by Blue Saffire
She nods when she finds what she’s looking for. “You don’t get to play with my heart, Sam,” my head snaps back at the use of that name. It sounds so wrong on her lips. “Lie to yourself, go back and forth with your own feelings, your own heart. Not mine.
“You either want me or you don’t. But I’m not going to lie in your bed and pretend I’m okay with what you are planning in your head,” she shakes her head at me. “I want my own room. You won’t be reminding me of shit. I’m not the one that needs a reminder.”
Her words hit home. I open my mouth to breathe fire and destroy the fragile thread of our relationship, but my mother and brother step in. Bobby places a hand on my shoulder and my mom wraps an arm around Tasha’s waist to lead her away from me.
Shannon, Pam, and Marie all follow in silence, with a bunch of sleepy children in tow. It dawns on me how many people just watched that whole exchange. I turn to look around me and close my eyes after taking in the faces staring back at me.
I’ve never felt like a bigger asshole. I feel my insides implode as I watch her walk away from me. Isn’t that what I want? So why do I feel like someone is tearing my soul from my chest.
Tasha stops and turns back towards me, delivering the final blow, without so much as knowing. “I’ve always known what I wanted. If you want me, then you need to figure that out. I won’t love a man that’s afraid to love me. I love myself more than that. Now it’s time for you to decide,” she says, then turns back to follow my mother’s lead.
What Tasha doesn’t know, what all the eyes and ears watching and listening don’t know, is that in the last letter I read from Ellen she warned me. Hearing those exact words from Tasha’s lips would be a sign that my time has come.
My time for what? Ellen never says. It’s left with an open end, but watching Tasha walk away from me tells me that it has everything to do with losing the woman that brings my soul peace.
I’ve tried to tell myself to stop reading those letters, but I can’t. After the one I opened a few months back that still has my head spinning, I don’t believe I should.
“You’re losing her,” Val says from beside me. “You placed her in the middle of your life and allowed her to be dependent upon that. Now you are snatching that from her. Women like us fight battles we know we can win.”
“No woman wants to fight a man with two heads,” Paige adds on.
“She’s right,” Uri adds, causing me to lift a brow. “You either love her or you let her go. I know why you are angry with her and the situation, but if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking. You’re about to make a mistake my friend.”
“She will never be safe with me,” I say brokenly to them all.
“And that’s something she has accepted,” Uri shrugs.
“Fuck all of this,” Logan growls. “This is not you. You’ve never been pussy. So what things are about to get hot around here. It’s what we do. I need you to find your balls.”
“Fuck you,” I snap.
“He’s right,” Nate chimes in. “And from what I understand, you can’t let her go now if you wanted. So why ruin everything you have?”
“Exactly,” Bobby bites out. “You have announced your engagement. You cannot go back on that now.”
I bite back my retort because they’re right. I know this in the back of my mind. But if I could somehow set her free, I would.
“I can see what you are thinking,” Luca snorts. “She wouldn’t have any type of life if you try that shit. You’re more than the head of your family. Your declaration went out across the globe. Not only is she now yours, she has a target on her back regardless.
“You have to honor this. You don’t have a place in the world you could hide her. I’m just going to say it. What happened with Ellen was fucked up.
“I feel for you, but you still have a whole lot of shit you need to face in this life. Somehow, Mo has gotten caught up in that web. You built this all on your word, you can’t go back on it,” Luca finishes.
“Bottom line,” Logan says. “Get your shit together. You’re marrying her whether you like it or not. It’s clear you care about her. Fix your shit, Lad.”
~B~
Tasha
I was pissed at LaSalle when I arrived. I was mad that he hung up on me and I was upset about him not mentioning Sammy learning to throw knives. However, none of that can compare to how pissed off I am now.
I gave myself to him. I told him he would be the only one for me. Yet, I saw it in his eyes. He’s willing to let me go. I don’t think my heart has ever ached this much.
To go from missing the man you love, to wanting to stab him with one of his son’s knives, within just hours. I have gotten in way over my head. LaSalle asked for my trust, but I don’t have his. That hurts. If he trusted me, he would know I would never intentionally do anything to hurt these children or him.
A tap at the door grabs my attention. It’s been a few hours since we arrived, but I haven’t been able to fall asleep. I slip from sitting on the bed and tiptoe to the door. I listen for a few moments, I can hear shifting on the other side of the door.
I move back a little, as something is pushed underneath the door. I look down to see those all too familiar envelopes. I bend to retrieve them and look them over. There all addressed to Sam.
I move back over to the bed and start with the one that was placed on the top. I get the feeling they were placed in the order I’m meant to read them. I unfold the letter and take a deep breath.
Dear Sam,
Sammy will be turning three soon. It is time you know some things about our son. He is going to be very special. He has a special gift. One that will surpass mine and my grandmother’s.
It is so rare for males in my family to have it and many times they lose their mind from it. That will not be the case with our son. I don’t know why or how, maybe it is because of his autism, but Sammy will handle his gift with a grace and wisdom beyond us all.
You will see him become tighter with his siblings. It’s because Jessica will anchor his gift in some way. It’s so frustrating. I can’t really see much about the girls and whether they will be gifted. I get these tiny glimpses of our girls that are not enough to make out much.
However, I can tell you this. Sammy will need an outlet. Our friends will come to you with an idea that won’t sit well with you. It will be to help Sammy. It won’t make sense at first. It’s something you as a father would never want to do.
Don’t ignore their suggestion. It is a part of who Sammy is. It will help him in ways you can’t even imagine. It will also help you. I can’t see exactly what it is. All I can see now is metal. Metal is always around him. It will make sense to you when the time comes.
Don’t hesitate when the time arrives, because it is imperative that he does this. I, God, none of this is making sense to me, but I see the Donati’s, with a heavy hand in our son’s future. Even in his adult life.
I once thought I understood why, but this is more. Something else happens way before that other vision will come to fruition. Oh, Sam, our son will have such a fulfilling life. His Mo-mo will make sure of it.
-Love,
Ellen
I sit stunned. I don’t know how to react, or how to feel. I lose some of my ire. I’m trying my best to see this from LaSalle’s side. Like I said, he doesn’t owe me anything when it comes to his children.
Reading this one letter, I can see how he must live in torment. It’s like he can’t move on without his past having a hand in it all. That must be hard on him.
Exhaustion sets in hard. I sit the rest of the letters on the nightstand. I don’t think I can handle reading another tonight. Sleep, I need sleep and then I can see things clearly.
chapter Thirty-Four
Locatellis
Tasha
“You are what I’ve always seen for my LaSalle. The gypsy was what he wanted, but I knew she wouldn’t fit his world,” Uncle Alfanzo says, holding up his hand when I go to protest. “Listen
, young Bella. I mean no disrespect to the dead. Ellen was a great wife and mother, she just wasn’t what my nephew needs.”
“What makes you think I am,” I ask cautiously.
I woke the morning after we arrived in Italy to Minnie sitting on the side of my bed. She informed me that her Uncle wanted to meet me. It took me a minute to realize she meant the Don that LaSalle is here to replace.
I have been staying in his lovely home since. Don Alanzo’s wife and daughters-in-law have made me feel so at home. I feel like I’m already family.
I haven’t seen LaSalle in almost a week. I’ve gotten to know D’Angelo a lot better, along with Marco and a few other cousins. I think Marco and I have buried the hatchet. He teases me enough about saving all our lives and getting us to Italy safely. All Marco’s words.
I am humoring Uncle Alfanzo. I don’t really think there is much to talk about when it comes to me and LaSalle. He has made his decision. The fact that I haven’t seen or heard from him speaks volumes to me.
“We’re a close family and city here. The walls talk. I heard about what happened upon your arrival. You cause a fire to rise in LaSalle, and you’re not afraid of it. You’re drawn to it,” Uncle Alfanzo says, as he leads me through his beautiful garden.
We have taken a walk in it almost every day since I’ve been here. I like Uncle Alfanzo. He is straightforward and tells it like it is. You can tell he is used to running shit.
I smile and shake my head. “I don’t know about all of that.”
“I do. The gypsy girl was not the only one that knows and sees things. I can see it in your eyes. You will become what LaSalle needs most. A partner, someone to allow him to be him. The hand that pulls him from the destruction that wants to claim him,” Uncle Alfanzo says with a wisdom you can’t help but feel.
I sigh and stop walking, causing him to as well. We turn to each other, as I gather my thoughts. I want to be respectful, but I want to be truthful as well.
“LaSalle has made his choice. I don’t fit into that,” I say finally.
“Ah, you still believe you two have a choice. What you and LaSalle have is what my father called, ‘Anima della mia anima,’ Uncle Alfanzo chuckles. “Do you understand this?”
“Soul of my soul,” I repeat in English.
“Ah, sì, very good. This isn’t love you control. This is love that controls itself. Do you understand? LaSalle was made for you and you for him. My nephew doesn’t know his head from his ass at this time, but this does not change who you are to him,” Alfanzo smiles down at me and cups my cheek.
“He will come to you. You will see. You have the spirit of a Locatelli. You will fight for what’s yours. Let LaSalle be a dragon. In a few days, he will come licking his wounds and wanting to bury his head in your bosom, because he too knows how much he needs you.”
I’m in a stubborn mood, so I pout and grumble. “Who says I’ll want him then?”
Uncle Alfanzo throws his head back and gives a raspy laugh. He kisses my forehead when his laughter subsides. His eyes twinkle with his next words.
“You, Bella Donna, are his other half. You and my nephew roar together or not at all. The world will know the Locatelli name and you will play no small part in that.
“Embrace her,” he taps my chest. “She will guide you through this life. The fierce warrior within you has waited her turn long enough. Let her claim her king. It is time.”
Even hours after Uncle Alfanzo loops his arm through mine to walk us back to the main house, his words echo in my head. Maybe putting the ball in LaSalle’s court isn’t the best strategy. Clearly, he’s doing nothing with it.
~B~
Sam
My parents and my uncle felt I needed to cool off. It’s been a week. I’m done cooling off. I want to talk to Tasha about the way things were left off a week ago.
I’ve gotten Cam to look after the kids for me. It’s a little over a thirty-minute drive to my uncle’s home. I was pissed when I found out my mother ran Tasha off to stay with my uncle.
There is so much Tasha and I need to sort out. Like the fact that our engagement party will be thrown this weekend. I haven’t told her and I made sure no one else would.
There will be no changing the date. Everyone, and I mean everyone will be flying in for this gala. It is almost like a ceremony of witness. I’ve made this promise and now approval will be given on all that has transpired.
It is old school shit that I can’t get around, Don Locatelli or not. To the honored parties, this is my first official action. My engagement will be held in as high regard as all of my decisions as Don.
We are not just putting on a show for Misha any longer. This has to look real to everyone. Misha, this bullshit all started with him.
I’m dragging Monique into my life because of him. However, the moment I step into the dining room in my uncle’s house, I’m not sure what I think I’m dragging her into. Sitting before me, is Tasha, my uncles, and my cousins all laughing and ribbing each other over cards.
God, she’s gorgeous. She looks like she belongs here, which is all wrong because the women never hang around. Yet, my Tasha fits right in. From the looks of things she’s cleaning house.
I shake my head and clear my throat. All eyes turn to me. I watch as Tasha’s eyes light up, but that light quickly dims. I have plans of lighting them back up.
“Look at this,” D’Angelo says. “I told you if we let you hang out, you would draw the wrong crowd.”
“I don’t blame him. I would come for my woman too, if she were hanging with the better looking side of the family,” Marco says, before roaring with laughter.
“You wish you were better looking,” I throw back.
“It’s not a wish. You come close, but no cigar, dear cousin,” D’Angelo ribs.
I flick my hand under my chin, in a gesture to flip my cousins off. My eyes stay glued on the source of my presence. Her full lips thin and she turns back to her cards.
I’m pissed off by her dismissal. I take advantage of my uncle’s rustic old dining room table. The heavy oak table can seat about twenty. Instead of chairs it has two benches on either side of the table and two large, intricate chairs at either end of the table.
I shrug out of my leather jacket, tossing it aside. Walking over to Tasha, I climb right in behind her, not caring that there isn’t enough room on the bench for her ass and mine. I push forward into the seat, lifting her onto my lap.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She hisses over her shoulder.
I lean into her ear. “Why do you look so comfortable amongst killers?”
“Because I am one,” she snaps.
I throw my head back and laugh. My chest squeezes. I’ve missed her so fucking much. I wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze. I feel the tension float from her body as she relaxes into my embrace.
“We need to talk. Come home with me,” I breathe into her ear.
“I’m fine here,” she shakes her head.
I slip my hand under the table where no one else can see. I bunch up her skirt, reaching for her thick thigh as I expose it. Everyone at the table has returned to their boisterous conversation and teasing one and another.
It’s just me and my woman as far as I’m concerned. Tasha reaches to stop my hands ascent, but I’m stronger. I lick the shell of her ear.
“You have mistaken my command for a question, Baby. I’ll have to fix that. I miss you. We have shit to talk through and then I need to be inside you until the sun comes up,” I whisper.
I feel the shudder that runs through her. I glide my fingers up between her legs, beneath her panties to test her seam. She’s already wet for me. She squeezes her legs closed, trapping my hand between her warm brown thighs.
Tasha leans her head back on my shoulder, turning her face to my ear. “Why do you insist on embarrassing me all the time,” she hisses low.
“Are you really embarrassed,” I ask, wiggling my hand for better access of her cleft. “I feel like you’re
more turned on than embarrassed.”
“LaSalle,” she growls, but gasps when my cock twitches against her ass.
“I want you, Tasha. You know I want you,” I whisper in her ear.
“Stop,” she moans low.
“I won’t stop until you understand you’re leaving with me,” I reply.
She presses her forehead to my neck. To everyone else we just look like we are having a little chat. My soaked fingers know differently.
“Okay,” she whimpers, as she drops her cards to the table.
Her head lifts and I look down into her lust filled eyes. I can’t resist her full lips. I bend my head and capture them. It’s been too long since we’ve kissed.
“I told you the dragon would come,” my uncle chuckles over everyone else, when I break the kiss and place my forehead to hers. “You have a fine woman, LaSalle. Don’t take that lightly. Now get out of my house. See you Saturday, Bella. I will miss our walks.”
“I will miss them too,” Tasha blushes. “Thank you for making me feel so welcome.”
“You are welcome. You’re family,” my uncle nods.
I stand taking her body with me. I move to the head of the table to kiss my uncle’s cheek. He winks at me and mouths, ‘go.’ He doesn’t have to tell me twice.
I grab my jacket, pulling my woman out of the house with me. I’ll have her things brought to the house later. If I have it my way she won’t be needing any clothes for a very long time.
We are in the car and on the road, before she can protest. I don’t give her time to change her mind. I need us to sort this out. I need her.
“You want to talk, start talking,” Tasha says, not even two minutes into the drive.
“I was wrong,” I huff.
“About what exactly?”
“For how I handled things. For how I talked to you in front of our family. I was wrong to think the way to keep you safe was to let you go,” I turn to look at her briefly. “I was wrong to ever allow you to think I don’t want you.”
“Clarify something for me. Is it that you want me in your bed, or have you figured out whether or not you want me?”
“I want you. I want us. I have so much inside of me that I’m warring with, but the truth is. I keep coming back to one thing. I need you. I feel complete when I’m with you,” I reply.
