I want to kiss her tears away. I hate myself for making her cry. However, she has every right to be mad at me. She still has my jacket, which is good sign. Maybe I do have a chance.
“I asked my family not to contact you. They weren’t happy about it, but they did it for me.”
“Why would you do that? You know I love your family. Why would you hurt me like this?” She turns her head away and wipes tears from her face.
“Lisa, please look at me. This is very hard for me too. The past months have been total hell.”
“Oh, it’s been hell for you! I have been stuck in this bed for weeks. Replaying every single moment we spent together, wondering why I gave you my heart. That’s what I did, James. Every little piece of it was yours. The second you walked out of that hospital room, my heart jumped out of my chest and ran after you, screaming don’t leave me! It’s still lying in the hospital, waiting for your return. It’s probably shriveled like a raisin by now.” Her hands grip the blanket like she’s going to hurt someone.
“You did the one thing to me I never thought was possible. You left me in the hospital because I was pregnant. You knew I believed no man would ever love me. Remember? Or did you forget about that while you wallowed in your own misery, thinking about Jessica?” she hisses.
Wow, that was harsh. But I deserve it.
“I get pregnant, and you walk away.” Her eyes turn to deep sapphire-blue slits.
This might be harder than I thought. She has every right to yell at me. I have never seen her so pissed.
“Lisa, please calm down. It’s obvious the very sight of me makes your emotions boil over. I only ask for a few minutes of your time to explain the last two months. If you don’t like what I have to say, then I’ll leave.”
“Fine.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, as if meditating. She places a tissue box from her table next to her on the bed.
I want to take her hand in mine, but I’m not going to push my luck. “I have spent the past two months trying to get my life back in order. When I walked out of the hospital, I nearly broke down right in front of the ER entrance. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I needed to escape.” I push off the chair and walk back and forth in front of her. I’m too nervous to sit.
“Of course, I drove straight home and aimed to get drunk. I was petrified and shocked. I’ve lost two people I loved already in my life. I looked at you and thought it could happen again. Your pregnancy is life threatening. I panicked.” I stop and face her.
“I sat in my apartment in the dark. Pissed at myself, overcome with angst I could lose you both, not having a clue what to do. Every horrible scenario was going through my head.” I scratch my chin.
“Alexa came home and let me have it. She had every right to scream at me. You and my family have been nothing but patient with me. Especially you. You didn’t push me. You didn’t ask me questions about how I was feeling, how I was dealing with Jessica’s and Jacob’s deaths. You just loved me for me. You were completely selfless, and I was incredibly selfish. I pretended my past didn’t happen.
“What I didn’t pretend is how I felt about you. The one thing I was clear about—but was too afraid to admit—was that I was and still am completely in love with you.”
Her shimmering blue eyes grow wide open now.
“Valentine’s Day was a night I’ll never forget. I wanted to make that day special for you. How our bodies and souls intertwined that night showed me the passion and love we have for one another. I wanted to confess my love for you, but of course, I chickened out.
“You mentioned you heard me talk in my sleep. I did have a dream night, but it wasn’t what you think it was. In the dream, I told Jessica about you. That I’m in love with you and you make me happy and excited about life again. You have filled my heart with yours. It beats in sync with yours.”
I can’t stand it anymore. I need to touch her. I push the chair away so I can kneel next to her bed. I slowly reach to take her hand, and she meets me halfway. My eyes close to enjoy the sense of relief flooding through me.
“I went to see Jessica’s parents.”
Her hand squeezes mine.
“I told them about you. They remembered you from the night we saw them at the theater. They could tell then something was going on. Even though nothing happened between us at the time. I apologized I didn’t contact them or try to reach out for so long. It felt good to tell them what was happening. I thought I would feel guilty. But I didn’t. I was proud to tell them about you. They were thrilled and relieved I’m living my life again. A huge weight was lifted off my chest.”
“I know how hard that must have been for you.”
I put my fingers to her lips. “Please let me finish.”
She tries not to smile, but it finally breaks through. “Sorry, I’ll be quiet.” She presses her lips together with her fingers.
“The hardest thing I did was visit Jessica and Jacob’s grave. I hadn’t been there in several months. I sat there and told them about the past months and how I met you. I told them how scared I am about possibly losing you and the baby. I reassured them I will always love them and never forget them. But you and our baby are my life now. My future.
“It felt good to tell them about you and to accept how I feel about you. Loving you isn’t wrong. It’s absolutely right.”
She closes her eyes as I kiss her shaky hand softly.
“When I was finished talking to them, I stood in front of their gravestone in silence for a little while. Out of nowhere, a strong smell of roses overwhelmed me, as if Jessica were there giving me her blessing. It was the dead of winter. After that, I finally let them go.”
“I hope you feel at peace with yourself.”
“There’s still more to say. All right? Be patient, petite one.” I tap her nose.
“When I found you on the floor like I did Jessica, the doctor side of me took over. I didn’t think of my fears. I only thought about you and your safety. The entire situation was unbelievably similar to your car accident. You were sitting in my car like you did years ago. Your big blue eyes pleading for me to help you. The difference this time was I knew what to do. I didn’t hesitate to run into the hospital. A part hidden deep within me was ecstatic to be in the environment I used to love and still do. I had the knowledge to explain to the doctors and nurses what happened.
“Lisa, you were right all along. Medicine is my life. My calling. I called my old boss, Dr. Kaplan. You met him that day when you were admitted to the hospital. It killed me I couldn’t do more for you. I wasn’t allowed to be behind those doors in the examination room with you. I couldn’t help you.”
She puts her hand on my cheek. “James, you saved me that day, just like you saved me when I was a teenager. If you weren’t there to help me, my life would have been at risk. Maybe I wouldn’t even be sitting here right now with our baby growing inside of me.”
She takes my hands and puts them on her belly.
“Our baby,” I repeat.
I hold my breath as tears pool in my eyes.
Chapter 53
Lisa
I look down at his hands and know they are right where they are supposed to be. I have prayed for this moment for so long.
He continues. “I called Dr. Kaplan and spoke to him about my future. I want to work in the ER again. Since I took off so much time, I asked how that will affect my career options.”
I never thought I would hear him say these things. Hope floats through the air.
“I spoke to him about our situation, how you moved back home to New Jersey and had to stop your residency. I knew your new doctor works at St. Vincent’s hospital. I asked him if he could call in some favors to have me transferred to the ER there, so I can perform a fellowship to get me back on my feet.”
“What? Why would you do that? I don’t understand.” I don’t know if I should be happy or mad.
“You are here and having our baby. We’ll need as much help as possible. Both of our famili
es live in this area.”
“How did you know who my new doctor is?” I yank my hand away. “When did you speak to my family?”
“I have spoken to them all and asked them for their help, since you still need to finish your residency.”
My head extends off my neck. I feel like E.T. “You have been in contact with my family this entire time?” I ask through gritted teeth. “Tina knew you were coming today, didn’t she? I am going to kill her.”
His shoulders slump. “Again, I asked everyone not to tell you. Be mad at me, not at them. Please let me finish before you get upset with them.” He sighs.
“I did a little research about the hospital to see if there’s a residency program for your field. There is one available. Dr. Kaplan offered to put in a good word for you if you want to live near our families. The hospital also has daycare services for employees.”
“You did this without asking my permission.” I sound pissed, but I’m really not. He deserves to be given a hard time though.
He raises his hands. “I didn’t do anything. I only asked questions to see if these are possible options.”
I squint my eyes. “Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?” Who does he think he is, making these decisions without asking me?
“Lisa, deep in your heart, you know why.” He places his hand on my heart. “As I said before, I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time, but I was too afraid to admit it. I’m so sorry I hurt you and you have been dealing with this alone. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. We belong together. We both know that, after all we have been through.
“I never thought it was possible to have more than one soul mate. My connection to you is proof I was wrong. Jessica was the old James’s soul mate. The new version of me is bonded to you permanently and may have been since we were teenagers. The last months have been so difficult because my soul ached for yours every second we were apart.
“No matter how much I longed to see you, to touch you, I had to stay away. I needed to do this to prove to you I’m ready. It was best to do this by myself.”
He grabs my hands and brings them to his cheek. “Please tell me I’m not too late. Please tell me I still have a chance.”
I might be a bitch for this, but I like it that he’s pleading.
I remain silent for a few seconds, trying to absorb all he has said. This is what I have waited to hear for so long. My heart flutters like butterfly wings, and my lower lip trembles.
My eyes find his, and my smile becomes bright. I grab his face and kiss him passionately. I’m so glad I brushed my teeth. “I have missed you so much. I wanted and tried to hate you, but I can’t. I love you too much.”
“I’m so sorry. Please let me make it up to you. Yes, I’m scared you are pregnant. You know why though. Please believe me when I say this. I’m beyond happy you are going to be the mother of my child. I promise I will never leave you again.”
“I believe you. I know I should be mad at you for a lot of things. Such as assuming I would want to move back here and continue my residency at another hospital. But I can’t believe you would change hospitals for us. Does this really mean we are going to be together? Forever?”
“Yes, we are going to do this together. Forever.”
He pulls away from me and puts his hand in his pocket. What’s he doing? He takes a ring box out of it. My breath catches.
“Being away from you has made me realize how much I can’t live without you. I threw away the key to my heart after Jessica died. Vowed to never open it again. Somehow, you found it and unlocked it again. You have shown me life is worth living and how beautiful it can be. I look forward to all of the wonderful memories we will create together as a family.”
He opens the box. “Lisa, will you marry me?”
My hand goes over my heart. Oh my gosh, it’s stunning. A sparkling solitaire with smaller round diamonds on each side. He knows me so well—I don’t wear flashy jewelry. This ring is simple and petite just like me. It’s absolutely perfect.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our baby. I will promise to be the best husband and father I can. You complete me like no one else. The next months will be difficult, but I promise we’ll get through them together. I will take care of you and never leave your side. Please say you will become my wife.”
Tears run down my face. “I would jump on you if I could, but you’ll just have to come to me.” He takes his shoes off and crawls onto the bed.
I grab him by the collar and pull him close to my face. “Of course I’ll marry you. It has always been you and only you who I love. The ring is beautiful. Please put it on my finger and then show me how much you missed me with those delicious lips of yours.”
He slips the ring onto my finger, and it fits perfectly. As if it were made specifically for me.
“Before I kiss you, I have one request.”
“What is it?” I stare at his lips like they are a piece of steak. I’m pregnant. What can I say?
“Please marry me soon. Before you move to the hospital for the next months. I don’t want to wait until our baby is born or until you finish your residency. I want you to be my wife as soon as possible and to start our new life together. I would do it right this minute if I could. We can have a big wedding after the baby is born if you want.” He teases me with kisses along my jawline. “What do you say? Will you marry me tomorrow or the next day?”
“You’re driving me nuts. If I say yes, will you finally kiss me? We need to make up for lost time.” I feel another kick from the baby.
He comes even closer. Our lips are almost touching. “Say it then.”
“Before I say anything, put your hand on my belly.”
He lays his hand there, and I put mine on his.
“Today is the first day I feel the baby. He or she just moved. Let’s see if it’ll happen again.”
We wait in silence. He moves closer to my belly. “Come on, little one. Daddy is finally here. I want to feel you move. Can you please convince your mommy to marry me?” As if on cue, we both feel a tap. He stares at my bump with such amazement and love. I wish I had a camera to capture this moment forever. Now I can answer his question.
“Yes, I will marry you right this second if it means you will finally kiss me. I’m a pregnant woman with raging hormones. Kiss me now and show me you love me.”
“So bossy and damn sexy.” Our lips finally touch, and the pulse of electricity I have missed so much shoots through every cell in my body. It lights me up like a Christmas tree. I have missed us so much.
He leans away from me. “Seriously. Will you marry me as soon as possible?” He looks at me with eager bright-green eyes. Oh, how I have missed his eyes.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’ll need to plan everything. I can’t do much from this bed. Nothing fancy. I just want us to be together from now on.”
“That’s my intention,” he says as his hands start to roam over my body. “You are so voluptuous with your new curves. I love it.”
“I want to make love to you so badly, but I can’t until after the baby is born. Doctor’s orders.” I pout. “It’s not fair. I need the touch of your skin against mine.”
He looks at me with hooded eyes. “It doesn’t mean we can’t kiss.” I can’t talk anymore, because his lips are on mine again. Exactly where they belong.
Chapter 54
Lisa
I rub my lower back. “Debbie, I’ll miss your back massages once I leave this hospital.”
“That’s my job. To make your life manageable while lying in bed for so long.”
I’m officially seven months and two weeks pregnant, as well as a married woman. A justice of the peace married us the day after he proposed. Since it was a Saturday, we had all our family and friends around us. I never thought I would have a family like this. I couldn’t be happier.
So much has happened since September. It’s weird how someone’s life can change by one random
decision. If I hadn’t gone for a drink at that bar in September, I would have never met James officially. But would we have met anyway? I don’t care anymore, because I am exactly where I want to be at this moment.
The pregnancy continues to go well. The baby is developing right on schedule. The doctors are amazed how smooth it is going. I think they assumed there would be more complications and the baby would be born sooner. The doctors and nurses have explained the kind of complications the baby might have if delivered early. Steroids are being given to strengthen the baby’s lungs.
Now that James and I are married, my patience, strength, and determination are better than ever. I’m truly blessed I have been given this chance to have a baby. It’s a true miracle, actually. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be sitting here pregnant. Don’t get me wrong. I hate being stuck in this hospital day in and day out. It makes me nuts, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the smell of disinfectant out of my hair and skin though.
“Lisa, I need to get a hot compress for you to lay on. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“No problem. I need to use the bathroom anyway before Dr. Stuart arrives in a few minutes. Take your time.”
She walks to me and takes my arm. “Should I assist you?”
I wave her away. “This is the one thing I’m still allowed to do by myself.” We both laugh. She trots out of the room and closes the door.
James has officially transferred to this hospital. He applied for a fellowship here in the ER, and he was granted it. We had a bed moved into this cramped hospital room so he can stay with me every night. He hovers over me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know why he does it. He’s nervous and hates he has no control over what happens. Now that we’re married and he’s working in the ER again, I’ve never seen him happier. No offense to him, but he wouldn’t have been a very good real estate agent.
We’ll officially move into James’s parents’ house after we’re released from the hospital. Since James isn’t making a lot of money, this gives us a chance to save for the future. Their house is big enough that we’ll have our own space.
Lives Collide (Collide #1) Page 30
