by Vi Lily
Thirteen? Alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He could have sworn Ari was a virgin, just based on how easily she got embarrassed. Plus, her brother had been trying to auction her virginity to a bunch of men who looked like they wouldn’t take kindly to being scammed.
And, it was Raine talking… that chick was as crooked as a dog’s hind leg, as his gramma would say. You could never trust anything that came out of her mouth.
Ari laughed then, but even without seeing her expression, Alex could tell she was tense. He was getting to know her well.
“If you believe that, you’re dumber than you look.”
Alex snorted at that, before catching himself. He knew Raine was fuming, could practically see the steam from her snorting like a bull wafting around the corner of the building.
“Everyone knew you were a slut. Until you got so skanky anyway,” Raine said with a snarl to her voice. “There’s no way someone like Alex would want you so—”
Alex didn’t wait to hear what else was going to come out of her mouth. He couldn’t stand hearing her hurting Ari like that. It made him want to smash her into the pavement. She was such a toxic bitch.
He stepped forward and turned the corner. “Hey, baby,” he purred at Ari as he slipped his arm over a shocked Ari’s shoulders and kissed the side of her head. He almost laughed at himself; he really was not a good actor, but he’d been watching Vato and the way he seduced the girls left and right and had picked up some pointers, apparently.
“Ready to go home? I can’t wait to see what you’re making for dinner.” He glanced at the wide-eyed girl staring at them.
“Oh, hey Raine,” he said dismissively, then took Ari’s purse off her shoulder and turned to lead her toward the Charger.
He almost laughed at the shocked look the now mute Ari had.
There was dead silence behind them as they walked away, but the real silence was coming from Ari. Alex snorted at his thoughts; like silence can “come” from someone.
It wasn’t until they were in the Charger that she finally spoke. “Um, wanna tell me what that was about?” she asked in a small, shocked voice.
Alex huffed out a breath. “I heard what the stupid cun— uh, bitch was telling you and it pissed me off. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
Ari laughed, but it was forced. “I wasn’t uncomfortable. It was pretty damned awesome to see that crappy excuse for a human being standing there with her jaw hanging open, actually. I’m just wondering why you basically just told the entire Academy that we’re living together.”
Alex cocked his head. “The entire Academy?” he asked as he started the engine. It was cold enough that they’d have to let the Charger warm up for a while. He was looking forward to warmer weather, but even though they were already weeks into spring, that wouldn’t happen for another month or so.
Ari laughed again. “Telegraph, telephone, tell-a-Raine. Word will get around by tomorrow morning, guaranteed.”
Alex cursed, then shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t care. If it shut her damn venomous mouth, good.”
Ari was quiet for so long that the Charger had time to warm up and he started down the hill toward Bearing. They both were lost in their own thoughts. He started worrying about the fact that she was only seventeen and the authorities could force her into the foster system. It was something he hadn’t considered when he’d opened his big mouth in front of Raine. He wondered if that was what Ari was worried about too.
It wasn’t until they were nearing the town limits that she spoke.
“You don’t care if people know that I’m living with you?”
Alex glanced at her. “Hell no, I don’t. I’m just worried about you though. I didn’t think about your situation when I shot my mouth off.”
Ari huffed out a laugh. “My situation is one thousand times better since I met you,” she admitted. “I’ll be eighteen in three and a half months. I doubt they’re gonna bother trying to put me into the system, just to have me age out.”
He reached over and grabbed her hand, pulling it over onto the gearshift, under his. “I won’t let that happen, you know,” he said quietly. “I won’t let them take you. I’ll take off with you first.” He meant every word of that, surprising both Ari and him both.
“Um… wow.”
She didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Alex turned onto their street and cringed when he saw Steve’s car in the drive, as well as a couple of others. His idiot brother must have decided to ask some friends over, despite Alex telling him not to after Ari moved in. His hand tightened on the steering wheel, but he forced his right hand to remain relaxed so that he didn’t crush Ari’s hand under his on the gearshift.
“I can’t let you sacrifice anything else for me,” she finally said, breaking the silence.
Alex frowned at that. They were already at the house, so he pulled into the drive, then drove onto the side yard so that he didn’t block the other cars. He intended to throw everyone out as soon as they walked in and didn’t want to have to go back out to move the Charger.
“What have I sacrificed for you?” Alex asked her after he parked. He didn’t like the sound in her voice. It sounded too… resigned.
“Everything!” Ari exclaimed. “You opened your home to me, you’ve upturned your entire life for me, you’ve had to reschedule all your things or me… the better question would be, what haven’t you sacrificed?”
Alex stared at her. The chick was crazy.
He curled his lip up. “What I’ve ‘sacrificed’ is a lonely b.s. existence that I can’t even call a life. I went to school, came home, went to bed, got up and did it again. It was boring as hell. Now you’re here, in my life, and I want to get up because I can’t wait to see you.”
He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “And now that we’re sleeping together, waking up with you in my arms is the best thing ever.”
Her eyes widened at his admission. Then, careful not to hurt her ribs again, Alex leaned over, cupped his hand behind her head and kissed her softly.
“I’m falling in love with you, Alex Johansen,” Ari whispered against his lips, shocking the hell out of him. He broke the kiss and pulled back to look at her.
Despite the admission, she wouldn’t look at him. Alex wanted to tell her that he loved her too, but he wasn’t even sure if he could feel love. But if constantly thinking of someone, wanting the best for them, trying to think of ways to make them happy, and not being able to consider the future without them in it was love, then he was head over heels.
He opened his mouth to say something, even though he wasn’t sure what, but over Ari’s head he saw the front door opened then and some people stumbled out. One of the idiots tripped over the little retaining wall lining the walkway and fell face first into a pile of snow, which caused the others to piss themselves, they were laughing so hard.
Alex frowned and grumbled about Steve’s moron friends, then gripped Ari’s chin gently, forcing her to look at him.
“Stay right here. I’m gonna go clear these douches out, then I’ll be back to get you, okay?”
Ari had a wounded look as she nodded, but Alex told himself now was not the time to deal with it. He’d have a long talk with her after he got the party broken up. He started the Charger again so she would stay warm, got out and stomped up the walk to the house.
Besides the idiots in the front, there were a dozen more people inside, in various stages of high. Drug paraphernalia littered every surface, along with booze bottles. Alex clenched his teeth when he recognized several kids from school, including two girls who always hung out with Raine. One of the girls looked like she’d just shot up heroin, judging by the vacant stare on her face, and the rubber stretch band still in her friend’s hand as she leaned over to kiss her.
He looked for Steve and found him in the kitchen, with a pile of what he assumed was coke sat on a plate before him on the island. Three giggling girls were with him, hanging all over his brother as he scooped the
powder into lines. One of the girls was in his Calculus class.
Coke whore.
“Hey man,” Steve said as he grinned up at Alex when he saw his brother. Alex’s jaw clenched when he saw that his pupils were blown. He was high as a freaking kite and Alex was about to make him fly even higher — when he tossed him out the door.
“This party is over now,” Alex told him as he yanked the plate off the island and threw it against the wall. The girls’ matching cries of dismay made him turn to snarl at them.
“What the hell, Alex?” Steve yelled. “That was like two hundred bucks’ worth of blow!”
Alex snarled at his brother, then reached forward to grab him by the front of his sweatshirt. He yanked Steve up and toward him, knocking the barstools flying in the process. The girls squealed and scattered.
“We had rules and you just broke every single one of them.” he growled in his brother’s face. “You’re outta here, bro. Now. Not next week. Not tomorrow. Now. I don’t wanna see your face around here ever again.”
“What?” Steve exclaimed, his wild eyes jerking back and forth. “Where am I supposed to go?”
Alex nodded his head over his shoulder. “Go shack up with one of your druggie whores. Go to a roach motel. Go sleep under a bridge.” He shrugged.
“I don’t care. Not my problem. You’re done.”
With that, he released Steve with a shove, then turned and stomped back to the living room. His first thought was Ogre, wondering where the poor dog was. He didn’t like people much and had just gotten used to Alex. The dog had been in love with Ari from day one, though, and was never far from her side.
Alex understood that feeling completely.
The girls who’d been in the kitchen were nowhere to be seen, but the others in the living room were apparently oblivious to what was going on around them.
“Get out of here!” Alex roared. “You have two minutes, then I’m calling the cops!”
He watched with satisfaction as the threat of police sobered even the highest of them and they started grabbing belongings and running out the door.
He heard a noise behind him and turned in time to see Steve hit the floor at the entrance of the living room. Apparently, his brother had stumbled into the wall and knocked himself out. Alex snarled; serves him right.
Once all the partygoers were gone, Alex started looking for Ogre. It took five minutes, but he finally found him locked in the master bedroom. He was shaking and nervous looking but seemed okay. Alex breathed a sigh of relief; he’d been really worried that something might have happened to the dog and he’d have to deal with it before he got Ari out of the Charger.
He scratched the dog behind the ears for a moment, then let him out of the room. As the two of them headed down the stairs together, Alex had the awful thought that someone might have bothered Ari when they were leaving. All he wanted to do was get to her and reassure himself that she was okay.
When they reached the bottom of the stairs, he noticed that Steve was right where he’d fallen. Alex frowned when he realized his brother must have hit his head a lot harder than he thought. More crap he’d have to deal with, but at the moment he didn’t care; his only thought was getting to Ari.
He breathed a sigh of relief to see that she was still in the Charger, but he noticed she’d locked the doors. It made him glad, but frown at the same time. If she locked it because someone messed with her, then heads were going to roll.
Ari unlocked the door as he approached. He reached across her and turned off the vehicle, then pulled the keys out. He kept his body half inside the truck and looked at her, their faces just inches apart.
She still looked hurt, still refused to meet his eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked. She nodded slightly, eyes on her hands that were clasped in her lap.
Alex frowned; he wanted to get her in the warm house, get some food — never mind whatever she was going to cook; tonight would be sandwiches or frozen food thanks to Steve’s b.s. — and then get her to the bedroom where they could talk and he could admit his confusing feelings for her. He wanted Ari to tell him if what he was feeling was love.
She didn’t protest when he lifted her out of the truck and carried her into the house. He insisted on it most of the time, unless they were at school. He’d told her that the less she had to walk, the less chance she had of hurting her ribs and the sooner she’d heal.
He never admitted that he just really liked having her in his arms.
“I threw Steve out,” he told her as he carried her, ignoring the sound of distress she made. “But the idiot hit his head and is passed out in the living room. Thankfully, someone locked Ogre in our room, so he was okay at least.”
Ari nodded, but cried out when she saw Steve on the floor. Alex carefully set her on her feet, then went into the kitchen to find some food.
He growled again when he noticed that Steve’s “friends” had eaten all the good stuff and he wondered how long they’d been there. Most likely all day. Thankfully, there was a pizza place in town that delivered, so he pulled his cell out of his back pocket and scrolled through his contacts. But a scream nearly makes him drop his phone.
“Alex!”
Chapter 5
Ari
O VERDOSE, Cocaine and Fentanyl.”
It was there, in black and white on the medical examiner’s report, four little words that signified the end of a life. It was an official document, signed by the M.E., but I want to deny its existence.
I can’t believe it. Can’t believe Steve is gone. Don’t want to believe it. It’s shocking, but at the same time it’s not surprising. Steve made some really poor life choices. It really isn’t any wonder that he’d ended up the way he had.
Alex didn’t even want to see the examiner’s report. He just heard “overdose,” and he stormed out of the room.
He’s been trying to find his mother to let her know, but she’s off with her boyfriend on some yacht in the South Pacific and can’t be reached. He’s left messages at every port from Hawaii to Fiji and he tries calling her at different times every day, but her phone doesn’t even go to voicemail; it just says “the person you are calling is out of the service area.”
His dad, though, is the biggest dick I’ve ever had the pleasure of not knowing. When Alex called him and told him that his oldest son died, he said, “No surprise,” then handed the phone to his lover, Tom.
Tom, at least, was very supportive and sympathetic. He promised he’d do what he could to get Edward to go the memorial.
But until he finds his mom, Alex has decided not to have a funeral, or even a memorial. Something had to be done with the body, though, so Alex had Steve cremated. His ashes are now sitting on the fireplace mantle in a beautiful urn that I got to pick out.
I talk to it sometimes. I know it’s crazy, but at least the urn isn’t talking back. Yet.
Alex hasn’t mourned at all. He’s held me while I have, though. I thought maybe seeing me crying over Steve, bawling like a baby while I fell apart in his arms, would kickstart him into mourning his brother. But no.
He’s colder than ever. Even to me.
I’m trying to be understanding. I mean, I probably wouldn’t mourn Devon as much as I’m mourning Steve, but I would still be a little sad, more for what we could no longer have a chance at having. Mourning what could have been.
Alex isn’t being mean to me or anything. To the contrary, he’s his usual attentive self. He still insists on sleeping with me every night too, but the intimacy we were sharing has stopped. I was hoping that we’d be able to move on to other things, the next big step, by now.
But, no.
I cry a lot and Alex holds me. I wish he could let himself mourn too, and I had hoped that my openness would spur him on to open up and let it happen. But again, no. He’s closed off that part of him.
I blame his a-hole dad. I’ve never met the guy, but from what I know, I can’t stand him. He’s obviously a selfish, uncaring, P.O.S. na
rcissist. Oh, and let’s add abusive pedophile molester to that list too.
And he’s done this to Alex, made him incapable of mourning his own brother. Incapable of loving, of showing any emotion.
Of feeling.
Deep down, I’m sure that Alex loves me. He shows it in so many ways that it’s undeniable. But that feeling is buried under layers of beatings, neglect and anger that his dad piled on him as a child, during the important formative years.
If only that broken little boy could be reached… I’d break him out of that cell he’s locked in, sentenced to a life of pain with no chance of parole. And then I’d show him nothing but the beauty in the world for the rest of his life. The beauty that was taken from him by his a-hole father and buried in a tomb of hideousness.
So, yeah, if I get a chance at his dad, I’m so gonna nut punch him.
I don’t expect anything from Alex anymore, so I’m always surprised whenever he throws me any bone — consideration, attention, affection. I snatch it up like a starving dog.
Speaking of — Ogre has been moping around too. I know it’s not because of sadness, because he barely tolerated Steve. I think it’s because he senses the loss, the underlying current of sadness that’s permeating the house like a fog of pain.
And not just from me; even though Alex isn’t showing his pain, not wearing his heart on his sleeve as they say, his sadness is almost tangible.
We stayed home from school for a week and I wanted to stay home for the rest of the year, honestly, but Alex insisted we go back to “life as normal.” Like my life has ever been normal.
The oblivion of sleep is my favorite place to be these days. I know that I’m in a depression, but I also know that it’s because of the loss I’m feeling. Steve was one of only three friends, and with his death I feel like I’ve lost two. It’s hard to pretend to live in “normal land” now.
It’s Friday, three weeks after I realized Steve didn’t have a pulse. I’m trying to pretend things are normal and that a piece hasn’t been cut out of my heart, but it’s hard. I only knew Steve for a short time, but he’d become my best friend. Next to Alex.
