Depraved

by Pucci, Trilina

  It’s fair. There was a time when I would have made that move for the sake of my family, but now, she stands protected above all.

  “I’m never willing to do that.”

  Relief and pride.

  That’s what I see in my brother’s eyes.

  Luca clears his throat and puts his hand on the desk, propping himself up. “We need to call in the other families, Dante. If we’re going to take the Irish down, we need their support. New York, Boston, LA…we need them all.”

  “Tomorrow,” I say, the firmness of my answer in my tone. “The other families will want to know how helping will benefit them. Everyone is selfish, motivated only by their gain. Loyalty is a distant second. So, I’m going to need to know exactly what jars Declan’s got his fingers in.” I turn toward Antonio and give him a knowing look. “I’m gonna need to know all the inventory.”

  He nods and pulls his phone from his pocket to start to get to work. I take in a deep breath and look out at the room, feeling the violence of my thoughts start to pump blood into my veins.

  “Not only am I keeping my queen, I’m taking that piece of shit’s fucking kingdom too.”

  MY FINGERS BRUSH THROUGH ELLA’S little curls from where her head lies on my lap as she sleeps. Gretchen stepped away to speak with Luca, and I stayed here to watch the sweet toddler while Drew put the twins down, and I suspect herself, too, since she’s been gone for a while.

  The door from the bedroom opens as Gretchen walks out with a small frown, making her way to the couch in the living room. The small house we’re holed up in can best be described as cozy. Nico said it was left for Antonio by his grandfather, who preferred the silence of the woods to the clamor of the city.

  “Hey,” Gretchen whispers, sliding down and lifting Ella’s feet to place them on her lap.

  “Hey. How’s everything going?” I question, keeping my voice low.

  “Jesus. I don’t know. Luca seems confident, which is reassuring, but I’m worried about you. Not them,” she answers, giving me that look she gets.

  Gretchen seems to have an uncanny ability to read people right down to the lies they tell themselves.

  “Me?” I counter, rolling my eyes.

  “Yeah. You,” she pushes. “You haven’t stopped looking guilty, like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, since we left…this shit isn’t your fault, Sarah. Whatever’s happened to Matteo isn’t your fault. And I don’t trust for a second that you believe that.”

  I hate her. She makes it impossible not to love her.

  My shoulders give a small shrug. “You’re right. I feel guilty because I wish I could make it all go away. For all of you. But especially for Dante. Because he’ll kill himself to protect everyone so that I don’t have to live with the reality that none of this would’ve happened if not for me.”

  Gretchen reaches out and touches my shoulder, shaking her head. “No. That’s not true. Luca said Declan is using you as a means to an end. He wants to expand whatever he’s running into Chicago, and you’re the button he’s pushed to cause a war. A war that would be the perfect distraction for slipping by the guards, so to speak.”

  “Jesus Christ,” I breathe out. “This is too much.”

  Gretchen brings her hand back to her head, resting her temple on her fist. “Listen, it’s no secret that I wanted my husband out of this game when we married, but that just meant I wanted him out of the day to day…this is about family. You need to trust them. You don’t just have Dante, Sarah, you have all of us. You are our family.” She smiles, reaching for my hand.

  I squeeze her hand back. “Thank you. I know it’s not enough, but thank you.”

  She nods her head, and we lapse back into silence, sitting with Ella lying across us, me stroking her hair and Gretchen rubbing her little feet. My head begins to form an idea I know I can’t say aloud, but I’m positive is the rightest thing I’ve ever thought.

  “I’m going to take her to bed now.”

  Gretchen lifts Ella into her arms, and I give a small wave as she rounds the couch and walks toward one of the three bedrooms in the cabin. She nods to the guys who are sitting at a makeshift table playing cards that were sent with us.

  I turn, folding my arms over the brown leather couch and resting my chin on them. “Has anyone heard anything about Matteo?”

  My gaze drifts to the small digital clock sitting on a wooden bookcase by one of the burly guards as it blinks and changes to 10:30 p.m.

  “Not yet, but they put Vincenzo on it…he’ll find him. It’s impossible to hide from Vin,” one of the guys says as I draw my focus back to them.

  “Really? That’s what he does? Finds people?” I question, curious to hear more from my chatty Cathy.

  “Yeah. It’s like his specialty. That’s why Dante’s family is so powerful—the seven of them together is fucking scary. Nobody in their right mind would fuck with them unless they wanted a war that would destroy everything.” He chuckles.

  But what he says hits my gut with a thud. A war. Declan wants that. My eyes falter as I push back and turn around to stand. Declan wants to destroy everything. He wants something long and drawn-out…because he’ll wear them down, so he can pick them off one by one.

  I brush my hair back out of my face and then rest my hands on my heart, willing the emotion not to overwhelm me. Flashes of family dinner pass through my mind like a slideshow.

  Gretchen and Luca with Ella. Dominic and Drew with their twin boys. Matteo smiling when he speaks about the girl he can’t have. Antonio reading his damn paper. Vincenzo, Nico.

  Dante.

  Every moment we’ve spent falling in love and finding our way. All of it would’ve been for nothing because in the end, we’ll have nothing left. Not the people we love, not the memories, and not our future because it will all be replaced with destruction.

  But there can’t be a war if the terms are settled.

  Turning around, I fake a smile and brush my hair over my shoulder. “Guys, I’m going to bed. I’m wiped.”

  “All right, Sarah,” one of the other guys answers as I walk past and into my room.

  The door closes softly behind me, and I lock the door as I try and steady my breathing. Fuck. This is the only way. I need to do this.

  My eyes scan the room and lock in on the window, my feet already in motion. I reach for the lock on top, undoing it quietly and pushing the window up. It’s old and heavy and probably hasn’t been opened in months. Wincing, I freeze when it makes a squeaky sound, but push again, getting it opened wide.

  The cold air billows in, and I shiver. I’m still wearing the outfit I had on at Church. Thankfully, my coat is here in the bedroom. I take quick steps to the bed and tug it on, buttoning it and hoping it’ll be enough.

  Don’t think, just do.

  I only make it halfway back to the window when the collar of my jacket snags on my choker. My feet still, and I bring my fingers to my neck. My chest rises and falls with the regret over what I have to do. I reach back behind my neck with both hands and struggle to undo it until I finally feel a pop and the clasp comes loose, falling open, and my eyes squeeze shut.

  “It’s just jewelry. It’s just a necklace,” I whisper to myself, but the lie does nothing to stop the jagged breaths that slip between my lips because it’s not just a necklace—it’s Dante. And I just ripped my heart right from his chest.

  I take the two steps to the nightstand and place it down, adding my bracelets.

  “I’m sorry. I love you,” I whisper.

  It’s crazy to talk to myself, but it’s the closest thing to him.

  I hurry to the window and stop my mind from going backward. I fling my leg over the side, hoisting myself up and tipping myself over, landing on my bare feet. The sting from the cold and the rocks on the ground, stab at my feet sending pain shooting up my leg, but I try and block it out because my heels aren’t a viable alternative.

  Turning, I close the window, so any outside noise or breeze doesn�
��t give me away because I’m going to need as much of a head start as possible.

  My feet take a tentative first step on the cold ground, causing more of a chill to run through my body. I’ll be lucky not to freeze to death. Pulling the collar of my jacket tighter around my neck, I take a few more cautious steps, hearing the crackling of leaves and the stabs of hard stone, before I become bolder and move quickly into the cover of the trees.

  I saw a road as we came in, so if I can find it in the darkness, I can hitchhike or follow it into a town. I don’t slow as I head in the direction I think I should go, praying that the guys in the front of the house don’t shoot if they hear a noise.

  The house becomes dimmer as I retreat farther into trees, and then I run as fast as I can until I can’t make my lungs suck in the cold air anymore, but even then, I still don’t stop, opting to walk quickly. The burn on my feet from the frozen ground is becoming painful, but I know the road has to be here. It has to. Sweat drips down my brow; I’ve been moving so quickly for so long that I’ve managed to sweat in single-digit temperatures. But I know I’m close. I know it.

  I squint, trying to make out a darker shadow, when my thigh runs smack into something hard. “Dammit,” I breathe out and rub my leg, realizing it’s a large broken tree that’s lying across the path. I jump up, putting my backside on it, and toss my legs over. As I land, a streak of light passes over me, illuminating my tattered dress.

  Headlights.

  I gather my dress in my hands quickly, breaking into a full sprint, hearing tires on the road as I get closer. My breath is ragged as the trees begin to thin, and moonlight filters in, helping me to make out more details. My hair blows across my face, and I shake my head to help it move, almost screaming when I see asphalt. I did it.

  Throwing caution to the wind, I run faster as I see a car coming from down the road and run directly into the middle of the lane, waving my arms wildly.

  Tires screech, and I close my eyes, frozen in place. Peeking one eye open, I see the car pulled to a hard stop about twenty feet away from me. I sprint toward it, breathless and grateful.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say in my sweetest voice, trying hard to emote a damsel-in-distress feel. “Can you please take me to the nearest town? I need help. Please. It’s my boyfriend—he’s gone nuts. Please help me.”

  “Yes, get in, dear!” the old woman rushes out, her husband unlocking the doors.

  I climb inside, rattling off a hundred “thank yous” and pull my dress over my feet to warm them.

  “Thank goodness we saw you. Are you okay?”

  “Yes, thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.”

  Sinking back into the seat, I look over my shoulder for the last time to say goodbye.

  LUCA WALKS BACK INSIDE THE office, having just hung up the phone with Gretchen, and rolls his neck. “They’re all going to bed. Things are quiet.”

  I don’t answer, but I’m happy to hear it because I haven’t stopped thinking about her. How could I? She’s my reason for everything, and I’ll be damned if I let this shit go south and destroy the life she deserves to have.

  “Nico should’ve been back by now,” I throw out, catching Antonio’s attention.

  He pulls his phone from his pocket as the office door opens bringing with it, Nico, Vincenzo, and a battered but smiling Matteo.

  Thank fucking god.

  The room erupts, everyone standing and cheering and throwing out questions all on top of each other that it’s impossible to make out what anyone’s saying. I stand from behind the desk and move closer to Matteo, bringing my hand to his cheek and patting it lightly.

  “What the fuck happened to you, ya dumb son of a bitch? You had us thinking you were dead.”

  Matteo winces as Luca pats his shoulder. “Easy. I’m fragile,” he complains, and we both take a small step back, making room for him to walk to the chair that’s closest.

  I motion my head, and Antonio swivels the chair around for Matteo to sit; he makes his way to it slowly, holding his ribs and hissing a breath through his teeth when Nico helps him down.

  We all stand and gather around, waiting for him to explain what the hell happened to him tonight.

  He looks up at us and takes a breath. “I went to your place to keep an eye out, and a couple of scumbags jumped me out front when I got there. Fucked me up bad and tossed me in a goddamn trunk. I thought they were gonna kill me until I realized they were just leaving me there.”

  Nico crosses his arms over his chest. “That’s how they got his phone; they took it right off him and sent the message to everyone. Vin found it in the trash a couple cars away from where he found Matteo.”

  Matteo adjusts himself in the chair and groans. “I made a big fucking commotion in that trunk, even though my body was hurting. But nobody was paying attention. I heard the blast, felt it, too. It shook the shit out of the car. Then the sirens started howling, and I knew I had to wait it out.”

  Vincenzo laughs as he sits back against the desk. “I stopped back by the building, just to look around, and I was standing across the street. Out of the corner of my eye, I see this car rocking and bouncing. I thought to myself, either someone is fucking or someone’s trying to get out.”

  Luca starts to laugh, and I join in while Dom just shakes his head.

  “Fuck. That was the longest five hours of my life. But I’m sorry, Dante,” Matteo says, a crease forming between his eyes.

  I exhale harshly. “No, you are not responsible for this, Matteo. Don’t put that on yourself. Did you already see the doc?”

  He nods as Vin answers for him.

  “Yeah, that’s what took us so long. I called Nico for backup, just in case.”

  “Smart,” I agree as I walk back around the desk to my chair and grin at Matteo. “Well, since you’re useless,” I laugh, “you can ride with me to the house and stay with the girls.”

  Matteo sits back and closes his eyes, stripped of his regular sarcasm as I continue. “Antonio, fill in Nico and Vin about the plans. Let’s wrap this shit up, so I can go see my girl…we all need to sleep and stay clear for tomorrow.”

  “Will do,” Antonio answers.

  Luca and I wrap up how we plan to reach out to the other families and come to a consensus for what we should offer them for their help. I stand and grab my jacket and catch the time on the wall—3:30 a.m. My eyes widen and blink as I try and keep them open. The night’s beginning to wear me down.

  Each of the men follows my lead and gathers what they brought, and as we head out back to our cars to go our own ways, I look at each of them. “Thank you for your loyalty and your bravery. The next step we make needs to be made together because we’re only our strongest together. So take this time to think it over and make sure you’re ready.”

  My words hit hard. I see it in their faces, and I’m grateful that these men will all be with me to protect our city and to keep the woman I love safe.

  I let out an exhausted breath as we pull up to Antonio’s cabin and twist my neck, hearing the cracks as I try and wake myself up. Running my hand over my head, I smack Dom’s shoulder. “We’re here. Get up.” He opens one eye and grumbles.

  Luca stretches from the front seat next to my driver and rolls his shoulders. “That wasn’t enough sleep.”

  The car crackles over branches and debris and pulls to a stop. I reach for the door, pushing it open and stepping out into the early-morning air.

  The other car pulls in behind us with Matteo inside. I stand, buttoning my jackets, and flip up the collar of the heavy trench.

  “Fuck, it’s cold.” A cloud of breath billows out in front of me. I rub my hands together as Matteo slowly climbs from the car to join us.

  “You want a piggyback ride?” Luca jokes as Matteo shakes his head and flips him the bird.

  “Dick.” I smirk as we walk toward the door.

  The guys at the front greet us and open the door, stepping aside as I enter. The place is small, but comfort isn’t what I care abou
t. It’s safety. And nobody knows about it.

  Two more of my guys sit at a small gray fold-up table with tired looks in their eyes, but they stand as we walk inside.

  “Everything’s good, boss. Girls are still asleep. We took shifts, but it’s been quiet. I think the babies woke up a few times, but Drew seemed to be fine.”

  Dom pats the guy’s shoulder as he walks past him and points at the door, getting a nod before walking inside.

  Luca comes up next to me. “Where’s my wife and daughter?” He sounds as tired as I feel.

  The guys point to the back room, and Luca wastes no time making his way to the room. I turn as Matteo walks through the door, the cabin lights making him seem even more bruised than before.

  I look back to my soldiers at the table as I shrug off my trench coat and toss it over a chair at the table. “Put Matteo on the couch. And then get some rest. The guys outside can switch with you.”

  I turn and walk to the only other bedroom that’s left. With each step, my body calls for her, needing her close and in my arms. I want to wrap her up, let her legs tangle around me, and sleep like I’m dead.

  Reaching the door, I grab the handle, but it doesn’t twist. My eyes dart down, needing the visual to make sense of the action. I try it again, twisting it harder, back and forth, as it rattles in place.

  My eyes are fixed on the silver knob as my voice raises, demanding over my shoulder while I jerk the door against the frame. “Why is this fucking door locked?”

  My body spins around, and the men’s eyes grow wide. They exchange a look, landing back on me confused.

  “We don’t know. She said she was going to bed…” one of the men tosses out.

  Fuck. Fuck!

  Panic sets in as I turn back around and rattle the door with all my strength, calling out her name. “Sarah. Open the door.”

  My palm pounds against the wood, my voice louder this time. “Sarah! Open the fucking door!”

  I push off the handle, shaking my head and my mind begins to split in two. All I want is to get through the goddamn door. Nothing stands between me getting to her. Nothing.