by Ann Lister
“Yes, of course.”
“Then draw the papers up as I’ve requested. And make it happen as fast as possible.”
“If he contests the divorce…”
“He won’t contest a thing,” Annie interrupted. “He’s already been warned and knows what will happen if he so much as raises an eyebrow to slow this down.”
“Okay. I’ll get the paperwork ready for your approval.”
“Thank you.”
The timing was perfect. The day the divorce petition was delivered to Michael’s lawyer, Annie hit the road with Lace. The tour did its opening show in Philadelphia then proceeded south, hitting every major city along the way. The venues were small with five to ten thousand seat capacities but every show was sold out.
One month into the tour, Annie began to feel the effects of living out of a suitcase again. Even with the help of the nanny she hired to care for Sammi, fatigue was a constant companion for her.
By the beginning of November, she knew without a doubt what was causing her exhaustion. Without witness, she crept into the bathroom early one morning and took a pregnancy test. The results were positive. Once again, she was carrying Michael’s child but this time, she would give it life - alone.
She told no one of her condition, not even Taylor or Lacey. It was a secret she would keep concealed until it was no longer possible and by then she hoped the divorce would be final. If Michael knew of her pregnancy before the divorce was official, she knew he would fight her for everything.
With the end of the tour now in sight, Annie fumbled her way through the mornings, suffering in silence with her nausea and vomiting. That night, they would play to another sold-out crowd in Tallahassee then finish the tour in Miami the following week.
The venues had begun to blur together for her. The only details that seemed to change were the local union roadies at each theater. Annie knew most of their own road crew but the union guys always made her nervous. The further south they went, the edgier she became. By the time they reached South Carolina, she had hired a second body guard to follow Sammi and her nanny. The other body guard was for her own personal protection.
Within hours of arriving at the Tallahassee theater where they would perform at the following night, Annie felt uneasy with the local road crew.
“Who’s that?” she asked her bodyguard. “He isn’t one of ours, is he?”
“No, he must be a local.”
“Have him checked out for me, please,” she stated and drifted toward the dressing rooms. She tried on a few new stage outfits and went through several exercises to warm up her vocal cords. Before she knew it, an hour had passed and the nanny arrived with Sammi.
Together, they wandered down the hall to find Annie’s guard. Then from out of nowhere, he approached them. Annie was busy cuddling Sammi and didn’t notice the man until she walked directly into him.
He was a local roadie, native to the area and rail thin. He had long greasy blond hair and a lazy eye. With a dirt-covered index finger, he reached out to stroke the baby’s cheek.
“Is this your little one?” he asked Annie in a southern drawl.
Annie tightened her grip around Sammi and stepped away from the man. “I’d rather you didn’t touch my child,” she stated coldly.
The man's eyes narrowed. “I'm sorry, Ms. Logan. I suppose my hands are a bit too dirty to be touching something as precious as her – or you for that matter,” he chuckled awkwardly.
It wasn’t what he said, but how he said it that unraveled Annie. Inside she began to shake. She gave the nanny a stern nod in the direction of security and sent her off to find them. By the time they returned, the man was gone and Annie was cowering in the dressing room.
“Where the hell have you been?” she screamed.
“We were going over security procedures for the show,” the bodyguard replied.
“Well, one of you should have stayed here with me!”
“Why?”
“Because, that man I pointed out to you approached me in the hall and scared the hell out of me,” she answered with a quiver in her voice. Then turned away to hide her emotion. “I’m telling you, call it a gut instinct, but something isn’t right with that guy.”
“Did he threaten you in any way?”
“No, and that isn’t the point. I don’t like the way he looks at me or Sammi. He creeps me out.”
Annie paused and spun around to face her guard. “I don't want him here for tomorrow night's show. I'll even pay him not to show up. How's that?”
“I think that’s a bit harsh.”
“Harsh? Okay, fine. If he’s here tomorrow night, then I’m leaving. How’s that for harsh!?”
The concert went off without a hitch and everywhere Annie went, her security followed. She doubled-checked every darkened corner and hallway but the roadie was no where to be seen. Just after midnight, her band began filing out toward the buses taking them back to their hotels. Last minute, Annie decided to use the bathroom before she joined them.
Her bodyguard went in first and checked each stall. Then came out, satisfied it was empty. “It’s okay. Go on inside, I’ll be over here,” he said, seeing another security guard he recognized about a hundred feet away.
When Annie came out of the stall to wash her hands, the roadie grabbed her, quickly covering her mouth with his filthy hand. She struggled fiercely in his arms, desperate to free herself from his grip.
“You ain’t nothing but a stuck-up bitch,” he hissed.
Annie recognized his voice instantly and willed herself not to cry. Instead she continued to fight him; which angered him even more. Her strength was no match for his, as he tightened his grip around her wrist, jerking her arm behind her back and up between her shoulder blades.
Annie stifled a sob. The pain was searing. She could not believe this was happening. He pressed his face into her neck. His breathing was jagged and smelt like onions. She could feel his erection pressing into her hip as he inched her toward the tiled wall beside the sinks. With one hand fumbling beneath her skirt, the hand over her mouth slipped. She managed to get out one short scream before he covered her mouth again.
“Stupid whore,” he spat, ripping off her panties, bruising her in the process.
She felt him wrestling with his pants and panicked. She would die first before she let this man force himself on her, she thought, driving the spike heel of her leather boot deep into the top of his sneakered foot. He screamed in pain, grabbed a clump of her hair at the back of her head, and slammed the side of her face into the tiled wall. Annie fell limp in his arms. Seconds later, several security guards filled the bathroom, guns drawn and ready. The man raised his arms in defeat and let Annie fall to the floor in a lifeless heap at his shoes.
“Step away from her,” one demanded.
“Can I pull up my pants first?” the roadie sneered at them.
Annie’s security guard took two cautious steps closer. “You pull anything from those pockets and I’ll blow your brains all over the wall!”
Annie woke in the ambulance. The first thing she did was touch her cheek bone, then whimpered in pain. By the time they reached the hospital, her eye was swollen shut and the skin on her cheek had turned a deep shade of purple. Taylor arrived as the EMT’s pushed Annie into the emergency room. Annie took Taylor’s hand and squeezed it.
“Stay with me,” Annie pleaded.
Taylor nodded. “Of course I will.”
“Let’s get an x-ray on that cheek,” the emergency room doctor ordered.
Annie reached out and latched onto his wrist. “No x-rays!”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m pregnant.”
An hour later, they moved Annie into a private room. Against her wishes, she was admitted for the night, due to her past head trauma and new pregnancy.
“How long have you known?” Taylor asked, still holding Annie’s hand.
Annie turned her head toward her friend and saw the concern in Taylor’s eyes. “Abo
ut a week.”
“Michael doesn’t know, does he?” Taylor asked.
“No, and he won’t until after our divorce is finalized! After that, I don’t care what he knows. It won’t change anything. I’m already raising Sammi by myself. What difference will one more make?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Annie’s eyes lifted to the ceiling. “Because I didn’t want to burden you with any more of my problems.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Taylor smiled.
“Well, with me as a friend, you got a lot more than I’m sure you bargained for.”
“Stop it! We’ll get through this, as we did the rest of it, and move on stronger than we were before. Right?”
Annie forced a smile then let it fade. Her eyes quickly filled with tears. “He didn’t rape me did he?”
“No, he didn’t. They caught him before he had the chance to,” Taylor reassured. “And the freak will have plenty of time to think about that in jail, too.”
Annie’s head snapped toward Taylor. “I’m not pressing charges!”
“Why the hell not? The man deserves to be punished.”
“This can’t get in the papers, and if I press charges, it will. And I don’t want Michael finding out either!”
“We’ll find a way to keep it private.”
“Taylor, I just want to go home and forget about this.”
“I know.”
A pause fell between them.
“You do realize I can’t finish the tour, right?”
“Yes, and it’s okay.” Taylor placed her hand on Annie’s stomach. “Go home and concentrate on growing Sammi a healthy sister.”
“Or brother,” Annie added.
“I think it’s another girl.” Taylor bent and kissed Annie’s forehead. “Get some rest and I’ll see you later.”
As soon as Taylor returned from the tour she dragged Annie back into the studio to put the finishing touches on her first solo album. After much deliberation, they decided to call it ‘On My Own’. The cover art was a black and white photograph taken the summer before. It had Annie sitting on a simple wooden stool, bent forward with her thighs spread and her guitar resting between them. Her hair hung long and tangled covering her chest and her hands rested on the neck of the guitar. The lighting was dramatic and made her appear to be naked, the guitar and her hair hiding the essential parts of her body. It was extremely provocative and suggestive without being trashy. When Annie saw the album in its completed form she gasped, wondering what Michael would have thought, but it didn’t matter now. This was her project, not his.
Just after the holidays, Annie received the final paperwork for her divorce. It had been five months since she had seen Michael and still he remained close in her thoughts. She cried the night she signed the papers, and again when they came back with his signature on them. It was cold, sterile, and quicker than she expected. His demeanor surprised and hurt her. Since the day she had left him, he had made no attempt to contact her or inquire about Sammi. He hadn’t protested any of the details to the divorce either. It was as if he didn’t care.
The same week their divorce was filed in the Massachusetts court system, Annie and Lace received an invitation to present an award a the next American Music Award show to be held in New York City at Radio City Music Hall. She also learned of a special tribute that would be given to Brian that same evening. It would most certainly put Michael and Annie in the same room again. For the first time, Michael would learn of his impending fatherhood in front of thousands. By the time of the show, she would be eight months pregnant; large enough to make it impossible for even the most talented designers to hide.
The days preceding the music awards show were a blur of activity. Her CD was complete and, in a matter of weeks, would be on the shelves of every music store in the city. Her agent brought a box with him to the show and selectively handed them out like a proud papa passing out cigars. It was a mad time in her life. She was on the cusp of a new beginning. One that both terrified and excited her.
Their presentation was scheduled to come on heels of Brian’s tribute and rather than sit in the audience, Annie choose to hide in the dressing room and watched the show unfold on the monitors that hung from the walls. She gasped when she saw Michael sitting in the front row with his remaining band members. Barbara sat to his left on the end of the aisle.
Michael’s face was colorless and his shoulders hung heavy. Except for a deep purple silk shirt, he was a dressed completely in black and it seemed to fit his somber mood. He looked agitated as if there were a thousand different places he’d rather be. She wondered if Barbara was his date or if they were together as a group for Brian’s sake. Then she cursed herself for caring. When Brian’s tribute came, she was escorted to stage right with Lace to wait for their cue.
Emotions ran high and Michael was grateful for the dark sunglasses that hid his. Several people gave memorial speeches while highlights of Brian’s career with Thrust flashed across an enormous screen behind the podium. Through-out it all, Michael remained in his seat, hands tightly clasped, alcohol numbing his brain. It was almost more than he could bear.
Images of his life with Brian played out before him in surreal fashion. It was as if he were watching someone else’s life - not his. It was too personal and he hated the fact it was being shared by all. The tribute ended with a standing ovation that lasted an eternity. Then Barbara rose to accept an award for Brian’s contribution to the music world.
A short time later, Annie, Taylor and Lacey appeared on stage to present the award for ‘Best New Rock Group’. Seeing Annie glide across the stage made him slowly come to attention in his seat. How long had it been, he thought, five or six months? Taylor came out first followed by Lacey and then Annie. He noticed the blond hair first, piled neatly on top of her head in a loose twist. Her dress was pastel blue, the color of her eyes, and covered in sequins. She positively glowed.
He watched her take a position beside the podium and had to bite his lip to prevent the gasp that wanted to escape his dry throat. As his eyes scanned the length of her body, they came to an abrupt halt at her waistline.
“Jesus Christ,” he sighed, reaching for his forehead.
Her belly was once again swollen with life, he guessed around seven or eight months. Using his fingers, he quickly tired to do the math in his aching head. Was it his baby or perhaps someone she met after she left him? He felt sick to his stomach.
“Looks like your little Princess has gotten herself into a ‘family way’ since leaving you,” Barbara chirped in his ear.
“Fuck you.”
It took all of his willpower to remain in his seat and not climb the stairs to the stage to speak to her. But as soon as the show ended, he made his way backstage to find her.
A security guard stood vigil outside Annie’s dressing room. When Michael attempted to enter, the man quickly stopped him.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” the guard asked.
“Inside,” Michael replied defiantly.
“I don’t think so, pal.”
Michael stepped into the guard's face. “First of all, I'm not your pal .”
Annie heard the raised voices and opened the door in a sudden burst. When she did she came face-to-face with Michael. She felt the blood drain from her body.
The guard gave Michael a firm shove out of the doorway. “Sorry to disturb you, Annie, but this clown thought he had clearance to walk right in to see you.”
“It's okay, Scott. The clown in question is my ex-husband.”
“I’m aware of who he is but I wasn’t about to let him in until you gave your approval.”
Michael pushed his way past the guard and shut the door in the man’s face. For the first time in months they were alone. Annie moved to the make-up mirror and continued to pack her belongings into a bag.
“What can I do for you?” she asked without looking at him because she couldn’t. His presence, as always, was too powe
rful for her to handle. Inside she shook but outside she remained calm and angry.
“It was a nice tribute to Brian, don’t you think?” he asked, pushing his hands into his pockets.
As he spoke she could smell the stale booze on his breath. She closed her eyes and sighed. “Yes, it was,” she answered, zipping up her bag, then reluctantly she turned around to face him.
Slowly he removed his sunglasses and wiped at his eyes. Up close, he looked exhausted and defeated. He had tiny lines around his eyes and his face was drawn. He looked old to her, as if he had somehow aged several years in a matter of months. She watched his eyes canvas her body and stop at her belly.
“You’re…”
“Pregnant?” she answered quickly.
He nodded.
“Yes, I am. That’s very perceptive of you, Michael. And, I’ll save you the trouble of the guess work. This baby was conceived in July - while you and I were still together. So, congratulations! You’re about to become a father again to another child that will probably never know you.”
His eyes raised to meet her. “I never would have agreed to the divorce if I had known about this baby.”
“I didn’t know myself until after I filed the paperwork.” She turned away from his penetrating eyes. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. I’m already raising Sammi by myself, what’s one more?”
“I didn’t want it to be like this. I’m not the one that wanted it to end.”
“And I didn’t want a cheating drunk for a husband either!”
“Annie…”
“I’m done fighting with you. Our divorce is final and I’ve got nothing left to say.”
Annie shifted toward the door.
“Will you call me when the baby is born?”
“No. Have your lawyer call mine. She’ll have all the information.”
“Can I see Sammi?”
Annie spun to face him. “The agreement hasn’t changed, Michael. As long as you continue to drink, you will not be allowed to see her or this new baby.”
Annie jerked the door open with her hand. “Do yourself a favor and sign your ass into rehab. After you get sober, have your lawyer call mine and we'll arrange visitation. Until then, stay the hell out of my life and away from my children.”
