by Helen Lacey
As he watched her turn and walk from the room Nate felt alone in the acutest sense. Somehow, in a matter of a week, the lines had unexpectedly blurred. What he’d thought he wanted from Joley suddenly wasn’t enough. Sex and friendship, then marriage and children. A neat package.
Only, there was nothing neat and tidy about what he felt. She was a woman who only wanted to get her family business out of his hands. A woman who found it difficult to trust and was probably in love with another man. As he dropped back off to sleep he knew he was about to get his heart kicked in. Again.
Nate awoke with the sun streaming through the gap in the curtains. He blinked and opened his eyes. It was morning. Still in his dusty jeans and tank shirt, he remembered falling asleep after taking some pain meds. He pushed himself up and winced when a shot of pain went off like an explosion in his head. He’d banged his skull in the round yard. Right, he remembered. The knock on the head combined with medication and no sleep the night before had clearly taken its toll because he couldn’t recall ever sleeping sixteen hours straight before.
He swung his legs slowly off the edge of the bed. There was aspirin on the bedside table and a tumbler of water. The condensation around the base of glass indicated it had been put there in the last few hours. Joley. She was thoughtful, that’s for sure. Nate downed the aspirin and finished the water. He wanted a shower, a shave and food in that order. He had things to do—firstly, call the transport company and cancel the morning pickup. He wasn’t in any shape to muster. Mike being away with his ill father for the next couple of days, the steers would have to wait.
Forty minutes later he was dressed and in the kitchen. The house was quiet and he figured Joley must still be sleeping. Only, the jug was warm and a single mug lay washed in the sink. He flicked on the jug just as Rachel came into the kitchen through the mudroom.
She smiled broadly when she spotted him. “’Morning. How’s the head?”
Nate shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“I’ll check that cut later. No dizziness this morning?”
“No. A bit groggy but that’s about the worst of it.”
Rachel clucked around him like an old mother hen. “Take it easy today. If the headache increases I’ll make an appointment for you to see the doctor.”
Nate knew not to mess around with Rachel. “Yes Ma’am. I’m going to check on Comet’s foal. When Joley wakes up, can you tell her I’m—”
“Joley’s been awake for hours,” Rachel said quickly.
“Then where—”
“She left early this morning.”
Nate stilled. She left? His insides started to burn. She wouldn’t, would she? Not without saying something. His next words clawed from his throat. “She left?”
“With Sticks and Justin.”
Relief pitched in his stomach. She hadn’t left Gwendonna for good as he’d immediately feared. “They’ve gone into town?”
Rachel shook her head. “No. To bring the steers in.”
Nate’s relief quickly turned into a gathering anger. The muster? A teenager, a seventy-two year old man without legs and a city girl who had no experience with the terrain or cattle. It was a disaster waiting to happen.
“Why the hell would she do that?”
Rachel’s brows shot up. “To help, I imagine. Sticks knows the land, he won’t let anything happen.”
Sticks hadn’t ridden muster for years. Neither had the old mare he rode in his specially fitted saddle. And with Joley certainly mounted on that spoilt ex-racehorse, Nate knew he had to get out there, fast. He pushed his legs into action and headed outside, ignoring Rachel’s protests.
Nate had Shadow saddled and girthed in five minutes. He stuffed a couple of water bottles in the saddlebags, grabbed his hat and headed off. The steers were pastured down by the Bluff and the low laying area was perfect as a holding spot for the youngsters. It had ample feed since the last big rain and a large watering hole. The jagged outcrop of rocks that led to the area was easy to find and more than a three hour ride from the house. Shadow knew the land and covered ground at a steady canter.
Determined not to imagine the worst, Nate sat deep in the saddle. He’d find Joley and bring her back. And maybe kiss some sense into her, too.
After over four hours in the saddle, Joley looked forward to getting home. Everything hurt. She was hot, tired and thirsty. She managed small sips from her water bottle, but didn’t want to overdo it in case she needed a bathroom break. With no bathrooms in the immediate vicinity, better she hold off on the liquid. They’d reached the Bluff, had the cattle rounded up and ready to go. Butch and Sundance did their job and Justin tried his best to flick the stock-whip. Sticks, who’d given himself the title of ‘Supervisor’, remained strapped down on his old horse and barked out orders with a big grin.
It was hard, hot work and about an hour into it Joley realized how completely unprepared she was for so many hours on horseback. She considered herself an accomplished rider, but the muscles she used for her English riding were completely different to this. The heavy and ornate western saddle she rode in only exaggerated her weaknesses. Red seemed to be holding up okay, so when Sticks announced they were pressing on for the home stretch, she hauled herself back into the saddle and set off.
The cattle had other ideas though. Her attempts to lead from the back while Justin maneuvered the group with the whip, failed spectacularly. As they drove them home, the herd appeared more like a long strip of ribbon, with the steers moving single file. Every hundred feet or so a few would break ranks and Joley had to leave her spot and spin Red as best she could and then push the wayward strays back into the group. Her inexperience, combined with Red’s inability to successfully chase down a beast, was evident every time the cattle scattered and the three-hour returning ride stretched out by hours.
It was well past midday when Justin shouted her name and pointed into the hazy distance. A lone rider was ahead. Joley knew it was Nate, even in silhouette. The cattle continued to move and moan, Justin cracked the whip and Sticks grinned. Joley focused her attention on the man ahead. Twenty-four hours after concussion he shouldn’t have been in the saddle. He should be at home resting.
By the time, he reached the front of the herd Justin had ceased his aimless whip cracking. Nate pulled his horse up and whistled the dogs to heel. The cattle slowed down and Nate barked out instructions to Sticks. Unable to hear, Joley clicked Red forward and met Nate halfway to the side of the herd.
One look and she knew. He was mad. As hell. With her.
She reined Red. “Nate I—”
“Not now,” he said quietly. “Move around to the left and block. We’ll talk about this when we get home.”
He clicked Shadow forward and cantered towards the rear of the herd. Moments later a stock whip cracked through the air. Joley looked back and watched as Nate quickly ushered the cattle forward, sliding Shadow to the left and then right with swift precision. The herd responded immediately, grouping together as they bellowed. Joley urged Red forward and took her spot in the muster.
They drove the cattle for the next two hours. No one spoke. Sticks kept grinning but didn’t say a word. Justin didn’t raise the whip once. Joley continued in her place. The only sounds were the mournful bellows of the cattle and the sharp crack of Nate’s whip as he pushed the beasts forward and home.
By the time, the herd was driven into the yard it was well past three o’clock. Joley hurt all over. She dismounted and led Red towards the washing bay.
“He’s lame.”
She stopped and turned. Nate was behind her. In dusty jeans, black shirt and hat he looked so darn sexy, her already dry mouth turned even drier. “What?”
Nate came closer and took the leading rein from her. “Your horse has pulled up lame.”
He tied Red to the hitching rail and lifted his near foreleg. “Stone bruise by the look of things,” Nate said and dug the dirt from the hoof with his pocketknife. “He needs hosing down. Once you’ve done that turn him into the corral
behind the stables. I’ll take another look at him then. There’s an electrolyte replacer on the shelf in the tack room—put some in his feed.”
Joley noticed the rapid tempo of Red’s breathing and realized he wasn’t cooling down as quickly as she’d expected. “I’ll hose him now,” she said and released the leading rein. “Nate, thank you. I know you think—”
“Get the horse sorted,” he said, dismissing her. “And then take a soak in the tub before your muscles seize up.”
Once he’d walked away, Joley scrambled her thoughts together and tended to her horse. Minutes later, she was forced to admit she’d pushed Red too hard. No surprise to Nate, obviously. He was annoyed with her. But as usual, had closed up like a clam. She’d rather he blow his stack and say what was on his mind.
It was after five when she returned to the house. Joley took a bath as Nate had suggested, mindful of tank water restrictions, and quarter filled the tub. She lingered in the water for a while, then she emerged, dried off and changed into cotton cargoes with dark red polo shirt. She brushed her hair and let it loose around her shoulders.
The kitchen was empty when she walked through the door. The clock on the wall chimed six o’clock. Rachel had prepared dinner and the lasagne warmed in the oven along with a crusty cob loaf. Joley set the table and grabbed a diet cola from the refrigerator. She was popping the ring tab when Nate walked into the room. He’d showered and changed, looking so gorgeous in low-rise jeans with a soft white T-shirt, her heart skipped a beat.
“Rachel made dinner. It’s still warm. We could—”
“Do you realize the dangerous position you put yourself in?” he asked and snapped his hands on his hips.
Joley put down the plates. “I was trying to help.”
“Help what?” he flipped back. “Get yourself killed?”
Killed? She’d thought he was angry because she’d left without telling him. And because she’d deliberately defied his instructions and taken Red out. But was Nate concerned about her? Did that mean he cared?
“I didn’t think—”
“That’s for damned sure! Sticks should have had more sense and not encouraged you.”
“I made him come with me,” she said quickly, defiant, confused. “Don’t blame him. Although I don’t know why you’re so hot under the collar about this—the cattle are in and ready for transport. Isn’t that the point?”
Nate stepped closer. “The point is that there are ways of doing things around here…and taking off on that big soft-footed horse of yours, with a kid and an old man for company isn’t one of them. What if one of you had taken a fall?”
“But we didn’t,” she replied, getting a little hot under the collar herself. The man was a control freak. She’d wanted to help. Why couldn’t he see that? “You had a crack on the head and were out of action. I knew the cattle needed bringing in. I’m not a complete idiot. I took supplies and a first aid kit. Before you say it, yes, I should have heeded your advice and used one of the stock horses. I accept that Red isn’t suited to mustering work.”
Nate continued frowning, watching her like she was an errant child. “The cattle could have waited.”
“I didn’t know that,” she replied and wasn’t about to admit that Sticks had said as much, but she had been so doggedly determined to prove she could bring the cattle in, she’d refused to listen.
“So, ask the question. I was asleep, not in a coma. If something had gone wrong we’d be having a different conversation right now.”
“But nothing went wrong,” she shot back.
Nate’s brows came up. “I’d hardy qualify what I saw when I arrived as a success.”
Joley’s face burned. He had a way of pushing her buttons like no one else ever had. “So, my methods were unorthodox. I still would have got them home. Even without you riding out to save the day.”
“My what?”
“Isn’t that what this is about?” she asked, moving out from the counter to square off in front of him. “You being in charge? The boss. And here I go making a decision while you’re laid up and you don’t like it. That kind of snaps you of all your control, doesn’t it? Makes it difficult for you and your monumental ego to be in charge of everything and everybody.”
He clearly didn’t like her comment one little bit. “I’m not like that.”
She laughed out loud and he appeared to like that even less. “For the record, you’ll never control me.”
Joley watched, fascinated as his whole body tensed. His head tilted fractionally as he looked her over, lingering around her hips and then up to her breasts. The mood between them quickly shifted, tilting the axis from anger to desire.
“Controlling you has never been my intention.”
Her breath stilled. “Then what?”
“You still don’t know?”
Joley shook her head. Because she knew what he wanted, didn’t she? He’d been open from the outset. She’s the one who’s changed the rules, right? By falling for him? Love had never been on offer from Nate. Friendship, trust, sex…that’s what he wanted. That’s what he’d offered. She’d taken the friendship, she’d tested the trust. All that remained was to make love.
“Making love will change everything,” she said quietly.
“Making love usually does.”
She stepped back. “I’m…I’m not ready.”
Nate didn’t move. “So, you’re not ready.”
Joley wanted to scream. He was so in control, so together. While her body was jumping all over the place, Nate stood in front of her like a stone Buddha, showing nothing, feeling nothing. Feel something, she pleaded silently to him. Anything. She longed to see some indication that he had to have her. Not simply want…but need. Wanting faded. Need had more power, more emotion.
“I can’t…” She stopped, thought about her admission and knew it would be too much. I can’t make love without emotion. Or, more to the point, I can’t make love to Nate without emotion.
“You can’t?”
“I mean…that’s not why—”
“That’s not why you’re here,” he said, cutting her off. “Yes, I know. You want your business back. It’s yours, Joley…it’s always been yours. I told you that when I asked you to come here.”
“So even if I left tomorrow you’d still give it back?”
“Yes. Are you leaving tomorrow?”
She shook her head. “But that doesn’t make any sense,” she said and frowned. “Your investment in the flight school was substantial and—”
“Do you think I would have bailed out Cohen if I cared about that?” he shot back, interrupting her. “This was never about money.”
“Then what?” she asked quietly. “Helping Gabby?”
“It was about you…about helping you and showing you that I’m serious about what I want. Maybe I was trying to impress you…to show you that I’m not the bad guy here.”
“To what end? To get me into bed?”
Nate expelled a heavy breath. “We’ve been through this before. I’m switched on enough about women to know that they think a whole lot more about what things mean when it comes to sex than men do. But there’s no point in over thinking it. You’ve been here a week and we’re having our first real fight…that seems like fairly normal progress to me, considering your bad temper and my apparent need to control everything.”
He was smiling. Joley wanted to slap his face. “So, what now? Do you think make-up sex comes next?”
Nate crossed his arms and the movement flexed his to-die-for biceps. “If that’s what you want.”
What she wanted was for him to show he had something other than ice-water running through his veins. “You’re a jerk.”
He smiled again. “And you’re beautiful when you’re angry.”
Joley sucked in a breath. Damn the man. His button-pushing amusement was not the least bit funny to her. “No wonder your wife left you.”
And without another word she spun on her heel and raced from the room.
Chapter Eleven
By the time she reached her bedroom, Joley needed fresh air to clear her head. She opened the door onto the patio, stepped outside and walked around the pool’s edge.
Backed into a corner, she’d responded with the meanest thing she could say.
Meanness wasn’t in her nature. But Nate stirred her emotions on every level. Sure, she had a quick temper, but it usually didn’t show itself in such vivid Technicolor. Her comment about his ex-wife was cruel and she owed him an apology, even if he had been an ass about the whole mustering thing. As soon as the conversation shifted to their relationship, or rather, their lack of an intimate relationship, she’d reacted.
What am I so scared of?
She’d never been as attracted to a man the way she was to Nate. Not even Dale. And Nate wanted her—he’d made that very clear. In the beginning she’d believed it was a simple exchange—her business for her body. And she’d been very clear in her mind about how that would never work for her. But now she wasn’t so sure. He’d said he bailed out the flight school to help her. To impress her? Did he want her that much?
She’d come to Gwendonna to get her business back. But somewhere along the way her reasons for staying had changed. Sure, she still wanted to get the flight school back, but she wanted other things too. Life on Gwendonna was fulfilling in ways she’d only dreamed of in the past. It was a life where she could combine her love of flying with her passion for horses and being outdoors. And being with Nate…it was like she’d finally found the kind of place where she truly belonged.
Except for one monumental problem.
He didn’t want that life to include love.
Sex, yes. And companionship and trust, which she knew were essential for a relationship to last. He talked about marriage and having children in the future…but was it fair to bring children into the world with parents who didn’t truly love one another? Or was she asking for both the sun and the moon? How many relationships did she know that had ticked every box? Certainly not her own parents.
Men and women think about sex differently. Isn’t that what Nate had said? And logically it was a no-brainer, Perhaps emotional intimacy would come from physical intimacy. Maybe not love. But something else. Something which would grow and develop strength over time. Perhaps that would be enough.
