Hernán slid back, stood, and came around the table to crouch before Colin, who turned in his chair. Hernán looked up at his blue eyes. He gently pulled Colin’s glasses off, a slight quiver in his hands making the frames rattle as he set them on the table. Colin hardly breathed as Hernán studied him.
So handsome. Can I do this? A lock of Colin’s brown hair fell forward and Hernán automatically stretched to brush it back. The soft feel of it under his fingers seemed to quiet his tremors. He rose to his feet and grasped Colin’s hands to tug him up too. They stood so close together Hernán could see Colin’s pupils dilate.
Want and need called on him to move the final two inches keeping them apart. Colin’s tongue darted over his own lower lip and Hernán had to know what that lip tasted like. He put his hands to either side of Colin’s face and pulled him down to join their mouths in a kiss.
The pressure was feather-light at first, but Colin’s lips felt warm and soft. Their velvet touch was something Hernán had never before known but didn’t think he could continue to live without. He drew Colin to him more forcefully, slanting his head instinctively to deepen the kiss, tangling his fingers in Colin’s soft hair as their lips slid together. At the brush of Colin’s tongue against his mouth, he opened for it. The sensation of a tongue meeting his own electrified him. Colin tasted of the jasmine tea he’d been drinking earlier, and the food Hernán had prepared for him. A fire began to burn in his belly at the overwhelming intimacy, and he wanted more.
A moan reached Hernán’s ears but Colin kept his arms loose at his side. Hernán released Colin’s hair so he could tug Colin’s arms around him, showing him that he need not fear. And there it was—the safety and security of Colin hugging him tightly, making him feel protected. Desired.
Loved? he wondered.
No, of course not. Colin was still in love with Brandon. But he liked Hernán enough to share his home. That was enough. Colin held him carefully as if afraid Hernán would bolt at any moment until Hernán too wrapped his arms around Colin’s back and pulled him in hard. Their tongues danced, not thrusting but simply caressing.
Kissing was far, far better than Hernán had ever had reason to suspect, but eventually it had to end. He leaned back but made no move to break the hug. He kept his arms around Colin’s waist and asked uncertainly, “Was that okay?”
Colin sighed happily. “More than okay. That was maybe the best kiss of my life.”
Hernán grinned shyly. “Hey, not bad for my first time at bat.”
Colin’s eyes widened in surprise before he nodded his understanding. “I’m deeply honored, to be your first kiss.”
Hernán let his head fall onto Colin’s chest. He mumbled, “I want to do more but…”
Colin kissed the top of his head. “Shh. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. Just holding you is like a dream.”
“I think I’d like to try kissing again,” Hernán said with his red face buried in Colin’s shirt. He felt a rumble as Colin gave a small, happy laugh.
“I’d like that too. What would you think about laying with me on the sofa?” Hernán nodded so they left their dinner and moved to the living room.
Colin kicked off his shoes and stretched along the cushions of the sofa. Hernán removed his sneakers and lay down, snaking his arms under and over as Colin wrapped him up as well.
“Much better,” Colin said softly. “You feel really good.”
“I like it too,” Hernán answered before stretching his neck to find another kiss. The second time was even better. Hernán grew bolder with his tongue and Colin permitted him to explore his mouth, to run his tongue over Colin’s teeth and along his lips.
It went on and on until Colin shifted them into a different position. Suddenly Hernán could feel the erection pressing into his side.
His stomach hurt suddenly. Sweat dampened his pits.
Colin kissed him back and gently licked at Hernán’s lips. Hernán’s breath came faster and his hands trembled. The upholstery of Colin’s sofa grated against his skin.
He fought not to push away.
Colin broke the kiss and leaned back. He took one look at Hernán’s face and struggled up off the sofa. “Jesus, I’m sorry. I went too far, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice implored Hernán for forgiveness.
“No, it’s all right. Honestly. I just got a little… You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Are you sure?”
Hernán stood to take Colin’s hands. “We’re good,” he said shakily. “But is it okay if we leave it there for now?”
Cleaning up after they finished their dinner, Hernán could tell Colin was still upset and worried about having crossed a line. He berated himself for making Colin unhappy. As he put away the last of their dishes, he asked, “Have you ever seen a juicy show called Club de Cuervos? Rudy and I watch sometimes. It’s campy and great. I think you’d like it.”
Colin bobbed his head eagerly, as if desperate to restore Hernán’s level of comfort. “You queue it up. I’ll get us some vanilla.”
Their ritual of TV and ice cream seemed to be what was needed. By the time Colin came in, Hernán had his feet up and grinned like a schoolboy at getting to share one of his favorite secret pleasures. Colin sat down at the other end of the sofa as usual. Hernán accepted his bowl, paused a moment, and then shifted down to sit right next to Colin.
He might not be Colin’s first choice, but he could give him companionship. Comfort. Remind him that he wasn’t alone.
Colin flashed a smile as he leaned slightly until their shoulders met. All that light Hernán craved was there again, pouring out of Colin’s eyes. He prayed he’d still see it once Colin knew everything. His cowardice. What he let happen to Albert and Andrea. What he allowed to happen to himself.
Tomorrow I have to tell it. All of it.
He shivered, and Colin said in an undertone, “It’ll be fine. I’ll be right there for you.”
Hernán put his head on Colin’s shoulder and sighed when an arm wrapped around him. They stayed that way through two episodes of Club de Cuervos.
Chapter 11
The next morning found Colin gazing out of his office window. He couldn’t get that first kiss out of his mind. The vulnerability in Hernán’s eyes, the tenderness with which he’d removed Colin’s glasses, the heat when he’d brought their lips together… Colin shivered.
Yes, he’d screwed up by taking things too far. Yes, he wanted more than Hernán seemed ready or able to give. Yes, he was taking a risk with his crush on a man who had deep scars etched on his soul.
Yes, he was falling in love.
His boss Maryanne bustled into his office with a set of materials. Tiny and dynamic with black hair pulled into a bun, her bespectacled eyes stayed on the folders in her hand. She said without preamble, “This is the shit for the lobbying group next week that I want you to handle. We’ve got confirmations for two representatives and two senators, the draft agenda, bios for the group you’ll be escorting through and—What the fuck is the matter with you?”
Colin started, heat immediately rising in his cheeks. Maryanne had finally looked up from her notes and focused on his face. She frowned, and so he was sure he looked guilty or…something.
“Oh, just wool gathering I guess,” he answered, trying awkwardly for a nonchalant tone. He failed.
“Did you get laid? I haven’t seen a shit-eating grin that big since the day my brother discovered the bathhouse.”
Colin’s ears burned but he couldn’t stop the smile that stretched his mouth. “Nothing like that. Not that it’s any of your business. Gimme,” he said as he made grabby hands at the folders she held.
She passed him the folders but shook her head. “Deny all you want. I’m taking it as confirmation. Fuck, if you get married and run off I’m gonna be so screwed. You do so well with the lobbying teams.”
“Calm down, Drama Debbie. It’s not like that and I’m not going anywhere.”
She threw
herself into one of his visitor chairs. “What’s his name, how did you meet, when are you bringing him by, does he have money we can get him to donate, and Nigel the student intern is gonna be really disappointed because I’ve seen him scope out your ass.”
“Um, what? Nigel?” Colin furrowed his brow. He tried to think of who Maryanne meant. “The skinny guy from Harvard?”
“Yup. He’s wanted to have your babies since the second day he showed up. Is it within my power as your boss to order you to put out for Nigel before you get too committed in this new thing? I want him to move to DC and join us when he graduates next summer.”
“I’m trying to decide which questions to answer and which ones to file away as potential grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.” He tapped his desk when a distracted Maryanne glanced at her vibrating cell phone. As she looked up again, he announced, “I’m not doing Nigel, it’s new but I really think it’s going to work, and we met in Provincetown. That’s all you’re getting.”
Maryanne snorted. “So cliché. Go to a gay wedding, end up married yourself a few months later. It’s like a social disease with you guys.”
“Whereas you ladies so sensibly show up for the second date with a moving van and two cats.”
“Hah. That one was old when I was still in the test tube.”
“Your moms must have gotten a mix of sperm from Ken Jeong and Chris Rock to end up with you,” Colin teased.
“Don’t forget Lea DeLaria.”
“Do we have to have the talk again about how boys are different than girls?”
Maryanne shot him a middle finger. “You’re just jealous because Lea probably has bigger balls than you and your new boyfriend combined. And I’m way funnier than Chris Rock.”
Boyfriend? Do I have a boyfriend? Colin was too distracted to come up with a response and Maryanne snorted.
“Oh for Christ’s sake. You’re ass over tits about whoever.”
He didn’t bother to deny it, but fiddled with the stack of folders to change the topic. “Are you sure you want me to take this group? It’s an important piece of legislation we’re fighting. Maybe Leslie—”
“I want you to do it,” Maryanne declared forcefully. “You are more than capable of taking the lead. You’ve always been good behind the scenes and I think you need a bigger role.” Colin bobbed his head nervously. “Anyway, I’m worried about Sabeen Hassani pulling out. She’s got a great story but freaks at the idea of public speaking. I’ve done my best to explain that she’ll only be talking to a few people at a time but we could lose her before the Hill visits begin.”
Colin opened the top folder and scanned the list of attendees on his lobbying team. “We’d still have three constituents who can talk from personal experience if we lose Hassani.”
“Yah, yah, but then we have no ‘in’ to talk to Gerragos from Maryland. I’d really like all four constituents so we don’t lose one of the slots. See what you can do with calming her down, okay?”
He set aside the files and his discomfort. He knew he should be able to handle what Maryanne asked, but he didn’t like taking on a public role any more than Sabeen Hassani, apparently. “Okay. I’ll study these materials and we can talk again. Any more harassment, or can I get to work?”
“Oh, you’re working today,” Maryanne said with exaggerated emphasis. “The way you’ve been looking at puppies and children in the park there made me think you’re just mentally choreographing your flashmob proposal.”
“And that’s why I’ll never let you meet Hernán.”
“Hernán!” she crowed. “So we have the first name. Soon all your secrets will be mine.”
Shit. He didn’t mean to give the name. Especially as Colin was going to bring Hernán to the center soon to start volunteering. He’d already decided there was no reason to explain his agreement with Hernán to Maryanne since it didn’t affect the Immigration Initiative’s finances. Still, he had a feeling she’d remember Colin’s slip.
Aloud, he said, “Out, please, or I’ll remember that I really don’t need this job.”
“Okay, okay. Normally getting laid makes people happy but you’re just touchy.” She said it with a smile, though, so Colin knew she was goading him.
Not that she was off-base about his distractedness. He wanted to send Hernán flowers and goopy text messages. He wanted to take the rest of the day off, go home and take Hernán for a lunch or picnic or something. Was the DC zoo open? Gah, he wanted to take the week off and fly Hernán to New Jersey to meet his parents.
Oh fuck me. What would his parents think? How would they act? It was fifty-fifty whether they’d embrace Hernán right away or hire a private investigator to make sure of his motives.
Okay, so no trips to New Jersey yet. He needed to talk to someone, though. Maryanne couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut, so she was out. Brandon wasn’t due back from his honeymoon for a few more days. He could probably wait that long, but just to make sure he was on Brandon’s schedule he grabbed his phone and sent a text:
Hey B. Hope you’re loving Paris still. When you get back can we grab lunch? All good but I need advice.
He jumped in surprise when his phone chirped with a reply a few minutes later.
David’s taking me to opera house in an hour. Do you need to talk now?
It can wait but thanks. You’ll have great time at opera. Gorgeous building.
Brandon returned a thumb-up symbol. Colin set his phone aside to get some work done until he picked up Hernán for their appointment with the immigration lawyer.
Hernán paced around the conference room while Colin fixed himself a cup of coffee from the setup on a credenza. A few minutes later, a woman in a suit joined them. She was a young Latina with long, black hair, perhaps in her mid-twenties, and carried herself with assurance.
“Colin, hi,” she said and held a hand out to Hernán. “I’m Sofia Mosquera. I work with David James.”
“Hernán Portillo,” he responded, shaking with her. “Is it all right if Colin sits in with us for this?”
Sofia took a conference room chair. “It’s fine. One thing I need to caution you about, though, is that with a non-lawyer present the attorney-client privilege won’t apply. While I’m just getting to know you and your story, that isn’t a problem at all. If it gets to the point we’re discussing legal strategy, we may want to revisit.”
Colin spoke up. “I don’t want to jeopardize anything. Hernán, maybe I should take off?”
Sofia apparently noticed the panicked expression in Hernán’s eyes, though, because she said quickly, “No, stay. What Hernán’s going to tell me will ultimately make its way into a public document, so I’m less worried about the privilege not attaching. It’s just something for us to be mindful of going forward.”
Hernán pulled out a chair next to his own. “Please stay,” he begged softly. The vulnerability tore at Colin’s heart.
“Of course.”
Sofia started them off. “Hernán, I want you to know that I’ve handled several immigration and asylum cases successfully. I’ll be taking the lead on preparing your application. When David returns he’ll work closely with us too.”
Colin spoke up. “I’ve worked with Sofia before. She handled the asylum hearing for a woman who came to the center, Aamiina Nuur.”
“I was glad that worked out so well for her.” Sofia returned her attention to Hernán. “What I’d like to do today is hear your story before we figure out the best avenue for you to immigrate legally. From the little David passed along to me by email, we already have some ideas but we don’t want to prejudge the right approach. Once you and I have talked, I’ll do some strategizing with David. We’ll all get back together afterward to talk through next steps. How does that sound?”
Hernán nodded slowly. “I think I understand.”
“Good. I’m going to take a lot of notes as we talk.” Sofia opened a notebook she’d brought in with her and picked up her pen. “Let’s start with your background, Hernán. Where
exactly are you from?”
“I lived in San Marcos, in El Salvador.”
“Do you have family there still?”
“Yes, my grandmother and my younger sister Brijith. I also have an uncle who lives just outside San Marcos. Some cousins and aunts, too. Everyone else is in the States.”
Colin appreciated the way Sofia eased Hernán into the interview. She got him talking about easy things to establish a rapport. Gradually she elicited details of Hernán’s father coming to the U.S. and his mother following three years later with Hernán’s older brother.
Colin noticed that Hernán steered away from any discussion of his grandmother, other than to say it wasn’t a close relationship. They talked about Hernán’s love of school. When the conversation began to touch on why he hadn’t finished college, he again redirected to talk about how great his favorite teachers had been.
It was all interesting to Colin, but not germane to the work at hand. Hernán carefully avoided any mention of the things that he had hinted to Colin, or that he was gay.
Sofia seemed to recognize as well that she wasn’t getting the full story she needed. After an hour of the dance, she suggested they all take a break. She caught Colin’s gaze as she left the room and, frowning slightly, tilted her head almost imperceptibly toward Hernán.
Colin got it. Sofia needed him to step in.
When they were alone in the conference room, Colin crouched before Hernán in his leather chair. Hernán flushed and tried to swivel away, but Colin put a hand on his knee to keep him from hiding.
“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?” Colin asked. “Hernán, you have to go deeper. I get that you’ve kept being gay deeply hidden from almost everybody, but this is a safe space. David’s gay, and Sofia has dealt with several LGBTI cases. I doubt there’s anything you could say that would shock her.”
Hernán slid his gaze nervously around the room. “I understand.” He looked out the window and said, “It’s got to be weird for you, working with this David guy. I mean, he married that man you have a crush on. Brandon.”
Asylum (Pride and Joy Book 2) Page 12
