“Sorry. I’ll be serious now.” She pushes on her cheeks to keep from laughing again. “I’m intrigued. Her name is Lisa Schmitt. We don’t know anyone with her name, although we grew up only a couple of towns away from hers. You both end up going to the same college, medical school, and residency. She lives in the same apartments as Jessica did. You both end up at the same bar last night. It’s as if you’ve been living parallel lives with near chances to meet but something always interfered. Until now.”
We walk into our apartment complex and toward the elevator. “You watch too many romance movies, little sister.”
She pushes the button for the elevator. “You have been so closed off and ballistic since everything happened. You are different this morning. A little lighter, if I can describe it that way. Or maybe, happier?” she says with caution. “You actually thanked me for picking you up.”
“Me? Happy? You’re stretching it.”
“James, you’re mentally more stable right now than you have been for the past year. You wake up every morning pissed off at the world. Anger and sadness seep out of you like a bad smell. Everyone’s afraid to talk to you or approach you about anything. You’ve stopped caring about life in general. The only thing I’m happy you still do is exercise. You do it obsessively, but it’s better than nothing.”
The elevator door opens, and we walk in. When the door closes, she takes hold of my shoulders. “I observe you now, and it’s as if a miniscule part of your shell has been chipped away. Your body movements and the way you talk aren’t as abrasive as usual. You also haven’t used the word ‘fuck’ since I picked you up. That’s a miracle in itself.” She leans against the elevator wall. “Don’t get me wrong—you are nowhere near back to normal, but you are better than yesterday. I’ll take anything I can get.”
I scratch my beard. “Last night was an eye-opener. I hit rock bottom. It was one year yesterday since it happened.”
Her face droops. “I’m sorry. I forgot it was yesterday.” She hugs me tight.
“I need to change something. I can’t live like this anymore.” I cringe, thinking about Lisa helping me. I am such a dick.
She lets me go and turns around as the elevator chimes. “I’m happy you finally realize this. That’s a great sign. Hopefully, this revelation sticks with you.
“I can only take it one day at a time. I can’t say what will happen tomorrow.” I’m scared about tomorrow. Will I turn right back into an angry monster?
“We don’t expect you to change in one day. Hearing you say you need to change is a huge step forward.” She unlocks the apartment door and steps inside. “Did you tell her what happened to Jessica and the baby?”
I freeze. Hearing “Jessica and the baby” shoots pain through my heart.
Alexa stands by the open door. “Are you coming in or staying out in the hallway?” She’s clueless to my reaction.
I walk in and go straight to the kitchen. I grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and drink most of it. “No, I never told her she died or that she was pregnant. I couldn’t say it out loud again. It hurts too much when I do. I only talked about Jessica. I know you, Dad, and Mom always try to help me. You ask me to open up, but I can’t. Always pushing me to seek professional help. Well, she’s a professional, all right.”
“Maybe Lisa is your guardian angel, sent to you when you needed her the most.”
She sounded like an angel, but I hadn’t seen a halo. I drink the rest of the bottle and pull a chair away from the kitchen table. I turn it around and sit on it backward.
“She was a stranger, not an angel. Alcohol makes people do stupid things. I know I sound totally crazy. I know I’m crazy. Sleeping, showering, and eating breakfast at her place was so inappropriate. Who the hell does that? I guess people who are as desperate as me. But it wasn’t complicated, and she didn’t dig for details. She didn’t have to do anything for me, but she did. Maybe she was using her psychiatrist skills.”
I stand up to take the piece of paper out of my pocket. I hand it to Alexa. “She gave me her phone number, just in case I want to talk.” I step back and refill the water bottle at the sink.
She leans against the kitchen counter, staring at the paper. “I think you should keep her info. She helped you last night and this morning. Maybe she could help you even more, since she’s a doctor. But don’t think of it as going to a doctor. Think of her as a new friend.” She gives me the paper back.
I raise my eyebrows. “Funny you say it like that. Lisa suggested the same thing. She also insinuated she has been through something tragic.”
“She wouldn’t have given you her number if she didn’t want to hear from you or see you again. Please keep the paper for now. Put it in your wallet for another bad day. Her number might come in handy.” She puts her hands together to beg me. “Please, James, do it for your little sister.” She bats her eyelashes, as if it will work.
I wag my finger at her. “Don’t play that game with me. You can’t have your way all the time. This isn’t a game. This is my life we’re talking about. I’m not one of your boy toys.”
She punches me in the arm and starts laughing.
“I’m going for a run. I need to burn off the rest of the alcohol in my body.” To make her happy, I put the paper in my wallet. “Thanks again for picking me up and for listening.”
She plays with one of the rings on her hand. “Is she pretty?” She asks it like she’s asking if the sky is blue.
I whip my head in her direction. “What? What do you mean?”
“It isn’t a difficult question. Is she pretty? Cute? Ugly as sin?”
My blood is hot as lava under my skin. I point my finger at her. “I haven’t looked at or noticed another woman since I met Jessica. It’ll never be the same with someone else. My heart belongs to her and only her. I don’t want to be with anyone else.” Who am I trying to convince? Her or me?
She raises her hands. “Hold on. You don’t need to get so defensive. I only asked if she is pretty. I didn’t ask if you wanted to date her. Even if you did find her attractive, there’s nothing wrong with that. You can find anyone attractive. It doesn’t mean you want to jump her bones. Chill out!”
My thoughts are all over the place. I start pacing the kitchen. Lisa is quite pretty, even when she just wakes up. I wonder what she would look like any other time. I don’t remember how she looked last night. I was drunk, and it was dark, with pouring rain. She has long, brown wavy hair and big, beautiful blue eyes. She was pretty cute with her pajamas on and her hair up. My hormones kicked in when I noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra. She has nice curves, which I know I shouldn’t have noticed.
I stop pacing. “Fine! Yes, she’s pretty but completely different from Jessica. She has brown hair and blue eyes. Happy now?”
“Actually, I am happy. It shows blood still pumps through your veins.” She rubs my arm. “I’m sorry I made you angry. I didn’t know you would react that way.”
I nod in understanding. “I’ll keep her number, but I won’t promise I’ll call her.”
She claps, with a smile so bright it almost blinds me.
“Thanks again, and I’m sorry for being such an asshole all of the time.”
“It’s understandable.” She points at my pants. “Please throw those stupid khakis out, since they’re too small now. You need a makeover!”
I throw the empty water bottle at her. She waves and disappears into her bedroom.
I will never call Lisa.
Chapter 17
Lisa
I stand at the entrance of the Cool Mount Park with my eyes wide, amazed by the beautiful surroundings. I’m so annoyed I have never come here before. It’s perfect for running, with paths outlining the bright-green border. Colorful flower patches of golden dahlias, pure white roses, and light-purple chrysanthemums are well maintained and in pretty designs. It is a bee’s fantasy. I take a deep breath. The smell of freshly cut grass swirls through the air. The leaves have slight hints of red
, orange, and yellow. Fall is my favorite time of year. I can’t wait until the leaves are at their peak.
I need to thank my running sneakers. They beckoned to me for a good run this morning. I have a ten-hour shift, starting late this afternoon. This run better give me a temporary jolt equal to ten cups of coffee.
I spot a park map hanging on the iron gate entrance. This park is too big to run in one day. I can explore one corner and come back to enjoy the others. I walk to the side to stretch my legs. There are two paths going in different directions. My gut tells me to go right.
There are several runners and walkers cutting themselves off from the world. I notice an old couple holding hands as they walk along the flower beds. A pregnant woman walks her dog and pushes a stroller as her cute daughter picks flowers. An old man sits on a bench, talking to himself with a bottle in a paper bag. They all have their own stories.
After the car accident, I went to a psychiatrist and therapist separately. My therapist encouraged me to find a sport or hobby to help me refocus and to distract myself from negative thoughts. It was either try her suggestions or take medication. I took up running and skiing. The adrenal rush that pumped through my veins from both was addictive. It gave me a high no drug could ever give. Within minutes, my mood lightened. My anxieties dripped out of my body in the form of sweat.
I wish Emily was with me today. It would have been nice to have her company. The last time I spoke to her, she asked me if I wanted to go out for my birthday, which is on Friday, September 25. I agreed with slight regret afterward, but I need to make positive changes. Celebrating my birthday will push me in the right direction. I vow this year will be a new beginning for me. I pray I have the guts to change things for the better.
I pick up the pace, but my foot slips on the dirt path. My right hamstring freezes up, and I almost lose my balance. I cautiously limp over to a large patch of grass ahead. As I sit not so gracefully, I scare a couple of sparrows away. I stick my right leg out and bend over to release the ache. I rub and shake it to loosen it up.
“Lisa? Is that you?”
I look up and see James about ten feet away from me. Am I dreaming?
“James? What…what are you doing here? Did you see me almost fall right now?” Now I feel like an ass.
“Yes, but I didn’t realize it was you until I stopped to help.”
“You look different. I almost didn’t recognize you with a baseball hat on—and you shaved your beard.” He still has a good amount of scruff but I can see he has chiseled cheekbones, a broad jawline, and full lips. It’s a pity to hide something so beautiful behind a bushy beard.
He rubs his chin. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“It’s just my hamstring. It froze up on me. It’s been a while since I ran last. My muscles need to warm up a little bit more.”
“It’s strange to see you here today. Don’t get me wrong—it is nice to see you again, but…you know what I mean. I run here several days a week and have never seen you before. Granted, I only met you once before. I’m usually in a zone when I run. I was running behind you and saw something happened.”
Is he nervous? He’s babbling, which is kind of cute. “I agree it’s odd to run into you here. I wondered if I would ever see you again.” I press my hamstring with my fingers. “This is my first time here. The weather is perfect, so I thought I’d try a new place to run. I was just wishing my friend, Emily, was here to run with me. Do you always run alone?”
As I ask this, he takes off his Mets baseball cap, squirts some water over his head, and runs his hand through his hair. Wow! That was by far the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I could see his arm muscles flex. His sport shirt is wet, which reminds me of how he looked shirtless in my apartment. Tingle alert. I need to start running again, or I will just sit here and drool all over his body or myself. His eyes are mint green. It’s amazing how much brighter they appear today.
He walks over and sits next to me. “I usually run alone. No one likes to run with me because I run like I’m on a mission.” He brushes his hand over the grass.
“And now I’m interrupting you. Please keep going if you want. I don’t want to keep you from your mission.” I lean into him and tap his elbow with mine.
“It’s okay. I’ve been at it for a while now. I can take a break. Do you want me to help you with your hamstring?”
Before I can answer, he faces me and starts to massage my entire thigh. I don’t know what to do or say, because I’m enjoying it too much. He is sweaty, but he smells good. I never thought I’d say I like the smell of sweat. He has such strong fingers. His hands move under my leg to my hamstring and massage it directly. I twitch because it hurts, but in a good way. He’d better not massage any higher, because my hormones will go into overdrive. His hands are magical. I wonder what his magical hands would feel like on other parts of my body…
“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” His eyes make contact with mine. My breath catches. Is that a dimple I see? He’s even more beautiful than I thought. Damn.
“No, you didn’t hurt me. It felt really good. My hamstring feels better. I think I can run again. Thank you. I should get massages more often. Do you want a running partner today? I can’t say I can match your pace with this leg of mine.”
He looks around, as if the answer is hidden in the bushes somewhere. “That would be nice for a change. How long were you planning to run?”
“I just got here, maybe thirty minutes. What’s your plan?” I watch two chipmunks zoom by like they’re on a mission too.
“Thirty minutes sounds good to me. After that, it takes me about five minutes to run back home. I don’t live too far from here. That’s why I run here a lot.”
I bet the women love watching you run here. Do not start with these thoughts again!
I push off the grass with one hand. He reaches down for the other to help me up. I grab his hand, and a jolt shoots straight to my stomach, creating butterflies. I pull my hand away and almost fall back on my ass. “Did you feel that?”
His forehead wrinkles. “Feel what?”
I wave my hand. “Nothing. I thought I felt a tremor of some sort or something like static. My stomach feels kind of weird. I must be hungry. Or there will be an earthquake. Never mind.”
I’m making a fool of myself.
“Should we continue in the same direction? I think I’ll follow you, since you know your way around here. You can give me a quick tour of at least some parts of the park.” I stretch one more time before we start.
“Sounds good to me.”
We run off in total silence. I’m afraid to ask him questions. Maybe he’s so out of breath he can’t speak. Maybe he forgot I’m running with him. He said he cuts himself off from everyone. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk at all. That’s a lot of maybes. Stop overthinking again. It’s just a run with an attractive guy. Chill out.
“I guess you’re a Mets fan.”
He turns his head toward me. I point at his navy-blue baseball hat.
“Yes, I am.” He smiles.
Dimple alert. I got him to smile again. Brownie points for me.
“You’re a genuine Jersey girl. You must be a Mets fan too—or are you crazy and love the Yankees? Don’t even say you don’t watch baseball, because I’ll stop running with you right now.” He pretends to run away from me.
“Get back over here, nasty pants.”
He whips his head toward me. Ha! I got his attention. “Of course I’m a Mets fan.”
He smirks and lets his head fall back a little.
“The Yankees are good too,” I say, “but I favor the Mets. I used to go to games, but that was a while ago. I feel like life stopped once I entered medical school.”
“The cap I’m wearing now is at least ten years old. I bought it when I was at a game when I was sixteen or seventeen. I wear it when I run. I’m surprised I’m not bald from wearing it after so many years. There are some things you can never throw out.”
“My dad’s a big Mets
fan. You should see his basement. It’s full of Mets paraphernalia. We went to a lot of games when I was younger. Well, when he could afford it. A mechanic doesn’t make much money. The last game I was at was when I was fourteen. My dad bought me a great sweatshirt and sweatpants set. I was in an accident and never saw it again. It was hard to give up that outfit.”
“What kind of accident, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Oh no. I set myself up for that one. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear his question. “James, have you always been a runner?”
“Let’s see. I started running in medical school. It helped me get my head on straight. It was the one part of the day I didn’t have to think. My feet were in charge, not me. It helped relieve stress. I didn’t run as much once I started my residency. About a year ago, I picked it up again more regularly. It helps me deal with my issues right now. It’s either this, go to the gym, or get drunk. As you’ve already seen, sometimes alcohol wins.”
The gym is working well for you.
“I don’t like going to the gym. When I’m stressed or anxious about something, I run or ski. Since skiing is a seasonal thing, running is what I do most. I haven’t had much time in the past several years to go skiing. Maybe one day I’ll go again.”
My hamstring freezes up again, and I grab his arm before I fall. “Damn, my hamstring again.”
He puts his arm around my waist and hauls me to the side of the path. It feels nice to have his arm there. I fit perfectly against him. Snap out of it, Lisa.
Our eyes lock for a moment, lost in our own world. People run past us, children play on the playground, and dogs bark. We don’t seem to notice.
“You have the most beautiful green eyes, James. Right now, they are a lime color in the sunlight. But when you were angry the other day, they were a deep, dark, evergreen.”
He looks away from me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sure you have heard this your entire life.”
“Actually, you’re the first in a very long time. Well, you’re the first girl I’ve had a decent conversation with, other than my sister, in the last several months. Thank you for the compliment though. I’m sure you have heard it about your eyes, too. They are the color of ripe blueberries in an electrical storm.”
Lives Collide (Collide #1) Page 11
