by Alexi Venice
“Me either.”
They entered the cabin, and Victoria pointed to a guest bathroom off the kitchen then disappeared down a hallway to another. They met up again in the kitchen where there was an awkward silence for a millisecond until Victoria’s playlist resumed. Jen watched as Victoria removed two steaks from the fridge. “These need to come up to room temp. Want to start the grill on the back deck?”
“I’d love to,” Jen said, “Propane?”
“Yep.”
Jen had a lovely buzz going and was excited to help because she was used to doing all of the cooking and felt off kilter without something to do with her hands. She was tempted to kiss Victoria before going out to start the grill, perhaps out of sheer delight at being invited over, but restrained herself at the last minute. She didn’t know why she couldn’t act on the impulse—as she had earlier on the boat—but the moment passed, so she exited through the sliding door in search of a grill.
She located the large, silver beast on a patio, and while clicking the starter for the first burner, she wondered if she was expected to have sex with Victoria. Panic suddenly pulsed through her veins now that she was presented with the reality rather than just daydreaming about getting laid. Am I post-Amanda? Are we finished? Am I ready to be with another woman? Am I calling our relationship over? Shit. It’s only been a week!
Jen wrestled with her thoughts, trying to decide whether they were manifestations of anxiety that she should dismiss or valid questions that she needed to consider and work through. Was she not engaging in the same conduct for which she had castigated Amanda?
She gazed at the horizon, looking for the answer. Three slivers of clouds, oyster-pink from the reflected light of the sinking sun, formed a backdrop to the picturesque shoreline. The remainder of the dusky sky was clear, promising a star-spangled canopy later. The answer didn’t issue forth from the sky, so her conundrum clung to her, unresolved.
When she returned to the kitchen, Victoria spread her arms wide. “Come here, sexy.”
Jen walked right into those tanned arms and felt them wrap around her back. Victoria simply hugged her, her hands resting on the small of Jen’s back. When Victoria pulled back a bit, she looked more serious than Jen would expect.
Their faces only inches apart, Victoria said, “I don’t want to rush into anything, but I’m really into you.”
Jen was amazed that Victoria knew just the right thing to say, perhaps sensing Jen’s reluctance. Even after Jen had taken the initiative on the boat by kissing Victoria’s hand, they both felt a force holding Jen back.
“Thank you for saying that.” Jen thought honesty was the only way to approach her current situation. “I’m really attracted to you, too, but my life is complicated. I feel like I should explain where I’m at, so you can decide whether you want to…ah…you know…take this any further.”
Victoria smiled. “I’d love to hear about your complicated life over dinner and a bottle of wine.”
Jen felt equally relieved and terrified. What pieces was she supposed to disclose? She’d be damned if she’d spend the night talking about Amanda.
Nine
Jen and Victoria sat at a cozy table for two in Victoria’s three-season room, candlelight dancing off the shiny, black coats of the standard poodle and black Labrador, lying in wait for scraps at their feet. Croaking frogs, screeching sandhill cranes and a keening loon provided background music, as the women made their way through skillfully-grilled steaks, German potato salad, and sautéed green beans.
“You’re a fabulous cook,” Jen said.
“Thank you,” Victoria said. “You grilled these steaks perfectly. Do you enjoy cooking?”
“I love making food for people.” Jen thought she invited a deeper inquiry regarding “for whom,” but Victoria didn’t bite.
“What are your favorite dishes to make?” Victoria asked instead.
Jen sipped her white wine and considered her go-to recipes. “Italian mostly, but, come to think of it, I make quite a few soups too.”
“What’s your favorite?”
“Chicken and rice,” Jen said.
“Yum. Perfect for a cold winter day,” Victoria said. “For whom do you cook?”
She did notice, Jen thought, but she’s patient . “Well, I have an almost-two-year-old daughter named Kristin.”
Genuine joy lit up Victoria’s face. “Awesome. If you’re comfortable showing me a photo of her, I’d love to see one.”
“I left my phone on the kitchen counter, so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at it over dinner, but I’d be happy to show you after we eat.”
“Wonderful,” Victoria said. “If Kristin is what you meant by a ‘complicated’ life, then don’t worry about it. I consider having a child a blessing, not a complication. I’m thrilled for you—and maybe even a little jealous.”
A weight lifted from Jen’s shoulders, and she could feel her crinkled forehead relax. “Thank you for understanding. Kristin is the most important person in my life, and I want to make good decisions that are in her best interests.” Jen shook her head and said in a softer tone, “I’m sorry. I’m going all serious on you.”
Victoria lay her hand over Jen’s. “Serious is good. This is why we’re talking. I sensed that you had some things on your mind. Please, go on.” She released Jen’s hand and stabbed a small piece of steak, slowly chewing it.
How do I tell her about Tommy and Amanda? I didn’t realize how odd my life is. “Well, Kristin’s dad, Tommy, is a good friend of mine.” Jen stopped, took a sip of wine, and when Victoria didn’t run away, continued. “I mean, we’re friends now, but we weren’t always. We were an item for three years, but I broke it off, not knowing I was pregnant at the time. Don’t get me wrong. I still would’ve broken if off because I figured out I was gay.” Jen covered her face with her hands then said from behind them. “God, this sounds so messy.”
“When is life ever clean and simple?” Victoria set down her fork and rolled the stem of her wine glass between her thumb and forefinger, silently encouraging more.
“Touché. I thought I had my life road-mapped with Tommy, but then realized I was gay, and pregnant, and in love with a woman, so I left Tommy and jumped, perhaps too quickly, into a serious relationship with that woman.”
“And, you’re no longer with this woman?” Victoria asked, her gaze still lingering on her wine glass.
“That’s the complicated part. To be honest, I don’t know. I left. She still wants to be with me, but she has some issues that I don’t know if I can…put up with…tolerate…or maybe “handle” is the best word, especially while raising a daughter.”
“Uh-huh,” Victoria said slowly.
“Big issues,” Jen said, reminding herself as well as measuring whether to elaborate.
After a long minute, Victoria said, “I’m almost afraid to ask what the issues are.”
Jen cleared her throat. Should I describe the entire list or just one? “Well, let me give you the abridged version. Amanda is self-destructive. Don’t get me wrong, she has fantastic qualities too, and has been really good to Kristin, but she has a tough time battling her addictions.”
Victoria looked oddly relieved, raising her eyes to meet Jen’s. “I assume you mean alcohol addiction, which can be so insidious, can’t it?”
“Drugs and alcohol, which destroy not only the addict, but also others close to her.”
“You’re a beautiful, smart woman,” Victoria said, “so I have to believe you have deep feelings for Amanda if you’ve stayed with her while she’s battling drugs and alcohol.”
Jen ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. “I’m not going to lie. You’re right.”
“And, you find yourself in Wisconsin, pissed off at her, probably having given her an ultimatum, wondering if she’ll clean up her act, or if you should cut and run,” Victoria said.
Jen raised her eyebrows. “Well done.”
Victoria smiled a little cynically. “I’m no stranger to dealing with people w
ho are reckless with themselves and others.” She took a leisurely sip of wine.
“And, see, that’s precisely why I don’t want to lead you on while I’m in this washing machine, tumbling and churning, trying to figure out what I want. I respect you and don’t want to be reckless with your feelings.”
Victoria twined her fingers through Jen’s. “I appreciate your coming clean with me. Your honesty makes you that much more attractive, you know.”
Jen smiled. “Still interested in me even if I’m a mom in limbo?”
Victoria held up her other hand. “Hold on a minute. The fact that you’re a mom doesn’t negatively impact your beauty, charisma or sex appeal. I adore you even more. The reality that you’re in limbo, thus not in complete touch with your own feelings about moving forward with a relationship, is something you need to work out on your own. I’m just glad you’re being up front about it.”
“Thank you for saying that,” Jen said. Since the confessional vibe had passed, she decided not to disclose that Tommy was with them on vacation.
“We’re both adults,” Victoria said. “If I decide I want to get involved with you—which is where my heart is leading me—then I’m doing so with my eyes wide open.”
Jen was stunned. For some reason, she had assumed that Victoria wouldn’t be interested in her after she described her personal situation. She didn’t exactly know how to react or where to go from here, so she smiled tentatively.
Victoria gave Jen’s hand a few squeezes then let go. “Let’s clear these dishes and move to my living room,” Victoria stood. “I made my favorite dessert today. Would you like to try it?”
“God yes,” Jen said. “I have a sweet tooth, and I’m dying to know what your favorite is.”
Victoria looked pleased with her efforts, as they cleared the plates from sunroom to kitchen. As they tidied up, Jen noticed Victoria’s easy, accepting way. Jen felt uncharacteristically comfortable in Victoria’s cabin, as if she had been coming here her entire life.
Victoria removed the lid from a pan of pecan bars, the aroma and sight making Jen’s mouth water. “Those look and smell delicious.”
“Wait till you taste them. I have some vanilla ice cream too.” Victoria prepared two dessert plates and led the way to her living room where they sat next to each other on the sofa.
Jen couldn’t remember a romantic date with Amanda that didn’t involve drinking or getting high while discussing the life-or-death drama of the day. Was it just drama or was there electricity there too? She forced herself not to picture Amanda’s face, as she took a bite of pecan bar and ice cream.
“I love these,” Jen said through a moan. “Now, tell me about yourself.”
Victoria finished chewing. “Thank you. Hmm. Where to start?” She enjoyed a thoughtful pause, then continued in a lighthearted tone. “I’m not in a relationship right now, so I’m free and untangled. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in a few relationships. I came out in high school, so I’ve had my share of girl drama. But I spent the last decade building my interior design business in Eau Claire so poured most of my attention into that.”
Jen wondered if Victoria, too, had a trail of angry ex-lovers who would embarrassingly confront them if they went out together. Unbidden, Amanda’s face flashed through Jen’s mind again. Jen batted the image away, refocusing on what Victoria was saying.
“I built this cabin four years ago, and it’s been a godsend. I truly relax when I’m up here, which energizes me when I return to work. Plus, I have to admit, meeting a whole new set of people in the lake country helped my business too.”
“Smart move,” Jen said. “This home is a showcase of your creativity and taste. I love it.”
“Thank you,” Victoria said, “People see my cabin from the water then want a tour, and, by the end of the tour, they’re usually begging me to take them on as clients.”
“Impressive,” Jen said, savoring the last few bites of pecan bar.
Glowing from pride, Victoria continued, “About me, personally. I’m 36 and tired of fooling around in superficial relationships. I’m open to a serious relationship and would like to settle down with someone. Sooner rather than later, I think. I also love kids and hope to have one.” She stopped and smiled. “How’s that for the condensed version? I feel like I just wrote a bio for a dating site.”
“Wow and wow, ” Jen said, nudging Victoria’s shoulder with her own. “You’re quite a catch.”
“That’s embarrassing.” Victoria nudged back. “You should talk.” Victoria politely took Jen’s empty dessert plate and set them both on the coffee table then placed her hand on Jen’s leg.
“How did you get into interior design?” Jen turned slightly, so she could face Victoria. “Family business?”
Victoria balked, absent-mindedly squeezing Jen’s thigh. “Not so much. My parents are smart, but they aren’t business people. I majored in marketing and worked at a large company in Minneapolis for a few years. When my peers started buying houses, I helped design them. The word-of-mouth referrals rolled in, and I dedicated myself. I worked like a dog for years, but I’m proud that I started with nothing and built a thriving business.”
“Indeed,” Jen said. “It’s kind of a turn on.” And, unlike Amanda, you didn’t have your wealth delivered to you on a silver platter .
“I’m not going to lie,” Victoria said. “Sitting this close, the fact that you smell really good—whether it’s product or just you, I don’t know—but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep my hands off you.” She ran her hand up and down Jen’s thigh in a deliberate stroke.
Desire ripped through Jen’s leg and rushed to her core. She loved how expressive Victoria was. Amanda was more of an act-now-talk-about-it-never type of lover. Victoria seemed to be comfortable discussing the shit out of everything before she acted, a trait Jen admired and currently needed.
When Jen breathed in Victoria’s scent, laced with a subtle fragrance that was finer than hair product but not perfumey, a deluge of hormones surfaced, sending errant thoughts through Jen’s mind. She touched Victoria’s straight black hair, running the silky smoothness between her fingers down to the neatly-trimmed tips.
Victoria inclined her head into Jen’s touch, a tiny hum escaping her.
Knowing that she cajoled that hum out of Victoria stirred Jen even more. She found Victoria’s eyes, calm and assessing, and got caught there for a few seconds. Jen saw experience, more experience than she had, but she was comforted rather than intimidated because Victoria lacked pretense.
The temp rose. Their bodies shifted closer. Anticipation built.
“I’m going to kiss you,” Jen said, as she looked at Victoria’s lips, full and inviting.
Victoria replied with a slight smile. She moved her hand from Jen’s thigh to her waist, lightly coaxing her forward.
Taking the initiative with someone was a first for Jen. She couldn’t believe she had the confidence, but here she was, forgetting about Amanda—except she was thinking about forgetting her—about to kiss Victoria.
Jen focused on Victoria’s mouth and leaned in. When their lips touched, Jen was met with thin softness and warmth. Victoria didn’t try to do too much. She just accepted Jen’s kiss, kissing Jen in return but not forcing the pace or depth. With Amanda, everything had been so fast and furious—teeth clashing, plump lips fusing and tongues wildly probing—that Jen had never really stopped to savor the finer intricacies of a light kiss.
There was a delicate femininity about the way Victoria kissed, sweet and tender, following rather than leading. She definitely liked to dance, but she didn’t go for wild gyrations to the first song. Victoria kissed Jen without opening her mouth, requiring Jen to focus on only lips in a way she never had—almost as if they were practicing for the real deal. What might have seemed a preliminary step to be overcome quickly was turning into a molten touch that exceeded the length of any first kiss Jen had ever had.
When Victoria casually spread kisses on th
e underside of Jen’s chin and down her neck, goosebumps followed closely behind, igniting an icy-hot sensation that set Jen’s skin on fire. Her mind quickly expelled all thought other than the pleasure of Victoria’s mouth on her skin, a sweet burn left behind from Victoria’s talented lips. Jen sensed practiced technique in the art of romantic touch.
Victoria returned to Jen’s mouth and whispered against her lips. “You taste so sweet.”
The rush of breathy words against Jen’s lips liberated her from remaining doubt, the lure of sexual promise overshadowing her reservations. Following her instinct, Jen found Victoria’s jawline and kissed her way along it to Victoria’s earlobe. Jen opened her mouth and gently nibbled then sucked on Victoria’s lobe, sending palpable shivers through Victoria.
When Victoria hummed in concert with her shivers, Jen moved to Victoria’s ear, kissing and blowing gently on it. She followed that with a bigger kiss that drew more moans out of Victoria, as Victoria’s quivering body collapsed into Jen. Victoria angled her face toward Jen and dropped her head back, giving Jen full access to her mouth.
Jen reignited their kiss, this time with more urgency.
Victoria opened her mouth first and sucked on Jen’s lower lip. Heat spread through Jen, as she pulled Victoria closer, chest to chest, kissing her again, her tongue exploring Victoria’s mouth in a smoldering, slow burn.
I never knew kissing could be so satisfying, Jen thought as fire built in her chest and spread lower.
Victoria pulled back for a second. “Come here.” She scooted back, tossed a few pillows aside, lay back on the sofa and spread her knees. Her arms extended and hands wide, she welcomed Jen to lay on top of her.
Breathing heavily and wet with desire, Jen didn’t waste any time. She shed her white blouse as unnecessary fabric that would prevent skin-on-skin contact and moved to her knees between Victoria’s legs, placing her hands on either side of Victoria’s neck. Before lowering herself, Jen paused, relishing the anticipation of intimacy, their bodies only inches apart.
As she lowered her hips onto Victoria’s, the primal contact kindled Jen’s carnal instincts—even through the jean fabric. She melded into Victoria, her tummy and breasts pressed into Victoria’s full, warm body. Still resting on her elbows, Jen kissed Victoria more aggressively and was rewarded with Victoria’s legs curling around Jen’s ass, pulling her in tight.
