by Lara Lacombe
“It’s the truth. I felt like I had fallen over the edge of a waterfall, and I was sinking fast into darkness.” Her voice trailed off as the memory asserted itself, and a hollow feeling opened up in her stomach as she relieved the terror of the free fall. Panic was a thick band around her chest, growing tighter with each breath. She closed her eyes, trying to summon the strength to break free, but it was no use. She was back in the darkness, alone and scared.
Something touched her, and she opened her eyes to find Grant’s hand on hers, his eyes full of concern. She squeezed his fingers, silently assuring him she was okay. And she was—now. Once again, he had brought her back from the edge.
She took a deep breath and continued the story. “So there I was, falling into the abyss, my stomach in my throat. Then something grabbed hold of me before I was lost, and it slowly started pulling me back up.” Avery traced the bones of his hand with her fingertip, avoiding his gaze. “I didn’t know what it was, but now I realize you were the one to find me in the dark. You were the one who pulled me back and kept me from dying.” She looked up then, blinking against the sting of tears. “It’s always been you, Grant. There was a time when I didn’t want to need you, and I hated the fact that I did. But I learned the hard way that didn’t change things.”
“Oh, Avery.” He spoke her name with reverence, as if it was something precious. “You are too good for me. I don’t deserve your heart.”
She tilted her head to the side as she studied him, seeing the emotion play across his face. “Why would you say that?”
“I should have been there for you.” He saw her look of confusion and held up a hand to forestall her question. “Before. With the baby.”
“Oh.” The reminder of her loss gave her pause, and she braced herself for the usual jolt of pain that accompanied thoughts of the miscarriage. But they didn’t come. She felt an ache as she pictured the child that had been a part of her life, if only for a brief moment. But it was the dull throb of a healing bruise, not the fresh sting of a raw wound. There would always be a part of her that grieved the loss, but it no longer overshadowed her life.
“I was so selfish,” Grant continued. “I should have been there for you, supported you like a true partner. But all I could think about was how the miscarriage affected me. I let you down, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it.”
Avery was silent for a moment, trying to decide what to say. If she rushed to reassure Grant that she no longer blamed him, he wouldn’t believe it—he would think she was just trying to be nice. If she wanted him to let go of the past, she was going to have to try a different tack.
“I spent a lot of years blaming you for your reaction,” she said finally. “I won’t lie—it hurt me badly to think you didn’t want the baby. At times, I thought you were almost happy to be off the hook.” Grant made a small sound of distress and she touched his arm, silently asking him to let her finish. “I know now that you weren’t, but at the time I was too shortsighted to see otherwise.”
“I was never happy about the miscarriage.” He paused, clearly weighing his words. “But I won’t lie—I did feel a little lighter, as if a burden had been lifted from me.” He dropped his head. “I tried to put on a brave face for you when you told me about the baby, but inside, I was terrified at the thought of becoming a father. When I found out you were losing it, it was almost like the universe had hit Pause for me, and was giving me more time to become the kind of man who deserved a child.”
“Maybe it did,” Avery said softly.
Grant jerked his head up. “How can you be so understanding? Don’t you hate me for what I just told you?”
Avery’s heart swelled with compassion, and she leaned forward to put her hand on his shoulder. “No,” she said simply. “You can’t help how you felt, and I’m not going to punish you for being honest with me. Especially because I know what kind of man you were then, and what kind of man you are now.”
“I...I don’t understand.” His voice was thick with emotion and disbelief.
“I loved you for a reason, Grant,” she explained patiently. “You were a good man. I couldn’t have been with you otherwise. And being around you now has shown me that hasn’t changed. I’ve been watching you, the way you interact with your staff and your patients. The care you take with the people around you. The burden you carry as you try to do right by your patients. Those are the actions of a man with integrity, with honor and with goodness in his heart. I’m not going to let one moment ten years ago define how I think about you. Not any longer.” She paused to let her words sink in. “And neither should you.”
He was still a moment, so still she wondered if he had heard her. Then he shot out of his chair and grabbed her, pulling her up and pressing her against his chest.
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?” Avery opened her mouth, but he didn’t wait for a response. “You were my whole life,” he continued. “Nothing worked without you, did you know that? You ruined me for anyone else.”
His confession sent a thrill down her spine, and pleasure bloomed in her chest. She shouldn’t feel happy at the news that Grant had also been stuck in limbo since their breakup, but her heart was anything but logical right now. A giggle bubbled up and broke free before she could contain it, and Grant leaned back to look at her.
“Laughing at my pain?” he grumbled. But there was a note of humor in his voice, and Avery knew he was teasing. She didn’t try to stop the grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.
“Yes,” she replied.
His eyes softened and soon he was smiling, too. She giggled again from the sheer joy of being in his arms, and he chuckled, his chest vibrating pleasantly against hers. Then they were both laughing, leaning against each other as all the emotion poured out of them in wave after wave of chortles, snickers and snorts.
Several minutes later, Avery managed to catch her breath. “Oh, man,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I haven’t laughed like that in ages.” Her stomach ached from it, the muscles of her torso sadly out of use in that respect.
“I know what you mean,” Grant said. “It feels good.” He reached out and traced the line of her jaw with his fingertip. The light touch made Avery’s blood heat, and she was suddenly very aware of Grant’s nearness and the warm smell of his skin. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered.
“I’ve missed you, too,” she said, her throat tight with need.
His gaze zeroed in on her mouth and his hazel eyes darkened. “Would you cry if I kissed you again?” he said.
The question made her body rejoice, and she felt a zing of anticipation low in her belly. She lifted her hand and threaded her fingers through the short, soft hair on the back of his head.
“I’ll cry if you don’t.”
Desire flickered in his eyes, but before he could say anything, Avery pulled him down and kissed him.
Chapter 13
Grant sucked in a breath and froze, half afraid that this was all just a dream that would vanish if he moved. But Avery’s mouth was warm on his, and he tasted the lingering flavors of tomato and basil left behind from her soup. This was real—she was real. And she was giving him a second chance.
He had imagined this moment in so many ways over the years, but the reality far surpassed any of his fantasies. Her lips were supple and a little rough, their slightly chapped condition a lingering testament to her illness. She linked her hands behind his neck and pressed her body flat against his chest, the strength of her grip leaving no doubt as to her intentions.
His body rejoiced, all too happy to reciprocate her interest. He spread his hands across her lower back, then slowly ran them up her sides. His fingertips encountered the dips and projections of her ribs, another reminder of the toll the virus had taken on her body. A shiver ran down his spine at the visceral reminder of how close he had come to losing her, and he wrapped his arms around her, his arousal momentarily eclipsed by the need to reassure himself that she was okay.
Avery seemed to sense his need; she broke their kiss and laid her head against his chest with a little sigh. It was a sweet, trusting sound, an aural confirmation that she had opened her heart to him again. It was the greatest gift he’d even been given, and he silently vowed to be a man worthy of her regard.
He idly stroked her hair, the strands smooth against the skin of his palm, her orange-spice scent strong in his nose. Life was just about perfect, he mused. The woman he loved was in his arms; he was warm; his stomach was full. What more could a man ask for?
Grant wasn’t sure how long they stood there, lost in each other’s arms. It didn’t matter—he would never get enough time with her. Eventually, Avery stirred and he loosened his hold enough to let her lean back. It was late, and she was likely tired. She was still recovering, and he should leave so she could get some rest.
But when he saw the look in her eyes, Grant realized sleep was the last thing on Avery’s mind.
A mischievous smile lit up her face and she placed her hand flat on his chest, giving him a little shove. It was unexpected, and he stepped back to catch his balance. She followed, pushing again, and he took another step back. His knees hit the edge of her bed and he sat, his eyes growing wide as he stared up at her.
Avery moved to stand between his legs, her smile growing heated. She reached out and placed her hands on his shoulders, her touch warm through the fabric of his scrubs. His heart skipped a beat as she leaned down and brushed her mouth against his. Once... Twice... She moved in for a third kiss, and he reached up, catching her face in his hands before she could make contact again.
He read the question in her eyes and answered it with one of her own. “What are we doing?” he whispered.
She laughed, a low, sexy rumble that sent his blood pooling low in his belly and almost made him forget his own question. “Isn’t it obvious?” she teased. Her hands traveled across his chest, her touch simultaneously gentle and taunting.
He struggled to stay focused, but it was growing increasingly difficult to ignore his body’s responses. “Uh...” he stalled. There was something he’d wanted to say, but what was it? She continued to touch him, first here, then there, each caress taking him further away from logical thought. He grabbed her hands, stilling them as he made one last attempt to remember what had seemed so important only seconds ago...
It came to him in a jolt, and he snapped his head up to look at her. “You need to rest,” he said firmly. “You’re still recovering, and I don’t want you to have a relapse.”
“I’m fine,” she assured him, leaning forward to kiss him again. For a second, he let himself get caught up in the feel of her, but then his rational side made one final attempt at resistance.
He pulled back, breathing hard. A flicker of exasperation crossed Avery’s face. “What now?” she asked.
“I just don’t want to rush into anything. We spent the past ten years apart—are you sure this is what you really want?” It was true. While his body was more than happy to continue this journey, he didn’t want to sleep with her if she was going to immediately regret it. Grant wanted this peace between them to last; he wanted a chance at a real relationship with her again. And while scratching a physical itch would feel amazing, it wasn’t worth it if it would only push them apart again.
She smiled warmly as she looked down at him. “I’m sure,” she said softly. “I’m leaving in two days. I don’t know when I’ll see you again. I don’t want to waste any of the time we have left together.” She kissed him gently, first his mouth, then his cheeks, and finally his forehead. “I have missed you for too long. I’m not going to miss you any longer.”
A wave of love washed over him, stealing his breath. He recognized the same emotion in her eyes and could only nod, not trusting his voice. What could he even say in response? He was no poet, and his emotions were so intense that mere words failed him. He would just have to show her how he felt.
Grant rose to his feet and placed his hands on Avery’s upper arms. Using gentle pressure, he steered her movements until they had changed places and she stood in front of the bed. In an echo of her earlier actions, he pushed her down onto the mattress.
She stared up at him, her expression so trusting, so loving it made his heart ache. Grant ran his fingers along the curve of her cheek, traced the line of her jaw, then down her neck into the dip of her collarbone. She shivered and closed her eyes, leaning in to savor his touch.
He took his time, every touch, every kiss a reunion. At first, they were content to leisurely explore each other, to take their time becoming reacquainted after so many years apart. But soon their needs took on a desperate edge, one that could not be satisfied by gentleness.
Grant pulled away, gasping. In unspoken agreement, he and Avery quickly stripped off their clothes, their hands moving frantically over buttons and zippers, arousal making their movements clumsy. Finally, free of the last barriers between them, they came together again. The feel of her bare skin against his own was intoxicating—every place they touched sent tingling waves of sensation through his body, making him feel like he was in danger of coming apart at the seams. Holding her like this again was at once familiar and strange, and her warm scent unlocked a flood of memories that threatened to overwhelm him.
Avery’s voice was low in his ear, bringing him back to the present. “I always loved it when you touched me like this.”
“You mean here?” he teased. He moved his hand and she squirmed against him, letting out a little squeal that made him grin.
“Grant!”
“Or what about here? I seem to recall you liked that, too.”
She moaned, her body going limp as she melted against him. “That’s what I thought,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her temple.
Avery let out a sigh, then lazily began to move first one hand, then the other until he was gasping for breath. She laughed, a sultry, satisfied sound that nearly drove him over the edge. “You’re not the only one who remembers things,” she said, her voice hot in his ear.
Grant grabbed her hips and rolled, flipping them over and landing on top of her. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck, urging him closer. He was all too happy to comply, but a belated sense of caution made him pause.
Avery noticed his hesitation. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have a condom.” Of all the times to be caught without protection! He silently cursed himself and his luck, hating that this part of his reunion with Avery was going to have to be postponed.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m protected.”
His spirits lifted at her words, but on the heels of his celebration came a potential complication. “How?” he asked bluntly. “We didn’t give you any birth control pills while you were sick, so if that’s what you were using you’re not covered right now.” He began to move away, but Avery locked her arms, holding him in place over her.
“IUD,” she said simply.
“Oh.” Relief slammed into him, and he grinned stupidly. “Really?”
She smiled back. “Really. Now get back over here so we can finish what we started.”
Grant leaned down to kiss her again. They shifted together, their bodies joining in one smooth movement that made them both sigh. Grant lost all awareness of their surroundings and gave himself over to sensation. There was only Avery and a profound sense of rightness that filled him with peace. The restlessness that had plagued him for the past ten years vanished as together they celebrated the connection that he had only ever found with her. Avery was home to him. She was his everything. His past. His present.
And hopefully his future.
He buried his face in her hair as they moved, trying to catalog as many sensations as possible. The heady scent of her skin, like oranges drizzled with honey. It was the smell he’d always associated with her, familiar and intoxicating all at once. The taste of her mouth, still faintly seasoned with the spices from her soup. The warm feel of her, liquid and boneless one moment, powe
rful and playful the next. He wanted to soak it all in, to burn it on his brain and in his heart. He didn’t know what the future held for them, and if this was their only night together he wanted to remember every second of it.
“Let go,” Avery whispered in his ear. “You’re thinking too much. Just feel.”
“I can’t,” he gasped. “I don’t want to lose a moment with you.”
“You won’t,” she assured him. “Trust me.”
After a second’s hesitation, Grant relaxed his mind and surrendered to the pleasure he’d been keeping at bay. The time for thinking was over. He ceded control to his body, content to let his base instincts lead.
Avery gripped his hips, her fingernails digging into his skin with little nips of pain that were soon borne away on another wave of pleasure. Her body tensed for one endless second and then she relaxed, shuddering slightly from the force of her release.
Grant felt the tension of his arousal build and knew his own satisfaction was close. Avery seemed to recognize it, too, as she moved under him, her touch helping him close the distance. He was almost there, his release beckoning like a shining star he could pluck from the sky. But something was holding him back, and no matter how hard he tried, his completion remained just out of reach.
Suddenly, Avery’s voice was in his ear, soft and sweet. “I love you,” she whispered.
Her words broke the barrier holding him back, and Grant’s climax shattered over him like a blizzard of sparks, his body going cold, then hot as all his nerve endings seemed to fire in unison. His heart pounded against his breastbone with such force he was half afraid it was going to beat right out of his chest.
Moments later, after the world stopped spinning and he felt like himself again, Grant gathered up his courage. “Did you mean it?”
Avery turned to look at him and he held his breath, a little apprehensive of her response. He wanted so desperately for her declaration to be real and not just the product of passion, but he braced himself for disappointment. Ten years was a long time to be apart. And while his love for her had merely lain dormant, perhaps it had not been the same for her...
