I watch as his expression falters when he takes my hand to kiss my knuckles. Then he brushes it against his cheek as he tries to hold back the tears. As one slides down, I move my hand slightly to catch it.
“Devin, I don’t blame you.”
“It would be easier if you did.”
“How can you say that?”
“I just…”
I know he is about to collapse into a million pieces. I know this man so well I can tell his thoughts just from the expression on his face.
“It’s okay, Dev. I’m here. We’ll get through this.”
“If I’d lost you…”
He cradles my hand in his as he nuzzles it against his cheek.
“You know I feel the same, right?”
He just stares at me for the longest time before nodding and brushing his lips against the back of my hand.
“Don’t scare me like that again.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Good.”
“Now let’s work on getting me out of here. I just got up, but I’m already so done with this place.”
Devin laughs so hard at this that he shakes.
“Baby, you’ll stay as long as is necessary.”
“Find your sister, and get me out of here.”
Chuckling, he says, “My pleasure, baby.”
And then he leaves the room in search of Alexis.
***
Three hours later, Lexie discharges me into home care with enough facilitators to start a hospital of our own. After the care I received at the hospital, Devin is apparently not taking any chances, so he’s insisted that Lexie stay until I am well. Under the direct supervision of Dr. Alexis, all the doctors feel confident that I will be better off at home, especially with the heightened security that the hospital seriously lacked.
Settling into the warmth of the twelve-hundred-thread-count sheets and the overstuffed comforter, I find myself sinking into heaven, and boy, do I love every minute of it.
This is much better.
Strolling into the room, Devin chuckles as I murmur my pleasure at being comfortable.
“Better?” he asks, sitting down beside me.
“Hmmm, much. Thank you.”
“Of course, baby.”
Taking his place on one side of the bed, he’s bending to tuck me in when I pull on his arm, drawing his lips within reach of mine for a hungry kiss that goes on and on. We only stop to take a much-needed breath, and by then we’re both panting in our desire for each other. Then Devin reluctantly pulls away, putting some distance between us.
“Don’t.”
His voice strains at the words as his eyes pin me in place.
“Don’t what?”
I’m trying to act innocent, but the giggling isn’t helping my case.
“Don’t start something I won’t be able to stop.”
“Why would you have to stop?”
“Baby, please. You’re killing me here. I’m desperate for you, but right now you need to rest and get better.”
Sticking my bottom lip out, he just smirks at me and shakes his head.
“No.”
“Aw, I was just getting a taste of you.”
“Bad girl.”
“Seemed good to me.”
“Too good—that’s the problem.”
I can’t but laugh, but then I double over from the pain the shaking has caused.
“This is what I mean, baby. You need to behave, or we’ll have to make different arrangements, and believe me, I don’t want you anywhere out of my sight. Neither does Jason. He practically sealed off the hospital wing to ensure your safety.”
Regaining my strength, I readjust to find a more comfortable position before changing the subject.
“How is Jason?”
Devin’s eyes are hooded when he takes in my question.
“He’s pissed that he didn’t stop this from happening.”
“It’s not his fault.”
Without giving it a thought, I speak the words, knowing Jason won’t accept the—nor Devin. It breaks my heart to see them beaten up over something beyond their control, but they’re proud men, and that pride resonates with all that they cherish and love.
“He knows that, and I do, too.”
“You do?”
Eureka! We have a breakthrough.
“You’re right, and I’ve been thinking about it. This guy must have been watching us for a while to grab you with my back so literally turned. Plus, he must have known that the security detail was watching, too, because he had a pretty well laid-out plan of escape.”
“Did the police figure out anything?”
Since the attack and subsequent hospital stay, the security detail and the police have spent a tremendous number of man-hours trying to follow the attacker’s actions, only to come up short of actually catching him.
“No, honey. He’s gone.”
“Dev, you know he’s not gone. He’ll be back when he wants.” I’m resigned to the fact that he will return. He’s always going to be out there somewhere, and we will have to live our lives constantly looking over our shoulders, wondering when he’ll attack again. “We can’t stop him.”
“Baby, don’t.” He takes my hand between his, kissing my knuckles. “We’ll stop him. Don’t worry.”
“Devin, I’ve been on borrowed time for a decade now, honey. He just let me off easy this time because you guys were nearby.”
“Easy?! This was getting off easy? Are you serious?”
Exasperated, Devin yells louder than he initially intends.
Jerking as though he’s slapped me, I turn to bury my head in the pillow. I try to move away from him, as far as I can go, but I’m unable to go anywhere. Trying to be brave is hard enough when you have support, but much harder when you feel you’re on a different page with your partner.
When Devin turns and sees my reaction, he rushes to my side, comforting me as much as I will let him. We both know that the nightmares from this will extend for years to come. I know he experiences them, too, whenever he closes his eyes. I just have to allow him to be here for me when I scream in my sleep, and then I can be here with him, when he cries out without knowing it.
“Don’t. Just don’t.”
I can feel the tears streaming down my face while I hug the pillow, grasping it with all my strength.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he states like a mantra, trying to put a salve on a wound.
Unable to look at him, I keep my distance, moving away as he comes closer.
“Just go, Devin. I don’t need to deal with this right now.”
The pain meds are beginning to wear off, and my composure is beginning to snap as a result. I don’t want him to see me like this. I want him to see my bravery and determination, not my defeated and resigned breakdown.
Knowing how much he’s messed up and yet uncertain as to how to fix things, Devin just stands to leave and make his way to the door.
Crushed that he may actually leave, I turn enough to see the back of him. I want more than anything for him to come over and make things right.
Just as he reaches for the handle, he pauses, taking what seems like an eternity contemplating his next move.
Just when I think he is actually gone, he turns back to me, moving swiftly toward the bed, grabbing me into his arms with determined force.
I momentarily still before allowing myself to relax in his embrace.
“Clar baby. I’m sorry for my outburst. I’m just so frustrated.”
He came back, he didn’t leave.
I busy myself inhaling his scent. It’s all Devin, pure and simple, with a speck of wine mixed in.
Quiet sobs move through me as I allow him to continue to hold me. They eventually subside to trickles of gulps before turning into heavy breathing that lulls me back to sleep.
Only in his arms I have found the peace that has otherwise eluded me.
***
I can’t help but wonder what will happen next.
For a decade, I was on the run, yet living out in the open doesn’t seem to be an option anymore as I recover from the attack that wasn’t as bad as the first time.
This time I was waiting for him. This time I knew he was coming. This time…
Then the realization hits me: I’m here this time because he’s letting me be here. He has total control over my life—literally. This is something that doesn’t sit well with me.
Can I endure another decade—or more—of this? What if they never find him? What if…
Startled, I jump, sitting up as Devin wakes besides me, pulling me into his arms once again.
“Baby, you okay? Nightmare?”
“Something like that.”
“Tell me.”
“Dev, he’s going to come back.”
The silence is deafening as it fills the room. Even in the dead of night, the idea of this maniac coming back for me is still so terrifying.
“I know.”
“I realize now that he has been waiting to come back, but you know something, Dev?”
“What, baby?”
“I was actually waiting for him. I know now that I have been waiting for him to come back for me. I knew he’d do this again, and knowing it somehow makes this all actually easier in a way.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s the truth.” I pull away from him to look into his eyes, watching his expression as I continue. “It’s better that I was prepared for him. Otherwise I’d be a disaster right now.”
“I hate that this happened to you. I think I hate more that you expected it.”
“Dev, if I hadn’t been expecting it to happen, I’d be extremely messed up right now.”
He puts his arms around me once again and I breathe in the scent that is so uniquely his.
“We’ll get through this, baby. We’ll figure it out somehow.”
Not saying anything else, I am just happy that in this moment, that we have each other. The rest we’ll figure out or deal with as it comes along.
***
I spend the next week thinking about everything that I can’t control. I’m infuriated that this man holds so much power over me, and that someone I don’t know could be such a huge part of my life.
Why? Will I ever find out the answer to this question?
Probably not, but so be it, I will try hard to live my life on my terms. I’ve been stubborn from the start, and the attacks—difficult as they were—have never robbed me of my determination to achieve my goals. The main one is keeping the love of my life safe by my side. I’m pretty sure Devin feels the same way, as he spends a great deal of time and concern on my health and safety. These qualities are the things that mean so much to me, and for him to go above and beyond just shows me how much he loves me.
Recovering sucks. It’s boring. You sit around waiting for your body to heal while your mind races with thoughts. Your body gets squishy from lack of movement, and you’re immobile, either because your body can’t handle it, or because someone won’t let you.
Namely Devin, and his overprotective streak. The damn stubborn man won’t let me leave the bed. Which would be fun under normal circumstances, but it’s not due to my injuries and subsequent surgeries from the missed nicked artery. He won’t touch me other than for comfort, and it’s really pissing me off.
Recovery also makes you realize that you have options, options you never thought possible before. As the slow progression of healing takes place, I realize that I have work to do to get both me and Devin safe and secure in the life I hope we will be putting together from here on out. First things first, though. Now that my healing is almost done, I need to prepare better for the next attack. That means spending some time with Jason.
Though he is currently acting elusive, I’m certain that he’s somewhere nearby. I know for a fact that Devin wouldn’t allow just anyone to keep an eye on my security. Jason is the best in security, so this next step definitely requires his cooperation.
Making my way through the kitchen toward the surveillance room, I feel uncomfortable intruding upon this area of the house, but at the same time, I know I need to do this. When I enter the room, he stands to face me with an odd expression, seeming to question why I am here—without actually coming right out and asking me.
“Jason.”
“Clara.”
“Um, hello.”
Suddenly this feels like a bad idea, but really, what other choice do I have?
“I don’t think you came her to say hello,” he says, smirking. “But hello back, just the same. What’s up?”
“I would like you to teach me some self-defense. I’d also like you to teach me whatever you think I need to know to prepare for the next time he comes for me.”
I don’t feel the need to hold anything back with my requests. I’m sure Devin has filled him in on my theories.
“Okay. That’s a great idea, but I think we should include Devin in this, too.”
“You do? Why?”
“Because I want the two of you to work in unison, so that when this happens again, neither of you will be surprised. If we have both of you preparing together on self-defense and some combat training, then I think your responses will complement each other’s more during an attack. I know you both will be together, and given what happened, had you been trained, you could maybe have been able to signal a problem that would have alerted Devin or one of the security details faster. Better yet, with some training, maybe we can avoid something like that happening altogether.”
“Teamwork, huh?”
“Yes, teamwork. Symbiotic self-defense in one way to prepare, and some one-on-one combat training for those kinds of attacks would prepare you even better. Self-defense itself has limited one-on-one combat tactics for what you’re up against, so we need the next step in defense.”
“Now that is exactly what I was hoping you’d say.”
Giddy with excitement, I bounce as I stand in place next to the door.
“Okay, I’ll let Devin know we’re ready to start.”
“Wait, you guys were thinking about this already?”
“Um, yeah. In a way.”
“Why am I the last to know about this?”
“Well, we wanted you to come to us first.”
Stunned into silence, I just watch him.
“We were going to insist on this in a few weeks if you hadn’t mentioned anything.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I don’t want you to go through that again, and Devin sure as heck doesn’t want anything happening to you—at all. So, the way I figured it, you would eventually either come asking me to help you, or you would ask Devin what needed to be done to keep you both safe.”
“So, you guys think you know me that well, huh?”
“Not me. Devin.”
“Devin?”
“Yep. He thought it best to let you decide how you wanted to approach your safety. I was just to wait to see what you did next.”
“That little…” Fumbling for the words, I wave my hands around above my head, knowing I look like a lunatic, but still trying to come up with the right words. “That… That…”
“Knows you pretty well, doesn’t he?”
Jason just chuckles.
“God, I love that man.”
“Me, too, but more like a brother.”
I laughing so hard I have to clutch my side. I feel a sense of relief like I have never felt before, and a sense of rightness. Devin is my everything, and it definitely seems as if it isn’t one-sided.
“Great. When do we start?”
Clapping my hands together, I really want to begin now.
“You’re not going to like this.”
“What?”
“We’ll start when you are well. So, for now, go back to bed.”
My mouth literally falls open in shock. Seriously?
“Bastard.”
Defeated, I turn and head back to the bedroom.
Bastard. I want to star
t now. Okay, okay. I see the point in waiting, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
***
Time does not seem to fly by at all. To the contrary, it stands still when you watch each second tick by. After a few weeks, Lexie gave Devin the all clear for me to do some light activity. She also said that it would be just a few more weeks to finish my healing, and then I could regain normal activities.
Thankfully, working from home means it doesn’t matter where I am, so long as there is access to a laptop and Wi-Fi. With work not a problem, the cats staying at Le Château Robinson the condo isn’t an issue, either, which means my life is mostly on track, even though I haven’t been much a part of it for weeks. Sad as it may be, it’s comforting in a way knowing that nothing has been too disturbed while I’ve been recovering.
“Ready to start?”
“Start what? Your sister said light activity. So what’s there to do?”
“For starters, let’s get back to our morning meetings. I miss the bakery.”
“Oh, my sesame bagel with cucumber cream cheese! Yes, I would love that again. When do we start?”
“How about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? You serious? But we’re here! Far away from the bakery.”
“We can drive there, you know.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
Chuckling as he usually did when he was delighted with her forgetfulness, Devin doesn’t think anything of it at the time.
“I love you, you know that, right?”
“I love you, too, baby.”
I shove his shoulder, shaking my head.
“Okay, we’ll start tomorrow.”
“Thank you. Now let’s go to the gym and get you walking a bit today.”
“I thought we were starting tomorrow?”
“Lexie said light activity. Walking after weeks in bed is extremely light. Plus, I think after just doing that, you’ll probably be exhausted and sleep until we leave for the bakery tomorrow.”
“Oh, really?”
It’s annoying how well he knows me.
“Yep.”
He smacks my butt lightly and I yelp in surprise, making my way downstairs to the gym.
“Okay, we’ll see.”
After an hour of the slowest walking I’ve ever done in my life, I am almost too tired to shower before I collapse into bed.
Heart's Desire (Game of Hearts Series Book 2) Page 14
