As another bolt of lightning lit the sky, he leaned forward and tenderly kissed me on the cheek. ‘However long it takes,’ he whispered. Then he retreated into the darkness again, his footsteps drowned out by the thunder.
‘I don’t care what that stupid clairvoyant said. You should be with your man Nick.’ I turned round. Clare was sitting on the stairs crying. Clare never cries. ‘If you really believe in fairy-tale endings, how can you not see that Nick’s yours? I can see it and I don’t even believe in all that crap.’
Chapter 29
* From Auntie Kay
Just spoken to your mum. She told me about you and Nick. Beside myself with excitement. Knew you two were perfect for each other. Glad you’ve come to your senses re your Steven search. When you have a mo, email me with all the details. Don’t leave anything out! Is it too early to buy a hat?!!! xxxx
My heart sank. She was so right. We were perfect for each other. But was Andy also perfect for me, just like he was when we got together twelve years ago? Or was he still the Andy who treated me like crap as soon as he started his fast-track career? Or perhaps someone even worse? But what if he was The Steven? I had to find out or, as Nick said, I’d be forever wondering ‘what if?’
‘Another text from Andy?’ Clare asked as we relaxed on the sofa after a late breakfast the next day.
‘No. Auntie Kay.’ I blew on my tea. Andy had already texted me twice to ask if we could meet to talk.
‘Are you going to meet him?’
‘Not today,’ I said. ‘I’m too confused. I need a bit of space before I jump into something I might regret. Do you fancy a walk around The Headland?’
‘Is there a pub at the other side?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll get my boots on.’
* To Andy
Sorry for not replying sooner. Can’t meet today. Got plans with Clare. Can you pick me up after work tomorrow? 5.45pm
Andy knocked on the shop door bang on five forty-five the following day. ‘I’ve got something for you,’ he said when I closed the door behind him. He reached into a large paper carrier bag. My stomach churned as he pulled out a familiar-looking brown box tied up with cellophane and red ribbon. ‘I didn’t feel it was appropriate to give my business to someone else and get you flowers so I got you these.’ It couldn’t be. Please don’t let it be the same as Nick’s gift.
I reluctantly undid the bow and opened the lid to reveal the same mix of floral fairy cakes and biscuits.
‘What’s wrong?’ Andy asked. ‘Is it a bad gift? You’re not on a diet again are you?’
I blinked the tears away and tried to look pleased. ‘No. Nothing like that. They’re great. Thank you. It’s a lovely thought. Really. I’ll just pop them in The Outback. Wait here a second. Don’t move. Back in a mo.’
With an overwhelming feeling of sadness, I gently placed the box on the worktop in the kitchen area, next to the half-empty box from Nick. I lightly touched the label on Nick’s box and swallowed hard on the lump in my throat as I re-read Nick’s message. I wondered what he was doing at that very moment and whether he was thinking about me.
‘Where do you fancy going?’ Andy’s shout brought me back to the present.
I shook my head and threw a tea-towel over the two boxes. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe. Pull yourself together, girl. Andy’s here and he could be Steven. You’ve dreamed about getting back with him for most of the last decade so stop moping about someone you’ve known for five minutes. Nick’s given you the time and space to explore this so stop hiding in the kitchen and get exploring!
‘I don’t mind,’ I shouted back. I grabbed my coat and bag and headed back into the shop. ‘Food or drinks?’
‘I was thinking both. Maybe we could start with a drink then I can take you out for a nice meal?’
I smiled. ‘I think we’ll play it by ear. It’s work tomorrow so I can’t do a late one. Exactly how long I stay out may depend on how quickly I’ve had enough of you.’
‘Then we may be out for a long time. I’ll treat you so well tonight you’ll never want to go home. My aim is to make sure you’ve never had enough of me.’ Andy flashed his most dazzling smile.
I shook my head. ‘That has to be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.’
He grimaced. ‘Sorry. It’s been a while. Maybe I need to work on my lines.’
‘Maybe.’ I pushed him towards the door. ‘Let’s start in The Purple Lobster and take it from there.’
Despite my best intentions to only give Andy a couple of hours of my time and get an early night, one drink turned into four. Tucked away in a booth in a quiet corner of The Purple Lobster, we reminisced about the night we got together, the rest of our time at university, our graduation, and that last holiday in Rhodes before things went downhill. I confessed about my disastrous last year with Jason then Andy told me about and his on-off relationship with Kelly. It was one of those nights where the conversation just flows and the hours whizz by… just like it used to.
‘This is me,’ I said when we reached Smuggler’s View shortly before eleven. ‘I’d invite you in, but…’
‘I know. It’s too soon.’
I nodded. ‘I’ve had a great time, though. My sides actually hurt from laughing so much.’
‘Mine too. Could you bring yourself to do it again tomorrow night? Perhaps we can manage something more sophisticated than a bag of chips on the way home?’
‘The chips worked for me,’ I said. ‘But tomorrow doesn’t. It’s Christmas Eve.’
‘I know. Oh. I bet you have plans.’ Andy’s eyes looked full of hope. ‘Do you?’
‘Sorry, Andy. Ben’s coming home and we’re having a family get-together at Mum and Dad’s. It’ll be the first time in years it’s just been the four of us.’
‘Sounds nice. I’m assuming you’ll be spending Christmas Day there too?’
I nodded. ‘I’d invite you, but—’
‘I’m the guy who broke their daughter’s heart?’
‘Something like that. Sorry. Plus, I don’t want to tell them about… this… until I know what this is.’
‘Stop apologising, Sarah. I’m the one who appeared out of the blue four days before Christmas. I’m the one who should be apologising. I realise my timing sucks. I was so desperate to see you again that I didn’t think about the time of year. Any chance you’re free on Boxing Day? Or the day after? Or the day after that?’
I studied Andy’s disappointed face. The glow from the moon made him appear so young and innocent… yet incredibly alluring. Why did he have to be so damned attractive? Oh, what the hell. Mum wouldn’t mind if I was a little late. ‘Pick me up at the same time tomorrow night. I can only give you an hour, absolute max.’
His face lit up. ‘You’re sure?’
‘I’m sure. Now get out of here before I change my mind.’ I pointed back up the road.
‘I’m going. But first I have to give you one of these.’
Andy reached out and gave me a hug. It felt good to be held by him, familiar and comfortable. He gave me a gentle kiss on the top of my head. That felt good too. He released his hold. ‘Tomorrow, then,’ he said. Then he cupped my face in his hands and gave me a soft and gentle peck on the lips. ‘I’ll be counting down the hours. Goodnight, Sarah.’ Hmmm, that felt good too.
But so did kissing Nick.
Christmas Eve in the shop was crazy. Thankfully I’d enlisted Elise to help. I don’t think any of us stopped all day.
Andy appeared at five forty-five on the dot again and took me to The Purple Lobster where the hour whizzed by. Surrounded by Christmas revellers, we got swept away in the festive spirit talking about Christmases we’d loved as kids, our favourite traditions and the best and worst presents we’d ever received. When Andy described his three best gifts, I blinked back the tears as I said, ‘I brought you all of tho
se.’
‘I know. And that’s why they’re so special. Like the person who gave me them.’
The butterflies went into overdrive as I held his gaze. ‘I still have that bear you gave me for our first Christmas. I nearly wore a hole in him from hugging him after we split up.’
‘Hummus?’
I nodded. Originally called Bert, Hummus was renamed after he fell off my bed into a tub of dip. ‘I swear he still smells of the stuff.’
Andy laughed. ‘I’m glad you still have him. I thought you might have shoved him in a charity bag.’
I had done on several occasions but, each time, had been overcome with an attack of the guilts. It wasn’t Hummus’s fault and he didn’t deserve to be banished. I had, however, shoved him at the back of the wardrobe. Mr Pink had probably been relieved to recover his position as Head Bear. Probably best not to tell Andy that.
‘Wait here a second,’ I said when we reached the gate of Smuggler’s View. I ran down the path, unlocked the door and headed to the kitchen.
‘Here you are.’ I handed Andy a set of spare keys. ‘I can’t bear the thought of you spending Christmas Day alone in a hotel room. I know I won’t be here for most of the day but surely a cottage with a DVD player, a real fire, and a fridge full of beer is better than a hotel room?’
Andy beamed. ‘You lifesaver. I was dreading tomorrow.’
‘I’ll probably be back around teatime so, if you’re still here, we can spend some time together then.’
‘Sarah, you’re the best. Happy Christmas.’
He gave me another brief peck on the lips. Then another. I knew he was testing me to see if I’d respond. I didn’t pull away but I didn’t encourage him either. Normally I wouldn’t read such a big deal into a kiss but I knew that the minute I kissed Andy properly, it wouldn’t just be a kiss; it would be me saying I wanted him back too. Yet something seemed to be holding me back from taking that step. Which was a little strange considering the Steven connection, the obvious chemistry, and how many years I’d fantasised about that scenario.
* From Andy
Morning gorgeous. About to have xmas full English then going for long walk on beach before a DVD fest at yours. Have a lovely day with your family. Can’t wait to see you later xxxxxx
* From Auntie Kay
Happy Christmas from New York to my favourite niece. Missing you all. Are you spending today with Nick? Hope so :) xxx
* From Clare
I hate xmas but I know you love it so seasons greetings and all that bollocks. Bah humbug xx
* From Nick
I know I promised not to get in touch but I had to wish you a Happy Christmas. I hope all of your Christmas wishes come true. Thinking of you xx
It was lovely being home for a family Christmas although it felt strange not having Auntie Kay with us for the first time ever. The only dampener on the day was the Nick and Andy situation. The arrival of Nick’s text set the butterflies going again. But so did Andy’s. Was it possible to have strong feelings for two men at the same time?
‘How’s it going with your new man?’ Mum asked over a post-dinner glass of Baileys while the men washed up. ‘Nick, is it?’
‘Yes. Nick,’ I said, ignoring the first question and hoping she was too full of Christmas spirit to notice.
‘I Skyped Kay on Sunday and she wouldn’t tell me about her travels until I’d told her what I knew about you two. She was so excited. She speaks very highly of him.’
‘I know.’ I kicked my shoes off and curled my legs up under me on the huge leather armchair.
‘He sounds like a lovely young man.’
‘He is. He’s really lovely.’ I sipped my drink then slurped an ice cube into my mouth.
‘Then why’s it over already?’
I spat the ice back into my glass. ‘How…?’
‘You couldn’t wipe the grin off your face on Saturday when he sent the cakes. You were glowing all day. But something happened on Saturday night or Sunday because you’ve been distracted for the last two days and, when I mentioned his name just now, instead of lighting up, you just looked sad. Do you want to talk about it?’
I sighed. ‘It’s a long complicated story.’
‘Would it have anything to do with Andy being here?’
‘Andy? How…? Have you developed a sixth sense or something?’
Mum put her drink down on the coffee table. ‘I saw him in town on Sunday. Major déjà vu moment. He hasn’t changed much. Gained a little weight perhaps.’
I closed my eyes and held my cool glass against my aching forehead. ‘Oh Mum, it’s such a mess. I don’t know what to do.’
‘You could start by telling your mum all about it before the men finish their chores.’
I reached for her glass. ‘You might need a top up on that.’
‘And he’s at Smuggler’s View now?’ Mum said when I’d finished, leaving out the part about Steven.
I nodded.
‘You can go if you want. I understand.’
‘No, Mum. I’m staying. Part of the deal was that I wouldn’t change my plans. I was always going to head home around teatime to feed the cats and that’s what I’ll still do.’
‘How do you feel about them both right now?’
I drained the last of my Baileys. ‘Very confused. A few years ago, if you’d asked me what I’d do if Andy Kerr walked back into my life and asked to try again, it would have been a no-brainer.’
‘And now?’
‘I don’t know what’s stopping me. Am I scared of getting hurt again? Am I worried it won’t be as good second time round? Do I think he’s just on a charm offensive to get me back and he’s really still the guy he became after uni? Or is the truth simply that I like Nick more?’
Mum gave me a sympathetic look. ‘Do you know what you need?’
‘Another drink?’ I rattled the ice cubes in my empty glass.
Mum laughed. ‘Time. I know it’s a cliché, but let’s face it, Andy couldn’t have picked a worse time of year to walk back into your life. Don’t let the fact that he’s going home in a few days push you into any decisions. Tell him he can stay longer — if that’s what you want — or tell him he can go home without a decision but, whatever you do, don’t rush into a decision you may regret.’
Chapter 30
* To Andy
Home in 15 mins :)
I left Mum and Dad’s at half four. Ben had evening plans back in Leeds so he gave me a lift home. Opening the door to Smuggler’s View, the aroma of mince and garlic hit me. He’d never cooked, had he? He’d always been hopeless in the kitchen.
Andy bounded down the hall, gave me a hug, wished me a Merry Christmas, and said I wasn’t allowed into the kitchen while he was creating. He ushered me upstairs into the bathroom where he’d run a hot bubble bath. Scented candles glowed and soft music played. He’d even perched a glass of wine on the window ledge.
‘Don’t panic,’ he said. ‘It’s not a ploy to get you drunk and naked. I just thought you might like a relaxing bath after rushing around for the last couple of months. Although,’ he added wickedly, ‘I’d be more than happy to scrub your back… or anywhere else for that matter.’
Blushing, I threw a towel at him and ordered him out of the bathroom.
Laying back in the mandarin and jasmine bubbles five minutes later, I felt incredibly relaxed, although the wine and Baileys had probably helped. I love baths and hadn’t had time for one since moving home. What a lovely thought and just what I needed..
Closing my eyes, my mind drifted back to the first time Andy had run me a bath. It had been our first Valentine’s Day, about two-and-a-half months after we’d got together. We’d been to a Valentine’s Ball along with most of the students from our flat. It had been a lovely evening until a scuffle broke out on the next table and I somehow ended up wearing a pin
t of Guinness. Soggy and smelly, I had no choice but to leave. Andy ran me a bath while I peeled off my ruined dress then he perched on the side and gently poured jugs of water over my head, rinsing out the stout.
‘I can’t believe our evening’s ruined.’ Tears of frustration had poured down my cheeks. I grabbed at the shampoo and tried to flick the lid open but it was stuck. ‘Great. Now I can’t even open a bottle of shampoo. Could this evening get any worse?’
‘Here, let me,’ he’d said. He put the shampoo down then pulled off his shirt and tie. He gently massaged my hair, the sweet smell of shampoo mixed with his musky aftershave stirring my senses. ‘Don’t cry,’ he whispered. ‘I’ll buy you a new dress.’
‘It’s not the dress. It’s the ruined evening. It was our first Valentine’s together and some drunk idiots messed it up.’
‘Hey, it’s not messed up. If anything, they’ve made it better.’
‘How can you possibly think that?’
‘I get you all to myself.’ He moved his soapy hands onto my tense shoulders and expertly massaged them. ‘We’ll have other Valentine’s Days to celebrate together.’
We’d never spoken about a future together. ‘Will we?’ I whispered. ‘Does that mean you can see me in your life for a bit longer?’
Andy stopped massaging my shoulders and shifted his position so he could look into my eyes. ‘I can see you in my life forever,’ he said. ‘I love you, Sarah.’
I hadn’t wanted to be the one who said it first. Elise had told me she’d been the first to say she loved Gary and had always regretted not hearing it from him first. I was glad I’d waited as it truly was a magical moment. ‘I love you too, Andy.’
Searching for Steven (Whitsborough Bay Trilogy Book 1) Page 24
