Suddenly the words made sense.
‘Hail to The Wondrous One, The Glorious Heroine, She Who Walks Through Rock, She Who Has Come From Afar!’ the crowd chanted.
‘Hey,’ I said, ‘they mean me!’ I grinned. ‘The Wondrous One’ sounded a lot better than ‘Prudence! Pay attention,’ from Mrs Olsen or ‘Hey, Pruneface,’ from my brother Mark.
‘Hi everyone!’ I yelled to the kneeling crowd. ‘I’m glad to be here!’
The translator must have worked both ways because a bloke in front of the crowd stood up. He was really old — older than Dad, even older looking than my Great Uncle Ron. His face was all sunk in wrinkles and his hair was grey and straggly, except for this funny beard in the middle of his chin, which looked like it had been dyed really black.
‘Hail, Wondrous One!’ he chanted. ‘Hail, Oh She Who Comes From Afar, She Who Walks Through Rock, She Who is the Heroine, Who Comes to Help Us in Our Time of Trouble.’
‘Just call me Pru,’ I offered.
He blinked. ‘All hail, the Wondrous Pru, she who …’
‘No,’ I said patiently. ‘Just Pru. No need to add the other bits.’
‘All hail the Pru,’ he said uncomfortably. ‘And hail too to …’ he stared at Phredde and Bruce as though he’d never seen a phaery or a giant frog before.
‘This is my, er, my Official Phaery,’ I said airily. ‘All us heroines have Official Phaeries. It’s in the rules.’
‘What about me?’ demanded Bruce.
‘You’re my Official Frog,’ I said. ‘That’s in the rules too.’
The bloke looked like he was about to faint from shock, but he continued bravely. ‘All hail, the Pru and …’
‘Phredde,’ said Phredde, fluttering her wings.
‘And Bruce,’ croaked Bruce.
‘All hail, the Pru and the Phredde, the Official Phaery of the wond …, er, the Pru, and the Bruce, the Pru’s Official Frog!’ The old guy looked a bit stunned, but at least he got our names right.
‘All hail the Pru and Phredde and Bruce!’ cried the crowd, still bent down low.
‘Hey, I like this,’ I said. ‘What now?’
The old guy bowed again. ‘I am Sennufer, oh Wondrous, er, Pru. I am Mayor of the City, Guardian of the Royal Granaries, Keeper of the Royal Fields and Gardens and Protector of the Royal Oxen.’
‘Queen Fluffy’s?’ I asked.
Sennufer frowned, sending his wrinkles into overdrive. ‘Fluffy? I do not know the name. No, I was the servant of our Royal Lord King Ka. Alas, he died three days ago.’ Old Sennufer shook his head sadly. ‘It was a terrible illness!’
I frowned. ‘Your king got sick and died?’
‘No,’ said Sennufer. ‘The King was eaten by a crocodile. The crocodile got sick — a terrible case of indigestion. But Our Royal Lord had not yet appointed his heir! We have no king or queen.’ He stared at me meaningfully. ‘Yet.’
For a moment I thought he meant me. But there was no way I could be Queen of Ancient Egypt — I mean I haven’t even finished school yet and, what with homework and adventures and stuff, I don’t have time to go round ruling Ancient Egypt. Then suddenly it struck me.
‘I get to choose the next king or queen? Cool!’
Sennufer bowed again. I hoped he didn’t have arthritis like my Great Uncle Ron because all this bowing would be really hard on his back. ‘That is what the oracle foretold! A great heroine will come out of the rock and she shall be the one to choose the king or queen!’
‘Cool!’ I said again. ‘No worries!’
This was going to be so easy! I’d been a bit worried I’d have to fight a monster or an evil wizard or something, which would have been no real hassle, of course. With Phredde’s and Bruce’s magic to help me I could have zapped a whole mob of evil wizards in no time at all! But this sounded even easier.
‘Um.’ Sennufer looked worried. ‘Would the Wondrous One mind choosing a new king or queen fast?’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘But why the hurry?’
‘King Ka’s scouts said the Marsh Dwellers are planning to invade. We need a king or queen to lead the troops, to keep our city and its fields safe!’
‘Don’t you worry,’ I said. ‘I’ll choose you a FANTASTIC king or queen! But first things first,’ I added, as my tummy grumbled louder than a volcano, which was embarrassing as I wasn’t sure if wondrous heroines rumbled. ‘Is there a pizza shop anywhere around here? I’m starving.’
‘Me too,’ said Phredde. (Phaery tummies never rumble. Not that you can hear anyway.) She gazed around the crowd. ‘I could PING! a pizza up,’ she added, ‘but I’d have to PING! one up for everyone and I don’t know what sort they’d like. Maybe ancient Egyptians don’t like anchovies.’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘They might not even like sausage and pineapple! Alright, Mr Sennufer, take us to the palace and pizza! But don’t bother bowing,’ I added, as he began to touch his toes again.
He hesitated. ‘No bowing?’
‘Nope. You might slip a disc.’
He frowned. ‘A disc … And what is pizza?’
‘Food,’ I said. ‘Tucker. Belly fodder. Yum-yums. Stuff that goes in one end and gets transformed into bigger and better heroines but with a bit of the yuck left over coming out the other end. Lunch!’
Sennufer clapped his hands. ‘We will take you to the palace at once! Bring the Wondrous One’s litter!’
‘Huh?’ I said. What was he doing? Calling for a great pile of rubbish? Or maybe he meant kitty litter!
Well, it turned out that it wasn’t either of those sorts of litter. The crowd got to their feet and made way for this great bed-like thing with purple cushions and two long poles sticking out each end for these big muscular guys to carry.
The guys’ muscles shone in the sunlight, like they’d been polished with mum’s wonderwax, but I didn’t look at them too long in case Bruce got jealous. At least I hoped Bruce would have got jealous if I stared at the guys holding the litter. He’d never actually said that I was his …
Anyway, where were we? Right, on our way to the palace with four muscled hunks and a crowd of ancient Egyptians.
I climbed into the litter and sat back on the gold and purple cushions. Bruce hopped up on one side of me and Phredde flew down on the cushion on my other side, and everyone bowed down again except the guys carrying the litter, which was a good thing because if they’d bowed down they would have tipped the litter over and we’d have fallen off.
‘Hey!’ I said. ‘I like this!’ I wriggled down on the cushions. ‘What’s this?’ Something was sticking into my back. I rummaged round and there was this thick brownish paper among my cushions.
Somehow I knew what it was going to say.
‘Welcome!’ it said. ‘Signed, Fluffy, Queen of the Nile.’
‘!’ I said.
Chapter 8
A Crowded Picnic
Bump, bump, bump … You don’t get nearly as smooth a ride on a golden litter as you do on a magic carpet, or even in a car. But it beats walking along a dry gully. Besides, these two girls came up behind us with great fans made of feathers and fanned us as we went.
It was the coolest thing you’ve ever seen!
‘They’re peacock feathers,’ said Bruce, as the fans gently brushed through the air and we were carried slowly through the bowing crowd.
I let the peacock feather breeze waft over me. It was hot here with the bare hills around us — that sun was fierce — and the breeze felt great.
‘Mmm,’ said Phredde. ‘This is a zillion times better than school!’
The litter wended (I used that word in my last essay and Mrs Olsen said it was really descriptive) its way through the crowd and down the gully, then between some cliffs, all high and rocky like some great beast had chewed them. And suddenly we were in open country.
It didn’t look like much, to be honest. I’d thought Ancient Egypt would look, you know, exciting looking. Just more red dirt and a few straggly dull green bushes, all twigs and thorns
and hardly any leaves, and distant red hills on either side, and in front of us a green smudge that might be grass or trees (or even green carpet).
The crowd trudged after us, with old Sennufer leading them, and everyone walked and walked and it got hotter and hotter still, even with the fanners fanning so fast that I thought the peacock feathers would fall to bits, but they didn’t, and I could see the sweat rolling down the bearers’ muscles. I mean if I was hot, they must be burning up! And no one in the crowd was wearing a hat and I bet they hadn’t put on any sunblock either. (Mum would spiflicate me if I went without a hat and sunblock in that sort of heat.)
‘Stop!’ I yelled.
The bearers stopped. The fanners stopped. Old Sennufer stopped. The crowd behind us stopped too, then they all bowed down again.
Old Sennufer raced up to me. ‘You wish something, oh Gracious One?’
I liked that. I wondered if I could get my brother Mark to call me ‘Oh Gracious One’. Somehow I doubted it.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘It’s HOT! Phredde, could you PING! up a lemonade for everyone? And a hat each too!’ I shook my head. ‘It’s almost like none of you have even heard of skin cancer!’
‘What’s skin cancer, oh, Wondrous Pru?’ queried Sennufer.
‘It’s when … oh, never mind.’ I didn’t feel like repeating Mum’s skin cancer lecture right now.
PING! Suddenly the whole crowd — bearers and all — held glasses of ice-cold lemonade and had hats on their heads.
‘Er, Phredde,’ I said.
‘Mmm?’ said Phredde. She was already drinking her lemonade.
‘Did you have to PING! them THAT sort of hat?’
‘You just said “hat”,’ said Phredde defensively. ‘You didn’t say what sort of hat.’
I gazed out at the sea of dark blue school caps with special neck-protection flaps at the back. ‘They just look a bit odd with those white things.’
‘Loin cloths,’ said Bruce.
‘Those loin cloths, then.’7
‘I can change them if you like,’ said Phredde helpfully.
I looked out at the crowd. Some of the people had bowed down again and some were tasting their lemonade or inspecting their hats like they were magic — well, yeah, I suppose they were magic — and all of them looked like they’d be REALLY unhappy if we took the hats away from them.
Sennufer’s eyes were so wide all his wrinkles had to crowd together. ‘Oh, Powerful One!’ he began, bowing down again. ‘Provider of Cool Drinks, Bringer of Blue Hats …’
‘Nah, it wasn’t me,’ I informed him. ‘It was my Official Phaery.’
‘It was nothing,’ said Phredde modestly, as Sennufer bowed to her too.
‘Hey, how about I get the chance to do the next bit of magic?’ protested Bruce. ‘I wouldn’t mind people bowing to me for a change!’
‘Be my guest!’ I said. ‘How about something to eat?’ It looked like being a long time till lunch.
PING! Suddenly a great horde of fat black flies was buzzing round our faces.
‘Bruce!’ I yelled. ‘Food that humans like! Not froggie tucker!’
‘Oops, sorry,’ croaked Bruce. ‘I wasn’t thinking.’
PING! Six hundred iced watermelons, already chopped into slices, hovered in the air.
‘Now that’s more like it!’ I agreed, grabbing the first slice. I nodded at Sennufer and the bearers and the fanners and the crowd beyond. ‘Go on, tuck in.’
So they did.
It was all a bit like a birthday party, only without the birthday, and in Ancient Egypt. I’d thought that maybe a few people might have fainted from shock when the watermelon appeared, or at least screamed and had hysterics, like Mrs Sprout on the P & C Committee did when Phredde’s giant octopus got loose. (Phredde did her last term’s assignment on giant octopuses and, like she said, a real-live giant octopus looks much better than just sticking a picture of one onto the page.)
But I suppose everyone expected a Wondrous Heroine to be able to wave up sliced watermelon and hats and cold lemonade out of thin air.
Anyway, twelve thousand slices of watermelon later, we got under way again.
Chapter 9
Through the Fields of Egypt
Bump, bump, bump … We’d been bumping along for hours now. It was getting a bit boring being carried. And even more boring looking out at red dirt and hills.
At least that green smudge was getting closer …
‘I thought Ancient Egypt would be more interesting than this!’ I whispered to Bruce. ‘And we haven’t seen a single pyramid yet.’
‘I told you that there weren’t pyramids all over the place,’ hissed Bruce grumpily. He’d tried some Ancient Egyptian flies a few kilometres back and complained they tasted strange.
I sighed, and stared out at the dusty landscape again. We were on a road now — well, a track in the sandy dirt, anyway. At first the track just wound through rocks and bushes, but finally we came to proper trees — palms and funny bushy dusty trees with fat weird fruit and pine trees and other stuff8 and every one had this funny mud wall around them and water channels leading to each one from tiny round dams.
Some of the trees had vines growing in them too, propped up with wooden stakes so they could climb through the branches.9
Bump, bump, bump … We kept travelling gradually downhill. At last we came to fields of what looked like harvested wheat stubble (Amelia had done her assignment on Our Wheat Industry and it had pictures in it of what wheat looks like when it’s been cut down). Every field had a high mud wall around it.
‘Hey, Mr Sennufer,’ I called. ‘What’s with all the mud walls?’
‘To keep wild goats and wolves and hyenas out of the fields, Oh Wondrous Pru,’ he said.
I gulped. Wild wolves! But hey, I had two phaeries with me! Phredde or Bruce could PING! any wild wolf into wild wolf chops.
Now the scenery was getting pretty interesting. Tiny spotty cattle with long ferocious-looking horns munched the wheat straw and kids our age herded them along with sticks. (I hoped they’d keep away from those horns!)
There were even more water channels now and then more fields, with vegies this time — lettuces (I’m not a gardener, but even I know what a lettuce looks like) and other greens and red-leafed stuff and vines. Some of the fields were flooded with water with the lettuce leaves poking through like they were gasping for air, and other fields were all bare and muddy looking.
And then we came to the river.
‘The Mighty River Nile!’ breathed Bruce. ‘That’s a quote from my assignment,’ he added.
It didn’t look very mighty to me. It was muddy and the banks were muddy too, except where there were muddy reeds. These long thin boats that looked like they were made of bundles of those reeds all tied together sailed along it, and a few kids were spearing fish, which looked like fun.
But mighty? No way.
We trudged along the river for a while — well, the bearers trudged and our litter went bump, bump, bump. We passed through a village on a bit of hill — mud huts with muddy reed roofs and muddy roads and muddy kids and then more dusty trees. Then more mud huts and blokes filling muddy wooden moulds with more mud.
‘The villagers are making bricks to build more houses and walls,’ explained Sennufer.
‘Er … great,’ I said. Well, I was trying to be polite. ‘Why don’t the mud walls wash away when it rains?’
‘Rain, Oh Wondrous Pru?’ asked Sennufer, looking puzzled.
‘It doesn’t rain much around here,’ hissed Bruce. ‘It’s actually a desert. Their water comes from the river. That’s why there are all those channels to water the fields.’
‘Oh,’ I said.
Bump, bump, bump — a whole lot of women clustered round a muddy pit bowed to us.
‘What are THEY doing?’ I asked Sennufer.
‘Baking bread in the village bread pit, Oh Wondrous One,’ he said. ‘They make a hole in the mud, fill it with wood and light a fire. When the pit is hot an
d the fire has died down they throw the bread dough into the hot hole.’
‘Doesn’t the bread get muddy?’ I asked.
Sennufer shook his head. ‘The fire bakes the mud hard, Oh Wondrous One.’
‘Huh!’ I said. ‘Give me an oven any day!’
Sennufer bowed again quickly. ‘There are ovens in the palace, Oh Wondrous One!’ he informed me proudly. ‘King Ka’s brother, King Scorpion, put in the first oven before the giant python ate him.’
I blinked. ‘Your kings seem to get eaten pretty often.’
Sennufer nodded sadly. ‘Yes, Oh Wondrous One,’ he said.
Finally we came to this high wall — made of more mud bricks, naturally, and topped with hard rusty-red tiles.
‘Behold, the palace!’ cried Sennufer.
It didn’t look like much of a palace to me, and I’ve seen lots of palaces — you can hardly move in Phaeryland without tripping over a turreted castle, and Phredde and Bruce and I all live in castles, too. But none of them are made of mud and bundles of reeds!
‘How come we still haven’t seen any pyramids!’ I muttered to Bruce. ‘And the Sphinx and the giant temples and all that stuff? This really is Ancient Egypt, isn’t it?’
‘Maybe we’ve come back before they were built,’ he hissed.
‘Huh,’ I said. ‘The first thing I’m going to do when we get this king or queen stuff sorted out is go and see the pyramids! And if they haven’t been built yet they can just go and build me one!’
‘Er, this Wondrous Heroine stuff isn’t going to your head, is it?’ enquired Bruce.
‘No way. I’m still the sweet modest kid …’ I stopped, because I’d just seen a bit of scribble on the bottom of one of the mud walls.
See you soon! Signed, Fluffy, Queen of the Nile.
Then the palace doors opened.
Chapter 10
Inside the Palace
I gazed around the palace. ‘Wow!’ I whispered.
The crowd stayed outside, chanting ‘Hail, Oh Wondrous One, Bringer of Great Feasts and Provider of Blue Hats’ and stuff like that as the bearers carried our litter through the great wooden doors. Sennufer and the girls fanning us with peacock feathers followed. And I just stared.
Phredde and the Purple Pyramid Page 3
