His hands move to my hips, moving me faster. “Lisa, I can’t get enough of you. I want to stay like this, but I can’t hold off much longer. It’s my turn to control you.”
He grabs me with his strong hands and flips me onto my back without separating us. He has me in a position that touches all of my sensitive spots. The buildup is so bittersweet. Hot honey flows through my blood, igniting sparks as it travels through my body, down to my toes. The sparks become explosions as we finally fall off the cliff together.
Holding on to each other like parachutes.
Afraid to let go.
Chapter 45
Lisa
“I love you. I’m sorry, Jessica! I will always love you. Please don’t walk away from me.”
I lift my head off the pillow. Did I hear him correctly? Did he just say Jessica? I sit up in bed to hear if he says it again.
“Don’t leave, Jessica. Please don’t walk away!”
I gasp and put my hand over my mouth. I can’t seem to move as my stomach swirls. I feel my heart dissolve into sand. We have spent the past months and hours together as much as possible. I have been floating on air since we met. I know what being in love with someone truly feels like now. We melt into each other when we make love, especially tonight.
What kind of game is he playing? My heart aches hearing her name, not mine, come out of his mouth. It’s poison to my ears. He’ll never let her go or be able to love me the way I want or deserve.
I have had enough of this shit and can’t stay here another minute—even if it is three a.m. I pack my bag as quietly and quickly as possible. I sneak out of the bedroom and close the door. I search the apartment for a piece of paper and pen. We just had the most perfect night. So romantic, so playful, and what I thought was full of love.
Of course, he never said those three words to me. He never says those three words. I am so fucking stupid to think he is in love with me. It’s all a fucking act. And here I thought he was trying to tell me he loved me by playing the “Jersey Girl” song. A song about loving a Jersey girl. I’m such a fucking fool. Again! I want to scream.
I know he cares about me, but I want and deserve more. I love him more than anything, but I can’t compete anymore. I shouldn’t have to. All this time I thought he was making progress. Am I expecting too much? I never ask him how he’s feeling because I am afraid of what he’ll say. Hearing him talk in his sleep just confirmed my fears.
I sit on the couch and write him a letter. I leave it on the coffee table for him to find whenever. This is the last time he will hear from me for a while, maybe forever. He needs to choose to live with her in the past or with me in the future. His fate is in his own hands.
I need to use the bathroom before I leave. As I am finishing up, I glance down at my underwear. What the hell is with my period? It’s so damn abnormal. I have minor cramps, but it doesn’t feel like my period. We were out of control tonight. I experienced slight pain afterward. I shake my head out of frustration. It’s not the time to deal with this. I need to get out of here.
I walk out of the bathroom and look at the kitchen table, still set up from tonight. The candles, the half-eaten grilled cheese sandwiches, champagne glasses… It’s not possible I’m the only one who is in love. Should I really leave the letter? Yes, I need to be bold and stand my ground. He needs to make up his mind. The old Lisa would cling to him out of desperation and settle for less than she deserves. That is not me anymore. She is gone.
I put on my jacket and bend over to grab my bags off the floor. Severe dizziness overwhelms me as I stand up too fast. I lose my balance and hit the floor hard on my left side. Right where I feel my cramps. The dizziness fades, but the pain on my side spikes. I grab my side and try to refrain from making any noise. I push up on my hands, but the pain becomes sharp enough I fall back down. As it continues to increase I feel a surge of wetness between my legs. It has to be my period. How will I get out of here before he wakes up? I don’t want him to see me, but I’m frightened.
A few minutes pass, and the pain progresses. My forehead is sweaty, and the dizziness has returned. This is definitely not my period.
“James!” I try to yell out, but it comes out muffled. I yell again with every ounce of energy I have.
“James!”
Chapter 46
James
I feel the bed next to me and notice it’s cold and empty. Lisa must have gone to the bathroom. I look at the clock as I turn over onto my back. Three twenty. I take a deep breath in pure delight. Tonight was amazing. I loved surprising her and seeing how her face lit up. We made love all night, spicing it up with things we have never done before.
I have never felt so relaxed about life. I’m not the inflexible, planning James anymore. My future is wide open, and I like it that way. Every day is new with great possibilities, especially when I’m with Lisa. She supports me with my new job, even though she isn’t happy about it.
My fears have decreased, but I’m still not able to go back to medicine. I want to in the worst way, but the devil puts those ugly thoughts and images back into my head. How will I ever be able to go back if all I see is Jessica lying on the operating table and my stillborn child in my hands?
I almost told Lisa I am in love with her. I froze up and didn’t go through with it. Instead, I tried to show my love through worshipping her body. It was the perfect time, and I turned into a coward. I never thought I could love someone again as much as I love her.
“James!” I hear her piercing cry from the living room. I jump in fear as goose bumps crawl up my entire body like spiders. I bolt out of my room and find her on the floor in the fetal position. Air is sucked out of my lungs, and my body freezes. For an instant, I have tunnel vision, like I’m being yanked back in time to when I found Jessica on the floor. This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening! Not again!
“James!” she bellows.
Her petrified voice pulls me back to the present. No, this will not happen again! I am a doctor. I can take care of her.
Energy pumps through me like an electric shock to my heart, and my lungs fill with air again. The doctor in me takes over.
I get down on my knees. “What’s the matter? What happened?”
She cries in pain. “I went to the bathroom, and I noticed I was bleeding. Maybe it’s my period, but I have never suffered like this.” She murmurs in between breathes. “I fell on my side, and now there’s stabbing pain in my abdomen. It has to be something else. Get me to the hospital!”
In less than thirty seconds, I have my clothes and jacket on and grab my phone and keys. I have her in my arms and run out of the apartment.
“I’ll take you to the hospital instead of calling for an ambulance. It’s quicker this way. Try to breathe through the pain. I need to drive fast, but I will be careful.” I place her in my car and strap her in her seat belt.
“God, it hurts. What’s wrong with me?” Her shrill voice gets louder.
I get into the car and look at her. Déjà vu. We were in this situation before. My worlds are colliding.
“Drive, James!” she screams out as I try to regain my focus.
I punch the gas, and for the first time I don’t care how fast I’m going. I know in my gut this is bad.
“How much longer? I can’t take it anymore,” she moans. Her energy quickly depleting.
“Two minutes, tops. Trust me. I’ll get you there.” Cars honk as I swerve between them. I want to yell, but it won’t help Lisa. I slam on the brakes and jump out of the car. I whip her car door open and lift her into my arms. The ER entrance is straight ahead.
I plow through the doors and yell to a nurse, “Help! She needs help. She has piercing stomach pain, and she thinks she’s bleeding.”
I see Dr. Kaplan in the distance. “Dr. Kaplan,” I yell, “It’s me. James Kramer. Please help her.” He runs over to me. I explain to him what I know so far. Nurses rush over with a stretcher. I lay Lisa on it gently. My mouth drops open. I look at he
r pale face.
“James, what’s wrong?” she asks in hysterics.
“You’re bleeding. I see it on your pants.”
They push the stretcher through the doors. I watch her move farther and farther away from me.
“James!” she cries out, reaching for me, but I don’t move. I let the doors close, and she is gone.
My body shakes uncontrollably as it hits me I’m in the ER, and with Lisa, no less. How can this happen again? I feel like I’m watching a rerun with Jessica. But no, it’s Lisa who’s disappeared behind those doors, and I have no idea what is going on. I should be on the other side, helping her. Taking care of her. I slam the wall with my fists.
Maybe her problem has to do with her uterus. She has been experiencing light cramps and spotting the past weeks but said it was normal for her. Were we too rough tonight?
“What should I do?” I ask myself as I pace. It’s the middle of the night, but I don’t care. I pull out my phone and dial Alexa’s number. It rings twice. Come on, Alexa! Answer the damn phone.
“Hello, James. It’s after three in the morning. What’s the matter?” She yawns.
“Alexa, I’m in the ER with Lisa. She fell and injured her side or her stomach. I think it’s something serious. I found her lying on the floor in our apartment. Can you please go there and get her handbag? I forgot to grab it. I need her phone or a phone book so I can call her dad and sister.” I can hardly hold the phone because my hands are shaking so bad.
“Holy shit.” I hear her getting out of bed. “I can’t believe you’re in the ER. Can you handle being there alone?”
“It doesn’t matter if I can or not. I need to be here for Lisa. Will you please pick up her stuff and bring it to me?” I ask with impatience.
“Yes. I’ll leave right now. Hopefully, I can be there in less than half an hour. She will be fine. Have some faith.”
I hang up on her and want to throw the phone across the room. I should be in there comforting her, but I am stuck out here. Why? Why? Why? Haven’t we been through enough already?
I hear the doors open, and I spin around. Dr. Kaplan.
“Dr. Kaplan, what’s going on? Is she going to be all right?”
He points to a chair for me to sit down in.
“I can’t sit. I’m too nervous. Please tell me what’s happening.”
“You know we aren’t allowed to disclose any information to nonfamily members. Since I know you and you are a doctor, I’ll let it slip.”
“Thank you.” I sigh.
“We don’t know what’s wrong yet. The doctor taking care of her had to put her under anesthesia. She’s bleeding internally in the lower abdomen.”
“She was in a car accident when she was in high school. It caused severe injuries to her uterus. She has a scar in the area where it happened. Maybe it has something to do with that, even though it was years ago. She told me she fell and that was when the pain started.”
“I see. I need to tell the doctor this. Please stay calm. She’s in good hands. Someone will be out as soon as possible to give you an update. Did you inform her family members she’s here?”
“I’m waiting for my sister. She’s bringing me Lisa’s bag so I can try to contact her family. Right now, I’m the only one who will be here. Even if I get ahold of her family right away, it’ll take at least an hour before someone arrives.”
His beeper goes off. His face becomes tense. “I need to go back in now.” He pats me on the back as he walks away. “It’s good to see you, James. I’m sorry it’s under bad circumstances again. We have missed you here in the ER.”
All I can do is nod. My thoughts are on Lisa, but I felt some pride when I heard that. I was a good doctor. I loved my job and working here. Why is everything so damn complicated in my life? I just want to go back to the way it was before Jessica died. It was so simple then. But I wouldn’t have met Lisa if my life had never changed. I grab my hair because my head is about to burst. I can’t handle this anymore.
I fall on a waiting room chair and cry. Yes, I’m a man, and I cry a lot. I don’t care who sees me. I don’t know how long I sit here, but I hear Alexa in the distance. I stand up and run to her.
She instantly wraps her arms around me. “James. You’re crying. Is it that bad?” she asks with tears in her eyes.
I shake my head. “I don’t know anything. I’m so frustrated, pissed, defeated. This is all too much for me. I can’t do this again.”
She takes my hand into hers and guides me to a chair. “Try to relax. You’re not alone. I told Mom and Dad, and they said they’ll be here as soon as possible. Tell me what happened.” She digs through her bag and pulls out a package of tissues.
I take one and rub the tears from my face.
“I surprised her tonight with a candlelight dinner at our place. We had an amazing night. As I said, I found her on the floor in front of the door. I don’t know why she was even there. She was dressed as if she was leaving the apartment. In the middle of the night, no less.”
“Yes, I saw her things at the door, as well as the mess you left.” She pauses. “Here’s her handbag. Her other things are in my car. Hopefully, she has a phone in there.”
“Thanks for picking her stuff up for me.”
“I’m sorry to hear about all of this. I can’t even imagine what’s shooting through your head. You need to be strong for her and for yourself. This isn’t the same as with Jessica. Please remember Lisa is not Jessica.”
I don’t respond because I know she is right, but it’s easier said than done. That fear is a part of me. I’m not sure it will ever go away.
“Go through her bag and see if you can find her phone.”
I pull the phone from her bag. My hands are shaking, so Alexa takes it from me. She clicks on it, but it requires a password. I don’t have it. Shit! Most of her numbers are probably in her phone. Please let there be a phone book in her bag. I rummage through it and find a little sapphire-blue book. Alexa takes that too.
“Her last name is Schmitt. Her father’s name is Mike.”
“Here it is.” She dials the number for me. I press the button and hope to God someone answers. I walk away from Alexa to have some privacy.
I hear a man’s groggy voice on the phone. “Hello?”
“Mike? It’s James.”
“James. Why are you calling and not Lisa? What’s wrong?” he says with fear in his voice.
“Mike, Lisa’s in the ER. Something is wrong with her lower abdomen. The doctors are with her now. Please come as soon as you can.”
“My God, James. We’ll be there as soon as possible. I’ll call Tina. I’m glad you’re there with her! See you soon. Do you have my cell phone number?” I search through the book and see it.
“Yes, I have it. I’ll call if I hear anything. Drive safely.”
Chapter 47
Lisa
Why do my eyes feel glued shut? I try to open them, but it’s too exhausting. The smell of disinfectant is dominant in my nose. Am I in a hospital? Maybe I fell asleep. What is making all that racket? I try to move, but the sting of pain stops me. Something squeezes my hand.
“James?”
Another squeeze. “Lisa, are you awake? It’s me, Tina. Dad and Beth are here too.”
With the sound of her soft voice, I force my eyes open. I blink excessively to focus and look around. There are typical machines you would see in a hospital room. Why are they attached to me? I’m very confused. I look at Dad, Beth, and Tina, and I try to read their facial expressions. I try to speak, but my mouth is too dry. Did someone put cotton in my mouth?
All three sets of eyes study me. Dad’s are filled with tears. Beth has her arm around him as she rests her head on his shoulder. Tina sits quietly on the edge of the bed as she strokes my hand with hers. Something’s obviously wrong. When I go to speak, a nurse walks into the room.
She smiles at me and checks the machines. “You’re finally awake. That’s great to see.”
“Can I p
lease have some water?” I ask with a scratchy voice. The nurse takes a little cup of water with a straw from the side table and carefully hands it to me. My hands shake. Tina takes the cup from me and holds it in place so I can drink from the straw. I start coughing. It hurts to swallow. “What’s going on? Why am I in the hospital?” I mumble.
The nurse touches my arm lightly and wipes the water drops off my chin. “I’ll page your doctor to come to your room. Your family can tell you why you’re here.” The nurse walks out and closes the door.
“Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on? Why am I here?” I struggle to sit up.
Tina moves closer to me. “Please stay still and remain calm. You might hurt yourself.”
“Hurt myself? I’m not going to ask again. What’s going on?” My voice is cold as ice.
Her eyebrows squeeze together. “You don’t remember anything?”
I rub my eyes to recall something. Anything. My eyes sting with tears because of fear, sadness, and pain.
I grab Tina’s hand, short of breath. I feel like this is a repeat of the time I was in the hospital, after my accident.
“Where’s James? He brought me here.”
“He’s in the waiting room and has been here the entire time. It hasn’t been easy for him.”
“What’s wrong with me? Did the doctor tell you anything? Is it my appendix or something?” I look from one face to the other. I can’t read their faces.
“No, it’s not your appendix. The doctor told us what the diagnosis is, but we want him to tell you first.” She has a little smile on her face. Why would she smile at a time like this?
We all turn our heads when the door opens. A bulky older man with a white coat comes in. I guess he’s the doctor. Tina moves to the other side of the bed to give the doctor space.
“Hi, Lisa. My name is Dr. Kaplan. I’m the chief of staff here in the ER. I worked with James in the past. I told the doctor who is responsible for you I would explain everything.”
Lives Collide (Collide #1) Page 27
