by Harry Potter
Ron was shielding his eyes to block out the golden rays that were emanating from his best mate’s body. He turned to Hermione to ask her what was going on, but was a little taken back to see her basking in the magical light. The look on her face was pure joy and love. The red haired wizard muttered a simple “wow” in awe.
“Don’t worry, Ron,” Hermione beamed as she relished Harry’s light. “Apparently Harry’s just inadvertently tapped into his love core.”
Finally noticing that he was throwing off light, Harry pushed the image of a family into the back of his mind and the glow slowly disappeared. In an embarrassed tone, Harry murmured, “Sorry ‘bout that.”
“Don’t worry, Harry,” Hermione said, still blushing and looking like she was the happiest witch in the world. “I really liked it.”
“Whoa, this is weird,” commend Ron as he rubbed his chest. “I feel all warm and tingly... and happy. Why?”
“I think that’s Harry’s power,” explained Hermione. “I hadn’t consciously noticed it before, but in retrospect, whenever Harry taps into his love core and casts a spell, or in this case emits a magical light, the target feels a sense of deep, abiding love and happiness.”
“Really?” asked Harry. He was stunned at Hermione’s revelation concerning his magic.
“Yes, I realize it now that when you hit me with the super-charged Cheering Charm, not only did I feel ridiculously happy, but I also felt so much love,” answered Hermione. She added in an undertone, obviously hoping Ron wouldn’t hear; “And I felt it as well when you added your love to your Parselmouth magic.”
“You did?” Harry asked, in an awed undertone.
“Well, yes in hindsight I noticed it,” breathed Hermione. “Of course at the time, I was kind of overwhelmed with other feelings.”
“Why would it matter if Harry added his love energy to his Parselmouth abilities?” Ron interrupted. Apparently, his hearing was much better that Harry and Hermione had given him credit for.
“Never mind!” both Harry and Hermione commanded.
“Alright,” Ron said looking confused. Harry and Hermione both breathed a sigh of relief.
“Anyway, back to what I was saying,” Hermione changed subjects, away from Harry’s talented tongue. “Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that we have children.” Harry fought the joyous thoughts of starting a family with Hermione very hard as she continued. “And let’s say, after we’ve had two children, that I’m feeling a little amorous...”
“Amo-what-us?” interrupted Ron.
“Randy, Ron,” explained Hermione. Ron muttered an ‘oh’ in comprehension and Hermione continued. “Well, as I said, I’m amorous and I would like to perhaps give you another ‘birthday present’. Would you allow me to do that?” she asked, putting extra emphasis on the phrase “birthday present.”
A naughtily little grin appeared on Harry’s face at the recollection of the last ‘birthday present’ that he had received from Hermione. Even though his grin told Hermione his answer, Harry blurted out an overzealous, “YES!”
“Why wouldn’t you give him a birthday present, especially if you were married?” asked Ron, oblivious to the meaning of the phrase ‘birthday present’ when it came to his two friends. “It would be expected, I’d think.”
“That’s my point,” Hermione agreed, a knowing smile on her lips. Those luscious lips that made Harry and ‘Harry, Jr.’ so very happy.
Harry realized that Mrs. Weasley’s advice was moot concerning his aim when he considered Hermione’s version of a ‘birthday present.’ If Hermione swallowed, he wouldn’t have to worry about getting anything in her eyes.
“And what about Christmas presents?” asked Ron, still being Ron and not catching on.
“Oh well, Christmas is a very special occasion isn’t it?” Hermione asked. Her knowing smile abruptly changed into a naughty one. “Being his wife, I’d have to give him an extra special ‘gift’, wouldn’t I?” She emphasized her point by tossing her hands up into the air in a “why not?” gesture but then brought them back down rapidly on her own bum, causing a smacking noise.
To Ron, Hermione’s actions were completely innocent. But to Harry, it was less innocent and much more reminiscent of the “Smack my bottom” side of Hermione.
“And if he’s your husband,” Ron added, “he should give you birthday presents as well.”
“Of course,” Hermione agreed by subtly gesturing toward her groin. Of course, Ron didn’t catch the reference, but Harry did. Harry’s eyes glossed over at the memory of his lips on her flower.
“And don’t forget about his Christmas presents to you,” concluded Ron.
In a form of agreement, Hermione copied the same “why not?” gesture she had performed earlier and smacked her bottom again. She added, “I’d go as far to say that he wouldn’t need a special occasion to give me ‘presents.’”
A pressure in his boxers drew Harry’s attention. His fear about ‘Harry, Jr.’ not wanting to ever play again due to Mrs. Weasley’s advice and the accompanying visions was just proven wrong. Apparently, all the innuendos and imagery that Hermione was throwing out caught ‘Harry, Jr.’s proverbial eye. The organ woke up slowly as if from a deep and troubled sleep and began to look around. At first Harry was overjoyed because this minor action proved he wasn’t permanently scarred by Mrs. Weasley’s words, or even Hermione’s joke about his mum and stags. But Harry’s joy quickly turned to dread; he hadn’t worn his robes today, and ‘Harry, Jr.’ was starting to stand up causing a bulge to rapidly appear in his jeans. Normally, this wouldn’t have been a bad thing, but Ron was standing just a few feet away. And best mates shouldn’t see each other’s bits. Yes, Ron had unfortunately seen Harry’s bits, but Ron had not seen them... happy and ready for playtime.
“But, I don’t get it,” started Ron, a confused look in his eyes. “I thought we were talking about our parents and sex, not presents. I mean...” Ron paused and his confused look was quickly replaced by disgust.
You see, Harry was in such fear of Ron seeing ‘Harry, Jr.’ at half-mast that he was too petrified to cover up.
“FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN, MAN!” shouted Ron and his hand shot up in front of his eyes in a vain attempt to block the sight of a partially aroused ‘Harry, Jr.’. “You’re a perverted bugger, aren’t you? All we were talking about was presents, and you go and get a hard-” Ron halted his tirade and looked at Hermione who was practically in hysterics. Tears of laughter streamed down her bright read cheeks and she was biting her fingers, trying to stop herself from laughing out loud. “You were talking about sex weren’t you?”
“YES!” Hermione proudly declared and slapped the table with her hand. Her riotous laughter echoed off the walls of the Great Hall.
“Well at least I know Harry’s-” Ron began in a dejected tone.
“Yeah, yeah I know,” interrupted Harry, “I’m a true Gryffindor because I ‘dress right.’”
“I was gonna say that ‘at least you weren’t permanently scarred by my mum’,” corrected Ron. “Unlike me. I’ll die a virgin simply because every time I’m with a woman, I’ll either think about seeing my sister’s ‘Wizard’s Sleeve’ or my dad’s stuff all over my mum’s face.”
And with that, Harry’s erection vanished. He wasn’t sure if it was the mention of a cum-covered Mrs. Weasley or the mere thought of Gin-Gin, the Erection Killer that caused the sudden deflation.
“But I guess it’s good that you’re a ‘TrueGryffindor’,” added a sullen faced Ron. He pushed his plate away from him in disgust.
“Don’t worry, Ron,” Hermione attempted to comfort her friend. “I’m sure once you find the right girl, you’ll be a raging Hungarian Horntail.”
“I doubt that,” pouted Ron. He showed just how much he doubted that he would ever be able to “rise” to the occasion by poking his groin as if to check if it was alive.
“Trust me, with the right girl...” Hermione paused and shared a knowing look with Harry. “You’ll be so
astonished by your virility, you’ll wonder if it’ll ever go down.”
”I’ll believe that when I see it,” mumbled Ron.
“How about you go back to the tower and take a kip?” suggested Hermione. “You’ll feel better after one.”
Ron nodded his head dejectedly, and sulked off to the Common Room. Ron muttered as he walked off; “I hope I don’t dream about my sister’s thing...”
“Poor Ron,” moaned Hermione. Harry nodded his head; he himself was nearly traumatized by seeing Ginny thrashing about on the floor naked, let alone Mrs. Weasley’s comments. Even though Harry tended to look at Mrs. Weasley as a mother-figure, and Ginny had a physical resemblance to his actual mother, Harry was not actually related to them. Ron was however, and Harry could only imagine what his friend was going through right now. Upon noticing Harry’s concerned look, Hermione said “Don’t worry, Harry. Once we set Ron up with Luna, he’ll forget about what his mother said and even about seeing Ginny’s bits.”
“I don’t know, Hermione,” said Harry worriedly. “I can’t see Luna’s feminine wiles chasing Ron’s demons away.” Harry liked Luna and he thought that she was rather pretty; it was just that Harry couldn’t see the petite Ravenclaw curing Ron’s mental state.
“I have a plan,” Hermione countered cryptically.
Still dubious of using Luna to boost Ron’s feelings, Harry offered, “Maybe we should consider the Patil twins for Ron after all?”
“Which one; Padma or Parvati?” asked Hermione.
“The twins - both of them,” Harry knew that it would be doubtful to bag both witches at the same time, but he also believed that they would be the only way to alleviate Ron’s predicament. Harry knew, just as every man knows, the sun seems to shine a little brighter when twins are involved. “Once Ron sees them play for a bit, he’ll forget all of his worries and join in.”
“Wait a minute,” began Hermione. Harry could tell by the look in her eye and the tone of her voice that she was about to enter “lecture mode”. “Ginny looks like your mother, to the point that just the thought of figurative incest makes you run in fear. But you’re suggesting that two sisters stimulate each other for Ron’s pleasure. And you’re not bothered by the idea?”
“Course not.”
“Why is that?”
“Because they’re twins,” Harry answered a touch perturbed. Even though she was the brightest witch in their generation, sometimes Hermione’s simplicity could astonish Harry. Didn’t she even know the world-famous “it’s always better with twins” theory?
“You’re telling me that you would find an act of incest exciting? The mere thought of Padma... going down on Parvati is sexy to you?” Hermione asked, which was a mistake. It was a mistake because the image that she had described had entered Harry’s mind.
His eyes glossed over and he felt a pressure build up once more in his boxers as ‘Harry, Jr.’ started to wake up. At first Hermione didn’t notice Harry’s reaction and she continued to rant. “I mean, could you imagine Parvati sticking her finger in Padma’s quim?” And that is just what Harry did, and he imagined it quite well, thank you. Hermione finally noticed Harry’s state.
“For heaven’s sake, Harry!” she scolded.
But Harry didn’t hear his girlfriend. He was preoccupied with the very intriguing image of a twin getting a sticky finger from her sister.
“Harry, they’re sisters!” hissed Hermione. But her arguments fell on deaf ears, Harry was lost in his thoughts and judging by his bulge in his shorts, they were happy thoughts. There were two ways that Hermione knew would bring Harry back to reality. The first was to hit him with a Cold Water Charm, aimed directly at his groin. The sudden jet of frigid water to the crotch would probably enrage Harry, but it would end his perverted thoughts. The second way was one that Hermione knew to be much more insidious. Seeing how much of a prat he was being, she opted for the second.
Hermione walked up to Harry and whispered in his ear, “What was it like to have Ginny’s lips wrapped around your balls?”
The wonderful image of the Patil twins frolicking was destroyed by the image of Gin-Gin, the Erection Killer joining in on the fun. Harry groaned pitifully while ‘Harry, Jr.’ ran in fear.
“Incest is bad,” Hermione said in a patronizing way. “We’re not pure-blood bigots.”
She alleviated his quickly developing sour mood - a perfectly good fantasy dealing with the Patil twins and a jar of peanut butter was ruined forever thanks to Hermione mentioning Ginny - by kissing his lips. Harry’s bitterness evaporated completely as Hermione kissed him. Who could care about twins when someone as perfect as Hermione was around. Harry decided to change his fantasy so that, instead of the twins, it would feature him alone with Hermione and the jar of peanut butter. Yes, that’d do quite nicely.
“Let’s go write a letter to Luna,” breathed Hermione. “We need to ask her if she’d be willing to go on a date with Ron.”
After writing the letter, which asked Luna to meet with Harry and Hermione, the pair walked to the Owlery and found Hedwig. After Hedwig showed her anger for being so unused in recent days, the snowy owl took the post and flew off.
****
The next day, Hermione decided to begin the hunt for the Horcruxes in earnest.
“Well, we definitely know the location of one Horcrux: Number Twelve,” Hermione stated as Ron and Harry listened. “And we can be fairly certain that it won’t have any traps surrounding it.”
“Okay,” Ron said glumly. He apparently was still in a deep depression because of his recent traumatic experiences. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”
Harry felt bad for his friend and hoped that Hermione’s plan would pull him from his stupor.
“Alright, let’s go,” announced Hermione. “Harry, go fetch the Sword.”
“Sword? What sword?” asked Harry.
“Don’t you remember, the Sword of Gryffindor?” reminded Hermione. “We need it to destroy the Horcrux.”
“Oh yeah, that,” Harry said, finally remembering the ancient weapon currently stashed in his trunk. “I’d forgotten about it.”
After fetching his sword, Harry met up with Hermione and Ron as they were making their way to the Headmistress’ office.
“About yesterday,” began Ron as the climbed the stairs to McGonagall’s office. “When Harry tapped into his love magic... well you said that you felt love when he hit with the Cheering Charm.”
“Yes, I didn’t notice it at first, but in retrospect, I do believe that I felt love,” explained Hermione.
“Okay then,” Ron continued. “So did Harry use his love magic when he used that super Stunner to knock out all those Death Eaters at Godric’s Hollow?”
“Yes,” replied Harry while Hermione began to open the door.
“Well, doesn’t that mean they would’ve felt Harry’s love when they were knocked out?” asked Ron.
Both Harry and Hermione froze as that question filled their minds. ‘Did the Death Eaters have a sense of love as they were stunned?’ Harry’s ponderings were abruptly ended when a pink haired witch greeted them.
“Wotcher, kids,” Tonks heralded with a wicked grin on her face. If Harry had not been so preoccupied about Ron’s question regarding the effect of his love magic on the Death Eaters, he would’ve been concerned about her grin. “Where’re you three off to?”
“Oh, just a little adventure,” Hermione responded a touch cryptically. Both Harry and Hermione knew that they could trust Tonks with the secret of the Horcruxes, but they also realized that the fewer the people who knew, the less trouble there’d be. “What brings you here?”
“Actually, I need to ask you lot a question,” Tonks began, her normally chipper mood suddenly became serious. “We were able to rennervate the Death Eaters Harry stunned...” Harry found it oddly coincidental that Tonks had mentioned the Death Eaters right as he and his friends were doing the same. “But we can’t revive my bitch of an aunt, Bellatrix.” Harry, Hermione, and Ron a
ll shuddered at the mention of the unnaturally hairy witch. “She isn’t unconscious, but she isn’t responsive in the slightest, either.”
“Oh,” Harry replied nervously.
“That what Bellatrix says. A lot,” Tonks continued. “She just stares off into space and every once in a while she mutters an ‘oh’ and shivers.”
Harry looked over at Hermione who looked back at him. Whereas Harry’s look told Hermione that he was nervous and worried that Tonks would find out that he didn’t hit Bellatrix with a Stunner but actually made her have a mind blowing - literally- orgasm, Hermione’s look clearly told Harry that he was never allowed to use that specific ‘Pleasure Point’ technique on her; the repercussions were obviously too much.
“The Healers at St Mungo’s have been trying to revive her, but can’t seem to find a way,” Tonks explained. “She isn’t stunned. She isn’t unconscious; she’s just sort of there, totally unresponsive to the world. As I said, the only thing she does is say ‘oh’ every now. And then her whole body just... shivers. Right after that, she gets the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on a person. Every time. It’s weird. Did you hit her with something other than a Stunner?” she asked Harry.
“NO!” Harry replied, a little too vehemently.
“Oh, well then, I’ll just head back and give the Healers an update,” Tonks stated and made her way to the fireplace. “I was hoping that maybe you might have an idea as to what was wrong with her. Not really a big loss, if you ask me. I guess they’ll move her to the Janus Thickey ward now.” She threw in a pinch of floo and said in a clear voice “St. Mungo’s!”
Before she disappeared, Harry could’ve sworn Tonks smiled wickedly and winked at him. Whatever the reason for this, Harry had no idea.
”Might I ask where this adventure of yours will take you?” asked McGonagall, sitting behind her desk shuffling through some parchments.
