All Out of Pretty

by Ingrid Palmer

  “Don’t see why we couldn’t do this in daylight,” grumbles one of the men.

  “You scared of the dark, Jackson?” the other teases.

  Jackson shoves him. “It’s frickin’ cold, that’s all.”

  “Such a pussy. Maybe you should ask Judd for a blankie next time?” The guy snickers.

  My eyes grow wide.

  “Very funny. Let’s just hurry up and grab his shit and get back to your place. He’s probably waiting.”

  The men can’t be more than six yards away now, but they move off the trail to my left. A brighter light fills the area and I pull myself into an even tinier ball. This new light spills out from a small shed, well-hidden behind a cluster of trees. A windowless shed like the one Judd takes me to work in every Friday night.

  The men duck inside and then reappear with bulging backpacks. I catch a glimpse of the first guy’s face in the light and immediately notice the bright red scar above his eyebrow. When he orders his friend to hurry up, I recognize his voice as the one complaining before, the one named Jackson.

  I don’t move until they are long gone. When it feels safe, I start to tiptoe along the path again, looking over my shoulder every five seconds.

  Smoke and mirrors, Judd told me the other day in the car. Is this what he meant? That what I know of his operation is just a tiny slice of the whole? Maybe these woods are crawling with hidden sheds. Maybe all the little rundown houses that dot the edges of the forest are inhabited by Judd’s workers. Maybe his operation is a lot bigger than I thought.

  It’s almost midnight when I stumble into Judd’s driveway with my feet half-frozen, my nose running, and my body numb. The house is dark and still. I creep up to the attic and pull the cord that illuminates the light bulb. Below it waits my empty, soft bed.

  After shoving Chloe’s jewelry inside my pillowcase, I strip down to my underwear and slip between the sheets. I shiver for hours, but it’s not from the cold.

  Chapter 36

  Thank goodness the pawn shop is open twentyfour-seven because I couldn’t bear to hold onto Chloe’s jewelry for long. I leave Haydon when it’s still dark and arrive at the strip mall before daybreak. The guy with the beer belly is working again. I walk in and set Chloe’s bracelet on the counter.

  “You’re back!” He greets me with mock enthusiasm and a knowing smile. “And you’ve brought diamonds.” Pleased, he picks up the sparkling bracelet and begins to examine it.

  I hate seeing his stubby fingers manhandle such a precious thing, but I can’t look away. I want to make sure he doesn’t try anything funny, but watching forces me to feel the full weight of my actions. As he looks closely at each stone with a special magnifier, I swallow over the lump lodged in my throat. My hand itches to snatch the bracelet back. But I don’t.

  After a few minutes, he sets the bracelet down between us. “Five hundred and eighty.”

  My jaw drops. “It’s worth way more than that!” Actually, I don’t know this to be true. But I need it to be true, so that’s what I say.

  The guy raises his eyebrows. “You got a receipt? I don’t buy stolen merchandise.”

  Uh oh.

  “I didn’t steal it,” I say hotly, as if insulted. “It was a gift from my dad, and it’s worth a lot more than five-eighty.”

  He seems to buy my story, probably because he wants to. “Well. It might’ve cost a thousand new, but I can’t sell it for that. This is a business, kid.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. He knew exactly how much I wanted. He had an unfair advantage in these negotiations.

  “Take it or leave it,” he says and gives me a moment to decide.

  Angrily, I reach into my pocket and pull out Chloe’s earrings. “What about these?”

  He pulls out his eyepiece again and takes a look. This time, he says, “They’re good quality. I’ll take the pair for three hundred.”

  So that’s it. I got what I needed. Eight-eighty will buy my freedom.

  I hesitate, but not for long. With a nod, the deal is done. Chloe’s jewelry is swept off the counter and into a plastic container, and my hands are holding onto the cash like a vice.

  “Want a bag for that?” the guy asks.

  I don’t answer—just stare at all the green—so he goes ahead and places an opaque bag on the counter for me. “We all do what we have to, kid,” he says, then walks away with the jewelry.

  As I turn to leave, my eye catches something in a glass case. I peer closer and see a flat-sheathed blade—short, sharp, and small enough to hide in my pocket. The tag says $35.

  I call the man over and ask to see the knife. It fits my hand perfectly and makes me feel…unbreakable. “I’ll buy it for twenty,” I bargain.

  The guy laughs as if he likes my spunk. He agrees to my price, and I leave with the knife tucked securely in the pocket of my jeans.

  I jog all the way back to Haydon so I can meet my friends for the ride to school, but when I reach the Mastersons’ driveway, Brick’s Explorer is nowhere to be seen. He always parks it in the same spot, creature of habit that he is. But today there’s nothing but an empty patch of asphalt to stare at, and it somehow makes me feel empty, too. I check my watch. I’m not late, but apparently they left for school without me. That’s not like them. A twinge of worry squeezes my heart. I hope Brick didn’t mention the bracelet to Chloe. But why would he?

  The bag of cash is stuffed in the deepest pocket of my cargo jeans, and I feel a little uneasy carrying it around. But I’m certainly not leaving it at Judd’s house. I glance toward the woods and consider hiding it inside a log or buried by the pond but ultimately decide it’s safest with me.

  At a steady run, I make it to school on time, but I’m a mess of sweat when I arrive. I’m also starving and exhausted, and I feel like a space cadet through my morning classes. In trig, Brick’s seat is empty. I keep staring at the door, waiting for him to burst in, but he doesn’t show. Halfway through class I start to panic, adrenaline shooting through me. What if he did something stupid like go and confront Judd? Oh God.

  It’s hard to keep myself from sprinting down the hall to the cafeteria after class. When I spy Chloe waiting in our usual spot with a pinched look on her face, my heart skips a beat.

  “Chloe! What’s wrong?”

  She rushes over and we both turn away from the cafeteria and walk down the hall toward the North wing, which is always the least populated at lunchtime. Her hand grips my forearm so tightly that I know, I just know, something horrible has happened to Brick. My stomach feels like it’s turning itself inside out.

  “I’m freaking out!” she explodes when we’re far enough away from the throngs of students. “I don’t know what to do…”

  “What happened? Is Brick okay?” I have to try really hard not to shout these things.

  “Brick?”

  “Yeah, he wasn’t in trig.”

  Chloe looks baffled. “He said he told you. He and my dad had to sign some papers for his mom’s estate this morning. He’s coming later.”

  “Oh.” I sag with relief. Then I wonder why he didn’t tell me. It’s not like Brick to be forgetful. But Chloe’s face is still scrunched up and worried, so my adrenaline shoots right back up. “What’s wrong then?”

  “I’ve done something awful.” She paces back and forth in the deserted hallway. Her breathing is rapid, and her words spill fast. “I’ve been trying on my outfit for the dance every night this week, and playing around with different jewelry and shoes, you know? Not that I don’t trust your opinion on the jewelry,” she adds hastily. “But just for fun.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, last night I couldn’t find my diamond earrings.”

  I take a step back. Feel the boom in my chest. The bag of cash burns in my pocket, like the telltale heart.

  “I looked everywhere for them,” Chloe goes on, ob
livious to my reaction. “I even went through the vacuum bag, in case I’d dropped them and my mom had cleaned up. And then, when I was looking through my jewelry box again, I realized that I’d also lost that diamond bracelet. The one you said would look so perfect with my outfit. Remember?”

  “Yeah,” I say again. “The one you don’t like?”

  “It’s not that I don’t like it. I just don’t wear it. I mean, that bracelet is more important than—” She stops moving and I swear she’s going to burst out sobbing right there in the hallway. Her eyes fill and her little hands ball into fists. I grasp her shoulders hard.

  “Chloe, don’t cry. It’s just jewelry.”

  She shakes her head miserably, the tears bubbling out. “It’s not just jewelry. It was my aunt’s bracelet. Mom brought it back from Mississippi for me, but I never wore it because I thought it would upset Brick. His mom loved that bracelet. And now I’ve lost it! And Brick…won’t have it later when he wants it, for his wife or his daughter someday. I’m such an idiot!” She grasps her head with both hands.

  While she berates herself, everything in my line of vision begins to mesh into a thick stream of liquid color. I back up into a row of lockers because I’m pretty sure I might faint.

  If that bracelet belonged to Brick’s mom, and he saw me with it last night…Listened to me lie and say it was my Gram’s…The realization hits harder than one of Judd’s punches. Brick knew all along. He knew as soon as he saw it in my thieving little fist.

  I cover my face with my hands, feel the panicked heat blister through my fingers.

  “I know!” Chloe wails, mistaking the meaning behind my gesture. She plops down cross-legged on the floor and buries her head in her lap. “What am I going to do?”

  I slide down next to her and think, You are going to hate me. When Brick tells you the truth, you are going to spit in my face and call me all sorts of horrid names. You are going to say I betrayed you, our friendship, everything.

  I should come clean right this minute.

  But my survival instinct is too strong. I have a wad of cash in my pocket that could set me free from Judd. Without it, I’ll be whisked away to Donovan’s cabin to face who-knows-what horror.

  Chloe is practically sobbing now. “Brick said he didn’t want it, that he didn’t need some damn bracelet to remind him of his mom. But my mom said he might change his mind someday, when he’s not so…raw. I was just supposed to keep it—” She hiccups. “—safe!”

  I absently pat Chloe’s hand but my mind is stuck on what she just said about Brick and his mom’s bracelet. All this time I’ve been clinging to Gram’s watch like it means something, like it means everything. Meanwhile, Brick knew better.

  “What am I going to do?” Chloe wails again.

  I purse my lips and force myself to focus. “Put it out of your mind for a couple of days. I’ll come over on Sunday and we’ll turn your room upside down. I promise we’ll find them. Okay?”

  “But I already looked. I looked everywhere!”

  “When you’re upset, sometimes you miss things. Give it a few days, Chlo. That’s what I always do. Just trust me.”

  Nodding miserably, she raises her head and lays it against my shoulder. “I do trust you.”

  I stroke her hair and work hard to keep from throwing up.

  Brick finds me in the hallway as lunch is ending. I sense his presence before I hear the request. “So, I heard Sampson piled on the work today. Mind if I borrow your notes?” His voice is soft and slow and melty, and I realize that I love the way Brick drags out certain words. The way his Southern dialect makes me feel like he has all the time in the world, and he’s saved it just for me. I’m going to miss that. I’m going to miss everything about him.

  Luckily, my head is buried in my locker so I don’t have to look at him. Without speaking, I hold out my math notebook in his general direction.

  “Thanks.” I can hear the soft whir of pages being flipped. “I’ll give it back after school.”

  “No rush,” I mumble.

  Maybe he’ll walk away now. Please, Brick, walk away. I won’t be able hide my guilt from him. He’ll read it on my face, no matter how composed or aloof I try to make it look. He’s already proven that he can see through me.

  There’s a shift in the air, like he’s leaving, then it stops. “What’s wrong?” he asks, noticing that my head has been in my locker too long.

  My heart pounds. My legs want to sink through the floor, the dirt, the layers of earth’s crust, mantel, and core—until I’m on the other side of the world being reborn as a cactus or a hemlock or some other kind of toxic plant that no human will ever be tempted to touch.

  “You knew.” I say quietly, my shoulders low.

  A heavy silence follows. Finally, he exhales. “Yes.”

  “When are you going to tell Chloe?”

  “Sunday,” he says definitively. “After we all go to the Harvest Dance.”

  Of course. He doesn’t want to ruin the dance for her. And that means I have to show up too, as promised. Slowly, I close my locker and turn toward him. My eyes naturally fall at the level of his chest and I don’t move them. He’s wearing a blue and gray striped shirt. I know if I reached out to touch it, to touch him, he would recoil.

  “You can return the bracelet,” he suggests flatly. Even though we both know fixing things wouldn’t be that easy.

  “I don’t have it anymore,” I tell his shirt.

  When he doesn’t respond, my eyes finally dart to his face, and it’s all there for me to see—the hurt, concern, suspicion. My throat is closing up, but I push the crazy promise through anyway, “But I’ll try to get it back for you, okay?” Somehow, I think. Somehow.

  He laughs sharply. “Not for me. For Chloe.”

  I nod, past words.

  “Did you give it to your boss?” Brick’s voice is tight, a spring in a mousetrap.

  “What? No. It has nothing to do with Judd,” I insist, knowing I still have to protect my friends.

  “Who’s Judd?”

  Startled, I realize my mistake. “I mean, J-Jason.”

  Brick smiles sadly. “Hard to keep track of all the stories you tell, isn’t it?”

  I stare at him, shamed into silence. His eyes are so full of distrust now, so wary. I can feel his anger and hurt growing the longer we stand here. I can’t leave things like this. Panicked, I recover my voice enough to blurt, “Brick, when I took that bracelet, I had no idea it was your mom’s. I’m…I’m sorry.”

  “Andrea.” He says my name coldly, so different from the way he spoke it at the brook. “You still don’t get it. It was never about the bracelet.”

  He spins around and walks away. I stare at his stiff, retreating back until long after it disappears around the corner and the bustle of students have filled up the space between us. Then I slump against my locker.

  I have survived so many things this year. And there are pieces of my soul that were shattered months ago, but it’s not until Brick is out of my sight that I feel truly, utterly broken.

  Chapter 37

  My fingers sail over the keyboard on the library computer. I’ve spent the entire afternoon scouring yearbooks from the past decade, looking carefully for anyone with the first or last name of Jackson. None of the students looked like the guy I saw in the woods and the quad. So I’ve moved on to the Internet, using every free people-finder I come across. Unfortunately, “Jackson” is an irritatingly common name and most of the listings don’t include pictures. I am close to giving up when I decide to try the social networks. I type in “Haydon, Ohio” and the name “Jackson” and wait for the search engine to do its thing. Good old Facebook comes through. I find him on the second page, his red scar peeking out from under a fuller head of hair than he has now. Keith Jackson. That’s it. That’s all the information I can get without “friending” him, but it’s
more than I had before. It’ll have to be enough.

  Before I leave the library, I create a new anonymous email address and write down everything I know about Judd’s and Donovan’s business dealings. Then I look up and type in the email addresses of four different detectives at the Columbus Police Department—just in case Donovan has one of them on his payroll. I schedule the email to be delivered at 6:00 AM Sunday morning.

  I open my own email program and compose a note to Brick, this one set to be delivered three days from now. It takes a few minutes before I figure out how to say what’s in my heart. Finally, I type, Someone really smart once told me “what we do in life echoes in eternity.” I know that I can never make things right with you and Chloe, but I hope you can believe that I truly, fiercely regret what I did to you both. By the time you get this, I won’t be in your life anymore, or ever again. I’m going to start over in a new town, a new state, where I can be a different, better person. But I want you to know that I will be sorry for eternity. And I will forever be grateful for your friendship, which I never deserved. If all goes according to plan, you will find Chloe’s jewelry in an envelope beneath the bench in your woods.—Andrea

  I quickly swipe at my eyes. Then I erase my browsing history, close down all my programs, and focus on my next task. I’m going to need all my wits about me for this.

  The plan started forming as I watched Brick disappear down the hall earlier. It’s crazy and dangerous and a total long-shot, but it’s what I should have done to begin with. I was just too much of a coward.

  KeithJacksonKeithJacksonKeithJackson. I repeat the name over and over in my mind as I head out to the quad. It gives me something to concentrate on besides the knife, the huge sum of cash in my pocket, and the knot of nervous fear in my gut.

  School’s been out for at least twenty minutes, so the quad is pretty much empty. That is, except for the group clustered by the trees on the northeast side. I slip into my old tough-girl swagger as I approach. The guy I’m looking for is the leader of the group Brick cautioned me and Chloe about early in the year. He is sitting under a leafless tree, laughing at something another kid is saying. He rubs the fuzz of his flattop haircut with his palm and squints up into the sun. Mr. Greeley may not have figured it out yet, but I knew this guy was the ringleader way back in August. After months of venturing into all those crack houses, I’d learned how to spot who was in charge.