by Natalie Fox
‘Yeah,’ Josh shouted, warming to the idea. ‘It’ll be an adventure. We can pretend we’re pirates and—’
‘No!’ Karis said quickly, and suddenly all eyes were on her.
She felt herself go hot all over, ‘I mean, well, it might be dangerous,’ she amended.
Saffron laughed. ‘There ain’t danger on a deserted island with—’
‘OK, Saffron, that’s enough,’ Daniel interrupted. He was still watching Karis, frowning slightly. ‘You have duties, don’t you?’
Karis flushed and got to her feet. ‘Yes, of course,’ she muttered, and started to clear the table.
‘I’m talking to Saffron,’ Daniel snapped, glaring at Karis now as if she had gone crazy.
‘Saints alive,’ Saffron huffed, and went out to the verandah, gathering Tara up into her arms and padding off towards the bedrooms.
Josh, missing the sudden tension which had crowded the room, rushed out of the kitchen after her, excitedly saying he was going to pack for the adventure.
‘Now see what you’ve done,’ Karis challenged before Daniel could speak. Attack was the best form of defence. She knew it was in his mind to attack her for objecting to his stupid idea. She stacked dirty dishes and gabbled on. ‘You’ve upset Saffron by snapping at her and hyped Josh up into a frenzy of excitement and the idea of going off to an island we know nothing about is ridiculous.’
‘You are being ridiculous, Karis,’ he said calmly. ‘Now tell me, what’s the real objection to going?’
‘What do you mean, “what’s the real objection”?’ she flamed, crashing the dishes into the sink.
He was behind her in a flash and before she knew it she was thrust back in her chair with him glaring at her from across the table. He leaned forward and poured her more coffee. He looked angry but he was controlling it.
‘It certainly hasn’t anything to do with uninhabited islands,’ he challenged. ‘What are you expecting—marauding Indians, dinosaurs, creatures from the deep? The island is safe. Saffron wouldn’t have—’
‘Is this her idea?’ Karis questioned brittly. What was she up to now?
‘No, my idea,’ he grated back at her. ‘I thought we’d get off this island for a few days. Things are going well with Josh and he’s ready for it.’
‘Huh! He didn’t sound ready for it when I came in just now. You were promising—’
‘He got the wrong end of the stick when I suggested it, thought it was another fishing trip. I was reassuring him, that was all. You saw for yourself he was enthusiastic about it when he realised it was a trip for just us. It will do us all good to get off this island and—’
‘Bored already?’ she interjected sarcastically.
She’d known it wouldn’t last—this idyllic existence. Daniel was restless for more reasons than she suspected. He wanted to avoid facing Simone today and was looking for escape from this domestic routine they had slipped into. What a fool she had been to think he cared. He didn’t; he only wanted her for the time he was here, to ease the way for him with his son. Now he was probably thinking time away from his business was costing him and he was restless. Softly, softly, he’d said once. An adventure on another island and then the next step would be taking Josh to St Lucia and the step after that a flight back to the States. Softly, softly. Out of her life. Both of them gone for ever. She was numb with cold realisation.
‘No, I am not bored,’ he told her levelly, but there was an underlying anger to the words. ‘And I don’t like the suggestion that you think I am. What’s this all about, Karis? There’s more to it than meets the eye. Why the sudden objection to a trip that will be a lot of fun for us all?’
Karis met his eyes. Her throat felt so tight. She was vulnerable again, her insecurity bubbling like a poison inside her. It was the day that had brought it on; why this day to leave the island, the day Simone would be returning from the fishing trip? Why not tomorrow, after he had seen her and told her about their affair? Because he would tell her; because they had a past together, he would tell her. Her blood suddenly ran cold. Wouldn’t he?
Shakily she got up from the table and went outside, hot air engulfing her in contrast to the cool air-conditioning of the kitchen. She needed to think. Question why she had been such a fool in believing it was over between him and Simone. It hadn’t been mentioned since. She had grasped at a hint, that was all, known nothing for sure.
He swung her round to face him as she gripped the rail of the verandah, needing its strength to keep her on her feet. His grey eyes were dark and menacing, narrowed and not understanding.
‘What’s got into you?’ he ground out.
She met his eyes bravely. He had no right to be angry with her when he was at fault for not being honest with her and not being honest with Simone. It wasn’t over with her yet; if it was he would be staying to stand his ground. He didn’t want to face Simone yet because he wasn’t sure. Whether he liked it or not he was going to have to make a choice because he couldn’t have both of them. By getting away from the island he would have time to think. Well, she wasn’t going to give him the time. She was going to make the choice for him very simple.
‘I don’t want to go on this trip with you, Daniel,’ she said softly but firmly. And then she couldn’t meet his gaze any longer. He would see her pain and she had to come out of this with some pride if nothing else. She lowered her eyes. ‘I…I’ve had enough, you see. I don’t see the point in going on the way we are…’ She heard him take a sharp breath and rushed on. ‘Josh is doing well and that is what we set out to accomplish and—’
He gripped her chin suddenly, jerked her face up so she was forced to look at him. His eyes were dark and furious, his jawline set hard with tension.
‘Are you saying you’ve been the way you’ve been with me for Josh’s sake?’ he growled angrily.
She couldn’t speak. Love had powered her, and not love for Josh but love for him. Josh had nothing to do with it but to admit that would be to crumble the very last of her pride.
‘Answer me,’ he ordered roughly, jerking her chin.
She twisted her face from him but his hands went to her shoulders again, preventing her escape before he got an answer. She gave him one.
‘There doesn’t have to be a reason, Daniel,’ she seethed at last. ‘Things happen, things end. Why should you care? You have Josh now, healed and repaired. It’s what you came for. What happened between us is incidental. Simone is back today and I’m glad because it gets me off the hook. You can take up with her where you left off because it really doesn’t matter to me.’
He let her go as if suddenly she were a deadly virus he didn’t want to infect himself with. His eyes narrowed with fury. Somehow his anger strengthened her. A long while back in her life she had vowed never to be weak again. Aiden had taught her so much, after his death. Not to be used, not to be blind to reality, not to trust so easily. And yet she had done it again, allowed herself to be moonstruck, weakened and blinded by her love for Daniel. This time it was a thousand times worse, though, because her deep, deep love for Daniel was bigger, stronger, painfully more powerful than any feelings she’d ever had for Aiden. Then she had been young and naive; now…now she had no excuses. She’d learnt nothing and that realisation angered her.
‘And don’t look at me as if I’m beneath you,’ she raged, because she couldn’t think of anything else to say.
He shook his head in disbelief. ‘Oh, you are, sweetheart, way beneath me, down there in the pit of contempt. Tossing me back to Simone, are you?’
‘Where you belong…where…where your guilty conscience should be troubling you,’ she whispered hoarsely.
‘Guilty conscience?’ he repeated darkly. ‘The only guilt I ever suffered was after my wife died and with good reason and I’ve coped with it. I certainly don’t have a conscience over Simone.’
‘Well, you should have! After the way you have treated her, behind her back with me, you damned well should have a conscience!’
‘Well, I don’t!’ He snatched at her wrist and brought it up between them as if he was going to strike her with her own hand. His voice was furious as he growled at her, ‘My conscience is clear over Simone because we talked about our problems before she went on her fishing trip. We both knew it wasn’t working, for her because Josh couldn’t take to her, for me because of you…’ A gasp broke in Karis’s throat.
‘She’d already seen that for herself anyway,’ Daniel went on, eyes glittering. ‘She knew me well enough to know that from the very first day here you got under my skin. Simone and I parted amicably before I made love to you so don’t talk to me about consciences. Mine is clear.’
Karis thought that was it, that he would let her go and storm off, but he had something more to stab at her. ‘You know, Simone understood that it wouldn’t work for us but one thing she couldn’t grasp. She laughed in my face when I told her about you and how I felt about you. She said I was a bloody fool. And do you know something?’ His grip tightened painfully for a brief second and then he tossed her wrist back at her with contempt, eyes black with fury. ‘She was bloody right!’
Karis stood for a very long time on the verandah after he stormed off towards the plantation house. Rigid with shock, she gripped the rail till her fingers went white. Her heart was cold and dead inside her, lifeless because it didn’t deserve to beat. What had she done? What had she spoiled? It was all ruined, poisoned, scarred. He did care and she had flung it back in his face because of her own stupid insecurity. She couldn’t even apportion blame to Aiden any more. This was her doing, only hers, and there were no excuses, none but one. Not vulnerability or gullibility, just plain old stupidity for not having faith in him.
‘Saffron is going to pack a huge hamper for us and I’m taking my spade so we can dig for treasure.’
Blindly Karis stared down at Josh. He usually ran along the wooden deck of the verandah like a herd of elephants. This time she had been grovelling so deep in that pit of contempt Daniel had thrown her in that she hadn’t heard him coming. He looked up at her, his face glowing with happiness and excitement.
‘Come on,’ he demanded impatiently, tugging at her shorts. ‘You have to pack things too.’
‘I think it best you leave Tara behind with me,’ Saffron said as she came out of the bedroom further along the verandah with Tara clinging to her. ‘She won’t like digging for treasure. It will do you grown-ups good to be on your own.’
‘I’m not a grown-up,’ Josh laughed.
‘You very nearly are, child,’ Saffron retorted, also laughing, sweeping into the kitchen.
Karis had heard and watched it all in a daze. There wasn’t going to be a trip. They couldn’t go now. It was impossible. How could she tell him, little Josh, that they couldn’t go? That she had spoilt everything because of her own stupidity?
‘Saffron is going to cook us rotis to take and I’m going to help,’ Josh cried, and ran into the kitchen behind them.
Numbly Karis fled to her bedroom and flung herself down on the bed. The bed they had loved in…but he’d never said and because of that small, silly, silly omission she had ruined it all. He did care, had cared deeply enough to finish with Simone before giving himself to her. And he had given oh, so much. He had confided in her and done that crazy romantic barbecue on the beach, had loved her till dawn, only creeping away from her bed because of his son’s feelings and the necessity for propriety with Saffron.
Saffron knew; she had always known; she had seen it in the way he had looked at her. And she hadn’t believed her, because of Simone and her past, Aiden and…and everything.
‘Get up, Karis.’
Karis shot up from the bed, her head reeling. Had she slept? Impossible. She’d never sleep again. Her eyes widened at the sight of Daniel towering over her. Saffron was the one who was blind. There was no love in his eyes. They were as unreadable as they had been the day he had arrived.
‘Get yourself together. Josh is impatient to get going.’ His tone was clipped and authoritative, that of one who paid the wages.
‘I’m not going…’ she began, smoothing her crumpled shorts.
‘You’re coming, because I’ve come too far with my son to risk you ruining it now.’
‘It will ruin it if I come!’ she protested. Couldn’t he see that?
His eyes flashed anger at her. ‘Swallow your dislike of me long enough to do this for the boy,’ he said thickly. ‘It shouldn’t be too hard for you. You’re adept at fooling people.’
He believed she didn’t like him; after all they had been to each other he believed she didn’t care. It hurt so badly it was a physical pain deep inside her. And yet she hadn’t had faith in him either, hadn’t believed that he truly cared for her and not Simone. Always the doubt, never the certainty. This was what Aiden had done to her; he had undermined her that terrible night he had shown his uncaring attitude to her joyful news that they were going to have a baby. She shuddered inside. She was doing it again—blaming someone else for her own inadequacies. She mustn’t, not ever again.
‘Go on your own with Josh,’ she suggested quickly. It would be impossible for her to go; the tension between them would be unbearable. ‘He’s your son and—’
‘And you are still his carer,’ he insisted angrily. ‘And until I terminate the arrangement that’s what you are going to be.’
Until he decided to take Josh away, she thought despairingly. And that would be soon now because she had smoothed the path for them both and she was expendable. The agony of the thought drove her on.
‘So I’m the hired help again, am I? Or perhaps I always was!’ she hissed at him.
‘You said that, not me,’ he breathed heavily. ‘And you had the nerve to question my conscience. Where was yours when—?’
A small noise at the door had them both swinging round. Josh stood in the doorway, his face contorted with fear, his slight body as tense as whipcord. His mouth was moving, trying to form words.
Karis froze, her heart breaking inside her. What had he heard? She dared not look at Daniel, who was standing next to her. She could feel his tension, though, the heat of his body fired by the shock of Josh’s appearance and the inability of the frightened little boy to speak. Oh, no, all their good work gone to waste and it was all her fault.
‘Women!’ Daniel laughed suddenly. ‘Honestly, Josh, what are we going to do with her? Karis can’t decide what to bring on the adventure. I expect she’ll bring the kitchen sink in the end.’
Oh, it was feeble, but a start. She helped by laughing in protest. ‘Well, I’ve never been on an adventure before so what do you expect? What will I need now?’
Blindly she lurched towards the wardrobe and flung it open and snatched at T-shirts and shorts, her hands shaking with panic. Josh wasn’t responding. From the corner of her eye she could see he hadn’t moved. He was still frozen to the spot, confused, disorientated because of what he had seen and overheard, her and Daniel practically at each other’s throats. Oh, God, they had failed him, failed him miserably.
‘Not these, I think,’ Daniel laughed, picking up a pair of strappy high heels and holding them up for Josh to see. Karis had brought them with her from England and never worn them. ‘Pirates don’t wear high heels, do they, Josh?’
‘Th-th…’
Oh, no. Josh’s face was flushed and he was struggling to form the words on his lips. Karis couldn’t bear it; her heart tore painfully.
‘They…they wear earrings,’ he blurted suddenly.
Daniel laughed out loud and a tentative smile hovered on Josh’s small mouth.
‘There you are, Karis. It’s a start. You’d better pack your earrings or you won’t be allowed to come.’
‘Josh!’ Saffron called from the verandah. ‘Leroy’s brought the boat.’
‘The boat’s here!’ Josh cried, fully recovered now. ‘Come on, hurry.’ He tore off along the verandah, whooping with excitement.
Karis closed her eyes, desperately trying to regu
late her tempestuous heartbeat. It was all right. It was going to be all right. Relief washed over her like spring rain, calming her, soothing her, bringing her down and down. She opened her eyes and then knew it could never be right. Daniel was staring at her hard, his eyes shards of anger—anger he had so skilfully hidden from his son. But not from her. She got the full icy blast of it.
‘Let that be a lesson to you,’ he rasped bitterly. ‘Don’t you ever do that to my son again. You swallow every emotion but love for Josh on this trip or your life won’t be worth living.’ With that he turned and walked stiffly out of her bedroom.
And I might as well walk the plank now and get it over with, Karis thought achingly, her eyes burning with grief. There was no escape. She had to go with them, for Josh’s sake, not Daniel’s because he really didn’t care a damn for her, only Josh, only his precious son. And that was what it had been about from the start, she realised with an aching sense of loss. For the love of Josh. Numbly Karis started to push clothes into a holdall.
Josh was first ashore, scrambling over the side of the small covered fishing boat Daniel had borrowed from Leroy’s brother to a small wooden jetty jutting out from the beach. He tied up as his father instructed while Daniel cut the engine. Karis noted Josh’s hands were shaking with excitement.
‘Hold on, Josh,’ she shouted as he was about to leap off the side of the jetty to explore the tiny island. ‘There might be dragons lurking around,’ she teased.
‘Do you want to scare the life out of him?’ Daniel hissed under his breath at her as he threw their bags onto the jetty.
‘Dragons live in caves, not on tropical islands.’ Josh giggled, jumping up and down with impatience. ‘Come on, hurry up.’
Karis afforded Daniel a small smile. She still knew Josh better than he did but she didn’t want to rub it in.
‘OK, so what do I know?’ he muttered under his breath again, getting her message anyway.
Subliminal thoughts. He’d just read her as he had read her before, seeing something she was hardly aware of herself. Could she put it to good use? Subliminally show him she was sorry, she was in love with him and insecurity had made her say crazy things this morning? She sighed. She wasn’t that clever.
