Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1)

by Audrina Lane

  I scanned through a couple of weeks as it appeared that I was obviously in the midst of study leave and revision as the entries were short and each ended with sentiments about missing James. I stopped and pulled out some of the letters that were still stuck between the pages of the diary. James’ handwriting was definitely distinctive as I smiled at all the strange things we used to talk about on paper. Imagine if we had mobile phones like my daughter did now, it some ways this would have been great, but looking at the faded and torn pages of the letters meant so much more than text on a small screen.

  After all if that had been the case the messages would have long since been deleted, lost forever in cyberspace. I held the one letter up to my nose as I remembered that James used to spray them with aftershave after I had sent my letters sprayed with my perfume. Perhaps I imagined that I could still smell the faint scent of him and with it my memories. Then I found the next dates when I had been lucky enough to escape the drudgery of revision for a long weekend with James. As I started to read I realised it was the weekend when his parents had gone away, so I carried the diary with me and headed to my favourite rocking chair in the conservatory.

  Friday 29th April, 1988

  I can hardly wait to finish my packing. James is coming to collect me so that we can spend another weekend at his parent’s house. However the most exciting part of this was that his parents were not going to be there so it would just be the two of us, together, all weekend long. Thankfully the weather has turned warm so I am packing some of my mini skirts and dresses to allow my legs to see some sunshine. Also I knew that James loved my legs, every single inch of them he had said when we had last been together and he had snaked a trail of kisses up and down them. I blushed just remembering those sensations and hoping for more to come this weekend.

  Although I have now been on the pill for over a month I have not told James this as I don’t want him to rush me into anything, not that I think he will as he is always saying that he is happy to go at my pace. This was a good thing even though I was not even sure what my pace was? When we were apart I felt certain that I wanted to go much, much further but I was still so scared of taking the next steps.

  Hearing his car pull onto the drive I waited in my room, knowing that my Mum would shout and then tell James to head on up. It was always going to be a much better hello kiss when my parents were not in sight or sound of us. I listened to his steps taking forever on the stairs, then the door opened and a furry face popped into sight followed by James.

  “I bought you a cuddly present for when I am not here with you” he said, as I took the pink elephant off him, this one had a flower saying I am yours. Then I was in his arms before I could even say thank you, showering him with my enthusiastic kisses.

  Following him back downstairs James carried my bag and I carried the toy as I didn’t want to leave it in my room alone for the weekend.

  “Would you like a coffee” Mum asked, as we entered the kitchen, on our way to the car.

  “Thanks but I think we’ll get going” James said.

  “Ok have a good weekend and give my regards to Pam and Peter” Mum finished. I nodded and tried not to blush and give away the fact that they were not going to be there.

  “Bye Mrs M, see you on Sunday evening” James said, as we headed out to the car. Driving off I started to laugh.

  “You don’t think she’s guessed” I said

  “Well, you do need to learn to control your blushing” James said. He reached across and squeezed my knee.

  As the music played in the car, we sang along, talked some more and took it in turns to stroke each other’s legs or just hold hands. When we arrived in his driveway I felt suddenly nervous again. James hurried round to open my car door and my nerves dispersed as I knew that I was with the man I loved. The man who I hoped loved me maybe almost as much as I did him. The house felt quiet with just the two of us but once I had dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs we headed into the kitchen for a drink. I hopped up onto the worktop whilst we waited for the kettle to boil. My blood reached boiling point far quicker than the kettle as James took my head in his hands and fitting his body between my dangling legs as we kissed long and hard and deep.

  Then he just lifted me up and carried me into the lounge where we settled onto the sofa, drinks forgotten in the heat of our embrace.

  “I love this skirt” he said, as it rode up my legs revealing more and more skin as I sat astride him and his fingers trailed their way up and down my smooth skin. The hours ticked by as we continued rediscovering each other, however my stomach soon started to growl with hunger of a different kind.

  “Shall we order take away?” James asked

  “Yes, please” I sighed as we managed to pull our lips away from each others.

  “Pizza, Chinese, Indian or Fish n Chips?”

  “Pizza would be lovely” I replied, feeling ravenous and also in need of a quick trip to the bathroom.

  As James grabbed the phone to order, I headed upstairs and placed my bag in James’ room. At the same time I placed my elephant toy next to his on the shelf as it seemed to be fitting that our toys were together too. I loved that he had cleaned his room as it smelt of polish more than of him and I noticed that he had a copy of Top Gun on video lying on the shelf. I picked it up and headed back downstairs to the lounge.

  “Can we watch this?”

  James smiled and grabbed it from my hands.

  “Yes, so long as you don’t drool over Tom all night”

  “Deal” I replied, “Anyway, I don’t want to let you out of my sight now that we are back together” I murmured, reaching up to kiss him on the lips.

  The pizza arrived and we settled onto the sofa and watched the film together for the first time. It was his favourite film and fast becoming mine too. When the love scene started and the familiar lilting melody of ‘Take my breath away’ began I looked at James just as he looked over at me.

  “Shall we?” he asked as he pulled me into his arms again. The rest of the film played on in the background as we kissed and then let our hands wander. Firstly over our clothes but then as the intensity increased my top was on the floor, followed shortly by my bra and James’ t-shirt and jeans, lastly my skirt which hadn’t been covering much anyway.

  Then feeling incredibly confidant I pulled away and leapt off the sofa.

  “Come and catch me” I giggled as I quickly ran through the door and upstairs. I only just made it to his room before he grabbed me from behind and started to tickle me like crazy before he pinned me down on his bed and the tickles became caresses. We eventually disappeared underneath the duvet and continued to explore, as I took the initiative and removed his boxer shorts so that I could stroke him again. I was so caught up in the moment that I almost didn’t feel his fingers as they ran over the lace of my knickers.

  “Can I” he asked, cautiously. Oh my god, half of me wanted to say yes but the other half was terrified “It’s ok if you don’t want me too” James continued as he ran his hands through my hair.

  “I’m sorry, I’m letting you down” I mumbled as the tears started to fall down my cheeks and I tried to turn away from him, but he wiped the tears away gently and kissed me so that I soon forgot.

  “I love you Stephanie and I will wait for as long as it takes”

  “I love you too, James and I want to experience this with you but I’m scared as I’ve never done this before” I responded “What if I disappoint you?”

  “Believe me, you could never disappoint me”

  Happy again I relaxed back into his embrace and as it was late we fell asleep, curled up together.

  Saturday 30th April, 1988

  The sun shining through the window woke us up and after a few good morning kisses James popped out of bed and wrapped in his dressing gown went and made us some coffee and toast. While he was gone I took the chance to have a better look around his room and when he came back in the room he was greeted by the sight of me, kneeling up on his
bed to look at all his albums lined up on the shelf.

  “Any you want to hear?” he asked, putting the tray down on his bedside table.

  “Lots, I want to know everything about you”

  “Everything?” he arched his eyebrows, as a grin spread across his face. I loved this man so much it hurt and he had told me that he loved me last night for the very first time, it was such a special moment. I turned to fall into his awaiting arms again, this was where I belonged.

  After a very pleasurable morning in bed I eventually pulled away from him and decided to have a shower. As the warm water played over my skin it felt like heaven as I had the chance to replay the events of last night in my mind. Had I been wrong to deny him? Even though he had said it was ok and that he would wait, where would I find the courage from to take the next step? Lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear the bathroom door open until a draft of cold air hit my skin and I turned to find James standing there, completely naked and holding a sponge

  “Thought I would wash your back for you” he grinned, as he stepped under the water next to me.

  How could I resist the feel of his fingers on my wet skin as he poured shower gel onto my back and slowly rubbed it in, the sponge lay forgotten on the floor. It felt heavenly as I languished under his expert touch, letting his hands wander down my back and over my bum and then my legs and then slowly climbing back up. Turning around I offered to do the same for him and after a quick kiss he turned away from me and I got to work with the shower gel, my hands marvelling over his taunt muscles and his excellent bum and legs. I still could not believe that this gorgeous man was with me and I loved it. When I had finished he turned around and pouring some more gel into the palm of his hand he said

  “I’ll do your front now” as he slowly massaged my shoulders first and then down to my breasts, which apparently required a lot of attention.

  Slowly his hands ran down my stomach and I shut my eyes, trying to control my slightly panicky breathing as he knelt down and ran them over my legs and slowly back up. I knew he was seeing all of me for the first time as I heard his breath shorten as his hands steadied themselves on my upper thighs.

  Suddenly we heard the phone ringing and this seemed to break the spell as James quickly hopped out of the shower and grabbing his dressing gown he ran downstairs to answer it.

  I breathed out slowly and turned the shower off, so that by the time James had returned upstairs I was already wrapped in a towel.

  “Who was it?”

  “Felicity asking if I could work this evening so I told her no” he replied as he reached for me and I entered the safe circle of his arms.

  “Have I told you how beautiful you are recently” he murmured.

  “Yes, but you can tell me again if you like” I sighed, as his lips met mine.

  We spent the day shopping in nearby Warwick, I bought him some more shower gel as we had almost emptied the bottle this morning, I didn’t notice that James had picked up a bottle of baby oil until he dropped it into my bag.

  “What’s that for?”

  “Later” he replied.

  We went to the supermarket as James was going to cook for me when we got back; Spaghetti Bolognese was on the menu along with a bottle of wine.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk later then?” I giggled, as we held hands at the checkout and I could see the girl serving us was obviously impressed by James. I couldn’t help the smug smile that crept over my face.

  Back at home I helped in the kitchen and then I headed upstairs to get changed for the occasion. I had bought a new lilac dress and it was quite short and very figure hugging and I wanted to see what James thought of it. I piled my hair up in a loose ponytail and applied a slick of lipstick, which was hardly on for 2 seconds as I entered the dining room and James took in the effort that I had made for him.

  “We are definitely not going out with you in that outfit, I would never stop all the other guys staring at you” he breathed as he carefully planted kisses on the back of my neck.

  “And I would never be able to keep my hands off you either” he finished as they coiled around me and pulled me close.

  The food was lovely, the wine made me dizzy and the company was superb. When we finished James grabbed my hand and we disappeared upstairs to his bedroom

  “I am going to give you a massage this evening” he declared as he pulled me close and I abandoned myself to his kisses as he carefully removed my clothes. I caught his smile when he noticed the underwear was the set he had bought me for my birthday but which was soon discarded. I lay on the bed face down so he could do my back first closing my eyes it was lovely to feel the baby oil sliding over my skin under James’ touch. I had never had a massage before so I couldn’t comment as to whether it was good or not, all I knew is that I felt both relaxed and aroused at the same time.

  “Turn over” he commanded. As the room was lit by a small bedside lamp I breathed in and turned over, allowing James access to the whole of my body. I was naked under his gaze, totally aware of the blush spreading all over my skin.

  “Close your eyes if it helps” he whispered as his lips kissed my forehead “Just say stop at any moment, you know I won’t mind” he continued as he tipped more oil onto my skin. I was on fire, trembling and breathless under his touch, his fingers touched me everywhere and I didn’t care, I was his, he was mine. I was falling, drowning, floating words could not begin to describe it. This felt better than any of the books I had read or any of the films I had seen, it was in my mind the lyrics from my favourite George Michael song Father Figure

  “That’s all I wanted, something special, something sacred – in your eyes. For just one moment to be bold and naked at your side. Sometimes I think that you’ll never understand me. Maybe this time is forever….say it can be”

  The spell was broken when James suddenly looked up and said.

  “What are you smiling at in that strange way?” I blushed again and said

  “I’ve been singing Father Figure in my head”

  “Shall I put it on the stereo?” he asked.

  “Yes, please” I responded, suddenly shy beneath his gaze so I quickly pulled the duvet over me. He reached for his copy of Faith and then carefully placed the needle over the second track as the melody in my head suddenly filled the room.

  Cuddling up to me under the duvet we listened in silence, I could see a slow smile spreading over James lips as he said in time with the song.

  “I will be the one who loves you till the end of time” It was the most perfect moment in my whole life.

  I wiped the tears away that were shamelessly falling down my cheeks, as I put the diary aside. What had happened to the end of time? My love had finished far too early and I could never move on. I was trapped once again in that exquisite moment knowing the joys that were to come, further in the diary, followed by the horrific aftermath that had changed my life forever. Suddenly I realised that it was gone eleven and I needed to get ready for work. I did the lunchtime request session on Love Shack radio. I never knew what songs would be asked for on a day? I might even get to play George Michael although perhaps it was not a good idea to dredge all those memories up again from the past, after all I had moved on. Or had I?

  Chapter 16

  It was the weekend of the Midland dance finals and Charlotte was a bundle of nerves as I helped her gather her outfit together so that she wouldn’t miss the bus. I noticed that she looked rather radiant and extremely excited all at the same time.

  “Shall I keep my fingers crossed for you?” I asked before she headed to catch up with Julia and get their seats on the bus.

  “Yes Mum, I’ll text you and let you know how we get on” she promised.

  I waved and watched the bus head out of sight before I headed off to work.

  “God I am so excited” breathed Charlotte as she sat down next to Julia.

  “Mitchell” Julia replied

  “Yes, I have already texted him today saying I am looking forw
ard to seeing him again at the competition”

  “You have got it bad” Julia laughed, as she watched Charlie get her mirror out of her bag and check her make-up.

  “You look fine” Julia said

  “Fine’s not good enough I want to bowl him over the first moment he sees me again” Charlie replied, smiling back at her reflection.

  The bus journey seemed to drag but soon they were once again outside the grandeur of the LG arena. There seemed to be a heightened level of excitement and nerves buzzing around the whole place. This time they had to perform two dances, a repeat of their winning dance from the heats followed in the afternoon by their new dance. As Charlotte and Julia wandered around, she was suddenly startled to hear her name being called.

  “Charlie….Charlie” came the male voice, as she turned to see Mitchell running down the corridor towards them.

  “Mitch” she breathed, feeling the blush spreading over her face, and desperately hoping he wouldn’t notice it.

  He stopped in front of the two of them and there was an awkward silence.

  “I’ll go get us a bottle of water?” Julia said, “Nice to meet you again” she finished as she turned and dropped Charlotte a wink.

  “How are you?” they both said at almost the same time, then both laughed and looked away, Charlotte could feel herself shaking with nerves.

  “Fine, bit nervous though” Mitch said, as they walked along together towards the café area.

  “Me too” responded Charlotte “Thanks for sending me the clip of Umbrella, it looked great”

  “You are one hell of a dancer” Mitch responded.