by Ann Lister
“Would you like me to leave?” he asked defensively, and stood as if to depart.
She shook her head. “No, that isn’t the point. All I’m trying to say is, it’s been very difficult for me to re-establish a life without you, and somehow I manged to do just that. I’m in a good place now. The girls are happy and we’re surviving. Then, all of a sudden, Daddy strolls back into our lives and everything is supposed to be okay? I can’t pretend, and I refuse to sweep our divorce under the rug as if it never happened.”
“I’m not asking you to do that and I don’t expect you to pretend!” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Maybe it sounds crazy, but I was hoping we might find some way to be friends again.” He forced a weak smile to his lips and shrugged in defeat. “That’s all I was looking for, Annie. No games and no hidden agendas. In the long run, I think that’s best for the kids. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Of course I’d agree. But, what I’m saying is, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to be your ‘friend’. I left for a very specific reason, Michael, and when I did, I pushed you out of my heart and my head. I’m not sure I want you taking up space in either place again.”
He tipped his head back against the couch. She could tell by the painful look on his face, every word she spoke was like another stab to his heart. There was a day, when she thought this action would have brought her relief and happiness watching him squirm in agony. But now, the reality of seeing it brought her nothing but more despair.
“Please, don’t keep the kids from me,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion, as he stared blankly at the ceiling.
“I have no intention of doing that, as long as you stay sober. The girls deserve a father, and for better or worse, you are it.”
He lifted his head to meet her gaze. Emotion made his eyes glisten. “I understand why you feel the way you do toward me and I wish beyond reason I could change that. I'm thinking now, that's probably never going to happen. But I need the kids in my life, Annie. They're the only thing I've got left, and the reason I still have my sanity. While I was in rehab, all I could think about was getting clean and seeing the girls and you again. Now that I'm out, I'm realizing the fight I have on my hands to prove myself all over again to them, and to you.”
He stood and sauntered over to the window with his hands dug deeply into the pockets of his jeans. “You know, I’ve never had to fight for anything or anyone in my personal life before and I’m not afraid of the challenge associated with that. It will only make the victory more meaningful when it happens.”
He reached for the doorknob to the deck door. Then, as he began to turn it in his hand, he faced her. “I’m going for a walk. Maybe when I get back, the girls will be awake and we can go for that ice cream.”
As soon as she heard the door click tight, Annie began to cry. Annie could sense that his emotion hung heavily around his neck like an iron cross. His heart adorned his sleeve. He seemed so genuine and likable, it made hating him all the harder, but still she did. Even smelling the subtlety of his cologne lingering in the room after his departure angered her. It was cruel of him to be around, torturing her with the smoothness of his voice and smile.
She moved to the window to find him. He was standing at the water’s edge, his long hair blowing across the tops of his shoulders as he skipped stones over the white caps. The memory of the day he had taught her to do the same trick danced into her brain. She shook the thought from her head and padded into the kitchen for a glass of water. It was so much easier to hate him when he wasn’t around, she thought.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
When the girls finally woke, Annie went to the deck and called to Michael. A few minutes later, he was preparing them for the trip into town.
“Why don’t you come with us?” he asked for a second time, as he adjusted the diaper bag over his shoulder.
And for a second time, she shook her head.
Michael reached for the baby and placed her into his lap. “It's just ice cream, Annie. No strings attached or implied with it, I promise,” he teased, trying to make light of the situation. Then Sammi began to tug on her mother's leg. “That's two against one,” he laughed. “Now you have to come with us.”
Annie rolled her eyes and groaned in protest. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.”
He made small talk as they drove the back roads into the town of Vineyard Haven, and Annie half listened. He was making it seem too normal, as if no bitterness remained between them, and it disturbed her. In town, she maintained a cool distance from him and ignored the subtle glances he kept directing her way. After getting their ice cream, Michael pushed the carriage down toward the ferry dock in time to show Sammi a large passenger vessel gliding into a nearby slip.
A few over-zealous tourists noticed Michael and he obliged them with a quick autograph. Annie made sure to keep the girls safely out of view and turned her back anytime she saw a camera aimed in their direction. For once, she was grateful the focus was on him and not her, as they slowly made their way back up toward Main Street.
Michael settled Sammi into the backseat of the Land Rover first, while Annie waited on the sidewalk with Angel cradled in her arms. Finger by tiny finger, he carefully wiped the stickiness from Sammi’s skin, then secured her safety seat. He was at the back of the vehicle, loading the baby stroller, when he heard Annie let out a startled squeal of fright. Instantly, the flash back of her attack by the disgruntled stage hand seared through his brain. Reacting quickly, he darted around the side of the truck prepared to defend her if necessary.
“Hey!” Michael yelled, with a fearless tone in his voice. Assessing the situation, he was alarmed to see a blond-headed man with his arms tightly encircling Annie and the baby, and his face pressed into her neck. Two long strides and he was beside the man. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked. The man suddenly released his grip on Annie and she spun to face him.
“It’s okay, Michael. This is Jay Preston,” she introduced. “He’s a…friend of mine,” she answered awkwardly.
Jay stuck out his hand and shook Michael’s. “Hi, Mike. How are you doing?”
“Fine,” he answered, his voice still tight and defensive.
“I was sorry to hear about Brian,” Jay added.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Jay is the bass player for the James Fellowship Band,” Annie explained.
Michael nodded. “I thought your name sounded familiar,” he exhaled, relaxing a bit. “How is Jimmy these days? I haven’t seen him in years.”
“You know James?” Annie asked, unnerved by the fact one of Jay’s arms remained around her waist and the heated glare Michael was shooting at both of them.
Michael took the baby from Annie’s arms in preparation to get her into the Land Rover. “Yeah, we go way back,” he replied, turning his eyes away from them.
When Michael’s body disappeared into the backseat of the vehicle, Jay turned his attention to Annie.
“I thought you said he was no longer in your life?” Jay inquired in a whispered tone.
“He isn’t!”
“Then why is he here?”
“Jay, they’re his kids too, you know, and he has a right to see them,” she answered, a bit more defensively than she probably should have.
“Maybe so, but seeing you together like this makes it appear as if it’s something more than what you’re saying.”
Annie shot him an angry scowl. “I don’t want to discuss this here.”
Michael finished buckling Angel into her car seat and then returned to Annie’s side in a territorial gesture that rattled her nerves. “Can you give us a minute, please?” she asked him.
“Fine. I’ll be in the truck,” he answered flatly through tight lips.
“I’ll see you later, Mike,” Jay added.
Michael tossed a courtesy wave over his shoulder at Jay and climbed into the driver’s side of Annie’s truck.
“How long has he been here?” Jay asked gliding his h
ands up Annie’s arms.
“Seems like forever,” Annie replied, rolling her eyes.
“I guess that explains why you haven’t been returning my calls.”
Annie smiled and reached out and stroked the side of his face, knowing without a doubt that Michael was watching every move she made. “A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about calling you,” she lied graciously.
“He’s not staying at your place, is he?”
“Hell no. He’s renting a house somewhere on the island.”
Jay squeezed her hand. His blue eyes sparkling with excitement. “Are you free tonight?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Why? Don’t tell me you have plans with him?” he asked, gesturing toward the truck.
“No! Don’t be crazy. I’m not sure if I can get a babysitter. I’ll give the neighbors a call though. Their granddaughter is visiting them for the summer. Last I heard, she was looking for summer jobs.”
“Great. See what you can do and call me.”
“I will.”
Jay pulled her against his body. Her fingers slid quickly around his neck and connected in the back. Then their lips met. It was short and sweet, but she knew it was enough to push Michael over the edge.
“Call me,” Jay insisted.
“I will.”
The ride back to the house was silent except for the happy babbling of the girls in the backseat. Without asking, Annie knew the depth of Michael’s anger by the way his jaw was set and teeth grinding. It was obvious that he was seething inside, and knowing that gave her a feeling of satisfaction. If he thought she was sitting around the house pining for him, he was sadly mistaken, she thought with smugness.
Michael remained outside and unloaded the truck. Annie half hoped he’d simply leave without coming back inside. She was in the girls’ room changing Angel’s diaper when he made his presence known.
“Everything okay?” she asked coldly.
Anxiously he rubbed at his face. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“You don’t look okay,” she commented, goading him to say something about Jay.
He pulled his hair back in his hands and sighed heavily. “What would you like me to say?”
“What you feel. You’re obviously upset about Jay. Why can’t you admit that?”
“It doesn’t matter what I feel.”
“Sure it does, because it would prove my point that you being here holds more meaning than what you've already admitted. And, it would solidify what I said earlier about it not be healthy for us to be spending so much time together when there is obviously no future in it.”
Michael’s eyes narrowed in anger, the color in them turning cold, and his lips clenched tight. She could tell he was ready to burst. She handed him the baby and laid Sammi down on the changing table.
“Well? Don’t tell me you have nothing to say about seeing me with Jay. No questions, thoughts or impressions, whatsoever? I find that hard to believe.”
Silence filled the room and Michael shifted uneasily, then finally he spoke. “Have you been seeing him long?” he asked, in a voice she was barely able to hear.
“About a month,” she answered quickly. “On and off, when our schedules allow. Does that bother you?” she asked with a hopeful tone in her voice.
He glared at her painfully, the hurt so evident in his pale blue eyes. His mouth opened to speak but no words were uttered and he turned to leave the room, backing down from a confrontation he chose not to be apart of. Then he set Sammi gently into her playpen and continued toward the door.
She followed him into the living room. “What’s the matter? Not man enough to admit that it bothers you to see me with Jay?”
He stopped in his tracks and faced her. “What exactly is it that you want me to say? Tell me and I’ll say it and we can be done with this. Do you even have an answer for that question?” He stepped closer, his eyes burning with fire. “If you’re looking for me to say something negative about you and Jay, I’m not going to. You have the right to do whatever you want and with whomever you want because of the very fact you reminded me of this afternoon - we’re divorced!” He turned back to the deck door and reached for the knob. “Besides, I already have the answers to my questions - without having to ask them.”
“Oh, yeah? Like what?” she spat, following him to the door.
He spun around again and glared at her. “Okay, for one thing I know you’re not in love with him.”
“Oh really, and how do you know that?”
He leaned in closer to her face. “Body language, babe.”
Annie’s face flushed in anger. “Screw you!”
He smiled, smugly. “Well, Sweetheart, I can assure you, screwing me would give you a lot more pleasure than what he is currently giving you! And how do I know that? Ah, yes, body language!”
He stepped through the open door and slammed it shut in her face.
Annie was so enraged she screamed several times to try and clear her head which made both girls cry. Filled with apologies, she cuddled them until they settled back down in her arms. The hell with him, she thought. That was the last straw. In the morning she was calling her lawyer and putting an end to this nightmare. Enough was enough. Suddenly, Jay’s invitation to go out that night quickly came to mind.
Annie picked up the telephone and dialed her closest neighbor. Within minutes, she had arranged to have their granddaughter baby-sit. What she didn’t know was Michael was sitting at their kitchen table when she called. On impulse, he had decided to stop in and visit them after he left Annie’s. He stayed with them for dinner and even offered to drive Jenna, the babysitter, back to the beach house but she declined. Jenna didn’t want to upset Annie by arriving in Michael’s jeep.
Michael was still chatting with the older couple when the call came from Jenna expressing her concerns about Angel. She said the baby had suddenly woken up, sweaty and feverish. Jenna was asking for advice from her grandmother when Michael stepped into the kitchen.
“Tell Jenna I’ll be right down,” he said, grabbing his coat and shutting the door behind him.
“No need to bother Annie,” he told Jenna, and sent her home, taking control of the situation. Two hours and one soiled shirt later, Michael had Angel sleeping comfortably on his bare chest in the living room, her temperature nearly back to normal. It was a few minutes before midnight when Annie and Jay pulled into the driveway. Immediately, Annie recognized Michael’s jeep and cringed.
“Son of a bitch. What the hell is he doing here now?” she complained.
“Who?”
“That’s Michael’s jeep,” she explained, pointing toward the vehicle.
Annie charged toward the house and around onto the deck, taking the steps two at a time. “Wait here and let me see what’s going on inside,” she said to Jay, and unlocked the door.
Michael never heard her enter. He was fast asleep on the couch with the baby dreaming happily, pressed against his skin, while his arms held on to her tiny body securely. The anger Annie felt moments before vanished at the sight. Angel so pale against his naturally tanned skin, the muscled arms capable of lifting heavy weights encircling her with great tenderness. Annie closed her eyes thoughtfully. She remembered the days not so long ago that she had sought solace in the same arms.
She made her way quietly to the couch and sat beside his hip. She stared at her daughter first then her eyes drifted up to Michael’s face. He was so serene and complacent with his face delicately placed against Angel’s head, she wondered what he was dreaming about. Her shaky fingers tentatively reached out to rouse him, as if by touching his skin she’d be burned. When her fingers grazed against his bicep muscle, an electric current rocketed through her body. She jerked her hand back quickly.
His eyes slowly opened and focused on her face. The color in them was rich and fluid. Then a slow smile relaxed his mouth making it appear full, sensuous and very kissable.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered, feeling her f
ace flushing warm and forcing her eyes off his mouth.
“I was visiting the Anderson’s when Jenna called her grandmother for advice. She said Angel woke up with a temperature. I figured since I was right next door I might as well come back and see what I could do. I didn’t think it warranted bothering you about it. Why? Are you mad?”
Annie shook her head. “I suppose not,” she replied, tenderly stroking Angel’s backside. “Is she all right now?”
Michael slowly came to an upright position on the couch being careful not to wake Angel. “Yeah. Her temperature is back to normal. Besides puking up half a bottle on me, she did okay,” he chuckled.
Annie glanced over her shoulder at the deck to check on Jay. He was probably wondering what had happened to her, she thought, but her eyes returned to Michael.
“Is Jay with you?” he asked.
“Yes.”
Michael’s brain fumbled to select the right words. “I’m really sorry about what I said earlier. I had no right and it’s really none of my business.”
“You’re right, it isn’t any of your business, but I did egg you on. I wanted you to be upset about Jay and when you pretended not to be, it only made me angrier.”
He smiled and nodded in agreement. “I was that obvious?”
Annie’s mouth eased into a full smile. “Yes. Very.”
Then Michael grew serious. “I know I don’t have the right to ask for any favors but, could you just give me a week or so more to see the girls here? I want to make sure they’re really comfortable with me before I start dragging them away to my place. I think it would be especially beneficial to Angel, since she hasn’t spent much time away from you yet.”
Annie pondered his question carefully. Then she released a heavy sigh. “Just one week?”
“Maybe less, maybe more, it all depends on how well we bond.”
“Okay, fine.”
“And, if I have any say in it, I’d prefer to do the babysitting in the future instead of strangers,” he added.
“Jenna isn’t a stranger,” Annie replied.
“She is to the kids. I would have stayed, if you had asked me to.”
