by Amelia Jade
Grumbling to himself, he walked into the room that had been set up as their tool shop, propping the door open behind him. He grabbed the folding miter-saw table under his one arm, the other hefting the saw itself. Moving outside he set it up quickly, running an extension cord for power. At least he had been the one working on the deck last so he knew where to start, he thought, walking over to the stack of two-by-fours in the tool room. With an uninterrupted day of work, he felt he could get a solid amount of framing done.
Of course, if he was going to be grounded for a while, then he didn’t have to rush. He’d have plenty of time to work on it.
“What are you doing?” Russell asked as he exited his room to find Cole setting up shop out in front of the Lodge.
“I’m not going today. Garrett’s orders. Said I need to stay here and get my shit figured out before I’m allowed back up in the mines. So in the meantime I get to work on expanding the deck and the siding,” he said miserably.
Russell paused at that. He seemed to think something over before he came to stand in front of Cole.
“Just so you know, we all hope you get it figured out. You’re family Cole. Stick around.”
With that he was gone. Not that Cole could have responded anyway; he was in shock. That was the biggest show of support any of the others had given him since things had gotten worse. He hadn’t told any of them about what was happening, but he knew it had to be fairly obvious that something was affecting him.
Perhaps it had to do with the internal struggles that Russell was going through. The group dynamics had been changing. It was a slow process, but even in his broken state, Cole could tell that the Ridgebacks were beginning to come together. Russell was having to deal with the anger from Evan, as his allegiance moved more and more toward Garrett, leaving his fallen Alpha as the last bear standing trying to resist the new way of things.
With all that was going on within Russell, perhaps he understood better than the others what was going on in Cole’s head. Not that any of them truly knew what he was dealing with. He hadn’t been able to find the words to tell any of them, not even his Alpha, who really deserved to know. It was a fucked-up situation, and part of Cole feared that he wasn’t able to do anything about it because of that. Because he knew that eventually Garrett would be forced to end him, saving him the effort of doing it himself.
Cole shook his head at that, trying to drive his thoughts elsewhere as he grabbed a piece of wood, marked the curve, and laid it on the table. He needed to lop fourteen inches off the eight-foot lengths. And he needed thirty of them. The wood slid into place and he carefully lined the blade up with the cut mark. Satisfied, he pulled his head back, grabbed the saw, and pulled it down.
The blade spun up, the whirring sound turning into a quick buzz as it sliced through the wood with ease again and again. The cut lengths went into his steadily growing pile, and the ends went into the kindling pile. With a sigh, he reached for the next piece. Only twenty-three more to go.
He wished Trestin were there to talk to, to keep him entertained while he worked. But it had been almost ninety days since he had last seen her beautiful face or listened to her melodic voice. Ninety days since he had ripped her heart apart, saving her from harm, but unable to explain to her why he had to do it.
Cole would never shy away from a fight, never back down from someone bigger than him. It just wasn’t in his nature. Getting beat up didn’t bother him, and often times he took advantage of his quickness and fleet of foot to give as good as he got. The physical pain was temporary, a pain that he could deal with because it faded quickly. But when it came to what terrorized him in the night, he couldn’t fight it. When it came to that, Cole was a coward. He couldn’t beat it, and he couldn’t talk about it.
“Hi Cole.”
He looked up as Emma approached. Frowning, he looked around. The parking lot was empty, confirming his memory that the trucks had already left for the mountains.
“Hey,” he said, straightening. “Shouldn’t you be headed up with the others?”
“I’m actually off today,” she told him, stuffing her hands into her pockets. The weather was beginning to turn as winter approached. It wasn’t cold yet, but Emma was both human and a female. They had a tendency to get cold much more easily than a shifter. By comparison, Cole was working away in just a pair of shorts, not noticing the weather.
“Oh. Well, what can I do for you?” he asked lamely, picking up another piece of wood and marking the grain again. By looking down the length of the wood and noting which way it curved, he could ensure that all of the wood lined up together, creating a better, tighter fit.
“Well, I wanted to ask you something,” she said, pausing as he fired up the saw, cut the wood, and tossed the two pieces into their piles.
“About what?”
Grab. Mark. Measure. Cut.
“What happened between you and Trestin?”
Mark. Measure. Cut. He repeated the process several times while he thought of an answer.
“Thank you for driving her home,” he said instead. “I really should have said that earlier, but I—”
He didn’t know what to say. It shouldn’t have taken him three months to thank her. But he’d retreated so far within himself that he’d ignored everyone around him in the meantime.
“It’s okay,” she said soothingly. “We’re family, and Trestin happens to be my friend. I wasn’t going to deny a request from you like that.”
He sighed, nodding his thanks once more. Once Trestin had made it clear she wasn’t going to let him drive her home, Cole had grabbed his phone and texted Emma, asking her if she could do it so that Trestin didn’t hitchhike. He hadn’t explained a single thing, and Emma had never asked. But now that he was talking to her about it, he felt the guilt come back, compounded by the fact he hadn’t even been able to thank Emma for getting up late at night and driving her friend back into the city, all because he couldn’t open his mouth and speak.
The entire process haunted him, like everything else.
“What happened, Cole?” Emma asked softly as the saw died down again.
He stood up, stopping what he was doing, and looked at Emma. For a long time he simply stared at her, trying to force the words to come out. But in the end, like always, it was simply silence.
“Call her,” Emma said. “Pick up the phone and call her. Fix this. The two of you not together isn’t right.”
“I can’t,” he told her, his voice filled with anguish. “I can’t, okay?”
“Why not?” Her voice rose a fraction, tinged with frustration.
“Because!” he yelled. “She said if I ever tried to get in contact with her again, she’d report me to the LMC.”
Emma gasped.
“You know with my rap sheet, if they got a report from a human that I wasn’t behaving, I’d be done. Marcus and Valen don’t mess around,” he said, uttering the names of the gryphon brothers to lend his statement an added level of seriousness.
“That doesn’t sound like Trestin,” Emma said after he was done speaking. “She wouldn’t actually do that. You need to call her! If she does do something like that, I’ll tell her it was my idea. But just call her,” she said, urging him along.
“No,” he gritted out. “I can’t.”
“You stubborn, too-stupid-for-your-own-good flea-bitten moron!” she yelled, continuing on for another few seconds.
Cole blinked at her command of invective. He hadn’t really known Emma to be the type to curse. Apparently he was wrong.
“Fine,” she said, “If you won’t fix this then—”
“Don’t go and talk to her,” he said warningly, not liking what she was suggesting.
“Then you do it you big oaf! Go talk to your mate already!” she said angrily.
“Who told you that?” he said with a low growl. The only person he had told about that was Garrett, and he had told him in confidence. He knew that Emma was his mate, but there were some things even an Alpha kne
w to keep to himself, at least until it was out in the open.
“Are you serious?” she asked, surprised. “You are serious,” she said after a moment.
“Of course I am,” he said, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Nobody told me that,” she said, shaking her head. “It was just that fucking obvious to anyone with half a brain. Which sometimes you shifters don’t seem to have, but I mean really? That night at the Tongue & Flame you two were practically a flashing beacon it was so clear. So stop wallowing in your own self-pity for whatever it is that’s bothering you, and get over it, and go talk to her!” she finished, getting worked up again.
Slowly he shook his head though, ignoring the blazing fires in her eyes. It was nice to know she cared so much, but she didn’t know about him. If she did, there was no way she would say that.
“It’s better this way,” he said softly. “I miss her,” he admitted. “I miss her so much. It hurts not having her around, but she deserves better, so much better, and this way she’s going to get it.”
“You idiot,” Emma said, shaking her head. “If she deserves better, then you,” she jabbed her finger at him, taking a step closer.
“Need to be—”
Jab.
“Better.”
Jab.
“Am I—”
Jab.
“Understood?”
Jab.
By the last one Emma had closed the distance, and was near enough that her finger poked him directly in the sternum.
“I don’t know how!” he said, throwing up his hands, the pain of it becoming overwhelming. “I’m sorry!”
With that he turned and ran for the woods. There was something wrong in his head and he needed to fix it, but it wasn’t that easy for him. The others looked at him like it was just as simple as getting over it, but it wasn’t. He couldn’t just snap his fingers and be okay. It didn’t work like that.
He reached the tree line on the far side of the road and with a roar of anguish, his bear ripped from his skin, the change far more violent than it had ever been before. Cole lost control, and his bear tumbled down, losing its footing on a hill that came upon him suddenly.
At the bottom his head came up against a tree rather abruptly with a deafening crack.
He blinked his eyes, trying to recover from his daze, but it was too late. His bear surged forward, overwhelming him, shutting him out. It took control, closing him in a box, similar to the way he normally kept it contained.
With its human side no longer calling the shots, the bear began to wander, controlling its own destiny for the first time. He plodded up hills, through meadows, and followed a river for a short while as well. It didn’t last all that long, because as he recovered, so did his ability to control himself. With a mental shake, Cole went on the attack, seeking to win back the access to his mind.
Just as he began to battle back, he heard a loud branch breaking. It distracted his bear more than him, and in the blink of an eye, Cole was back in control.
Too bad that just means you now have to solve the next problem.
Which, as it turned out, was another bear. A shifter.
Cole slowly tested the air.
Aw hell, he was on Windglade land. Had he really managed to wander that far in the span of a few hours? He thought back to the trek and realized that perhaps he had. Although the Windglades mostly lived in the city, they did have an expanse of property far to the east and north of the Ridgebacks.
Which is now exactly where Cole found himself. Intruding on another crew’s lands.
He had to get out, to escape. If they caught him, they would put him up on report, and that would be it for one Cole Lovac. Trespassing was a huge breach of contract. It wasn’t a death sentence on its own, but combined with his past and present actions, it would be enough, no matter how hard Garrett fought.
If he even did, Cole thought glumly. He wasn’t exactly the Alpha’s favorite at the moment. He turned to run.
The two shifters continued their silent, unmoving staredown. Cole was slightly smaller, but not by much. He was confident he could both outfight and outrun the other bear if it came down to it. The best bet was trying to outrun it, to just turn and keep going, until it gave up the chase and let him go.
At the same time, he saw the recognition in the other bear’s eyes. It knew he was going to try that, and it was ready for it. There was a sudden tensing of muscles and shifting of weight as it prepared to chase after him.
Cole gathered himself and prepared to spin. In his mind, he began to replay the way he had come, to remember any obstacles he might use to slow down his opponent.
He began a mental countdown.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two...
CRACK.
A sinking sensation entered his stomach as his timer was interrupted.
The bear in front of him hadn’t moved. But then again, he told himself, the sound hadn’t come from him, had it? The noise had been behind Cole.
Swallowing hard, he slowly turned his bear around.
Chapter Eight
Trestin
“Hey, where’s our drinks? We ordered them ten minutes ago!”
“Just one moment,” she said politely, setting the trays of food out at the table in front of her as the voice yelled at her from behind.
“We’ve already waited ten moments,” the voice sneered.
Trestin stood up straight, shrugging her shoulders, trying to relax, to let it go. To ignore the attitude.
“And what do you expect me to do about it when my hands are clearly full with food?” she said, turning around and facing the man who was being so rude.
Not that he doesn’t have a right to be upset. You did forget their drinks. Just like you’ve been forgetting a lot of things lately.
She looked up at the clock on the wall, desperately hoping it read later than she expected, but the hour hand betrayed her once again. It was only at the one, which meant she still had two hours to go.
Fuck.
“I expect you to go get our damn drinks!” the man said to the approved nods from the other two males at his table. He was clearly a bear shifter, though she didn’t recognize him. Not that that meant much. There were more crews than she knew, and there were always new bears coming into town. In fact, she realized she didn’t know any of them.
“I’m not going to take the food back, set it down, get your drinks and then go back for the food when I’m already out here,” she said, rolling her eyes at him. “I’m sorry I forgot them, and I will get them, but considering I’ve walked by you at least once in the intervening time and you haven’t said anything yet, perhaps you should try speaking up politely before immediately resorting to being an asshole!” she finished, annoyed more at herself for losing control than the douchebag sitting at her table.
“Where’s your manager? This is terrible service!” the man yelled.
Trestin sighed and walked to the back.
“Johnny!” she said, calling for the boss. There was a distinctly unhappy noise from his office, and then her manager came out.
“What is it now?” he asked suspiciously.
“Table eleven wants to complain,” she said bluntly.
“About what?”
“I forgot their drinks, he acted like an asshole about it. I may have called him out on it,” she said, completely without emotion. She was just too drained, too tired. Lately she was sick, unable to sleep, constantly throwing up, and more. The past two weeks had been terrible. Every day she thought she was getting over it, but it came back worse. So she had gone to the doctor. They had taken some bloodwork, and she was awaiting the results.
Johnny had told her to stay home, but she had needed the money. At that moment, however, she was thinking about taking him up on the offer.
“Trestin, what’s going on with you lately?” her boss asked with a sigh. “You used to be my best worker. Now you yell at everyone, forget ord
ers, you fuck orders up. This has been going on for months now. Anyone else, I’d have fired them already! So tell me, what’s going on?”
“Just personal life bullshit, Johnny,” she told him. “I’ll get it sorted out. I promise.”
“You had better. You’re taking the next two weeks off, starting right now. I’ll give you half pay. I’ll write it off as sick pay or something. But when you come back you had better have your shit sorted, or I’m going to have to replace you, no matter how much I like you. Got it?” There was no anger in Johnny’s voice, just a simple explanation of the situation.
“Got it. I’ll sort it out,” she said, taking off her apron and handing it to him. She went into the employee area and grabbed her stuff. Several of the other staff came over and gave her a hug, but it didn’t help.
Nothing had helped, not since Cole had taken her heart and her trust and scattered it everywhere. She had wanted to like him. Hell, she could have seen herself loving him. And then he had kicked her out in the middle of the night, without an explanation, without anything.
Not only had she been hurt, but she had been embarrassed. All the other shifters had been back at the Lodge by that point, and they had all heard her get kicked out. Her cheeks still burned to this day thinking about it.
To top it all off, he hadn’t even called her to try and fix it.
To be fair, you did basically tell him you’d give him a death sentence if he did ever call, a slightly more rational part of her brain tried to tell her.
Trestin politely told herself to incorrectly anatomically pleasure itself in a most unpleasant manner.
The metal door to the outside was sufficiently heavy enough for her to blast it open, but the air brake on it ensured she couldn’t savagely slam it closed behind her. It hissed at her angrily, like an irate cat, before slowly allowing the door to close once more, as if daring her to do something about its defiance of her anger.
