She shook her head. “It has to be, because the yokai will never accept me to rule over them.”
The yokai had never questioned his decree before. When he’d hidden Kazue away, it had been to protect her from his enemies, not because he feared rebellion from his people. They feared change, but they would come around, he would make them see the benefits of a human alliance.
“Since when did you need anyone else’s approval? You will make them love you.” He dipped down, his lips nearly brushing against hers. But she turned her head away.
“How do I know you mean it, that this isn’t a trick.” She crossed her arms over her chest, watching him warily.
“Are my words not enough for you?” he asked, trying to fight back the agitation that threatened to bubble up. What else did he need to do to prove his feelings for her?
“You’ve tricked me before, when we first met—”
“From the moment I met you, I was drawn to you. I tried to fight my feelings for you, but no matter how I ran from them, I couldn’t escape them. The only times I lied to you was when I said I didn’t want you.” There, he’d said it.
She bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. He reached for her hand, threading their fingers together, she didn’t pull away this time. At least that was progress. Though he wanted to pull her into his embrace, they might need to take things slow.
“I don’t even know how I feel yet. Marriage feels too sudden,” she said to the ground.
“You were willing to marry that general,” Kaito said.
“That was different,” she said softly, her lips parted ever so gently.
“How so?” He leaned in closer, their faces were inches apart.
“I knew how I felt about him.”
“You loved him?”
She laughed, the faintest smile at the corner of her lips lingered. “Not at all. And that’s what made it easy.”
He tugged her a little closer. She didn’t pull away, but she wouldn’t look at him either. It was small progress, he could be glad for that at least. Cautiously, he turned her hand palm up and caressed the newly forming calluses there. “Your life is your own, and now the decision is yours, I will not force you.” Though he would very much like for her to hurry up and stop torturing him with this endless waiting.
She tilted her head back, exposing the column of her throat, as she met his gaze. He wanted to kiss his way up it, to express with his touch just how much she was driving him mad. But she was wary, uncertain, and he wouldn’t ruin this moment, or let her run away again.
It was tempting to force a confession from her, to make her confront her feelings for him. But he knew her well enough to know that would give him the opposite of what he wanted.
He cupped her cheek, his thumb grazing her lip. “I promise not to rush you. I will let you come to me. But I am an impatient man, don’t keep me waiting forever.”
She melted in his grip, and it took all his willpower not to kiss her. He stepped back.
“I’ll await your decision.”
7
Focus. Akira just had to focus. The time between night and day was the balancing edge of her and Tsuki’s dual existence. Breathe in and out, in and out. She must let everything else fade away, but for the air that filled her lungs, the cool caress of the waves against her bare feet, the grit of sand between her toes, and the lingering rays of sun kissing her face.
The rhythm of her heartbeat synced up with the pounding of the waves. Closing her eyes, she dove down into the space between, the world of the physical and the world of the spiritual. Seeing with her mind’s eyes, she sought out the twin rivers of energy of her and Tsuki’s souls. They burned bright in the darkness of the spiritual realm. One midnight blue and one the golden sun of a noonday. All living things had their own river, the life blood of the soul. They were unique in that their spiritual river was doubled, two nearly identical rivers that ran parallel within them. Centuries had passed since Kazue had bound their souls together this way. And though Akira had tried countless times to untangle them, they remained two in one. Until now.
The rivers’ edges had overflowed their banks, and the space in between had become a muddy mire, filled with thick, sluggish ooze. This must be the source of the dissonance, or perhaps a symptom of the water of Kazue’s soul’s song. Reaching out toward the black ooze, she dipped her hand into it. The ooze pulled her down to the elbow and where her fingertips brushed against something round and smooth. A stone? Her fingers fumbled to grasp it, until at last, she took hold of it. As she did, she heard a whisper. No. A hiss.
The stone dragged her down below the surface. Darkness enveloped her, trapped her inside an empty void of nothing, where she endlessly tumbled, free-falling while the air was squeezed from her lungs, warmth leached from her skin, and all sense of touch erased from her memory. Akira opened her mouth to scream only to have it filled thick black sludge. She was drowning. No, they were drowning, because somehow, impossibly, Tsuki was here beside her even in the spiritual realm. But she could not feel where he began, and she ended. The lines were smeared beyond comprehension. Who was Akira, and who was Tsuki? Everything was a jumble of fear and rage. And then it stopped.
There was nothing, just a yawning emptiness of bleak eternity.
Akira’s eyes flew open, and she gasped. Panting for breath, she fell to her knees in the sand. The sun had started to sink below the horizon, the twilight in-between had passed. The tide was rising, and it soaked her knees as she tried to catch her breath.
“Did you find anything?” Tsuki asked. He had not felt it as she had. Not like the first time. But whatever it was that water of Kazue’s soul had left in them was waiting, biding its time growing. She felt it eating away from the inside out, like a canker that would slowly kill them. How much longer before it consumed them both?
“Darkness. The dissonance is getting stronger, just as she said it would. I tried to remove it, but it pulled me under.” Akira stood and wiped the sand from her kimono. Tsuki expected her to protect them; as his older sister, it was her job to keep them alive. They’d come too far to lose everything now. Damn that woman. She knew too much and was too powerful for a mere fragment.
“I think it’s time we ask the others for help,” Tsuki said. She could feel his fear through their bond.
All these centuries together, and he was so rarely afraid. Nothing scared her reckless brother. His uncertainty was seeping through and putting her on edge as well. This was worse than what Kazue had done to them. If this continued they would lose themselves entirely. Though she shared his fears, enlisting the help of others was out of the question. None of them could be trusted to not use their condition against them.
“No, I will find a way to remove the darkness. I just need more time,” Akira said.
“Just like we were able to separate?”
How dare he throw her failure back in her face. When it was his arrogance that had trapped them both. If only he hadn’t underestimated her power on first meeting, or believed her lies. Both then and now, she was the one left cleaning up his messes. He’d grown too attached to Suzume and the others, and put too much faith in their ability. If this fragment had this much power, then perhaps she was strong enough to separate them at last.
“I can feel your anger. Now more than ever, we need to be united,” Tsuki said.
And he was right. They’d squabbled enough in those early centuries. It left them weak and more entangled. As if they were a rabbit in a snare, they’d been slowly choking themselves to death. With time and patience, they learned to create harmony between them. Their goals must be aligned, one mind, and one purpose. Now it was time to just make a plan and move forward.
“You’re right. I know your fears, brother, because I share them. We cannot ask the others for help. Not yet, not until we understand what has been done to us.”
Noaki, her father, materialized beside her. And Akira jerked backward, pressing her hand to her chest. Distracted as she’d been, she had not se
en him approach. A miscalculation. She despised surprises almost as much as she hated to reveal she’d been surprised. His ability to cloak his spiritual energy and move without a sound often caught her off guard, but under different circumstances, she would not have reacted.
“Father,” Akira bowed her head to him.
“The Dragon has ordered us to guard Suzume,” Father said.
As usual, their interactions were transactional. There was no affection in the man. What Mother had seen in him, she would never know.
“Is that so?” A small part of her wanted to rebel. She was not beholden to The Dragon, and she resented him trying to order her and Tsuki. If her interests were not aligned, she would have done just that. But as it were, they still needed to keep Suzume safe. Until they were free of Kazue’s curse, she wasn’t letting go of her last hope of freedom.
Father’s dark gaze was fixed on her. Though she couldn’t feel his spiritual probes, she had the distinct feeling he was assessing them. Did he feel the darkness growing inside them? If he did, would he tell the others?
“Maybe he knows how to fix this,” Tsuki said.
“We don’t need his help.”
Where had he been while Mother withered away trapped on that mountain top? Where was he as they fought every day to keep her from fading away. Where was he when Kazue had trapped them inside one body. Father only knew how to serve. His loyalty was to Kazue and now to Suzume, who had Kazue’s heart. He would be of no help to them.
“The yokai are restless,” Noaki replied.
“What’s new,” Tsuki said without bothering to take control of their body.
“He declared he will marry her,” Father said with the slightest downward quirk of his mouth. He would never speak his true feelings aloud, but she recognized his disappointment.
Had The Dragon gone mad? He would make Suzume his wife? She shook her head. Fool dragon. She should have kept them apart when she had the chance. Now their fates were too entangled to separate them again. Kazue’s downfall had been The Dragon, and here Suzume was repeating her predecessor’s mistakes. Maybe Akira was the fool for continuing to cling to the idea that Suzume and the other fragments could separate them.
“We better do as The Dragon bids then.” She gave Father an insincere smile and followed him back to the palace.
“What now? We don’t have time to watch her day and night and remove this dissonance,” Tsuki said.
“I know,” Akira said, and her fingers twitched, if only she could strangle the life out of that damned idiot of a dragon.
“We can’t do this alone. Let’s ask Father for help,” Tsuki said as he tried to take control of their body.
For the first time in centuries, she held onto control of the body they shared. Tsuki was reckless, rushing in to do things without thinking.
“What are you doing?” Tsuki growled.
“Stopping you. We will not rush in without a plan again. That’s what got us into this in the first place.”
“You would damn us both while you think.”
“Don’t.”
Akira clenched her fists as her skin bubbled and rolled while Tsuki wrestled against her, a black haze filled her vision. Noaki turned and looked at them with a slight frown. He was coming toward them, he would realize that they’d been corrupted. Would he try and subdue them, or cure them? It didn’t matter. She wouldn’t continue being someone else’s puppet.
“Bring me the staff,” A voice whispered through their connection. It wasn’t Tsuki. A cold chill rushed over her body. This voice was familiar. It was the darkness within them.
“Bring it to me, I command you.”
Her footsteps marched forward outside of her control. It was the last thing she remembered before everything went black.
Suzume’s vacant room greeted her. The coals in the brazier had burned low and cast feeble light on the walls and little else. She trudged across the tatami, passing by her ice-cold dinner. She had no stomach for it and tossed her staff on the edge of her futon, before flinging herself down. After everything that had happened today, she should be exhausted, but her buzzing mind wouldn’t allow her to rest. The sound of the ocean rumbled outside the open doors, which led onto her balcony. Flipping over onto her back, she stared up at the dark abyss above her bed. The memory of Kaito’s touch, his lips ghosting over hers heated her face. She flopped over and buried her head in the blankets. Was he insane? Truly? One minute he was showering her in gifts like a common courtesan, the next thing he was declaring her his future empress.
And worse, she hadn’t rejected him. She said she would think about it. She must be even more insane. The yokai hated her. And it wasn’t as if a marital alliance was even possible. Father hated yokai. He’d declared war on them! During her time back at the White Palace, she felt as if she’d reconnected with him. But somehow, she doubted that affection would extend to her marrying a dragon. And this was Kaito she was talking about, who delighted in tormenting her. Whose sort of kiss she couldn’t get out of her head. Maybe she was losing it.
She kicked her blankets, rolling over and knocking into her staff, which skidded across the floor. How was it that whenever she was alone with Kaito, she melted into idiotic goo? This was why she had avoided him. She’d tried to distract herself from traitorous thoughts of him, the ridiculous idea of being with him... that way... She wasn’t even sure about how she felt, and he was talking about marriage.
She forced a laugh as she sprung up to pace the room. It was out of the question. The humans wouldn’t accept it. The yokai wouldn’t accept it. She should have turned him down straight away. Kaito had painted an even bigger target on her back. How was she going to train? They would tear her apart the moment she tried to leave the courtyard. She would have to stay in the inner ring of the palace, maybe forever...
Had that been his plan all along? When she denied him the first time, he found another way to cage her? Her face was flushed, and her throat was tight. The walls of her room were closing in around her. She rushed toward the door and out into the courtyard beyond. Once she was outside, she took a large, gulping breath. Clutching her chest as she leaned against a column.
She had to leave, get out of the palace. Maybe jump on a fishing boat and head for the mainland. Somewhere neither Kaito or Hisato could ever find her. Or maybe she could catch up with Ryuu, beg him to take her with him to find the last piece of Kazue’s soul. Before she could second guess herself, she turned back to her room, she had to get her staff and go, before Kaito came looking for her. Before she did something else she’d regret.
Wind rustled through the trees, like the whisper of silk, and a chill ran up her spine. A piece of her soul was calling out to its partner. It drew Suzume’s gaze to the sakura tree. Souta, the wind of Kazue’s soul, stood under the cascade of petals. Had he been there the whole time?
“Can’t sleep?” Souta asked without turning to look at her.
She stood up a little straighter. Though she had spent a lot of time with Souta in the training yard, she didn’t want him seeing her agonizing over how she felt about Kaito.
“Something like that.” If Souta knew she was trying to run, would he notify Kaito, or would he aid her? He was loyal to Ryuu, and Ryuu had told her to wait here for him. So it was likely he wouldn’t help her leave. Most of the time, when she and Souta sparred, he beat her. If she tried to fight him, she would lose. She’d have to head back to her room and wait until he went to bed, then she would escape.
He nodded his head as if she had said something deeply profound. He rested a wrinkled palm on the trunk of the sakura tree. “I’ve seen much in my long life, but I’ve never seen a sakura bloom in winter.”
“Yeah, it’s really strange. I should probably be heading to bed, training in the morning, and all...” She gestured back toward her room and started backing away.
“Running away?” Souta said, canting his head to the side as he regarded her with dark eyes.
How had he known? Was he
bluffing, or was it written on her face?
“No, it’s like you said, I couldn’t sleep.”
“Ah. My mistake. I guess you’ve tried running away from him before, and that didn’t quite work out, did it?” He turned his back to her and folded his hands behind his back as he regarded the cherry blossom.
She chuckled, but it sounded fake even to her.
“Yeah. I guess not—”
“You must have answered his proposal then?” He turned to her fully now, pinning her with his unreadable dark gaze.
The old man had the uncanny ability to see right through her. Not that she would admit that to him. Souta was also the last person she thought she’d be talking about her feelings with. But the words were caught in the back of her throat; maybe if she just expelled them, she could breathe easier.
“I told him I would think about it.” There she’d said it.
“Hmm,” Souta replied and held up his hand, catching a falling blossom.
That was it?
“If you don’t have any more questions for me, I think I’ll—”
“Mortality is a lot like these cherry blossoms. The blooms are transient; even under their normal conditions, they were fleeting. But bloomed in the winter, their beauty expires much too fast.”
She contemplated throttling him, were they writing poetry or discussing her running away? She wasn’t sure anymore. Petals drifted down and carpeted the ground. The perfume of cherry blossoms filled her nose. For an immortal like Kaito, she was like these flower petals. Something to cherish in that moment but temporary. Once more, she found herself sympathizing with Kazue. No wonder she had sought immortality. Just thinking of aging, and dying while Kaito stayed ever the same made her insides squirm.
The Fractured Soul Page 6
