by S. Cook
I kissed her and held her pressed against my chest, then released her so she could explore. We scanned the outside first, as I pointed out all the features I’d been able to incorporate within our budget.
There was a solar hot water heater on the roof that meant no more heating water on the stove, and solar shingles running along the glass to keep the power bills down. Tiny wires ran inside of each pane so that in the winter they could heat the glass against the temperature and let the greenhouse-like home do the rest.
“Please tell me there’s a bathroom with a real toilet,” she pleaded.
“Yes, there’s even a bathtub,” I answered with a smile. “A bathtub big enough for two people.”
“Good thinking,” she said with a wink and carried on exploring the new house.
I noticed that her shoulders eased with relief when she saw how sturdy the structure was now. There was a solid cedar room in the middle, a bathroom which was walled-in for safety and a storm shelter beneath the floor for storage and tornados.
She was like a kid in a toy store, going from one place to the other to check everything out.
“Do you like it?” I asked, realizing how much her approval meant to me.
I pulled her close and kissed her behind the ear, nuzzling her neck as I slid my hands around her waist.
“I love it,” she replied. “I don't even have the words to explain to you how much.”
“I’m glad that you like it,” I whispered in her ear. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”
She turned her head and looked at me.
“No way. This is my birthday present? You did all this work so you’d have it ready for my birthday?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I wanted to give you a surprise birthday present.”
She placed her hands on my cheeks and tilted her head at me.
“You are the most amazing man in the entire world. This is the best birthday present I could ever imagine.”
As we approached the steps leading up to the wide wrap-around porch that ran beneath a tinted glass overhang, she let go of my hand and walked up the steps.
“Can I go in?”
“It’s your house,” I said with a laugh. “You don’t need to ask me.”
“No, it’s our house,” she corrected me.
It felt good that she now considered everything that belonged to her, belonged to me as well.
It wasn't her ranch anymore, it was ours.
She loved me, the broken-and-fucked-up Mustang.
I didn't have to hide anything about myself from her or be ashamed of things that I couldn’t change.
She accepted me.
I smiled as I thought back to our initial meeting, and how she screamed and punched at me, thinking that her feeble hits would have any impact.
“What’s so amusing?” she asked me when she caught my smile.
“I was just thinking about our first encounter,” I answered. “You were a real hellfire.”
“You mean when I punched you and you didn't even flinch in the slightest?” She cringed. “It was like hitting a concrete block.”
“What were you trying to achieve by the way?” I asked.
“I guess it was just the frustration mixed with fear and irrational thinking.”
“That’s a bit of an understatement.”
“Which part?”
“All of it,” I chuckled.
“Don’t be mean. You scared me that day, with your big muscles and your tattoos. Your sudden presence didn't help the situation either.”
“I’m one stealthy son of a bitch,” I said with a smile.
“That you are,” she laughed and held her hand out to me. “Are you coming in with me?”
I hesitated on the porch.
“Okay, now I am just confused,” she said.
“About what?”
“You went inside this house a million times when you were building it, right?” she asked.
“It wasn't quite a million but yes, I did.”
“What makes this time any different? It’s just like those times, it’s the exact same thing.”
“In some ways it is, and in some ways, it isn’t.”
“Wow, that’s even more confusing.”
“When I was working alone in the house there were no expectations. I knew I could go back outside if it felt too claustrophobic.”
“Why would now be any different?”
“Because you’re here now and I don’t want to look like a damn fool in front of you.”
“That doesn’t change anything, Mustang. You can still run outside anytime you need to,” she said as she took my hand and squeezed it for support.
“But I don’t want to run outside. I want to be a normal person for you.”
I was surprised at how much my voice shook as I spoke.
I’d never opened myself up to another person quite like this before. I felt vulnerable and weak. It saddened me that I was still so caught up with my issues, even after being back home for years.
Normally people would look at me like I was a broken person, about to fall apart at the seams. They’d look at me with pity in their eyes while at the same time telling me what an inspiration I was, and that they were in awe of me.
I glanced at Leah, half-expecting to see the same look, but I was foolish to think she would be like everyone else.
She was different, and the look on her face was not of pity, but of encouragement and love.
“Don’t you dare change who you are for me,” she said, closing the gap between us. “The weird, scary guy who used to show up in my yard and say crazy things is the man I fell in love with.”
I smiled at her and shook my head.
“See, I knew you thought I was crazy.”
“I never said you were crazy, only that you say crazy things.”
I raised my eyebrows at her.
“I’m serious, Mustang. Any changing you want to do is only for you. Not me. Run in and out all day long for all I care. Just don’t leave the door wide open for the flies to come in. Or other things.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She held her hand out to me again, and I joined her in front of the door. She slowly opened the thick glass door and looked at me encouragingly.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “Are we ready to do this thing once and for all?”
I nodded as I motioned to her to go in.
“I’m right behind you,” I said.
She didn’t go in front of me and instead stayed by my side.
“And I’m right beside you,” she whispered.
Together we stepped in to the house with my heart pounding in my chest. I felt better knowing that I could leave whenever it got to be too much.
“Oh my god,” Leah gasped. “This place is beautiful!”
“I’m glad you like it,” I said with a smile.
“You did all this by yourself?” she asked as she stepped into the kitchen.
“I did. Except the appliances, which I bought, obviously.”
She looked at me over her shoulder and smiled, before turning her attention back to the kitchen. She ran her fingers along the smooth surface of the countertop.
Most of it was all handcrafted. My personal touch was everywhere, from the countertops made from rock off the ranch, to the wood cabinets made from felled trees that had come down in the flood. New appliances stood at odd angles in the kitchen, arranged just so to let as much light as possible come in and not block the views of the outside.
We went from room to room, taking in the details and making plans for what to do with each space. She was delighted that most of those plans involved some very intimate ideas.
“I am so glad that you kept most of the original concept of the former house. I love the bedroom in the loft,” she said.
“I knew how much you loved the loft, so I kept to the original design as much as I could.”
“You know exactly what I like,” she said.
She glanced down fro
m the bedroom loft at me, where I still stood on the lower level. The glass above her head in the bedroom loft was almost close enough to touch with the ends of her fingertips.
It was built without any obstructions as one solid window, meaning that at night we could fall asleep under a pure view of the night sky then be awakened every morning by the sunrise washing over us.
As she descended the stairs back to the main level of the house, I took her hand and steered her towards the living room.
“I want to show you something else.”
“There’s more?”
I pointed out the one feature of the exterior that blocked the view of the wide-open ranch. A stone fireplace was built into one wall, its large chimney running up the side of the house.
“Oh my god,” she gasped and closed her eyes. “I could just see us spending countless nights in front of a crackling fire, my naked body entwined with yours on a thick, luxurious rug.”
“That sounds like a plan, ma’am.”
She giggled and ran her fingers along the smooth wood of the mantle.
“The mantle is very special to me,” I said. “In fact, it’s the most special part of the whole house.”
“And why is that?”
“It’s made from the limb you hung onto all night in the flood.”
Her mouth dropped open in surprise.
I lowered my gaze so she couldn’t see my teary eyes as emotion welled up in my voice.
“It was the only thing that saved you and kept you with me, even after I couldn’t keep you safe.”
She reached her hand out and tilted my chin up.
“Look at me. You didn’t choose to leave me, and the important part of that story is what you went through to come back to me. Thanks to you, I’m right here, and I’m not leaving. Not ever.”
I nodded wordlessly and kissed her soft lips. She smiled at me, pushing my hair off my face.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“And I love you. The day you walked onto this ranch was the first day of my new life.”
She smiled and turned away from me to admire the rest of the room.
When she wasn’t looking, I dug around in my back pocket, knowing I had to be quick.
I opened the small, black velvet ring box that had a diamond ring nestled within the white satin interior and placed it on the mantle.
Within a second, she turned back to me. Her eye caught the glistening diamond. She took a step back in surprise and stared at it with wide eyes.
“Mustang,” she said breathlessly. “What is this?”
“Leah,” I began. I took her hand and knelt in front of her in the old-fashioned way a man is supposed to when they ask for a lady’s hand in marriage. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes! Yes, I will marry you,” she exclaimed and joined me on the floor, kissing me like she had never kissed me before. “On one condition.”
I leaned back and looked at her in surprise.
“Anything. What is your one condition?”
“Tell me your real name,” she said.
“My real name is Colt,” I told her.
“Like a horse?”
“Or a gun,” I said. “Either one suits me fine.”
Chapter 24: Leah
“Okay, guys, saddle up!”
Mustang called to the group of campers, readying them for their afternoon ride out to the river and back.
“Does everyone have their sunscreen on? Got your swimsuits and towels?”
A loud chorus of kids’ voices answered him back as the group of twenty campers and their counselors began to form a line of horses. Mustang and I nudged our horses with our heels and kicked off the ride, leading the way.
This group had been one of my favorites so far. These kids were students at an at-risk school, all of them having lived their entire lives in rough neighborhoods.
They attended school sporadically with some of them already having been in and out of foster care.
I knew I couldn’t solve their problems for them.
And I certainly couldn’t change the environments they would go back to after their two-week stay at Loving Arms Ranch. Hopefully I could send them back a little more confident.
After finishing our house, we’d immediately began building the barn, purposely structuring it so that it could be added onto easily. Our two horses, Fortune and Fame, had safely returned to Mustang’s rock after the storm. They easily adapted to both the new barn and the new horses.
We added to our small ranch with about forty head of cattle. Next came a full hen house of squawking chickens for fresh eggs and a few dozen sheep, who provided a sturdy income in their wool.
Getting Anne to come back out for my wedding hadn’t taken too much begging. Especially after I promised my best friend that indoor plumbing had been installed and that she would be my maid of honor.
She’d apologized to Mustang for being such a horrible guest, but Mustang didn't hold any grudges. In fact, he’d hugged her so hard that he almost cracked her rib when she arrived.
Several of my other girlfriends made the trip as well, all of them marveling as we drove up to the property about the incredible view.
Only one thing had put me on edge about the wedding.
Mustang’s friends and family.
I hadn’t wanted to open any wounds, especially now that he was doing so well with trying to gain a sense of balance in his life. But I wanted to share our special day with the people who had mattered to him.
“What about your parents?” I’d asked him hesitantly a month before the wedding.
“I don’t think they’d want to come,” he’d answered simply, in that monotone voice of his that used to drive me mad.
I knew it meant this was a subject that he kept safely walled off, so I knew to tread carefully.
“Do you mean because...”
“Because what?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“Because they might not like me?” I asked in a timid voice, cringing at what I thought the answer might be.
“No! No, of course not. They would love you. Who wouldn’t?”
Mustang looked shocked at my suggestion and hurt that I could think his family would have a problem with me.
“Then what could be so bad that they wouldn’t want to be here when you get married?” I asked.
“I’ve told you how I haven’t seen them since I returned,” he said.
“Mustang,” I began, afraid of what he might answer. “Do they even know you’re still alive? And doing okay?”
He shrugged after a moment.
“They knew I came home,” he said. “And that’s about it. They don’t know where I am or what I’m doing.”
I closed my eyes.
“All this time they may have thought that something awful happened to you when you came back to the states. You can’t leave it like that.”
“Something awful did happen to me,” he argued in a sad voice. “The kid they raised and loved died, and the person I am now came back in his place. How do I tell them what I did, and who I’ve become?”
He watched my face closely and I realized that this wasn’t a rhetorical question, that Mustang really wanted an answer because he didn’t know how to face them.
“You just talk to them. They’re already out of your life at this point, so what will it hurt to invite them back in? If they do decide that they want nothing to do with you then you haven’t lost anything that you didn’t lose already. Just reach out to them.”
Mustang shook his head.
“I don’t know how. I want to, but I don’t even know what to say or where to start. It’s been too long.”
“Do you want me to try?” I asked. “After all, these people are about to become my family too. I’ll call, but only if you want me to. I’m not going to butt in if it’s not what you want.”
Mustang looked down at his hands for a long time before nodding his head. He stood up and kissed me firmly, then walked out the door.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the woman’s shocked cry after I dialed the number I found online. I’d explained who I was and why I was calling.
I heard her speak to someone on the other end of the phone before a man’s voice came on.
“Hello? Who is this? You said you know where my son is?” he demanded, not a hint of anger in his voice, only a father’s desperation.
“Um, yes. I’m sorry, I can call back if this is a bad time,” I stammered.
“No, please don’t hang up! You know where our son is?” he continued, choking up a little bit.
Slowly, I poured out the parts of the story that I knew Mustang wouldn’t mind me sharing with them. His mother came back on the phone after only a few minutes, begging me to tell her more.
I told them how Mustang wanted to see them and gave them my phone number. I promised Mustang would call as soon as he was ready, and that I would keep them updated until that time.
Instead of waiting for him to come home, I saddled up one of the horses, then headed out to Mustang’s cave. I purposely brought our dinner and a bedroll of my own, in case he wasn’t ready to head back just yet.
I arrived to find him sitting with his back against a boulder.
“You can run away from the house anytime you need to, but you can’t run away from me anymore,” I said, climbing down out of the saddle and coming over to where he sat.
I held out my hand and he took my hand in his, still without looking up.
“We’re going to be husband and wife. Together. That means when you need to come out here and get away, I come too. And I will do it, every time, without complaint. I hope it’s not raining or cold, but if that’s the case, then so be it.”
I rummaged around in my bag and then held out the satellite phone to him.
“Your parents are sitting by their phone, waiting for you to call.”
