Another two text messages arrived and I decided that the entirety of the world was conspiring against me, and the sleep I so very much needed.
In a huff, I kicked my blankets from my body as I pulled myself into a sitting position with my legs hanging over the side of the bed. I grabbed my phone and stared down at the screen - or glared was probably a better word. I had three text messages. Two from Collin and one from Kami.
I decided to read Collin’s messages first. Actually, it wasn’t much of a decision, but more a heist my mind took over my fingers as I scrolled to his name to open his messages.
At the cafeteria. Was getting us coffee, but everyone is here...meet me?
You awake?
I sighed as I opened Kami’s text without nearly as much enthusiasm.
You should meet us at the cafeteria! We’re ordering a big breakfast! Text me and we’ll wait for you!
My goodness, Kami was a cheery texter, I thought to myself as I forced myself to reply to her message and not to Collin’s. I seriously had to distance myself emotionally from the man before I fell so deep that I had no chance of ever digging myself out of the hole.
Tapping against the screen, I replied to Kami.
Be there in 20. Is that too late?
Nope! See you soon! Her reply was instant.
As soon as I realized my promise to be at the cafeteria in twenty minutes, I felt a fire ignite under my ass and I started fluttering quickly around my room to ready myself.
***
I put my BMW into park in the stall of the cafeteria before hopping quickly from the drivers seat. I was right on time as I pulled open the door to meet Kami and Collin and whoever else was here for breakfast. I’d pulled my hair into a loose ponytail before dressing myself in beige shorts and a loose fitting, sheer blue tank top. Beneath my clothes, I wore a pastel blue bikini. Here at the Ranch, I pretty much readied myself every day for the possibility of spending time on, or around, the water.
I spotted Kami sitting at a rectangular table that looked like a large, much too long, picnic table and began to make my way toward her. She was sitting with Kyle, Reese, Logan, Luke, Jackson, Gracie, John, Collin, and to my utter discomfort - Clea.
I liked Clea. I really did. She had been so nice the other night when I’d met her, but damn, if she didn’t pull the green monster that lived inside of me from hibernation - I didn’t know what did.
Even now, as I crossed the distance toward the long table where the laughter and bantering of multiple conversations sounded, I felt that green monster stretching from its slumber deep within. And I struggled to tame it.
“Hadley!” Kami called and I felt my eyes dart away from Collin, who’d been too entranced with his flirting with Clea to notice my arrival, to smile at Kami. “You’re here.”
“I am.” I nodded. “Finally.”
“Were you sleeping?” Kyle asked with a deep chuckle. “Kami tells me you were a little tipsy the other night.” He teased. “Still trying to rid the hangover?”
I felt my face flush. “Nope, just had a restless night last night. No hangover.”
Kami patted the seat between her and Gracie as she scooted closer to Kyle. “Sit down and we’ll order.”
“We can actually order?” I asked, surprised. “Like a restaurant?”
“Sure can.” Luke bobbed his head. “You can stand in line for the small stuff or order from a waitress for the bigger.” He continued when I didn’t reply. “It’s pretty much the same thing you’d find in a ski resort.”
I nodded, but I didn’t really know what he was talking about. “I’ve never been skiing.”
Luke’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
I smiled. “Seriously.”
“We’ll go this winter! Mom says you’re here until December!” He announced with excitement. “It’s awesome!”
“You have a ski resort here too?” I asked in amazement.
Gracie shook her head. “We only offer cross country, but we’re not too far from the Sunshine Ski Resort or Lake Louise. They are both spectacular mountains, Hadley. I think Luke’s right, you’ll really enjoy skiing.”
“Yeah.” I smiled at Luke across the table, noticing Collin’s glower from my peripherals as he watched from where he was sitting beside Clea, who was still chatting animatedly beside him. “I definitely think it would be awesome to try.”
Just then, the waitress appeared with a bright smile on her face. She asked the table for orders, and I felt Collin’s green eyes still burning against my face as I placed my order. I avoided meeting his eyes as the waitress continued taking orders around the table and chatting resumed.
Gracie leaned into me. “How are you finding the Ranch so far, Hadley?”
“Oh.” I smiled, offering her my full attention - or I was trying to offer her my full attention, but it was difficult with Collin’s piercing eyes on my face. “I’m really enjoying it.”
“Have you enrolled in any activities?”
“I actually tried white water rafting.” I replied, feeling excitement bloom as I recalled the joy I’d felt riding the river and swimming with Collin, and the way he’d ran his knuckles along my spine as he undid my wetsuit zipper. Shaking the memory from my mind, I felt my cheeks redden and I continued. “It was amazing.”
Gracie’s eyes watched my face color a shade of pink with eyes I couldn’t help but think were - knowing. That only made my face deepen from pink to red.
She waggled her brows. “With Collin?”
“Uh...” my breath felt as though it was suddenly coming in short. “Yeah, he was the instructor. With Jackson.”
Gracie beamed before nudging my shoulder with her own. “You and Collin came to the bonfire together.”
“We did.” I nodded.
“And he took you home.” She stated.
I felt as though I were going to explode with humiliation. What exactly was she trying to say here?
“He did.” I answered, withholding the fact that he’d also stayed the night in my cabin. Oh God - the man I was crushing severely on was flirting with another woman as his mother interrogated me over our non-existent relationship. Just peachy.
“I think he’s smitten with you.” She whispered and I felt my eyes dart to Collin. He’d begun to reply to Clea, but as my eyes moved to him, his lifted to meet mine. For a moment, time stopped and my breathing stilled. And then he broke the connection, tipping his face down to Clea, his eyes fastened on her face.
With a shaking breath, I replied. “I don’t think so.”
Gracie sighed, but she didn’t reply as our food arrived.
Chapter 13
The seed had been planted.
After breakfast, I’d bought another coffee in a paper cup to go, before making a quick break for my car. I’d noticed Collin eyeing me, and I knew, instinctively, that he was only moments from making a pass to talk to me. Hearing him toss flippant flirty remarks at me was the last thing I needed after watching him listen to Clea talk, and talk, and talk, over breakfast. I was jealous - and jealously was so not my color.
Still, the seed had been planted.
So, I’d done the only thing I could think to do to save myself any more humiliation or heartache, and I’d run. I knew it was the coward’s way out, but who the hell cared? I was a coward, but my heart had already taken so much grief, I knew it couldn’t handle another dose and live to beat another day.
Again, that damn seed! Gracie had just had to tell me Collin was smitten with me. I knew he wasn’t, or I thought he wasn’t, but I wished he were.
The thought made me sigh dramatically as I stared out over the calm, sparkling water of the lake Collin had shown to me the day before. Of course this was the place I’d find myself - right where he and I had spent an entire day lounging and yes, flirting.
I had to stop allowing him to flirt with me so relentlessly. I was falling for him. There was no doubt I was falling for him - but he was a player. That had been made painfully clear to me on countle
ss occasions and I had repeatedly opted not to listen to all the warnings I’d come across.
Falling for Collin Donnelley was reckless. And I had never been a woman of recklessness.
Jackson had told me outright that Collin didn’t do the whole commitment thing - hell, Collin had told me himself. And then he’d been so flippant about the end of his relationship - or whatever he’d had with Clea - only to rub her in my face today. Then, there’d been his father’s surprise that he wasn’t going into town to the bar. All in all, there had been so many signs and I’d still gone and stupidly lost a chunk of my heart to him. Now, I had to find some way to reel it back in without causing the sad organ too much pain.
Only, I didn’t know how.
“I thought I’d find you here.” A familiar voice broke through the conflicted thoughts swimming through my mind and I stiffened as Collin lowered himself down onto the sand beside me.
“Oh.” I buried my toes into the wet sand where the lakes water met with the warm golden beach. “Why were you looking for me?”
“You ran off earlier and you didn’t answer any of my texts.” I could feel his eyes on my face, but I kept my own trained on my wiggling, sand covered toes. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” I answered with faux cheer. I was so not alright. I was doomed. My heart was destined for hurt and there didn’t seem to be a damned thing I could do to stop it. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Collin narrowed his eyes on me. “Why didn’t you reply to my texts?”
Why were you flirting with Clea? Thankfully I maintained some semblance of control over my mouth and I didn’t blurt out my thought. Instead, I said, “I left it in the cabin.”
“Huh.” He nodded. “What are you planning to do today?”
I shrugged. “I think I’ll just stay here for a while, then maybe have a nice night in the cabin with a book and a bath.”
I felt Collin move closer to me and my heart raced despite the effort I set forth to steady it. His voice was low and flirtatious when he replied. “Want to hang out? You could ditch your book and have me instead.”
Oh God. “I don’t think so.”
“I bet I could make you feel so much better than any of the men in your books, baby.”
My face flushed. “How do you know I’m reading smutty books?”
The corner of his lips lifted into a knowing grin. “Cause you’re a romantic. Like every woman, you fill your head with impossible notions when you should just let yourself feel and experience.”
My core burned with feelings I didn’t want or need. I didn’t reply as I hurried to my feet. Stripping from my shorts, Collin teased. “If I’d have known you were so anxious, I would have propositioned you sooner.”
I snapped. “I’m not interested in anything you think you can do, Collin. I’ll stick to my books for that, but for right now, I’m going for a swim.”
Lifting my shirt over my head, I didn’t wait for his reply as I moved quickly into the cool, refreshing water of the lake. I sighed in relief as the water lapped over my flushed skin.
I gasped as large hands splayed wide around my waist, and I realized with a start that Collin had followed me into the water.
“What are you doing?”
“Swimming.” He answered matter of fact.
I was conflicted. There were a lot of things I wanted to do to him in that moment, and I didn’t know which thing I should choose. I wanted to turn around and wallop him a good one on the side of his head for being a smart ass. I wanted to scream at him for toying with my emotions the way he was doing so often, and I wanted to tangle my fingers through his hair and pull his mouth down to mine.
I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I turned around in his arms and just as I opened my mouth to tell him I was tired, entirely exhausted with not understanding my emotions and the way he was toying with them, that I stopped cold. He was looking down at me with something in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before - real, raw emotion reflected in the emerald depths and I stilled beneath his touch.
For what felt like the billionth time today, the seed Gracie had planted jostled and I wondered - could it be possible that Collin want me - like I wanted him? Because I did want him - I just hadn’t decided how - yet.
Lifting my chin, I looked up into his face. “You’re touching me.”
He nodded, but the motion was small. “I know.”
“Why?”
“I like touching you.” He stated bluntly before smiling his signature grin - yes, the lady killer one. “I’ve told you that.”
“But why?” I pressed. He was making this whole friendship thing difficult for me - I saw no reason why I shouldn’t make it hard for him in return. It was only fair.
He swallowed, and I felt his fingers move over my skin. “Your soft.” He said in low tones. “I like that.”
I fought the fluttering of my heart as I stepped closer to him. “Does that give me the right to touch you?”
I watched his entire body tense as he stared down into my face. For a moment, he looked conflicted. And then he asked huskily, “Do you want to touch me, Hadley?”
Shit, he’d turned it around on me. I had to regain my standing before he swept me up in the clouds that were the confusion I had been dealing with for the last couple days - or since I’d met this infuriating man.
“Is this the way friends touch one another?” I asked in way of reply as I inched closer to him once again. I could practically feel the heat of his body through the small spacing of water between us. It made my flesh tingle with an alertness that made me question the point I was trying to make.
“Depends on the kind of friends you want to be.” Collin replied and I felt my heart sink into my stomach at his reply. He just had to go there. He just had to be the ass that so many knew him to be. I knew this, because both Kami and Reese had warned me about losing my heart to Collin before I was sure he was worth the risk. He was a known player, and I didn’t know if I had everything it would take to break down his walls. Jeez, I didn’t even know what happened, if anything, to make him build the damn walls in the first place.
Sighing, I shook my head. I placed my hands on his and pushed them from my waist. “We can’t...”
Collin caught my wrists in his hands, tugging my chest tight against his. I gasped and he demanded in a gravelly tone. “We can’t what?”
I stared straight into his eyes as I spoke. “I can’t be that kind of friend to you. I can’t separate my feelings the way you can so easily, Collin. You have to respect that. You have to respect me.”
I watched a muscle in his jaw twitch as he released me, only to place his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. “You don’t realize how much I respect you, Hadley.”
“How can you say that?” I shook his touch from my face. “You flirt shamelessly with me and then with someone else right in front of me - like it’s not supposed to bother me. It does, alright. It bothers me. I don’t know how to read you - I don’t know how to read what you want from me.”
He tensed visibly as confliction crossed over the beautiful, angular features of his face. “Point taken, beautiful.”
I blinked, startled. “What does that mean?”
“It means I didn’t realize you took everything so seriously.” His words were hurtful. “My mistake.”
I shook my head. “I have to go.” I pushed past him to gather my clothes from the beach before wrapping my towel around my dripping body.
“I’ll see you in the morning, baby.” Collin called.
“Don’t bother.” I retorted, before I disappeared into the tree line in my hurry to escape the man who owned my heart - and he didn’t even realize it.
***
I’d been at the Ranch for nine weeks. It was currently Sunday, the twentieth of July. I’d been at the Ranch since the eighteenth of May, and I hadn’t talked to my parents once. I’d of course emailed them a few times. But I hadn’t grown the courage to ever pick up my phone and call
them. I couldn’t seem to answer their calls, either. Actually, for the most part, if I didn’t recognize the number calling me as someone from the Ranch, I didn’t answer at all. In nine weeks, I hadn’t spoken to a soul from my old life.
Michael had been gone for ten weeks and two days. It didn’t seem like he’d been gone long, and I wasn’t at all over his death, but I hadn’t cried for him in a couple weeks.
Since my drunken night with Reese and Kami, I’d hung out with the both of them a few times. Today was the first day I’d spent my entire day without Collin. Since my drunken night when he’d spent the night and then bought me breakfast and coffee, we’d been nearly inseparable - throughout our days.
Despite the tense exchange we’d had at the lake, Collin had shown up the next morning with coffee, and like always, I’d turned to mush at the sight of him. He’d still been shamelessly flirting with me even though I had made it clear it confused me, but he had made a conscious effort not to flirt with any other woman - at all. In the past weeks, the only female I’d heard of Collin flirting with had been me.
I didn’t know what to think about that - so I didn’t allow myself to think anything at all. Reading things into Collin’s actions was pointless. The man was, and would, remain a mystery to me.
Since my drunken night, we hadn’t shared a bed despite the fact that I had wanted to - desperately. Every night had been restless now that I knew what a night felt like when it was spent in Collin Donnelley’s arms.
I’d gotten back to my little abode an hour ago from a day of straining exertion on my muscles with Kyle and Kami. Collin had been booked for a class four tour on the river that he refused to allow me to join. He wasn’t comfortable with me riding the dangerous parts of the river until I had more experience, which made sense, but I also hadn’t quite known what to do with my time away from him. Thankfully, Kami had texted me, and asked if I was up to joining her and her husband, Kyle, on a hike. I’d jumped at the opportunity.
Now, my muscles were burning and I was feeling the need to cool them off. I knew just the place to do that. With Collin’s guide, I’d discovered a beautiful, crystalline lake, only a ten minute walk from my cabin. It was still early in the day and I knew I had a few hours before my stomach began growling in hunger for dinner, so I exchanged my hiking gear for an airy mint sundress Reese had practically forced me to buy on our last shopping trip and a pink bikini. Personally, I think she wanted me to buy the dress because she couldn’t fit her now larger belly into it. It really was beautiful, but mint green was Reese’s color, not mine.
Taking Chances: A Donnelley Brother's Novel Page 12
