by BL Craven
Alison never strayed far out of my notice. The swelling was gone from her eye, but she had the starting of a bruise that her makeup mostly covered. In another day, even makeup wouldn’t help. She wore a flannel button-up, cut for a woman’s figure, topped with a black leather vest. Her black felt cowboy hat hid some of her auburn hair that had been swept over her shoulders by the wind to fall midway down her back.
More than once, she caught me looking. I just shrugged my shoulders at her slightly puzzled looks. I guessed she was my sister once again, and although she was attractive, she was supposed to be off limits. My heart was arguing with my brain nonstop. I would never have recognized her if I’d seen her somewhere else. She didn’t resemble Bill, but then, hell, she didn’t resemble the girl I knew before I’d left either.
Of all the changes that had happened while I served my country, my inability to recognize Alison shocked me the most. Part of me had evidently changed as well, because no matter how much I tried not to think about her, I found myself drawn back into her eyes.
After the wedding, everyone moved right to the reception, held in the cleaned-up hay barn. Jackson had had a dozen of the ranch hands clean it out yesterday after the fight. Tables of food lined the middle of the barn, and everyone dug right into delicious burgers and steaks, roasted corn, potatoes, and salads of all sorts. A stereotypical fitting Western meal. My mouth watered, and I made myself a plate. I found a square bale of hay off to the side and sat on it, balancing the plate on my lap so I could use the utensils.
“This seat taken?”
I looked up into Alison’s face. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, but I did.
I put my utensils down and patted the bale of hay. “Na, you can sit next to me.”
“You know, before you left, you didn’t give two shits about me. Now you’ve been in two fights on the same day you get back, defending me.” Her voice was full of curiosity, not anger, not fear.
“Tim was trying to hurt you,” I told her.
“No, you hated me. You hated my dad. You hated all of this.” She motioned all around us with her arm.
I’d expected anger from her - the same anger that had lived inside of me for years. All of what she said was true. Her curiosity instead of anger confused me.
“I think I was angrier at my dad,” I said after thinking about it.
“Bill?”
“No, my dad. For leaving us.”
“Cameron, he died.” Alison patted my hand.
“Yeah, I know. But then Mom married Bill so soon afterward and… I think I took it out on everyone around me.”
“Mom and Dad, they were friends, even in high school. They used to date, you know?”
“They did?” The last twenty-four hours had packed many surprises.
“Yeah.”
“So what happened?” I hated that I knew less about my mother’s life than Alison.
“She wanted kids.”
I looked at her, searching for the joke. Her eyes gave no punch line, and I swallowed, trying to think of what that meant.
“I don’t understand.”
“Dad can’t have kids.”
“He had you, didn’t he?” I asked puzzled.
“I’m adopted. Bill and Carol adopted me as a baby.”
Something clicked in my heart. Adopted?
“Holy shit,” I muttered.
“You didn’t know?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“They didn’t tell me until a couple of years ago. I figured you already knew. They said I’d had a hard enough time when my mom died.”
I knew she meant Carol. “I’m sorry,” I told her, meaning it. I prepared myself for anything - tears, anger at my stupidity - anything except what I got.
She laughed at me. She snorted big belly laughs that shook her whole body.
“What?”
“You looked so sad.”
“I’m not sad, I mean, that’s sad, but I’m not sad. I mean...”
She laughed harder. With the tension broken, we ate in silence, not an awkward silence, but lost in our own thoughts. She seemed far more mature than her nineteen years, and I really scolded myself for being such an ass years ago.
She had grown into a kind woman. She admitted to giving me a hard time when she was younger, hating that I was mad at the world and hating everything and everyone in it. I admitted the truth in her judgment but reassured her that I’d moved on.
As we talked, something changed inside me, but I couldn’t pin down what it was. Attraction? Yearning? For Ali? People drifted in and out, talking to us, and when the music started up, Ali took our plates and set them aside.
“What?” I asked as she took my beat-up hands in hers.
“The wedding party. It’s time for us to dance.” She held out her hands shyly, but smiling at me in a way that made my heart dance with joy.
“Dance?” I panicked. Oh shit! This isn’t going to be awkward or anything.
“Come on.” She pulled me by the hand to the middle of the barn floor.
I’d known how to dance when I was younger. Any cowboy worth his salt could do two things: ride a horse and take a lady dancing. It’d been so long for me that my movements were stiff and wooden. Ali actually took the lead for a while until I began to relax. I stared over her shoulder, expecting folks to stare at us. I danced with Ali, and my mind questioned if there was something wrong with it? I met my mom’s eyes as she danced with Bill. She smiled and blew me a quick kiss. Did they know what was going through my head? Did I know for that matter?
Ali laughed and when the song turned slow, she stepped in close to me, putting her arm around me. I immediately slowed my dance and went with it.
I could do this, I could dance with Ali and it wouldn’t be weird, would it? Nobody else seemed to give us funny looks, but I expected them. Instead, I found myself relaxing despite my rocketing heart rate every time Ali met my eyes and our gazes locked.
“You know, I never expected this,” her voice whispered into my chest.
“What’s that?” I asked her.
“For you to quit being angry. I thought you’d hate me like you did back then. Now you’re looking at me like...”
Ouch. I was sure she could tell I was looking at her hungrily. I couldn’t stop looking at her, and it was twisting me up in knots.
“I don’t know what my problem was back then. You’re not the same little girl yourself,” I interrupted, my voice unsteady.
“People change. I’m glad you were here. Thank you, Cameron.” She hugged me tightly, resting her head on my shoulder as the song ended.
We grabbed some drinks, a Shiner Boch for me and some of the mystery punch for her. She dragged me to the table where Jackson and his wife Sandy sat with many of the ranch hands and their families. Jackson talked about the coming honeymoon, lists of tasks that had to be done while my mom and Bill were gone, and what the ranch was going to do for the one to two weeks while they flew to China for the adoption.
As I listened, I noticed they’d be short of hands to ride the southwestern fence line to investigate where a few loose cattle had wandered off in that direction. Nobody could find a break in the barbed wire. I soaked in all the talk, quietly memorizing everything I could.
Riding fence was always put on the bottom of the list to do. I had walked out of the Army without a plan. I wasn’t destitute, because I’d saved almost every penny while overseas, but I knew without something to do or some action, I’d be restless. Despite trying to remain quiet, I sat on the edge of the seat until my knee almost touched Ali’s sitting beside me. She poked me playfully in the ribs, and I almost jumped backward in surprise.
“What?”
She poked her tongue out at me, and the whole table laughed.
“Oh, come on. I know I’m ticklish, but that can’t be all that funny, can it?”
“Ticklish?” Sandy asked. “I thought she surprised you. After beating Tim’s ass, we thought nobody scared you.”
“Well, there’s old tall, dark, and ugly,” I pointed at Jackson’s weathered face, his smile breaking into a grin at my words.
“I gave you hell, boy. You turned out okay.”
“I missed you, too, Jackson.”
“Awwww shoot, I’m gonna go get me a beer before those two start kissin’,” one of the hands said in mock disgust, and three of the single hands joined them, leaving me room to get closer to the table. Ali smiled and scooted her chair up too.
“I’m not kissing you, man,” I told Jackson.
“Even if I was snake bit, I’d never pick you to suck the poison out.”
“Seriously, what can I do to help? It sounded like you’re going to be short-handed with Bill gone.”
“That isn’t the half of it. I have half the crew running equipment to bring water pipes from the river in so we can keep some stock ponds in water this year. If we don’t get it done before the fall rains, it’s going to be bad.”
“How bad?”
“Sell off half the herd, or lease property with better water rights.”
“Didn’t we always have good water here?”
“Yeah, well, that’s until Carl Bart started developing the south end of his property. The whole river changed direction, and now our water comes from a well and a few windmills to try to keep things pumped.”
“He can’t change the course of the river. That isn’t legal.”
“Try telling him that. His family practically runs the county.”
“I’ve met him and his brother already,” I said, looking at my bruised and scabbed knuckles.
“Yeah, well, that’s just one of the problems. Water is the biggest issue, and then there’s the fences getting cut on the adjoining property lines… random calves coming up dead. It’s a bad time for Bill to go.”
“Well, like I said, what can I do to help? I don’t have much experience running heavy equipment, so I’m guessing I’d be better on checking out some of the other stuff. Fences, checking on the calves.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“Me? No. I’m done with the Army. Actually, I was sort of blindsided by all of this. Figure I’ll help out here till Mom and Bill gets back, and then see where the cards fall.”
“I thought you hated this life, boy?” His weathered face looked at me, puzzled.
“A lot has happened to open my eyes. It’s almost too much to take in.” I meant more than the surprise of the wedding and more than the waking feelings for Ali. The events of last two days overwhelmed me.
“Okay, then I’ll put you on the payroll tomorrow. Have Ali find a free horse for you to use. I’ll have you riding fence if that’s what you want.”
“Don’t worry about putting me on the payroll yet, but I’ll be glad to help. I’ve spent the better part of seven years shooting and fighting. A week or two on horseback and some mountains seems like the kind of vacation I could only dream about,” I told him truthfully.
A small touch on my left arm interrupted me. Ali rubbed her hand on my forearm absentmindedly while listening to the conversation. As much as I wanted to follow that distraction, I needed to lock in my opportunity. “Actually, I think I can talk Charlie out of Lightning for a couple weeks. He’s going on vacation, isn’t he?”
Jackson groaned. “Yeah, I forgot about that. Another thing to make matters difficult. Charlie and a couple others have some time off coming. Maybe I can talk Charlie out of leaving until big Bill gets back.”
“I can ask him,” Alison chirped.
“Okay, I’ll be on it in the morning,” I told Jackson and Ali.
“You know where to go check?” Jackson asked me.
“I’ll ride with him. Until Tim is locked up,” Ali offered.
“Oh yeah, he will probably think twice about coming around Cam.”
“That’s a good idea, Alison,” Sandy interjected, and a couple of the hands nodded and grunted.
“Okay, enough about work. You two should be dancing and having fun.”
“I think you have a lot to catch up on, don’t you?” Jackson asked me. The look in his eyes made me feel like a teenager again, and my face heated up as it turned red. Jackson had always known when I had been up to mischief. He was more than just the ranch foreman. He’d served as another father figure or an odd uncle.
Another poke to the ribs had me jumping and yelping. Everyone laughed, and I turned to stare at Alison.
“It’s good you’re home. I haven’t had anybody to pick on in a long time.” She smiled as she dropped a wink at me.
“Oh God,” I moaned as the others laughed.
Before things got too bad, Alison pulled me by the hand back to the dance floor. Somebody must have requested some Big & Rich as the familiar sounds of the intro to ‘Save a Horse’ blasted over the speakers. I grinned and swept her around the room until the songs changed. A light pull on my shoulder signaled somebody else wanted to dance. Some of the ladies from my high school days took their turn with me on the floor. After the song ended, I looked around and found Alison sitting down by her dad and my mom, another cup of mystery punch in her hand.
“Hi there,” I said, bumping her over with my hip so I could sit down.
“Rude,” she pouted.
“Are you having a good time?” Bill asked.
“Yeah, yeah I am. I’m sorry, guys. I’m so happy for the both of you, but I’m sorry for all those years ago,” I said again.
“Don’t worry yourself over it,” Bill told me.
Mom reached her arms out, and I hugged her, letting the last of my old anger wash away. Tonight would be a night of happiness and changes. I caught Bill’s gaze over Mom’s hug, and he smiled. A word took root in my head. Family. For the first time in years, I felt like I had a complete family, in spite of the trip hammer beating of my heart around Alison.
I looked at her and smiled. If I had to pick any girl to ride with me any day before today, it wouldn’t have been Ali. But the ache in my heart I felt right now meant I wanted more from her - from us. In just one day, Alison had helped me open my eyes and bury my anger, to understand what it was I’d missed in those years when my father was sick.
I knew I’d been young when it happened, but I didn’t think I’d ever considered what effect it had had on me. Being angry at everyone for everything had masked what I felt myself. Why be anything but an equal opportunity shithead?
That was why it was refreshing to talk to Alison. The fact that she’d turned out so pretty put me off guard, enough to shock me into listening before I let the anger take control. Now, every time she touched or came near me, it astonished me. I’d spent most of my life hating the memory of a child who no longer existed. Worse, the beautiful, and heck, genuinely nice woman next to me had somehow captured my heart in a way no other woman had. I had never been brother of the year material back then, but she wasn’t the only one who had changed. I couldn’t help wondering if she’d noticed.
My mom made her way over in my direction. “I’m going to be helping Jackson in the morning. I grabbed the couch last night, but is there one of the bunkhouses that aren't full yet?” I asked her.
“Oh, hey, you were too tired yesterday, and I forgot to tell you about it today. You have Tory’s cabin. She moved out last year to move in with her kids. She was getting up there you know.”
“Yeah, Mom, I do. But don’t worry, you had a lot to think about today,” I grinned.
“You thinking about heading in early?” Bill asked.
“I might. I know it’s nighttime, but my body is still eight to twelve hours ahead of you guys. I have to try to get back into the right sleep patterns, or you’ll find me snoozing in the barn.”
“Well, feel free to. I know I sprung all this on you rather quickly, but I didn’t think...”
“Mom, I would have acted like the world’s biggest ass. I know it. You know it. Besides, I have to look for a job here, and this has been a crazy fun way for me to get back into a civilian lifestyle, and
...”
Somebody tugged on my arm, and I turned. Ali frowned, and a tall full-figured woman my age stood just behind me, off to the left. Her smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, and the light made her dark glossy hair shine. My eyes widened as I recognized Karen, my high school sweetheart from forever ago. Her family owned one of the largest construction businesses in the state, and she’d always been the ambitious type, using her looks to get her what she wanted. I’d fallen into her charms once for a time, before I’d realized how much of a bitch she was.
“Hey, cowboy, can I have this dance?” she asked.
I just nodded and followed her to the dance floor. I panicked and looked at my parents. Bill smiled woodenly, but Mom had a weird look on her face. Alison looked away, but before I knew it, an old Kenny Rogers song began, and Karen moved in close, pressing herself into me as we started to slow dance.
“It’s been a long time,” she whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my back. Her breasts crushed against my chest as we slowly moved around the other couples on the dance floor.
“I left right after graduation.”
“You never called me, Cam.”
“There wasn’t anything to say.” The heat in my body didn’t warm my cold tone; Karen had always had that effect on me.
“I was devastated when you left, you know.”
“It was over by then.”
“For you, maybe.”
“I’m sorry. I had a lot on my plate over there.”
“Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria?”
“Yeah. How’d you know?”
“I kept in touch with folks. I knew when you were coming home too.”
“How’d you know that?”
“Tyler. You met him yesterday, I think.”
“Tyler?” I asked, her breath hot on my neck as she pulled me tighter.
“The sheriff. My husband,” she laid a quick kiss on my neck, under my jawline.
I moved my head in time, barely. My body rippled in goose bumps with the words as much as the forbidden kiss. “Oh shit.”
