“You’re still cold?” There was a question hanging off the edge of his statement.
I nodded, but my reply was barely a whisper. “Yes.”
“You’ll be warm as soon as you’re out of this suit.” He announced, but I couldn’t help but think - he really was taking his time unzipping me.
Ever so slowly, I felt the zipper fall. Warm air touched the skin of my back, but that wasn’t what made me feel as though I was suddenly burning up from the inside out. No, it was the feeling of his knuckle traveling down the length of my spine behind the zipper that made my insides feel as though I were engulfed in flames. Part of me knew I should step away from his touch, because no matter what he said, this wasn’t the way a friend touched another friend. This was intimate. And it - affected me.
I knew when the zippers track had ended, because his hand stopped moving at the base of my spine, but for a moment, he didn’t pull away. And neither did I. Maybe I should have, because what happened next should never have happened. But I couldn’t turn back the hands of time. If I could, I wouldn’t even be here - I’d be at home, facing a new adventure with my brother.
Collin placed his hands on my shoulders, their warmth made me pull in a deep breath as they pushed the wetsuit from my shoulders and down my arms in a slow, fiery path. My heart climbed into my throat as something unfamiliar coiled in my lower belly. Although unfamiliar, I knew with irrefutable certainty what this new feeling was. Desire. I wanted him. I wanted Collin - the man I’d agreed to culture only friendship with. The man I vowed I would never allow myself to pursue no matter how badly I wanted to, because he was, in every way, the wrong man for me.
I felt him step toward me, and his breath warmed the skin of my neck as he dipped his head. Suddenly, I knew I had to move away. I didn’t think. I simply acted.
On a gasped breath, I spun to face him while stepping back to place the much-needed space between us. “Thank you.”
I hated the breathless gasp my words sounded on as I stepped backward again, unable to lift my gaze to meet those warm eyes. I feared if I did, they would be my undoing. I was already so weak as it was, I couldn’t take the risk that I knew staring up into those captivating eyes would do to me.
Collin replied and the sound of his voice was so deep, I swore I felt it moving through my bones. “You’re welcome, beautiful.”
I didn’t look up at him and I didn’t reply as I dashed behind the privacy wall. My heart was pounding so loud and viciously that I could hear it in my ears. My body was trembling so violently that I had a difficult time removing the sticky suit from my still damp skin. Maybe I should have allowed him to undress me, I thought with bitter sarcasm. Then, I shook my head and fought the unstable emotions I felt climbing through my body.
Shit, I was no match for a man like Collin Donnelley. If I allowed myself to give into my desires, he would eat me up and spit out only a shell of who I’d always known myself to be. I wasn’t the kind of girl who could saddle up and play the games Collin had for so long entertained. I wasn’t the kind of girl who thought it was exciting to play her body in the gamble for a possible something more. I knew a lot of women used their wily ways to sink their hooks into a man, but for me, before I even threw in my chips, my heart would already be lost. When you had so much to lose, was the possibility of a prize really worth the gamble?
When I’d finally calmed myself enough to dress myself in my clothing and exit the privacy room, I was surprised to find Collin still waiting in the shack. All over again, my breathing, which I had only just steadied, turned short and unsteady.
“Sorry I took so long.” I whispered, unable to meet his eyes. “It was sticking to my skin and I had a hard time getting it - off.”
“Hadley, look at me.” Collin commanded gently and after a moment, I felt my eyes rising to meet his. “Don’t hide your beautiful blue eyes from me.” He took a step forward and I instinctively stepped back. Keeping myself safe from this man’s touch was imperative to the sanity of my mind.
“Can you take me home?” I asked on a plea and his green eyes darkened. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of staring into his hard eyes, he nodded.
“Yeah, I’ll take you home.” He held out a hand for my suit and I watched his fingers curl around the wet heavy fabric. “I’ll drop this off and meet you on the quad.”
“Thanks.” I said as I practically ran from the shack to the quad.
***
Collin pulled the quad up to the walkway of my cabin. I instantly pushed away from the hot warmth I found pressed against his hard body, but I didn’t make it far up the walk before Collin caught my wrist in his hand.
Turning my body to face his, he asked. “Did I do something to bother you, Hadley?”
Oh God, I really was a coward. “No.”
“Then what’s with the cold shoulder all the sudden?”
“Um.” I shifted from one foot to the other. “I’m just...” I stuttered, not quite knowing what to say. “I haven’t eaten today and I’m starting to feel a little funny.”
“You haven’t eaten?” He growled and I felt my eyes snap up to his at the sound of anger in his voice.
“You kind of interrupted my plans for breakfast.” I whispered in defense.
Why in the world was I so responsive to this man’s moods, when they changed as quickly, and unpredictably, as the rapid current of the river? Why, now, was I thinking of dating when I’d never cared for the act before? I mean, I was still so young. No one found their forever love at my age and I had always planned on being with one man and one man only. Collin Donnelley was so not that man.
“Hadley.” My name on his tongue was a warning and I fought the urge to flinch at the lashing sound. “You need to take better care of yourself.”
“Excuse me?” I pulled my wrist from his grasp, surprised when I found myself released. “What should I have done when you showed up at my door before 8:00 a.m. this morning? Should I have turned you away so I could make myself breakfast?”
“No.” He pulled in an exasperated breath before tipping his head forward an inch. “You should have invited me in for breakfast.”
I stiffened at the flirtatious tone in his voice before I lifted my chin. “I don’t want anything more than friendship with you, Collin. You know that, right?”
I watched his height rise as his back straightened and his shoulders stiffened. “Whatever you want, Hadley.” There was no longer any play lingering in the undercurrents of his tone. “If you want friendship, I can handle that, but friends tend to have breakfast with one another. And they hang out together. And they tend to accompany each other to family bonfires when they’re invited.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you want to be friends with me, or not? I won’t force you, but I also won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I’m a touchy guy and I flirt. I don’t mean anything by it - it’s just who I am. So, if you think you can handle all that, then we can continue. However, if you’re still unsure, then maybe we should stop this while we’re ahead.”
“Do you want to stop this?” I asked, feeling breathless and, well, I felt fucking terrified that he’d say yes. I was terrified that he would tell me I wasn’t worth it - that I was too emotional - that I wasn’t enough fun. I was terrified of losing the only person who’d successfully made me feel alive in the wake of Michael’s death.
I couldn’t lose him...
Finally, after a long beat of silence Collin spoke. “There isn’t one part of me that wants to stop this with you, Hadley. I don’t know what it is about you, but I’ve never known a girl I wanted to take the time to get to know - as a friend. I’ve never wanted to bring a girl coffee and I’ve never tried to invite myself for breakfast.”
I gasped, only just realizing that I’d been holding my breath.
Collin continued, shattering the beauty of his previous words the way only Collin could. “As a matter of fact, I’ve always run from breakfast invites. If I’m there for breakfast then I’ve overstaye
d any welcome I’d been given.”
Shaking my head, I tried to hide the sour taste coating my tongue at the thought of him staying for breakfast with someone else. “Are you saying you’ve never stayed for breakfast - after, you know?”
“After I’ve fucked a hot girl into the wee hours of the morning?” He winked and I blanched. “Naw, I’ve never bothered staying for breakfast. Breakfast means commitment and I don’t bother with that crap.”
“Huh.” I folded my arms over my chest. “Well, apart from all the breakfast talk, I’m really happy you’re still into being friends.”
“So, I take it that means you’re into sticking with me then, beautiful?” He raised his brows expectantly and I laughed.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re stuck with me.”
“Great!” He took a step back down the walkway toward the quad. “I’ll pick you up at eight for the bonfire then?”
“What?” I stammered. “But your whole family will be there!”
“I know. See you then.”
“Collin, I can’t!” I yelled as he threw his leg over the quad, starting the engine.
He didn’t reply as he drove away. And I watched him go. And then I wondered what in the world had I gotten myself into?
Chapter 10
Five hours passed between Collin dropping me off at my cabin and when he was supposed to pick me up. It was now 7:30 p.m. and I only had another thirty minutes until he was expected to arrive - to pick me up - for a bonfire with his family.
Five hours had passed, and I had waited each and every one of those five torturous hours, on pins and needles. I’d cleaned my entire cabin, praying the steady action would help to alleviate my utter nervousness. It didn’t. Now, only a half an hour before Collin informed me he’d pick me up, I felt as though I were trying to maintain a dance in the frying pan rather than be thrown into the fire.
There was no part of me that wanted to go through with Collin’s plans to attend this family bonfire. It was a family bonfire. What part, in that sentence, was he not understanding?
Only a few days ago, I’d walked in on Collin having one hell of a hurtful freak out at Gracie over the possibility that she might be trying to Cupid the both of us into some alleged relationship. I knew she wasn’t. Never once had she mentioned her son, Collin, to me with the whole ‘he’s single and gentlemanly’ speech I’ve known so many other mothers to give. She never once tried to push me in his direction. I mean, I was the one who’d chosen this cabin. My dad was the one who’d asked that it be decorated for me to resemble my bedroom at home. It didn’t, not really. Yeah, there were pops of pink and nude, and yeah, that did slightly resemble the girly comfort of my home bedroom, but the big difference, was that out here I was alone.
I shook my head and stepped outside onto the front porch. I was beginning to feel desperate for a breath of fresh air, and my toes were starting to burn from dancing in the proverbial frying pan. There was only so much time before I took a leap into the fire. I mean, I could already taste the smoke on my tongue - I was breathing it in.
But maybe I didn’t have to take that leap. Maybe I could politely explain to Collin that I wasn’t comfortable joining him in this family get together. Maybe I could convince him that my going would make his mother, Gracie, the woman he thought was Cupid, believe she had a good shot with that arrow of hers. Maybe I could make him think my attending alongside him was a bad idea. But all in all, I hadn’t seen anyone since I’d had the awful experience of hearing what my new friend really thought of a possible relationship with me.
I was pacing the porch when I heard the rumble of the quad. Looking up with what I was certain was fear in my eyes, I saw Collin rising from the quad with three excited dogs wagging their tails at him as he lowered himself onto the ground. He looked good.
What was I supposed to be arguing, again?
Damn, the man looked good. I mean really good. He was no longer wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Instead, he wore dark jeans paired with a black button down shirt. And his boots!
Oh. My. God.
Collin Donnelley was walking toward me with well-worn cowboy boots.
My heart raced and I tried to calm my suddenly active libido. Since when did it kick into overdrive at the sight of a man in cowboy boots? Maybe it wasn’t the boots. Maybe it was just the man who wore them so damn well. I didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t freaking want to know.
At that moment, that very shameful moment, I thought about running away from him. And not just running into the safety of my little cabin, but running straight for the trees like the absolute crazy person I had become in the last few minutes. Thankfully, my feet felt suddenly weighted. That new weight was the only saving grace that kept me from sentencing myself to the utter doom that would be the humiliation I would be forced to live with for the next six months I spent here.
Trying to shake the sight of this man in cowboy boots from my mind, I lifted my eyes once again to his face. And oh, I shouldn’t have. Because again, he looked really good. His eyes were shimmering bright. The warm emerald was accentuated by the deep ebony of his shirt and his hair - oh, the sandy blond hair looked like perfect pulling hair.
At the thought, I felt my spine stiffen. Since when did I have those thoughts? Seriously, were these the hormones my girlfriends back home teased me about lacking? I mean, I’d been told that maybe I was a late hormone bloomer, but I’d never once thought they were going to be this bad when they finally decided to wake from their hibernation.
The real question was what was it about this man that initiated their wake in the first place? Why him? Of all the men in this great big world, why Collin Donnelley? And better yet, what the hell was I going to do about it?
The sound of his boots on the wood of my step shocked me back into the present and I flinched, practically scurrying to one of the chairs. I lowered myself onto the wood before curling my knees into my chest and hugging them tight.
“Hey, beautiful.” Collin leaned against the railing of the porch as he looked down at me. “You alright?”
“I can’t go with you to this bonfire tonight.”
“What?” He frowned and I felt my heart lurch as I tried to swallow the discomfort building in my throat. “Why not?”
“I’m not comfortable with it.”
“Why?” I could feel his eyes on me, unmoving, and that made this so much worse.
“Because I’m not.” I looked up at him and knew, by the determined look in his eyes, that I had to give him more. If I didn’t he would continue to push. I just knew he would. “I haven’t seen your mom or Reese since...”
“Hadley, they’re mad at me for that day, not you.”
“I’m not worried they’re mad at me.” I snapped and he sighed.
“I know, I meant...”
He paused and I continued. “I’m worried that they’ll think I’m foolishly trying to hook you even though I know you don’t want to be hooked. I don’t want or need that reputation, Collin.” I shook my head before dropping it into my hands. “I have to be here for the next six months. I can’t leave, no matter how badly I might want to. And I don’t want to spend those six months uncomfortable around your family. Sorry, but you’ve kind of got a big family.”
Collin lowered himself onto his knees in front of me. I felt his hands circle around my wrists before he pulled my hands from my face, forcing me to look down into those damn green eyes. “I’m so sorry for the discomfort I’ve caused you, Hadley. I can’t take back the words I said, but I want so badly to make them right.” He sighed a sound of frustration. “I’m trying to make it right. Please, let me try and come with me tonight.”
“I don’t know...”
He cut me off. “If you’re at all uncomfortable when we’re there, I’ll bring you home.”
I looked down into his handsome face. “Do you promise?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “I promise.”
“Okay, I suppose I’ll go”
“Great.” He rose to
his full height, which was tall, before pulling me up to stand before him. “But you’re going to get cold if you wear this all night.”
I glanced down at my shorts and tank top before sighing, “Sorry. I really didn’t think I’d be coming with you.”
“You’ll always come with me.” He announced with a wink, and for a moment, I just stared up at him with a frown on my face. And then the perverseness that was his comment registered and I scoffed.
Knocking my hand into the side of his arm, I grumbled. “You’re full of yourself.” Walking past him, I paused at the door. “I’ll be right back.”
The sound of Collin’s laughter followed me into the small cabin and I couldn’t help but replay it over and over again as I dressed in a pair of tight legged yoga pants and a lightweight cream colored knit sweater than hung off the side of one shoulder. Beneath, I donned a nude tank top.
I decided to leave my long blond hair down before I jogged from the bedroom, slipped my feet into a pair of black flats at the door and met Collin outside once again. He was leaning over the porch railing, watching the dogs sniff around the little cabin that surely had my scent - a new scent - all over it.
I announced my presence somewhat unconventionally. “If you want to hang out here all night, I’d be totally good with that, but if you want to go, I suggest we leave now or we’ll be late.”
Turning, he grinned at me. “Alright, smartass, let’s get going.”
I laughed into the silence of the setting sun as he led me down the quaint path to the quad. As he threw a leg over the seat, I asked. “Do you drive this thing everywhere?”
“Pretty much.” He shrugged. “I like riding quads. Do it in the winter and do it in the summer.”
“Huh.”
He winked. “It’s more fun than driving the truck.”
“And since you’re such a kid at heart...” I let my words drag off, speaking for themselves.
“Smartass.” Collin muttered under his breath. “Get on and hold on, beautiful.”
“Kay!” I agreed as I tossed my leg over the seat, scooting up nice and close to the man I had been spending my time with at this Ranch. My heart raced.
Taking Chances: A Donnelley Brother's Novel Page 9
