“Here comes Alexa,” I say.
“There you guys are! I couldn’t find you. Are you having fun? Why don’t we order you another martini?” Alexa suggests.
I take a deep breath. “Before I have another, I think I need some fresh air. The martinis are hitting me.” I rub James on the back. “Do you want to come with me?”
“Sure. Let me finish this first.” He drinks it in one gulp and sets the glass on the table. He places his hand on my bare back, pushing me gently forward. “Let’s go.”
“We’ll come with you. If that’s all right? I could use a dose of fresh air.” Tina’s words slur.
“Sure.” But I want him to myself for a few minutes.
We walk through the doors and are hit with a blast of cool air. It’s so refreshing, like an ocean breeze. I was sweating in there, and not only because of the crowd. His lips were so soft and inviting. How am I going to stay away from him now?
The show at the theater must have just finished. I large group of people are filtering out of the theater doors and dispersing in different directions. We walk closer to the street to find some space.
“I hope you’re having fun tonight. Thanks for coming to celebrate with us.”
I’m standing next to James and Alexa, but neither look at me or even respond. They’re focused on something or someone in the crowd. James is frozen. I stare at him, wondering what he’s looking at.
“What’s wrong?”
He keeps rubbing the back of his neck with one of his hands, as if he’s in a total panic. Alexa looks uncomfortable as well.
“What’s the matter? You’re both catatonic.”
I finally get his attention. He whispers, “Those people approaching us are Jessica’s parents.” My stomach lurches to my throat. My heart starts racing so hard I feel it in my ears. I don’t know what to do, so I just stand there. Why am I nervous? I don’t even know what the story is with Jessica.
They approach us with caution.
“James, I’ll give you some privacy.”
I try to walk away, but he grabs my hand. “Please stay. I need you next to me.” He squeezes it too hard. I don’t complain.
I squeeze his hand back. “All right. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hi, James, Alexa,” Jessica’s parents say in restrained unison.
“Hello, Da—Mr. and Mrs. Flynn. It’s been a long time. How are you both doing?” James asks with a sullen voice.
“It has been really hard, but I’m sure harder for you. Every day is a battle, but it’s slowly getting better. We wish you would return our phone calls. We are worried about you. We haven’t seen you in at least six months. We spoke to your parents a couple of times. Did they tell you?”
“No. No, they didn’t. I think they know it would upset me.”
There’s obvious sadness in their eyes, especially when they look at me.
“Did you see a play just now?” James says.
“Yes, we’ve had tickets for a while now. Your parents gave us a gift certificate a long time ago, so we finally decided to use it,” Mrs. Flynn responds.
James nods in acknowledgment.
This is very awkward. I cut in to break the tension. “Hi, I’m Lisa, and this is my sister, Tina.” I let go of James’s hand, which I didn’t realize he was still holding. Tina and I shake hands with the Flynns. I feel out of place. They saw us holding hands.
“I’m a friend of Alexa and James.” I say Alexa first, hoping it might sound better. But we have nothing to hide, because we aren’t dating.
“Nice to meet you, Lisa and Tina. We’re Jessica’s parents, if you haven’t already guessed,” says Mr. Flynn. “Well, we’ll let you enjoy your evening. We’re staying at the Belvedere Hotel tonight. James, maybe we can meet for lunch or even coffee tomorrow. Alexa, send our regards to your parents.” They both force a smile.
James gives Jessica’s mom a quick kiss on the cheek and shakes her father’s hand.
We stand there in silence until they are out of sight. I look at Tina for some guidance, but she just shrugs her shoulders.
James starts to walk away but stops and spins around. “Come on, Lisa. Are you going to dissect this situation by using your fucking psychiatric tools?”
“James, that was extremely rude and uncalled for. Lisa didn’t deserve that at all. You should apologize,” Alexa snaps in return. She points her finger at him with anger radiating off the tip, like a wand.
“What did I do to deserve such an asinine comment? I’m standing here wondering what the hell just happened. That was obviously very hard for you, but don’t take it out on me,” I hiss.
Alexa comes up to me and whispers, “I know it’s your birthday, and I’m asking a lot, but can you please stay with him? I’ll stay behind with Tina. We’ll tell Emily you left with James. Is that okay with you?”
I nod.
Tina kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Are you all right with this? You don’t need to be his babysitter.”
“I know, but this is what I went to med school for, and I care about him. He might do something rash. I also want to know what the hell happened to Jessica.”
“It’s not fair. It’s your birthday. It’s your choice, but be careful.” Tina gives my hand a gentle squeeze, then hurries off with Alexa.
I turn to James. “Do you want to be alone? You don’t need to stay here.”
“Alone is the last thing I want to be. All I wanted tonight was to have fun for the first time in a year. Ironically, I run into Jessica’s parents.” He shakes his head and groans. “I need a drink. Do you want to come with me to my apartment? I told you it’s not too far from here.”
I’m reluctant. His eyes are squinted, reflecting a disturbing murky-green color. His jaw is clenched. He spins on his heels and strides ahead of me.
“James, can you please slow down? I don’t have long legs like you do, and I’m wearing heels.”
He eases up but doesn’t look at me. We don’t speak a word. His hand shakes as he reaches for his keys when we arrive at his apartment building. He’s nervous, or maybe it’s his adrenaline. I follow him to the elevator. Silence. He’s hurting, and I want to be here with him and for him. He needs someone, and that someone is me right now.
He presses the elevator button.
As we get into the elevator, I can’t stop thinking about holding his hand and our minor kiss before. It felt so natural, as if our hands were made to fit each other’s perfectly. Like two puzzle pieces lost somewhere in a child’s bedroom and then somehow found again.
I snap out of it when I hear the bell and the clatter of the elevator door sliding open. James bolts out. I follow him with long strides. I don’t want him to be alone, but does he really want me here? He sure doesn’t act like it. I need to stop him from doing something stupid, like getting completely drunk again. Thankfully, he only had one martini. Not that I was counting.
He enters his apartment but doesn’t check if I’m behind him. He does leave the door open. I guess that’s a good sign. I step in and quietly close the door. The first thing I see is a spacious living room with highlights of red. Definitely Alexa’s apartment. Even though it’s modern, it’s decorated in a way that makes it cozy and cheerful. It matches Alexa’s personality perfectly. The black sectional couch is facing a large picture window. Several multisized, colorful pillows are neatly scattered on it, enticing me to dive into them.
To the right is an open kitchen that connects to the living room. The cabinets are modern, glossy apple red, with a black countertop. Between the kitchen and the living room is a black dining table with a glass top that seats six people. Red seat cushions adorn the matching chairs.
From what I’ve seen so far, Alexa has good taste and makes a good living in pharmaceutical sales or whatever the hell she does. Good for her.
I stay where I am in front of the door. James walks into the kitchen and takes a tumbler out of a cabinet. He strides over to what looks like a liquor cabinet. He opens it and
pulls out a large bottle of vodka. At least he sticks to the same alcohol as his martini. He pours a lot more than he should.
“Do you want a drink?” he asks with anger dripping from his words.
“James, do you really need to drink alcohol? Let’s talk about what happened a few minutes ago instead. I know this is your way of dealing with things. Maybe we can try something else to help you.”
“Am I one of your patients, Lisa?” His says my name with thick disgust.
What the fuck?
He walks away and stands by the couch. “Where’s my chart so you can jot some notes down,” he asks loudly, dripping with sarcasm. “Do you even know who or what you are dealing with? You don’t have a clue what I’ve been through, what I’m still going through!”
He runs his hand through his hair repeatedly. I think he might rip it out. I’m worried and angered by his nasty attitude. But I can handle it. I need to handle it. I would rather he take his rage out on me than drown it in alcohol. Rage seeps out of his skin, creating a dark cloud around him.
I have the urge to get in his face. “You’re right, James! I don’t know what the hell is going on. I know you love or loved a woman named Jessica. You talk about her in the past tense. Tell me what happened so I can understand.”
He throws the glass of vodka against the red wall. I jump back as air whooshes out of my lungs. Vodka drips down the paint, like lava. Glass shards blanket the carpet.
“You want to know what happened to her? She died along with our unborn child! Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?” he yells.
I put my hand over my mouth.
“That’s right. You didn’t know she was almost seven months pregnant. I had to bury both of them.” His voice cracks.
Oh my gosh, she was pregnant. This is much worse than I thought.
“We had our entire fucking life together in front of us…and it was taken away”—he snaps his fingers—“just like that…from one minute to the next. How do you think you would handle it, Lisa? I didn’t lose just one person—I lost two. I’m so pissed off all the time. There’s a storm brewing within me. I want to jump out of my own skin.”
His face is mottled, and his fists are clenched. Is he going to punch something?
“I finally decided to go out tonight. The first time since they died. I was in a good mood and actually excited. It was a safe place to meet you because I have no memories of Jessica there. And then Jessica’s parents suddenly appear. My little chance of happiness was sucked right out of me in those couple of minutes they spent talking to me. It’s as if I’m not allowed to move on or try something to get me out of this shit hole of a life.”
I tiptoe over to the couch but stay behind it. I’m a bit scared to approach him because he is breathing so hard. “What happened to her and the baby?” I ask with caution.
His eyes dart to mine. They reflect grief. He paces from one wall to the other, not aware he is stepping on the broken glass. I inch my way around the couch and stand by the coffee table, separating us still.
“Tell me what happened. Let it all out. I’m here for you.”
He turns away and stares out the window, with his arms crossed. He speaks low while wiping the tears from his face.
“She was due in November. She was still working in the hospital. The baby was healthy and developing perfectly. She was so happy during her pregnancy. She never complained even when the summer was so hot. We didn’t want to know the gender. We wanted it to be a surprise. I was working several hours a week, since I had just obtained my medical license.
“One morning I woke up like I always did. She was still in bed because she had the week off from work and could sleep in. She had complained about a sore throat and being exhausted the few days prior, but we just assumed she was getting a cold from being around sick children all the time. It was strange, because even if she was just a little bit sick, she would still get up with me. I went to check on her, but she was still in a deep sleep. She was a bit sweaty but I attributed it to the hot and humid weather. Our window air conditioner was broken. I decided to let her sleep. At that time of the pregnancy, it’s common to be exhausted. I thought nothing of it. I rubbed her back and kissed her lightly on the cheek. She moaned a little bit, but I just took it as she wanted to sleep. I left and started my day.
“I should have recognized the signs.” He bends over, shaking and sobbing. My heart breaks for him. I approach him and put my hand on his shoulder, fully expecting him to shrug it off, but he doesn’t.
“What happened next?”
He rubs the tears from his eyes and walks to the couch. He grabs a tissue from the box on the coffee table. He rubs his nose and throws it on the carpet. He plunges onto the couch.
“As the morning went on, I didn’t hear from her. Not a day would go by she wouldn’t send me a text message or call. I sent her text messages, but she never responded. She always had her cell phone with her. For a little while I just thought she was still asleep. It was nearing lunchtime, and still no response. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I finally called her. No answer. I called several more times, and still no answer. I paged my boss and told him I had an emergency with Jessica and needed to leave. I took another doctor with me just in case.”
He leans back against the cushion, pinches the bridge of his nose, and closes his eyes. I take the opportunity and settle down next to him.
“Thankfully, we lived very close to the hospital. I drove as fast as I could. I knocked on the door while trying to unlock it. Praying she would open the door and be okay. But nothing was okay. I opened the door, and it was silent in the house. I yelled for Jessica as I ran from room to room. I found her on the floor in our bedroom. I have no idea how long she’d been laying there. She felt cold and wasn’t breathing. The other doctor immediately called for an ambulance as I performed CPR. My biggest and worst nightmare. It was completely horrifying.
“We both tried everything to resuscitate her, but nothing worked. We tried to find the baby’s heartbeat or any kind of movement. Nothing. I knew in my heart they were both gone. I didn’t feel them anymore. I always knew when Jessica was nearby.”
He shudders and shifts forward to rest his head in his hands. I rub his back lightly.
“I held her in my arms until the paramedics arrived. Two of them had to pull me away from her when I started shouting and crying. I wouldn’t let go of her. I thought I was dreaming. My fiancée and unborn child were lying on a stretcher in front of me.
“I’m an ER doctor, and I couldn’t save them. I should have seen the signs. Her sleeping longer than normal, her sweating and complaints of a sore throat—they should have given me a clue. When I proposed to her, I promised if she ever fell, I would pick her up. I couldn’t keep my promise.”
His breath hitches. “I promised her, and I failed.”
I want to shower him with comforting words, but I know it won’t help. I’m also afraid if I interrupt, he won’t tell me everything.
“I rode in the ambulance with them. My head lying on her as I cried. They confirmed both of them were dead before we arrived at the hospital. The other doctor tried to convince me it wasn’t my fault, but I know it was.” He stabs his chest with his thumb.
“Several doctors and nurses were waiting for us when we arrived at the emergency entrance, since it was called in. They were shocked it was Jessica. They knew her well from the hospital. They took her away but made me wait because my emotional outbursts were hard to control. I felt like I waited forever. Finally, the doctor led me to an empty office. He didn’t need to say anything. I broke down, knowing it was final.
“It appeared like she died from septic shock. He asked me if she was sick that day or recently. I told him how she wasn’t feeling well the days before.
“When the mother suffers from severe sepsis and then shock, the baby has no chance of survival in such a quick onset. If she had been able to get to the hospital quicker, there would have been a slightly better chanc
e.” He pauses for a moment, as if deep in thought.
“Let me get you some water.” I move to push off the couch, but he puts his hand on my thigh before I can.
“Please don’t leave. I want to tell you everything. I need to tell you everything.”
I put my hand on his. “I’m not leaving. I’ll do anything you want.”
He rubs his eyes several times.
“They needed to take the baby from her by caesarian section. They asked if I wanted to be in the room and whether I wanted to see the baby. I wanted both. I needed to be there. I needed to see our baby one time. I sat next to her as if she were alive and having a C-section.
“It was a boy. They wrapped him up in a blanket like they would do for a newborn. They handed him to me and quickly took care of Jessica. They left me alone with them. I just sobbed uncontrollably until I had no tears left. I didn’t care who heard me. He looked like he was sleeping. I sat holding him in one arm and stroking Jessica’s face. Telling her how beautiful he was. That it was all a dream. A sick, twisted dream, and we’d wake up from it. But we didn’t. I only woke up to complete hell.
“I didn’t want to give him back to the nurses, but I had to. I held him close and kissed him good-bye, which was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The worst was saying good-bye to Jessica. I wanted to hug her and kiss her to make it all better, but I couldn’t. I’m a fucking doctor, but I couldn’t save them. I should have recognized the signs. All the training I had, and it didn’t help at all.” His fists clench again.
Now I need a tissue because I’m the one crying. My heart hurts because I know what it’s like. It’s different to lose a parent versus losing your fiancée and unborn child, I’m sure. But all his emotions are completely warranted.
He reaches for my hand and starts talking again.
“I finally had to leave the room. When I did, I saw my family and Jessica’s parents waiting for me. They all started hugging me while we all cried. We didn’t know what to do or say. I tried to explain to them, with bursts of crying in between, what happened and maybe it could have been prevented, but it didn’t matter. In the end, they were both gone.
Lives Collide (Collide #1) Page 15
