry, Hermione,” Harry rapidly spoke. “I kind of told Ron - and everyone else - that I’m in love with -”
“Draco,” Hermione interrupted.
“Yes - What? - NO!” Harry sputtered, stunned.
Hermione started to read the article that adorned the front page of the Daily Prophet. Of course, since she was still under the some-what reduced effect of the super-charged Cheering Charm, she read it in a silly voice. “‘The Chosen One announces his forbidden love!’
“‘During the Delacour/Weasley wedding yesterday, Harry Potter (The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, and Dumbledore’s Man, Through and Through) announced his undying love for novice Death Eater and all-around bad-boy, Draco Malfoy.’”
“WHAT?” Harry screamed. He could swear that he could hear McGonagall laughing in the hall.
“‘Stunned guests witnessed as Potter proudly stated that he was in love with the wizard who helped Death Eaters invade Hogwarts,’” Hermione continued to read in her giddy voice. “‘Potter shouted “I don’t care who knows anymore, I’m in love with Draco!”’
“Bu... bu... bu... but I’m not gay!” Harry defended himself. “Even if I were, I could never be attracted to Draco. I don’t know where anyone would get that notion. I hate the little ferret.”
“Well, it looks like they’ve got an explanation for that,” Hermione said while trying to fight a fit of laughter. “‘Fred and George Weasley (brothers of the groom) who attended Hogwarts with Potter gave us some insight to Potter and Malfoy’s relationship: “Every time we played a Quidditch match against Slytherin, Draco and Harry would always go for each other’s throats...” Fred told us’
“‘Yeah, everyone could tell their aggressiveness towards each other was just unresolved sexual tension,” George concluded.’”
“I-am-going-to-kill-them!” Harry hissed.
“‘Another classmate of Potter, Dean Thomas, informed, “I swear I saw the two of them snogging in the halls last year.””
“Right after I kill him,” Harry hissed again.
“Alas, does this mean we’re over Harry,” Hermione asked with overly-dramatic and obviously fake sadness as she dropped the Prophet on the table. “I don’t think I could share you with anyone else. Yet alone another man!”
“Oh, shut it!” Harry moaned dejectedly and flopped on the couch. “How’d this happen?”
“Well, you know how this newspaper never gets anything right,” Hermione attempted to console him. Her attempt to comfort him was difficult however seeing that she was still chuckling.
“I know that,” Harry stated, and Hermione sat down next to him. “But why would my friends say that about me?”
“That’s simple. As to Fred and George, they did it as a joke,” Hermione explained and then added under her breath, “a bloody good one at that.” She then said, “And Dean, well he probably did it because you did steal his girlfriend last year.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess I deserved that last bit,” Harry said.
“The girlfriend who happened to look like your mum,” Hermione added. Harry groaned pitifully and Hermione muttered, “Sick-o.”
Hermione pecked Harry’s cheek and announced, “We have an hour or so before Ron gets here and I have something we can do in the mean time. A deviously clever idea struck me while I was under your Cheering Charm.”
“An idea about what?” asked Harry.
“Revenge,” heralded Hermione. She then stood and declared in a very dramatic way, “Revenge against Remus and Tonks!”
Hermione spent the next twenty minutes gathering potion supplies and explaining her plan to Harry.
“I was inspired by Remus’ prank where he used a theory for one spell but used it on a different spell, causing a completely unheard of effect for the latter,” Hermione spoke very rapidly as she threw several ingredients in the simmering cauldron. “I asked myself ‘why don’t we do the same thing? Combine two different things and hit those two with it?’ So, I decided to mix two different potions, a mild Lust Potion and an Infelix Infaustus potion. The Infelix Infaustus potion does the exact opposite of the Felix Felicis: instead of giving the drinker good luck, they’re plagued with bad luck. My theory is that when we combine the Lust and Bad Luck potions, our victims -Remus and Tonks - will have bouts of lowered inhibitions at inappropriate times and places.”
“You lost me at ‘I was inspired...’” Harry admitted as he watched his girlfriend stir the contents of the cauldron.
“Remus and Tonks will be molesting each other, much like I did to you when I was under the influence of Ginny’s Lust Potion,” Hermione explained in simpler terms. “But they will be doing it at the most inappropriate times and places. Imagine the next Order of the Phoenix meeting; Molly will be going over the minutes from the last meeting and Tonks will mount Remus right then and there!”
“They’ll be mortified!” exclaimed Harry.
“They’ll never live it down!” proclaimed Hermione.
“They’ll never be able to show their faces in public again!” added Harry.
“Excellent!” both teens gloriously cried out.
Hermione cackled and put in the final ingredient. She carefully poured the contents of the cauldron into a glass vial. “Now all we have to do is sprinkle this over something they’ll eat or put it into their drinks.”
“How about we sprinkle it over their tea supply?” offered Harry.
“Wonderful! That way they’ll have to deal with the effects whenever they have tea! They will be pranked continually, and not know how!”
The sound of the portrait of the Fad Lady opening drew their attention to the entrance to the Common Room. A silent and sullen Ron Weasley walked in.
“Um, hi Ron,” Harry nervously greeted his hopefully still best mate.
“Hiya Harry... Hermione,” he responded in a quiet and apprehensive way. Hermione weakly waved at her former “we’re together” friend. Those four words, well four words and an “Um” sound were the only things said for a very long minute. During that minute, the trio busied themselves in various ways; Hermione seemed to be fascinated by a strand of her own hair and inspected it closely. Ron appeared to be counting the dust specks on the chandelier above their heads (which was still swinging slightly due to Hermione impromptu impersonation of Tarzan), while Harry was literarily twiddling his thumbs, trying his best not to look at anyone or anything in particular.
“Ooh, this is maddening!” announced Hermione, finally breaking the awkward silence. “I never meant to hurt you Ron, it just that...”
“I know, I know,” Ron said. “I did a lot of thinking about
what Harry said, and it made sense. In the long run, I don’t think we would’ve worked out. It still hurts a little, but I think that it would’ve hurt a lot more if we had been together longer and then realize that we were a mistake. You know what I mean?”
“Yes, I do,” replied Hermione, taken back at Ron’s surprising amount of maturity and insight.
“And I reckon that it will hurt a little seeing the two of you together, at least for a bit. But if being together makes you two happy, then I’m happy.” Ron concluded.
“Thanks mate, that means a lot,” Harry said, his heart feeling a little lighter.
“Besides I should’ve seen this coming, the two of you hooking up. I mean, look at all the stuff you two have done together,” Ron stated. “You both went into the Forbidden Forest in our first year while I was stuck in the Hospital Ward. Then there was the Time Turner Adventure you had in our third year where you saved Sirius and rode Buckbeak. And in our fifth, you two went into the Forest twice together. And then when we split up in the Department of Mysteries, you two were still a team.”
A genuine smile appeared on both Ron and Harry’s faces as they shook hands, renewing their friendship. Hermione then hugged their tall friend. As she pulled away from him, Ron looked at her red eye and asked “Were you hit with a Conjunctivitis Curse?”
Hermione snorted in a very un-lady-like fashion and Harry’s heart sunk as he realized the awkward situation of the talk with Ron had forced Hermione to suppress the urges she was feeling from the super-charged Cheering Charm. Apparently, since the awkwardness of the talk had passed, the diminished effects of the super-charged Cheering Charm kicked in once again.
“My eye is red because Harry came in it,” informed Hermione with a chuckle.
Harry gaped with his mouth open in shock as he looked at Ron. Hermione had just blurted out how far their relationship had progressed and Harry was fearful of Ron’s reaction. You see, Ron was prone to bouts of jealously and anger. And Harry was worried that Ron would react badly because Hermione had basically just told him that she had given Harry a hand-job. But thankfully, Ron was also prone to bouts of denseness.
“What do you mean?” Ron asked, dumbfounded. “How can someone come into your eye?”
Before Harry could defuse the situation, Hermione answered Ron’s question, “Not ‘into’, in. And it’s quite simple: Bad aim, that’s how.”
Ron stared at his two best friends in bewilderment for a moment. Then slowly, understanding dawned in his eyes.
“SHE NEVER DID THAT WITH ME!” he shouted at Harry.
“Pfft,” Hermione countered - if one could call a “pfft” noise a counterpoint. “I never did anything with you.”
Hermione then proceeded to try to once again lower Harry’s pants. Luckily, Harry seized hold of his trousers before Hermione could tug them down.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” Ron asked Harry.
“I hit her with a super-charged Cheering Charm,” Harry tried to inform his friend while wrestling for control of his pants with Hermione.
“You hit her with a super-charged Cheering Charm by cumming in her eye?” demanded Ron.
“No, no, no,” Harry stammered. He was beginning to lose the battle over his pants and he was quite worried that Ron was about to formally meet ‘Harry, Jr.’ “No, we performed a ritual to find the Horcruxes...”
Harry paused as he started to feel the fabric of his pants slip away.
“And you performed this ritual by cumming in her eye?” Ron asked, still trying to follow the chain of events.
“No - well... kind of,” Hermione answered and thankfully gave up in her quest to expose ‘Harry, Jr.’ and walked over to stand in front of Ron.
“I found a ritual in a dirty little book Harry was trying to hide from me.” Of course, the slightly hyper-Hermione was speaking very rapidly. “The ritual required me to wank his willy,” Hermione paused momentarily to make a rude hand gesture to Ron, as if she needed to give the red-haired wizard a visual reference to what she was talking about. “Well, then we had an out of body experience where we found the location of all of Voldemort’s Horcruxes, but the ritual ended when Harry came. Unfortunately, he came in my eye, duh!” She accentuated this point by leaning very close to Ron so that he could inspect the eye in question if he so desired.
“And as to the reason I’m acting so strangely,” Hermione continued after she believed that Ron had inspected her red-eye enough. “Harry informed me that the prophesy concerning he and Voldemort had more to it than just ‘me against him’ and that the omitted part dealt with a power Harry has that Voldemort doesn’t even know about. Apparently that power is love and so I decided to see how much his love affected simple charms and spells. So we did a little experiment with a Cheering Charm and ‘lo and behold you have a very hyper-active Hermione. Harry has tried to cancel out the charm, but what he doesn’t realized is that he had so much power in the charm that he’ll have to tap into his love-core again to cancel it completely. Either that or hit me with a dozen or so more ‘Finites’”
“Oh, okay. So when are we going to Godric’s Hollow and start looking for the Horcruxes?” Ron asked, abruptly changing subjects, obviously pretending that not only had he understood what Hermione had said, but that she was acting completely normal.
“How about now?” asked Harry, equally trying to pretend that Hermione’s actions were normal.
“Why not?” Ron agreed.
“Fine, but let’s stop by Remus and Tonks’ place first,” Hermione said with a knowing look in her eye - well her one good eye that is. “Just to let them know we’re going on a trip.”
“All right, but before we leave, let’s go to the kitchen and get some food,” Harry said. “I’m famished.”
“Wait. First, I have some ‘forgive me for being such a berk’ presents to give you two,” Ron said as he started to reach in his robes.
“Ron, that’s not necessary,” Hermione said gently.
“It’s something I feel I need to do, is all,” stated Ron and he pulled out a single yellow rose and handed it to Hermione. “I hope we can still be friends.”
“Of course we are,” Hermione said with tears of happiness in her eyes and she hugged Ron again. After they broke apart, Ron pulled a box out of his robes and handed it to Harry.
“Here you go, Harry,” Ron said as Harry took the box. “I had it made for you this morning. I hope it fits.”
Harry opened the box to find a flaming pink pullover with rhinestone embroidering spelling out: “Draco’s Special Little Princess”.
“Oh how sweet. I think Draco would like you in that,” Hermione said with a chuckle as she examined the shirt over Harry’s shoulder. Harry groaned and looked at Ron who appeared to on the verge of laughter.
“Ha, ha. Go ahead and let it out you two,” Harry said mirthlessly.
“So, do you think that Harry would be the Keeper or the Chaser?” Ron asked. “Personally, I think he’d be the Keeper in their relationship.”
“Oh, yes, I can totally see that,” Hermione answered. “Draco is very aggressive, so that would make him the dominant of the pair.”
This playful ribbing continued as the trio went to the kitchens and grabbed some food. Dobby made it a point to say goodbye to Harry and that if they needed anything they shouldn’t hesitate to call on the little House-Elf. As Harry left the kitchen, he absently noted that Kreacher was no where to be seen.
After they left the castle grounds, Hermione turned to Harry and demanded, “Lift this Charm off of me this instant! I refuse to go any further until I am normal. It’s taking too much effort to restrain myself right now. And I’m afraid that I’ll lose my concentration in the middle of a large crowd of people.”
“Okay, Finite.” Harry said after he pointed his wand at her.
“No, Harry!” Hermione exclaimed gleefully. “I told you earlier you will have to hit me with a dozen more regular Finites or one loved powered Finite!”
“You
did?” he asked.
“Yes, remember when I was explaining our situation to Ron?”
“Um, no, not really,” Harry responded honestly. In Harry’s defense, she had been speaking rather rapidly earlier.
“Well, tap into your love-core so I can be normal again,” demanded Hermione.
Harry paused and focused on how deeply he truly felt for his girlfriend, and muttered, “Finite.”
With a sigh, Hermione acknowledged that she had finally returned to normal.
The trio signaled for the Knight Bus. With a loud BANG, the triple decked bus appeared in front of them. Harry, Hermione, and Ron got on and took the Knight Bus to Remus’ cottage.
***
“Wothcher, kids,” Tonks greeted them as she answered the door. “Come inside.”
Tonks led the group to the small front room where Remus was reading The Quibbler.
“Hello, you three,” Remus greeted. “What brings you here?”
“Oh, just wanted to stop by before we head off to Godric’s Hollow,” informed Harry.
Remus and Tonks shared a concerned look.
“Pardon me, but may I use the bathroom?” Hermione interjected.
“Of course you can, Hermione.” Tonks answered.
Hermione winked at Harry with her good eye before disappearing around the corner. Harry had some difficulty controlling his joy at the thought of Remus and Tonks embarrassing themselves due to Hermione’s ingenious plan of revenge.
“Now Harry, I want to warn you about what you’ll find at Godric’s Hollow,” said Remus, the concern in his voice was obvious to anyone who was paying attention. However, Harry wasn’t paying attention. His mind was filled with images of the humiliated pair of Tonks and Remus.
“Joseph Middwood was the man Lily and James hired to be the house’s caretaker,” Remus continued and Harry nodded his head as if he understood what the older wizard had said. “And he has done... some questionable things since your parents died...”
Harry almost laughed out loud as a mental image of Remus and Tonks sitting at the dinner table at the Burrow entered his mind. He imagined Molly setting the main course in front of Remus. The werewolf then looked up at Molly and thanked her before shoving his hand down Tonks’ blouse to squeeze her tit. In Harry’s mind, Molly then gasped as Tonks whipped out Remus’ willy and started to wank him off right as the pink haired Auror asked for someone to pass the potatoes.
