The first reason being our grandparents. They were both having health issues and I was afraid to leave them alone. My grandma begged me to go. She didn't want me to pass up the opportunity of being with Gabe as he started his company. She didn't know they weren't the only reason I'd said no.
The second and biggest reason I stayed behind was named Doug. He was Gabe's best friend and had been our entire lives. Growing up, Doug was it for me. He was my first and only crush. He was the man I thought in my heart I would end up spending my life with. He was the first boy to kiss me. We were sixteen and he left for the summer to stay with his father. I couldn't wait for him to come back. I counted down the days. Something changed in him while he was gone. When he came back, he was different. He was distant with me, and nothing was ever the same again. It didn't change how much I liked him. He was still Doug, and I still knew we were destined to be together. There was nothing the boy could do to make him less than perfect in my eyes. That was what I thought anyway. By the time we graduated high school, he'd proven me wrong. My crush was gone and was replaced with more disgust than I'd felt for anyone else in my life. He'd hurt me, and there was nothing he could have done to take that hurt away.
I'd been able to avoid Doug all through college. I stayed at school even during the summers. It was awesome. Gabe had gone to college close to home, so he'd been with my grandparents. Doug had gone to school with him. We'd all graduated, and I'd come back home. Being around Doug was awful. I'd seen him move from woman to woman those three years. Just seeing his face made my stomach sick.
When Gabe announced that he was starting a company in California, I didn't know what to think. It was going to be hard to be away from him. I'd done it in college, but that wasn't a five hour plane flight away. I was going to miss him so much. It wasn't easy knowing he was leaving. The one thing saving me was knowing Doug was going with him. I knew he'd have someone right there all the way. Doug would always have his back. Gabe was the one person he'd never screw over. That I was sure of. It was me he didn't mind hurting. I knew with Doug across the country, I could move on with my life. I wouldn't have to see women hanging on his every word or hear his disgusting mouth. That was my decision maker. I wanted a life, and with him gone it would be easier. If I never saw him again, it would be perfect. I'd never let anyone make me feel the way he did, not ever again.
Chapter 1
Gabby
I sat in the quiet, cold funeral home looking down at my hands in my lap. Five years had gone by since my brother Gabe had moved to California. If I knew where I'd be just five short years later, I never would have turned down his offer. I would have gone with him. I would have watched him move to success from right by his side. I wouldn't have let anything hold me back. The tears were sliding down my cheeks. I could feel them, but I never moved to dry them. All I had to do was get through one day. Then I'd go back to my apartment and lock myself away from the rest of the world.
Gabe was all I had. He was my twin. He was my family. Both of my grandparents had passed away in the five years he'd been gone. I'd been married and divorced in that time as well. My life was a mess as it was, and I had no idea how I was going to make it without the only person that mattered to me. How could he have done it, I thought? How could he have left me? Didn't he know how much I needed him? He probably didn't. I hadn't told him enough. Even though we talked every couple of days, I hadn't let him know how important he was to me. I'd never gone to visit him either. He'd come to see me every few months. Those were the times that really mattered. He was my brother, and I loved him more than he ever knew.
When I received the call that he'd passed away, I felt the last little piece of life inside of me die with him. I couldn't believe it was true. He was so young and successful. He had his whole life ahead of him. How could a thirty year old lose control of his car? Why wasn't he paying attention? I was so angry and hurt. He knew he was all I had. How could he leave me too? I knew all of my thoughts were selfish, but that didn't stop them from moving through my mind. They said it was an accident, it wasn't his fault. All I knew was that everything that mattered was gone. It should have been me, I thought. I would have given anything to take his place.
I'd told the funeral director that I wanted my brother cremated. That was my only request. Other than that, Doug was to do the planning. I was relieved that Doug had only planned one day. I was sure it was to get back to his life in California, but I didn't care. I wasn't sure I could have sat through two days or a funeral. Just sitting in the same room was too much. I hadn't been able to walk to the front. I'd sat down in the very back of the room, and that was where I stayed. I couldn't see him. I just couldn't say goodbye to him.
I could hear people talking, but I couldn't tell you what they were saying. If Doug hadn't been there, Gabe wouldn't have had a sendoff at all. Doug had a smile on his face as he greeted people. I'd heard them all talking about what a great guy Gabe was. Those people didn't give a shit about him. They were just doing what they felt they were obligated to do. When Doug laughed and talked about my brother being so amazing, I wanted to get up and punch him in the face. Why was he the one that got to see Gabe every day? Why was he the one with all of the memories and stories? Why was he the one that was with my brother through his success? Because I was too big of a wuss, that was why. I should have gone to California. I shouldn't have cared who else was there. That was selfish of me. Look where it left me. I'd lost five years of memories. Gabe was gone, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
I'd done fine for myself. I had a great job at a very successful company. What good was that doing though? I'd never have that time back with Gabe. I had no family left. It was just me against the world.
Tears ran down my cheeks the entire day. I had no idea that it was even possible to cry so much. I hadn't cried that much any other time in my life. I thought I hurt in high school when Doug had crushed my heart. I'd cried when I lost each of my grandparents. None of that even came close to comparing to the loss I was feeling. My brother was gone.
When I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I jumped in my seat. I knew who it was. There was something in his touch. Even after all those years, I still felt a weird jolt when he touched me. I jerked my shoulder away from him and didn't look up. I felt him lean down next to me and shivered.
“I'm sorry, Gabby,” Doug whispered. “If you want to see Gabe, you have to do it now.”
I shook my head no.
“Gabby,” he said with emotion in his voice, as he reached for my chin and moved it so he could see my eyes. “Everyone is gone. You need to see him.”
Our eyes connected, and I could see how hard that day had been on him too. Don't feel sorry for him, I thought. He's the reason you haven't seen Gabe. He's the one with your memories. He doesn't care.
“No,” I snapped.
“Fuck,” he whispered, as he let go of my face and stood.
I looked up through my lashes to see Doug standing at the casket. His hands were on top of my brother's. I watched his shoulders shake. Then I heard his sniffles and saw one hand move up to his eyes. Then I started crying harder. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get out of there. I couldn't accept that my brother was in that casket. He was gone. The entire time I'd hoped he'd sit up and it would all have been one of his jokes, but he never did it. He was really gone. I looked up one last time to see Doug saying goodbye to Gabe before turning in a daze and moving my feet as fast as I could away from there.
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Unbreakable Bond Page 13
