by Erin Osborne
“I want to know about my husband,” I answer, not saying a word about myself.
“Mr. Jones is out of surgery and in ICU. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours will be critical to determine what happens. He had internal bleeding, his leg had to have extensive repairs, his spleen was removed, and we’re monitoring him closely right now. Honestly, I don’t know how he’s still alive. He’s going to have a long road to recovery ahead of him,” the doctor says, not sugar coating anything about my husband.
“When can I see him?” I ask, ignoring everyone in my room. My only concern is getting to my husband’s side.
“I don’t know that it’s a good idea in your condition,” he starts before I cut him off.
“Where is my fucking husband?” I yell, startling everyone in the room.
“I’ll take you there as soon as we get a wheelchair and the okay from Doctor Pritchard,” Psycho says, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“I’m not waiting! I want to go now,” I say, turning my pleading eyes to Psycho and ignoring everyone else in the room.
“I know you do. But you’re havin’ contractions and they want to keep the babies inside as long as possible. Don’t you want Bear with you when you have them?” Grave says, sitting on the other side of me and trying to get me to calm down.
“I do. But, I need to see him. I need to lay eyes on my husband,” I say, breaking down and crying with the pain that’s radiating through my body from my heart. It feels like it’s broken beyond repair right now.
Before anything else can be said, my doctor walks through the door with a wheelchair. She parks it by the end of the bed as she pulls a chart from cabinet next to me. I watch as she studies it for a few minutes and then turns to me.
“I know you want to go see your husband. I’m not going to stop you from going but I want to keep a nurse or someone with you. You’re still having contractions and I don’t want you to be alone in case something happens. When you leave him, you’ll be back in this room so that we can monitor you,” Doctor Pritchard says, unhooking me from the monitors and helping me out of bed.
I get settled in the wheelchair and Psycho pushes me down the hall and toward the elevator. Once we get to the floor below me, he pushes me toward a set of closed off doors. Pushing the button, he waits until they’re open enough for me to fit through and leads me to a room that the curtains are pulled over the windows so no one can see in. As we enter the room, I see Renegade sitting in a chair next to Bear’s side. He looks so lost and guilty as he raises his eyes to meet mine.
Turning my attention to my husband, I gasp at my first look of him. There’s tube and wires coming out of him from what seems like every part of his body. I break down in sobs as Psycho puts his hand on my shoulder while Renegade comes over to squat in front of me.
“Babe, he needs you to be strong for him right now. Bear’s fightin’ for his life and needs you to be the strong woman that we all know you are. You’re the one that’s goin’ to pull him out of this. You and those babies,” Renegade tells me, looking at me in the eyes as a tear rolls down his cheek.
I nod my head and stand up from the wheelchair after the wheels get locked. Making my way over to the hospital bed, I lean down and gently kiss my husband’s forehead. His face is cold and pale against the white of the sheets on the bed beneath him. I sit down in the chair Renegade vacated and hold his hand in mine. Tears roll unchecked down my cheek as I tell Bear that I’m having contractions and that they have me in the hospital too. Then I tell him all the mundane things that happened at the garage when he was gone. Renegade and Psycho give me time with him on my own while they stand out in the hall or go get something to eat. I’m not really sure and I don’t care where they are. This moment in time is all that matters right now.
It’s been hours and hours and I’m still sitting in the room with Bear. Members of the club have been in and out of the room visiting and checking on me. My doctor and Bear’s doctor try to get me to leave and go back up into my room to get hooked back up to the monitors and shit but I’m not ready. I refuse to leave my husband’s side. No matter where he is, I am. That’s the way it’s always going to be. This is not a permanent situation, it’s merely a setback for now.
Bear
I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m struggling to wake up and get out of bed. I feel like something is going to choke me and make me throw up. Starting to struggle, I feel arms wrap around me and hold me down. There’s a rustle of activity and then I feel the darkness pulling me back under. Not before I feel a slight wetness on my arm though. What the fuck is that?
At some point later, I wake up and can finally open my eyes. The light in the room is killing me and giving me a massive headache. I blink rapidly until things begin to come into focus. My friends are all surrounding me as I take them in. In the chair is a heavily pregnant woman. She’s sleeping with her head on my bed and her hand in mine. She doesn’t look familiar to me. Looking up at the guys in front of me, I try to figure out which one is going to be a father.
“Bear, what’s wrong?” Smokey asks, holding out a glass of water for me to sip on. My throat feels raw and extremely sore.
“Who’s that?” I ask my words sounding garbled and harsh to my own ears as I turn my eyes in the direction of the woman laying on my arm. “And my body hurts. Feels like I been run over by a truck.”
“You don’t remember your wife?” Psycho asks, standing behind the woman.
I look again at the woman laying on my arm. There’s no recognition as I look at the side of her face. She looks like an angel if I’m being honest. I don’t remember her though. Panic overtakes me as I try to recall being with anyone let alone married to someone.
“Calm down,” Renegade says to me. “The doctor is on his way in.”
Nodding my head, I try to calm myself down as I take a deep breath. Pain radiates through me as I inhale. What the fuck is wrong with me? Looking down my body, I see one leg in a sling and a cast on it. It’s not even a plaster cast, it’s basically just an ace wrap around whatever is under it. My other leg is covered by the blanket and I move my toes so to feel that I have no problems moving that leg. It hurts but I can move it. There are cuts and bruising on most of my body from what I can see.
“Mr. Jones, I see that you’re awake. I’m not even going to ask how you’re feeling because I can only imagine. Do you want anything for the pain right now?” a man I’m assuming is the doctor asks while walking up to my bed and reading a file in his hands.
“I am in pain, but I want to know why I can’t remember anythin’. My brothers are tellin’ me that the woman here is my wife and I have no knowledge of her,” I say, wanting to know what the hell is wrong with me.
I hear a sharp intake of breath and I feel the hand pulled away from me. Looking over at the woman who was asleep, I take in her looks. She’s got long blond hair with bright blue eyes. Her face is pale and I can see the pain and hurt she feels right now in her expressive eyes. Tears are rolling down her face and I feel nothing. If she was my wife, I’d feel some sort of connection to her. Wouldn’t I?
“Do you know anyone else in the room?” the doctor asks, looking at the men standing in the room surrounding me.
“She’s the only one I don’t know. The guys are my friends. They’re part of a club that I help out when it’s needed,” I answer, looking at the look of confusion on the faces of the men I’ve known my entire life.
“We’ll be doing some testing on you, but I have to say that you have short term memory loss. It happens when there’s severe trauma to a person in some capacity. I was told that you went over a cliff and was thrown about sixty feet. It could be a few hours before you start to remember things, or it could come back over a longer period of time. I don’t want anyone to be alarmed or try to push you into remembering things before you’re ready. It could cause more damage than what’s going on right now,” the doctor answers, beginning to check my vitals and give me the long list of injuries t
hat I suffered at whatever happened to me.
It’s been two weeks and I still don’t remember much from before I woke up in the hospital. The woman that I’ve been told is Callie comes to see me every day. Every day she walks in, I try to search my memory for something of her. I know the name because Silvia used to talk about her before she passed away. Nothing else comes to mind though. It hurts to watch her walk in the room every day wearing a bright smile until she realizes that I still don’t remember anything. Then I watch as her face falls and the pain shines through like a beacon calling out to me.
I want to remember what’s been happening in my life and whatever life I have obviously been sharing with Callie. Instead, I deal with the guys coming to visit me and holding themselves back because they don’t want to try to provoke any memories coming back before I’m ready. And I get to watch this beautiful woman sit with me and try to make me forget that I’m lying in a hospital bed only to be moved from here to a rehab center so I can begin to work on my leg. The doctor is hopeful that I’ll regain full use and only have a slight limp to remind of an accident that I can’t remember.
“So, today’s the day that you get out of here and move to the rehab center,” Callie says, sitting down in her usual chair while Psycho walks over to the window and stays behind her.
“Yep. Just waitin’ on transport and I’ll be out of here,” I answer, looking at her and trying to bring a memory of any time I spent with her up.
“Do you need anything to be brought to you?” she asks, going to reach out for my hand before pulling back and folding her hands in her lap.
“I don’t know. Maybe some clothes so that I don’t have to wear a stupid ass gown all the time,” I answer, frustration lacing my voice causing me to sound mean when I’m not trying to be that way toward her.
“O-o-okay,” she answers, turning her head to look at Psycho while standing up from the chair. “I’ll wait outside for Bishop to come say hello and then take me home. Bear, I’ll make sure one of the guys brings your stuff to you later on today.”
Without another word, I watch as the door closes behind Callie. Psycho walks over to me and I can see the rage he feels right now at the way I just treated her. Hell, I feel it every single second of every day. No one knows what it feels like not to remember months of their life because they’re not the ones going through it. They’re all trying to be patient and help me, but it doesn’t make the situation any fucking easier.
“She’s doin’ nothin’ but try to help you the fuck out. Callie doesn’t have to come down here every single fuckin’ day and put herself through the pain and agony of knowin’ that you’re not gonna remember her. But she does it. She walks through the halls and into this room to make sure that you’re still okay and stand by your side because you’re her fuckin’ husband. If she didn’t think it was goin’ to fuckin’ hurt you, she wouldn’t leave this hospital. Everythin’ that woman does is for you!” my best friend yells, trying to hurt me the way that I just hurt her.
“You don’t fuckin’ get it. Do you know what it’s like to be trapped in your own fuckin’ head and not remember a fuckin’ thing? No, you fuckin’ don’t. If you think I don’t want to remember a life I obviously had with her, you’re dead fuckin’ wrong. From what you’re tellin’ me, that’s my baby she’s carryin’ and I feel nothin’ about it,” I say, letting my voice get louder and louder as I speak.
“It’s not just one baby. You’re havin’ twin’s motherfucker. And she’s been alone for the last few weeks because of the accident. You better figure out what you fuckin’ want and do it quick because I’m not gonna stand by and let you continue to hurt Callie. She deserves better than that,” Psycho says, walking out the door and leaving me alone to my thoughts until the transport gets her.
Leaning back against the pillows, I rack my brain to try to remember anything more than the conversations with Silvia about her granddaughter. Nothing comes to mind though. The last thing I truly remember is helping the guys buy a few new bikes, hiring Bishop to work in the garage along with Carson, and Silvia dying. I don’t remember anything after that. I figure that I lost almost a year of memories at least. It could be more than that. Closing my eyes, I give up trying to remember anything and let sleep claim me. It seems to be the only thing I do these days.
Chapter Seventeen
Callie
IT’S BEEN A MONTH SINCE THE ACCIDENT AND all the drama that goes with it. I have been doing my best to stand by my man and be a good ol’ lady, but the stress does get to me. Over the last few days I’ve been having some pain in my back but today it feels like someone is trying to rip my spine out. These babies need to come soon, because my body can’t take much more. Deciding that today is a great day to clean our house top to bottom, I grab all my cleaning supplies including an old toothbrush so the floor will be really clean and put on my cleaning play list. Montel Jordan’s This Is How We Do It begins, and I get busy. Starting in the bedrooms I work non-stop until every single room sparkles, and you could eat off the floors. A few hours later I’m in the kitchen when I realize getting on the floor to clean was not my brightest idea. I’m not sure how I will get up. Calling Renegade or Psycho to come over and help me is going to be very embarrassing.
As I am looking up the number for one of the brothers to come get me off the floor, I hear my door open and Bentley calling my name. I tell him I’m in the kitchen and he comes in. He rushes to my side to be sure that I did not get hurt but once I tell him why I am on the floor he starts laughing. Bentley calls the brothers to share my very embarrassing situation. I’m glad that he thinks this shit is funny. He helps me off the floor and to the kitchen table when I have the most god-awful pain rip across my stomach. I’m unable to stop the scream that leaves my mouth and sends Bentley into a panic. Within a minute or two the pain has lessened, and I hear the sound of rumbling motorcycles and feel the vibration of many of them coming down the drive.
Renegade is the first one through the door and he doesn’t look like he thinks it was as funny as Bentley did. Before he can begin to yell at me, another pain hits me. I tell them as calmly as I can, with panic on my face, that I think I’m in labor. Psycho is at my side in an instant holding my hand while Renegade grabs his phone. I think he’s calling for an ambulance, but I hear him calling Bear instead. Hadliegh and Psycho help me to the car while Bentley puts my hospital bag in the car. Psycho tells me that Renegade is going to the rehab center to get Bear. I have so many feelings running through my mind. Bear has agreed to be at the hospital because of his brothers, but he doesn’t really feel the connection to me that would make him want to be there because I’m his wife and these are his children. I want him in the room, but I can’t push him to do more than what he wants to do. Instead, I have to just do what I can for our children and be ready when he finally remembers me. If he remembers me at all.
We arrive at the hospital in less than five minutes, and as I get out of the car the nurses rush towards me with a wheelchair to get me upstairs and to the maternity ward. It seems like hours later they finally have me in a room ready to deliver. I’m hooked to monitors and feel like I should be picking up alien signals with all the wires hooked to me. Psycho and Hadliegh have not left my side since we arrived and have promised not to leave me alone. The doctor comes in and says that I am dilated to a seven and will not deliver for a few hours. I am encouraged to get an epidural and some rest while I can. I decide to go ahead with the epidural while I still can. Soon it will be too late to make that decision. Once the doctor leaves, Bear arrives being pushed by Renegade and a cute little nurse follows them in. I’m happy to see them, but not the tagalong. Renegade informs me that the rehab only agreed to let Bear leave if she came with him. I think the nurse is trying to pull some shit and just wants to spend time with my man, but I’m in no position to do anything about it.
“He’s here now, and you can see that there are plenty of people to help him,” Hadliegh wastes no time telling the washed-up porn st
ar wannabe. “You are free to wait in the lounge with others who are not family.”
“I’m supposed to stay by his side,” she tries to tell us but is interrupted by Bear himself.
“You heard her,” He growls at her with an obvious frown, “Just because I can’t remember shit doesn’t mean I need you tryin’ to make my wife uncomfortable.”
I don’t know what to say to him, as I watch her scramble to leave the room her face a bright red. Serves her right trying to make a play for my man when neither of us can do much about it right now. Opening my mouth, I go to thank him, but another contraction hits me. I cry out unable to hold it in this time as the pain becomes unbearable and realize he is holding my hand. It seems like he’s working on instinct and doesn’t realize that he’s holding my hand as I look down where our fingers are laced together. Once the contraction is over, the nurse walks in and says that my monitors show that the contractions are moving faster than expected. She has already called the doctor when I let out an audible gasp.
“Either my water broke, or I peed the bed,” I say, embarrassment showing all over my face as I feel the blush creeping up my face to my hairline.
“Girl, that’s the least of what’s comin’,” I hear Psycho say with a chuckle
“Shut up!” I growl at him, afraid of what is to come. “My babies will be coming out clean and fully dressed. There will be nothing gross about it.”
The whole room, nurses included, bust out laughing at my words. I know I’m living in a dream world, but reality just sucks at the moment, so I deserve this. Looking up, I see that Bear is heading toward the door to go to the waiting room. He turns and gives me a small smile and says that he will be back in a bit. I know that he is overwhelmed and needs to escape, but I really need him to be here. Renegade lets me know that he will be waiting with Bear until the babies are born.
Hadliegh moves close to me and grabs the hand that Bear had been holding while the nurses set up for the delivery that appears to be happening any minute. The contractions are coming quickly, and the pain is more than I believed to be possible, but I know that I will be having two beautiful babies at any time. Doctor Pritchard walks in and it seems like that was the signal to my children who decide that it is now time to claw their way into the world. After about four pushes my son makes his way screaming into the world. I’m sure that he won’t be needing any breathing help as much as he is kicking and screaming. I order Psycho to stay with my son while Hadliegh stays with me to deliver my daughter. I’m so busy concentrating on helping my daughter into the world that I miss the look that Psycho gives me. He must be one of the few that don’t realize one of the baby’s is a girl. Even with all the baby stuff stored in his room at the clubhouse.
