by Tom Reinhart
Please God. No.
Oh please God.
No.
My heart stopped and my tears began to seep into the soil that separated us. My mind raced with insane thoughts. What if I dug her up? Would she remember me? Would she know me anymore? I fought the urge to tear at the ground, to pull her out, to hold her. I felt like screaming, yelling into the dirt. Would she hear me? Perhaps it would only torment her. Make it worse.
In a final torturous moment before I stood, I heard it. Faint, garbled, broken, but unmistakable. She screamed my name.
“A..d..a..m!”
My hands clenched into fists on the ground, scraping up grass and soil into my fingernails. I couldn’t breathe. The pain, the sorrow, the suffering; it all became unbearable, crushing me under their weight. I bit my lip until it bled, fighting the urge to scream down to her.
I felt Margie’s hand on my back. She kept it there, and spoke to me as I wept uncontrollably. “It’s not her anymore Adam. She’s still gone. This is…something else. You have to let it go.”
I lay there for several moments longer, watering the soil with sorrow. “What kind of a god does this?”
Margie shifted next to me, staring out across the cemetery. “I don’t know Adam. I just don’t know.”
“What do I do?”
“There’s nothing you can do. She’s still dead Adam; for a year now. She’s not your wife anymore. Her brain, her mind, they’re gone.”
But she called my name.
“I know this is bad Adam. I’m really sorry. But you just have to let it go.”
Consumed by the moment I lost all sense of time or what was happening around me. Eventually Margie stood and spoke again. “Adam, we have to go. I saw Judges over there a minute ago. We’re out in the wide open here. We have to go now.”
Lifting myself to my knees, I wiped the tears and snot and dirt from my face. I said not a word as I stood. The hardest moment of my life had always been when I had placed her in the ground. Now as I rose to my feet, I had a new most painful moment, as I walked away and left her there, lost and alone in the cold dark earth.
Chapter 6
A Leap Of Faithlessness
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I
flee from your presence?”
~ Psalm 139:7
Central Park was contrastingly beautiful this morning against the dystopian horror that surrounded its green boundaries. The dust was lost in the grass, and in the morning sun colorful flowers seemed to be stirring awake, stretching their petals towards the light as if engaged in a morning stretch.
It was oddly quiet, the sounds of death and horror of the city streets somehow blocked out by the trees whose branches swayed gently in the morning breeze. There were no screams, no car horns, nor any sounds of death. The only sounds I could hear were the leaves rustling in the wind and birds in the trees calling out to each other, unaffected by the biblical apocalypse. It was somehow all disarming, comforting, and I felt no fear and more relaxed than I had felt in weeks.
It was somewhat surreal, but I embraced it like someone welcomes water after a walk in the desert. I wasn’t sure what made me venture out alone this morning, violating our pact to use the buddy system. We all lived by the rule to never go anywhere without a wingman.
I’ll hurry back soon. I just want to enjoy this for a few moments.
I walked the paths of the park for a long while. At one point I found a cat under one of the bridges, but I had no food to offer it. Kneeling down and gesturing with my hand near the ground, the cat ran right over to me without hesitation. It looked remarkably just like a cat I had as a child, the same markings on its fur, right down to a uniquely shaped white patch on its left hip. It purred energetically and rubbed itself against my leg as if it knew me well and hadn’t seen me in a while. It plopped to the ground and rolled onto its side, playfully pawing at my hand. I played with it for a few moments, until it caught sight of a butterfly and took off in chase. I watched it for several more minutes, running and frolicking, chasing bugs, and I became lost in this temporary oasis, forgetting about the nightmare going on just outside the park.
Further up the pathway, I could see a pond up ahead. There was a bench there under a large tree, facing the water, and someone was sitting there. I approached closer, trying to figure out if it was a survivor or a maledicted. I looked around and scanned the area, but saw no one else around anywhere in the park.
I slowly moved towards the bench, but took a wide circular arc around, so once the person saw me there would still be some distance between us, just in case. As I came to where we could see each other, I could see it was just a man, not looking maledicted, but just a survivor. A moment later I recognized him, and stood stunned as he spoke to me.
“Adam. Come and sit with me.”
At first I just froze with disbelief. My father, dead for years, sat on the bench before me casually looking out over the lake. He smiled at me; looking exactly like he had twenty years ago when a heart attack took him from me. I think he was even wearing the same clothes that I last saw him in. With his hand he patted the bench seat next to him, signaling me to sit.
I don’t understand this.
I sat down on the bench, the gap between life and death that had separated us for decades now reduced to a space of about six inches. “I don’t understand dad. What’s going on? How is this happening?”
He looked at me, and I instantly felt that comfort and protection that a young child feels when in the presence of a parent; something I hadn’t felt now for the last half of my life. He spoke, his words cryptic yet somehow comforting.
“You’re going to be okay Adam.”
“I don’t understand. What am I supposed to do? How am I going to survive?”
He turned his head and looked out over the lake. The large tree above us swayed in the wind, and several leaves slowly spiraled to the ground. He spoke again without looking at me, transfixed on several ducks that were swimming near the edge of the pond. “Life is beautiful, and we ruined it.”
Those words echoed around in my head for several seconds. A tear began to form in his eye, and I watched it as it slowly trickled down onto his cheek. He turned to me again and repeated his words. “Life is beautiful, and we ruined it. But you’re going to be okay Adam.”
“What do you mean? I don’t know what to do. Where do we go? When is this going to end?”
We just stared at each other for a few moments. Like all children, I was waiting for instruction, for magical words that would make everything better. Parents always knew how to handle every situation. Suddenly the expression on his face began to change. He spoke more sternly, a sense of urgency growing in his voice.
“Adam… you have to go now.”
“What? But I don’t want to leave you.”
I noticed his appearance beginning to change. Slowly his skin turned an ashen grey, deep wrinkles forming upon his face.
“Adam…go. You have to go now.”
No, I can’t
The more he tried to make me leave, the more he changed. Parts of his skin began to fall off of his face, one of his eyes began to roll up into his head, and I started to notice the smell; that familiar smell of rot, of death. As he spoke his jaw seemed to dislodge out of place. His voice began to crack and gurgle. “Adam…you have to go now.”
Before my eyes he was transforming into a maledicted, and for the first time since I entered the park I felt fear again. Suddenly he lunged at me and grabbed me by the shoulders. He shook me forcefully, and screamed into my face with horrible rotting breath.
“Adam! You have to go!”
Suddenly I felt myself forcefully thrust from dreaming sleep into waking reality. I awoke so violently it was painful. Margie was shaking me, yelling into my face. “Come on Adam. We have to go! Now!” For a brief moment I couldn’t tell what was real and what was a dream; the daze of sleep slow to clear from my head.
“Whats going on?”
“
Judges!” she said frantically. “Downstairs. They got through the door. They’re coming up the stairs. We have to go.”
Across the room Steve was shoving supplies into a backpack. “C’mon man. Let’s get the hell out of here!”
As usual we quickly grabbed whatever we could, shoving what little we had into our packs, always prioritizing our weapons. Useless against the Judges, they were all we had to defend ourselves from the hordes of maledicted that seem to be growing in number every week.
I was the first out through the apartment door, quickly looking around for the Judges. The actual hall outside the apartments was small, just a little area built around a staircase that wound down all the way to the first floor. I could hear the angels moving around somewhere below us. I leaned out and looked over the railing, and several floors down I could see the wings of angels moving up the stairs. Before I pulled back, I saw one of them look up and we made eye contact. The hair stood up on the back of my neck as they suddenly quickened their pace up the stairs.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Back. Back inside,” I yelled as I began shoving everyone back through the apartment door. “They know where we are. They’re coming fast.”
Jennifer was frantically looking around the apartment. “Where are we going to hide?”
“We’re not,” I answered as I threw the dead bolt on the door. “We’re going down the fire escape.”
Margie was already opening the window. She motioned to Steve to go, and Jennifer quickly followed him out into the sunlight. Margie and I both looked towards the door as we heard the knob turning. I saw the hinges begin to strain and buckle as the door was being pushed inward. I urged Margie through the window. “Go. Go!”
Steve and Jennifer were already two floors down. I heard the apartment door splinter as Margie and I hit the next landing. The fire escape was narrow, and Margie’s backpack kept getting caught on it as she tried to descend. Down at the second floor level Steve began cursing.
“Motherfucker. It’s locked. The goddamn ladder is locked.”
The ladder to make the final steps down into the alley was pulled up to prevent unwanted people from getting into the building, and it was chained and padlocked. “They’re not supposed to be locked. How would anyone get out in a damn fire?” Steve was pulling angrily on the lock. “Margie, give me the hatchet.”
“No wait! It’s going to be too loud. You probably can’t break it anyway.” I told him.
Jennifer was examining the fencing that enclosed the landing we were on. “We can’t even jump down. Where are we going to go?”
Margie and I both looked up, then at each other. She nodded knowingly. “We’re going back up. Maybe to the roof,” I told them.
“Fuck,” muttered Steve, looking down and shaking his head.
I went up first, quickly to start, but then slowing as I neared our own apartment window again. I could hear the movement inside, the Judges searching for us. I turned and motioned for the others to wait. Slowly I climbed onto our landing, and hiding up against the wall next to the window I peered into the room. I could see two angels roaming around, and hear another in one of the bedrooms. I turned to Jennifer with my finger over my lips, and without a word pointed upwards and urged her forward. Quietly she crept past me and the window, starting up the ladder to the next floor. Steve followed next, and then Margie. One of the window curtains blew out towards me suddenly, touching my face. It startled me and I made a sudden noisy gasp. Margie turned to look down towards me, and as she did the hatchet hanging on her hip caught and clanged against the railing. The combination of both sounds made one of the Judges turn quickly towards the window. He saw me on the landing and immediately began moving towards us.
“Go go go!” I yelled up to Margie, and we all began a rapid hasty ascent up the fire escape.
I had initially thought about entering an apartment on another floor, but now it seemed we would just race to the roof and figure it out from there. I could hear Steve gasping for air, his asthma kicking in as he climbed several more floors. We were going to have to find him some inhalers, and soon.
If we make it out of here.
“Wait before you get to the top,” I heard Margie caution Jennifer, and I saw her pause at the last landing just before the fire escape let out onto roof. “There could be more up there.”
Just near the top I saw Steve peering over the edge, scanning the roof. “It’s clear. There’s no one up here.” He turned to Margie as if seeking her agreement before he went up. I passed Margie, and moving up beside Steve I took a look for myself. He was right, the roof looked clear. Just past some air conditioners and other mechanical equipment, I could see the doorway that led back into the building below. Not being able to fit out through the window to the fire escape, I knew the angels would be coming through that door any minute looking for us. Scanning around I saw nothing else on the roof but some trash and what looked like an old clothes line attached to an abandoned pigeon coop.
Looking completely across to the next building over, I could see its roof just one story higher than ours. On the edge of that building two Judges perched, looking down into the street. They were just squatting there at the edge of the roof, like two vultures waiting for road kill. There was no way we could cross the roof without them seeing us, but we couldn’t stay here. Any minute the Judges from inside would come through that roof door and we would be trapped on the fire escape.
I motioned to Margie and pointed to the angels on the other rooftop. She saw them and said nothing. She just stood there on the landing, looking around and biting her lip. The panic was building in all of us. We were living like mice in a house full of cats. I knew there would be another fire escape on the other side of the building. If we could get to it, even if we couldn’t get all the way down to the ground, perhaps we could get into another apartment and sneak to the stairwell inside the building and get down to the street before the angels caught on. We would have to try; there was nowhere else to go.
“We have to go for the other fire escape on the other side,” I began to explain to everyone. “Go slow at first. Maybe we won’t get noticed. If the angels on the other roof see us, you run like hell for the fire escape. Even if we don’t get all the way down, we’ll go into an apartment as far down as we can get and break for the street.” They were all just looking at me like deer looking into car headlights. “Everyone got it?”
No one spoke. They simply answered with nervous nods. Steve’s breathing was worsening. Margie was trying to calm him, urging him to control and slow his breathing. I went first, crouching low as I slowly moved across the roof. A large air conditioner about ten feet away would provide some cover, and as I got to it and huddled down next to it I motioned to the others to follow. Jennifer was already half way across to me, with Margie pushing Steve up onto the roof behind her. I kept looking back and forth between them, the door, and the Judges on the next roof.
Please God just let us get out of here.
Just as I was about to move the rest of the way across the roof, I saw the door from downstairs open. Jennifer saw it too. “Oh God.” Two angels stepped out, followed by a third. At first they just looked around. Then they began spreading out across the roof, searching for us. For the moment they couldn’t see us behind the air conditioner, but it wouldn’t be long before they found us.
We have to move. Run, you idiot. Run.
In a few more seconds one of the Judges would be between us and the other fire escape. We had to go right now. Up over his head, on the other roof, I could see the other two angels now looking this way. There would be no sneaking, this was going to become a full on chase. I turned to Jennifer. “Go now. Run as fast as you can and down the other fire escape. I’ll be right behind you.”
I could see the fear in her eyes, but she listened, and bolted across the roof. I was right behind her, and I could hear Margie and Steve starting behind me. The three angels saw us instantly. Alongside the pounding of my own heart I could he
ar their shuffling feet and the flapping of wings. The other edge of the roof seemed like it was a mile away. The adrenaline and fear now coursing through my veins made me want to puke. My legs went numb, as if the very things I needed to get me out of here would suddenly become useless. I heard Margie screaming at Steve behind me. “Go Steve! Run!”
Jennifer was about fifteen feet from the other side of the roof when the angels from the next building suddenly took flight and landed directly in front of her, cutting her off from the other fire escape. I saw it as if it were in slow motion; the fluttering of wings, kicking up dust and gravel from the roof. Jennifer froze. There was nowhere to go. The Judges would quickly have us surrounded and trapped.
Margie yelled out from behind us. “This way!” When I turned to look, she was in a full sprint back the way we had come. But instead of stopping at the fire escape, she ran full steam to the edge of the roof, never slowing, never stopping, and jumped. I watched her leap across the alley, about ten feet across, and she landed rolling onto the rooftop on the other side.
