Night at the Museum

by Michael Anthony Steele

  Copyright © 2014 by Barron’s Educational Series, Inc.

  Written by Michael Anthony Steele

  Based on the motion picture screenplay written by David Guion and Michael Handelman. Story by Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant, David Guion, and Michael Handelman.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced

  or distributed in any form or by any means

  without the written permission of the copyright owner.

  All inquiries should be addressed to:

  Barron’s Educational Series, Inc.

  250 Wireless Boulevard

  Hauppauge, NY 11788

  www.barronseduc.com

  Print edition ISBN: 978-1-4380-0524-9

  eISBN: 978-1-4380-9283-6

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 1

  Larry Daley watched the line of black limousines snake up the circular drive. Soon after, men in crisp tuxedos and women in sparkling evening gowns stepped out of the sleek cars. The dazzling guests strolled up the red carpet amid a barrage of camera flashes from photographers. On each side of the carpet, large spotlights aimed their glowing beams at the night sky. The towering shafts of light crisscrossed above as everyone made their way toward the museum’s north entrance. When the first of the guests reached the entryway, Larry raised a walkie-talkie to his mouth and keyed the microphone.

  “The house is open,” he reported. “T-minus twenty-five minutes until show time.”

  Larry straightened the bow tie of his own tuxedo before strolling over to Dr. McPhee. The short museum director dabbed at his forehead with a white handkerchief.

  “Looking good, Dr. McPhee.” Larry reached out and pinched the shiny lapel of McPhee’s tuxedo jacket. “Rental?”

  The director slapped his hand away. “No, it’s not a rental!” He wiped at his lapel with the handkerchief. “I run a major cultural institution. I’m not some sweaty teenager at prom.”

  Larry smiled and followed the director toward the entrance. The guests passed under a thin arch just above the open doors. Beyond the arch, their destination was the newest wing of the Museum of Natural History.

  The structure was an architectural marvel. It was essentially a huge sphere suspended inside a giant glass cube. Inside the cube, guests gathered and mingled under the hanging sphere. Later, the guests would enter the sphere itself. The large silver sphere contained the planetarium, where the bulk of the festivities would be held. The entire event was a celebration for the reopening of the museum’s Center for Earth and Space.

  Dr. McPhee took in a deep breath. “Excitement! The grand planetarium reopening.” He gestured to the red carpet. “Lots of V-important-Ps.” He shuddered. “I’m so nervous.” He then shook his head. “Not really.”

  Larry smirked. “Yeah, you seem ... calm.”

  McPhee raised his chin. “Simple explanation. I am.” He strode through the main doors and Larry followed.

  They found themselves amongst the glamorously dressed guests. Each board member and museum donor held a drink, enjoyed an appetizer, or chitchatted with one another. All of them hobnobbed under the suspended globe.

  The museum director pointed out a woman with blonde hair and thick-rimmed glasses. “There she is,” said McPhee. “Our new chairwoman.”

  Larry had only met Madeleine Phelps once before. Even though Larry worked at the museum, he rarely bumped into any of the board members. Larry Daley strictly worked the night shift.

  “Huge amount of pressure on you,” said McPhee. “I hope you have all the special effects wizardry in order.”

  Larry sighed. “Just another day at the office.”

  Over the years, Larry had tried to let Dr. McPhee in on the museum’s secret. He tried to explain how the Egyptian artifact, the Tablet of Ahkmenrah, was magical. Not just magical in the sense that it was made of gold and sparkled brightly. It was truly magical. Each night, at sunset, the tablet glowed and made the museum’s many exhibits come to life. Unfortunately, the museum director refused to believe it. It was almost as if he couldn’t wrap his brain around the concept. Instead, McPhee insisted that Larry somehow made it all possible through ingenious special effects.

  Madeleine Phelps spotted Larry and McPhee and crossed to greet them. “Good evening, gentlemen,” she said.

  “Ah, our esteemed chairwoman,” said McPhee. He gave a curt bow and then gestured to Larry. “You remember Larry Daley, our Director of Nighttime Operations.”

  “Hi, Dr. Phelps,” said Larry

  “The museum Board owes you a debt of gratitude, Mr. Daley,” said Dr. Phelps. “Your night program has boosted attendance over thirty percent.”

  Larry shrugged. “That’s what they tell me.”

  “Director is just his title, really,” explained McPhee. “He’s more of a night guard, actually. I’m the head of the whole museum. Buck stops ... and also starts ... with me.” He waved a dismissive hand at Larry. “Mr. Daley merely executes my grand plans.”

  Larry shook his head. He couldn’t believe McPhee was taking all the credit. After Larry began working at the museum, he soon discovered what went on at night, when the museum was closed. It had been Larry’s idea to keep the museum open into the night. That way, the rest of the world could enjoy the living exhibits.

  “You surprise me, Dr. McPhee,” said Dr. Phelps. “You’re a visionary! And yet, in person, you seem ... not that way.”

  “Well, I am,” said McPhee. He shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. “So, debt of gratitude ... mine.”

  Dr. Phelps leaned closer. “Tell me ... the animatronic motors inside the dinosaur ... how did you make them so tiny and yet so powerful?”

  “Well ... uh,” McPhee stammered. “Mr. Daley can explain the technical details.”

  Dr. Phelps turned to Larry.

  Larry raised both hands. “No, no. It’s all Dr. McPhee, really.” Larry wasn’t about to let McPhee off the hook that easily.

  Dr. Phelps turned back to McPhee.

  “Ah. Yes. Well ... a good magician ... never reveals his tricks ... and all that,” McPhee said clumsily. “Peel away too many layers and pretty soon ... no more onion.”

  “Well, I don’t have to tell you how much effort has gone into the renovation of this planetarium,” said Dr. Phelps. “It’s critical that this evening go off smoothly. I sincerely hope you gentlemen are ready.”

  Dr. McPhee smiled. “Oh, don’t worry. We were born ...” The director glanced at Larry nervously.

  Larry smiled. “Yes, we’re ready. We were born ready.”

  “That’s what I said. Obviously,” snorted McPhee.

  Dr. Phelps glanced from McPhee, to Larry, and then back to McPhee. “I’m going to go talk to other people now.”

  Larry was glad Dr. Phelps left. He didn’t want to be rude but he really had to go check on everyone. Like she said, they had to be ready. He turned to leave.

  “Oh, Mr. Daley. Have you seen the new Neanderthal exhibit?” asked McPhee. “I supervised the renovation myself. I think you’ll like it.” The museum director clasped his hands behind his back and strolled into the crowd.

  Larry didn’t know what the man was talking about. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter right now. He brought the walkie-talkie to his lips and keyed the mic. “Okay, guys ... twenty minutes!”

  Larry moved through the service corridors and made his way to the main hal
l. This was the usual entrance to the Museum of Natural History and it was built to impress any and all who entered. The front doors opened to reveal a large rotunda with gleaming marble floors. Stone pillars circled the hall, holding up the second- and third-story walkways. Two large marble staircases wound up to the second floor. Normally, visitors would be greeted by several static displays, including a fossilized Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton—whom Larry had named, Rexy. However, because it was night and the tablet’s magic was doing its thing, the hall was alive with bustling, walking and talking museum exhibits.

  As soon as Larry entered, Sacajawea fell into step beside him. Once, she was a Native-American scout for the famed Lewis and Clark Expedition. Now, she helped Larry get everyone ready for the big night. She wore her traditional beaded, buckskin skirt and wore her dark hair in two long black braids. She handed Larry a clipboard.

  “Rexy has been waxed and buffed,” she reported. “Teddy is grooming his mustache. And I’ve reviewed fire safety procedures with the primordial men.”

  “Great,” replied Larry. He went over the checklist on the clipboard. “Tell the centurions to stretch. I don’t want anyone pulling a hamstring.”

  As Sacajawea peeled away, Larry addressed the crowd of living museum exhibits.

  “Guys, we’ve got the mayor and the governor out there,” said Larry. He pumped a fist. “I need you to bring it!”

  Larry ducked under Rexy’s bony tail as the T-Rex skeleton lumbered past. “Rexy, watch that tail. There’s going to be open flame out there.”

  Larry spotted a capuchin monkey in the crowd. “Dex, how you feeling?”

  Dexter put one arm over his head and stretched like a gymnast. He gave a happy chirp and clapped his paws together. A puff of powdery gym chalk burst from between his tiny monkey hands.

  Larry marched to the information desk. The surface was covered with tiny Roman centurions from the diorama wing. A miniature cowboy, Jedediah from the Wild West diorama, stood with them.

  One of the soldiers marched across the desk toward their legion commander, Octavius. “Everything is ready, my liege!” the soldier reported.

  Octavius grinned. “Then let the diversions begin!”

  All at once, four centurions leaped into the air. They came down upon the computer keyboard’s space bar. The screen above them came to life, revealing a video of two kittens chasing the red dot from a laser pointer.

  “Doggone it,” said Jed. “You can’t ambush me with that kind of cute! That’s not even fair!”

  “I should like to comment!” announced Octavius. “Summon the apparatus!”

  A nearby sentry turned and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Summon the apparatus!” he shouted.

  At once, several centurions wheeled in a large wooden device. A cross between a catapult and a modern-day piece of construction equipment, the apparatus fit perfectly over the computer keyboard. A lone centurion sat on a tiny seat in the center of the structure.

  “L!” shouted Octavius.

  The centurion spun wheels and pulled levers until a large ice cream stick struck the L key on the keyboard.

  “O! L!” continued Octavius.

  The centurion operated the controls until the O and L keys were struck.

  “Now post this video and my edict of approval to Facebook!” ordered Octavius.

  “Shall I prepare your Twitter, my liege?” asked the centurion.

  Jed took off his cowboy hat and slapped it against his thigh. “Are you crazy?” he asked. “This ain’t no time for indiscriminate tweetin’! This here’s just for our friends ... and people we vaguely recall from childhood.”

  Larry shook his head and sighed. “Come on, guys. Let’s focus on the show. Don’t make me change the password again.”

  As Larry prepared to check on the rest of the group, Teddy Roosevelt, twenty-sixth president of the United States, rode up on his horse. He wore his tan Rough Rider uniform complete with a wide-brimmed hat, a glistening saber, and long leather gloves.

  “Teddy, are we ready to roll?” asked Larry.

  The former president displayed his typical wide grin under his bushy mustache. “Yes indeed, Lawrence.” He climbed off his horse and stepped closer. “But ... have you seen the Neanderthals lately?”

  “No,” replied Larry. “Why is everybody talking about this?”

  Teddy cringed and gestured to the south side of the hall. “You might want to take a look.”

  With Teddy in tow, Larry marched over to the huddled group of hairy cavemen. “Hey guys. What’s up?” asked Larry.

  One by one, they each turned to face him. They each had protruding jaws, low brows, and dull eyes. When the last one turned, Larry understood what Teddy wanted him to see. There was a new Neanderthal in the museum. And this particular figure was created to look like a caveman version of Larry himself.

  “Great,” Larry muttered. “Thank you, Dr. McPhee.”

  “You could choose to look at it as a very nice tribute,” suggested Teddy.

  Larry nodded. “Right.” He turned his attention to the new arrival. “Hi, there.” Larry tapped his own chest. He knew how to talk to these guys. “I’m Larry.”

  The Neanderthal cocked his head and gave a puzzled expression. Then he mimicked Larry’s gesture and tapped his chest. “Laaa ...” said the caveman in a raspy voice.

  Larry frowned. “Okay. Hi ... Laaa.” He glanced at Teddy. The former president merely shrugged. Larry turned back to ... Laaa. “Anyway ...” Larry tapped his own chest again. “Larry. Nice to meet you.”

  Laaa reached out and grabbed Larry’s face with one hand. He felt his nose, his hair, and his lips. Then the caveman repeated the motions, feeling his own face with his other hand. He leaned forward and looked Larry in the eyes. “Dada?” asked Laaa.

  “Nope.” Larry quickly shook his head. “Not your Dada.”

  Laaa’s face broke into a wide, toothy grin. He threw his arms around Larry, giving him a crushing hug. “Dada!”

  Larry winced at the pain of the embrace. Not to mention the smell. “Again, no. Not Dada.”

  “Dum-Dum got a new son-son!” said a booming voice. Larry cut his eyes to see the giant Easter Island Head chuckling.

  “Okay, I don’t have time for this right now,” said Larry. He pulled himself from the hairy hug and marched away.

  “I actually found that quite touching,” said Teddy as he followed.

  Larry and Teddy moved up one of the marble staircases to the second floor walkway.

  “Well, Lawrence, tonight is our collective chance to shine,” said Teddy. “I want you to know how proud I am. Quite a feather in your capalackpagillapropper!”

  Larry and Teddy froze and stared at each other.

  “Are you okay, Teddy?” asked Larry.

  “That was odd,” said Teddy, cocking his head. “Apologies, Lawrence. Not sure what that was, I confess.” His grin returned. “But yes, son. I’m fine.” He gestured to the top of the stairs. “Shall we?”

  They met Sacajawea on the walkway. Larry placed his hands on the rail and gazed down at the main floor. The museum’s exhibits from many continents and time periods milled about. Of course, they were more than just mere exhibits—and not simply because they came to life every night. Since Larry discovered them during his first evening as a museum night guard, he had grown to care deeply for each and every one of them. Yes, they were much more than mere exhibits. They were his friends.

  “All right, everybody!” shouted Larry. The crowd fell to a hush. “How are you guys feeling?”

  Everyone cheered.

  Larry smiled and held up his hands. When the cheers died down, he continued. “Guys, this is just like rehearsal. Only difference ... five hundred extremely important people will be watching you. I don’t want to stress you guys out, but Regis Philbin is even out there.”

  There was a ripple of nervous excitement.

  “Reejo Philbo?” asked Attila the Hun with wide eyes. His leather armor had been polished to a
high sheen. Even the horsetail jutting from his fur-trimmed hat had been neatly combed. However, the once-feared ruler of the Huns vigorously fanned himself as he took a deep, nervous breath.

  Larry smiled. “Don’t let it mess with your head. Don’t freak out. Just relax and have fun. Who’s ready to have some fun?”

  The crowd cheered once more.

  Teddy gave a nervous laugh. “At the battle at San Juan Hill, I was cool as a cucumber. Right now ... butterflies like you wouldn’t believe.”

  Sacajawea took his hands. “Take strength from the spirits of the Earth ... and the ocean ... and the four winds.”

  Teddy nodded and smiled.

  “And if that doesn’t work,” she continued. “Picture the audience naked.”

  Larry threw a fist into the air. “Let’s go!”

  As everyone filed out of the main hall, Larry zipped in front of them and made his way to the Center of Earth and Space. He jogged up the winding ramp leading up to the center of the giant sphere. He stepped inside to find the guests sitting at tables in the planetarium. With the darkened dome above their heads, the VIPs enjoyed an elegant dinner.

  As Larry made his way to the opposite wall, he spotted Dr. McPhee sitting at a table with Dr. Phelps and other board members. The director still tried to act casual, even though it was obvious to everyone that he was a nervous wreck.

  Larry checked his watch and then held up the walkie-talkie. “Cue music,” he whispered. On command, a sweeping orchestral score filled the air and the lights dimmed. Larry keyed the mic again. “And Teddy ... in three, two, one ...”

  A spotlight snapped on, revealing Teddy Roosevelt riding his horse into the large room. The crowd applauded.

  “Since 1869, when I was a mere boy of eleven,” Teddy began, “this museum has been a shining beacon to our great city. Its mission ... to bring the vast sweep of history to life. All the way back to the dawn of civilization itself.”

  From around the room, Neanderthals entered carrying torches. The crowd muttered in amazement as the cavemen made their way through the room. They lit small lamps on each of the guests’ tables.

  “Tonight, we expand our horizons even further,” said Teddy. “To the sun, the moon ... and the stars!” He pointed to the black dome above. “Since the beginning of time, mankind has looked to the heavens and given names to what he saw. The constellations.” He gave the audience a wink and smiled. “I thought you might like to meet them.”