by Nikki Chase
If we keep this up, I’ll have to tell Gabe the truth. He knows something's up now; he’ll get it out of me. But if I confess, then he’ll probably feel deceived. I’d rather not end it on that bitter note.
There's no chance we can just keep on floating as we have so far. We've come to the fork in the stream, and it's time to make a choice.
“Go away, Gabe,” I say between my sobs.
“What did you just call me?” he asks.
“I said go away!” I scream. I’ve stopped caring about passers-by staring. I’m crumbling inside; I don't have the energy to care about what strangers think of me.
Gabe takes big strides with his long legs and gets in front of me, blocking my way.
I evade him and keep walking, but he runs up to block me again and starts to walk backward while facing me.
“If you're not going to stop, I’ll just have to start walking with you. It’s okay. We can talk like this. This is definitely the most mature way to solve a problem,” he says.
The last jab stings. For the longest time, I felt like he didn't see me as an equal because of the colossal age gap. (Hey, eight years is a big age difference for a sixteen-year-old girl.)
I thought I was finally old enough for him. But maybe I’ll never be. It doesn't matter. I won't have any contact with him again.
“Leave me alone, Gabe.”
He remains quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. I won't bother you, Jacqueline. I’ll stop asking questions and leave you alone.”
Surprised, my gaze automatically flies up to meet his.
You're just going to let me go so easily?
Despite the fact that I was the one who asked him to leave, I feel kind of betrayed.
It doesn't make sense, I know. I’m the one trying to walk away from him.
But somewhere along the way, I lost my rational thought and gained some messy emotions instead.
Gabe's lips widen to form a cocky smile as satisfaction fills his eyes.
Damn it. He must've noticed something about me that he can use to make me stay.
And yet a part of me sings, happy that he’d fight for me.
Secretly, I’m rooting for him to win this round. I want him to convince me to give in to this vortex of magnetic attraction pulling us together.
I’d much rather he kidnap me and keep me locked up in a cage, rather than go on as Jacqueline Summers. I’d give up my name, my career, and my identity to be with him.
Too bad I can't just ditch my family. I would if I could, especially if it means I can officially become Gabe's woman.
“Okay, what do I have to do to get rid of you?” I know I’m being cruel with the words I use, but it's better for him to be angry at me than it is for him to stay in love with me.
Love is evil. I know that now. It lures you in and traps you with sweetness and light, then tosses you into a dungeon and throws away the key. It keeps you prisoner.
And the worst thing about it? You don't want to leave this prison, even if all you have left of the initial sweetness and light are memories.
“Stop and I’ll tell you,” Gabe says.
I give myself permission to obey him and stop. It feels right to follow his orders. It feels like the most natural thing to do.
“Good girl.” He smiles at me and my knees go weak.
Shit. I may have made a mistake.
How am I supposed to start walking away from him again? I had momentum, but not anymore.
“Just get to the point. I have places to go,” I say curtly.
Gabe towers above me and traps me with his piercing gaze. “Liar.”
“Excuse me?” I raise my voice.
“You heard me.” Gabe stalks closer, looking like a predator about to pounce.
I glare at him.
I’m actually terrified. My heart is beating faster than the typing of a secretary from the fifties.
But I can't show him any weakness. He's already seen enough.
“I know what you are, Jacqueline Summers,” Gabe says as he takes yet another step closer. “You're a liar.”
Instinctively, my right foot steps backward, creating more space between us.
“I thought you were determined to keep walking forward, so why are you going the other way now?” In a commanding voice, he says, “Stay.”
Like a good dog, I freeze up at the command.
I’m hopeless. I just can't say “no” to him.
“You said you had places to go, but we planned to spend the whole day together. You don't actually have anywhere else to go.” Gabe's green eyes glint dangerously in the afternoon sunlight. “You say this is just a fling, but you're crying like someone’s just murdered your puppy.”
I'm actually not sobbing anymore now. The tears on my cheeks are starting to dry up. But my nose is still stuffed and my eyes must still be red.
I can tell him I’m not crying, of course. But I’d sound as convincing as a kid who's just yawned at bedtime but insists he's not sleepy.
“Just tell me what that one thing you want me to do is.” I put on a brave voice and challenge him. “Or are you a liar too?”
“I haven't told you one lie, angel. I love you,” he says with unexpected tenderness. He levels his gaze at me, letting me see the storm in his eyes. “Now, look at me and tell me you don't have any feelings for me.”
He's not letting me go until I say it. I know he means that. I can tell by the glow of determination in his brilliant eyes.
It's only words.
I don't have any feelings for you.
Only seven words.
It’ll take about three seconds to say it.
“I don't have—”
“Look me in the eye when you say it,” Gabe cuts me off.
God. As if it wasn't hard enough the first time.
I raise my gaze and stare at him. I hope I look like someone who doesn't care what happens next.
“I don't—” my voice cracks “—have…”
I try to get the words out, but Gabe's eyes demand my honesty. He sees how much this is affecting me, and he probably knows I’m lying.
Still, he did say he'd get off my back, right?
I clear my throat and blink down the tears that are pricking my eyes.
I fix my gaze firmly on Gabe’s gorgeous face.
“I don't have any feelings for you,” I say in one breath.
There.
I did it.
The world turns into a blur and the next thing I know, Gabe's wiping my tears away with his thumb. Gently. Carefully, like I’m something fragile and precious. Lovingly.
He was telling the truth. He does love me.
It’s like a crack that has been spreading for a while has finally torn a hole in my armor. The pressure within me is fighting to break out. I can’t stop the tears. I can’t patch the crack.
“Don’t touch me.” It takes all my strength to say it because his hand feels like heaven. But this simply can’t go on, and he’s making it hard for me to walk away.
Gabe says nothing. He just continues to catch my tears with his fingers.
“You said you’d leave me alone if I said it. I already did that,” I say in a shaky voice.
Who am I kidding?
I know the words I say stand in complete opposition to the way I look, with my red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
“You’re a liar, Jacqueline Summers.” Gabe’s gentle voice penetrates my skin and fills my being.
He’s right. He knows I’m lying to him, and yet he’s still here.
But he still doesn’t know the truth. If he did, that would change everything.
And if we go on like this, he’ll inevitably find out.
“You don’t know me, Gabriel,” I say.
“Don’t I?” Gabe raises an eyebrow. “I know you have the cab company on speed dial because you’re always rushing somewhere. I know you mean to take the bus, but there’s never as much time as you think.
“I know you love the color red—and I l
ike it on you; you always look stunning in red. I know you’re a hard worker. You’re curious and you’re a quick learner—I bet you used to be the teacher’s pet.
“I know you like it when I kiss your neck. Sometimes you start to let go, but you pull away and ask me to treat you rough as soon as it gets too emotional. I see you shut down and I always hate it when it happens.
“You think I don’t see you, but I do, angel,” Gabe says with a tender gaze and a small smile. “I see you. And I know you.”
I know he does. I can’t be around him and hide myself.
But there’s one thing about me he doesn’t know. And it happens to be pretty important.
If he knows who I am…
But if he loves me, maybe he’d stay…?
Does he want to live with a constant reminder of Sam’s death, though? And can he forgive me, after everything my family has put him through?
“Gabe, I…” I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it won’t go away. “There’s something you need to know about me.”
“What is it, angel?” Gabe looks at me with concern in his eyes.
Just blurt it out. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid, I tell myself.
But instead of words, more tears spring forth.
This is the scariest thing I’ve ever had to do.
What if he stops loving me?
What if he takes back all his words and walk away?
What if I’ll never see him again for the rest of my life?
“You don’t have to tell me, angel.” Gabe strokes my hair with his big, strong hand. “I love you, and there’s nothing in the world that can change my mind about you.”
Fresh tears well up in my eyes and run down my face.
But this time, it’s different.
This is hope.
“Just tell me you love me,” he says.
Without even thinking, the words form easily on my tongue and slide smoothly out of my mouth. “I love you.”
“I know.” Gabe’s lips curl up into a big smile. “And I love you.”
Gabe kisses me.
My face is red and my nose is blocked. A cloud of dust floats around us every time a car passes by. My hair is probably a mess.
But it doesn’t matter. Because Gabe’s kissing me.
He loves me.
Nothing else matters.
Jacqueline
We took the apartment.
Yes, we. As in Gabe and I.
And yes, that apartment. The one that we saw together right before I confessed my feelings. The one that I really, really like.
I don’t remember much about what happened after we made a scene on the sidewalk. I floated on cloud nine for the rest of the day. Gabe took me back to his hotel room and we fell asleep in each other’s arms all through the night.
Tonight will be the last night we sleep at the hotel. After two weeks, the lack of space is starting to get to me. The room feels claustrophobic, and I hate having to call the front desk every time I need an extra packet of sugar.
But today, we’re getting the keys to the new apartment. Gabe’s lease starts today, and we’ll be moving in tomorrow. By nightfall, we should be trying to christen every room in the house.
Only Gabe’s name is on the lease, and only Gabe will be paying the rent. I insisted on paying half of it, but he said my money should go toward paying off my student loan.
Still, for all intents and purposes, it’s going to be our apartment. Our love nest.
I haven’t gone home to see Mom or Ray in days. The last time I dropped by, it was only to get some clothes and toiletries. I didn’t even get a chance to see anyone before I hopped back into a cab.
I feel bad about spending so little time with them, but it’s not like we used to be the kind of family that gathers around the dining table and has a lively conversation.
Mostly, we stuck to our own rooms. And I’ve always had a busy schedule, both as a medical student and as an intern, so I never got to see them much anyway.
Whatever. I’m twenty-four. I make good money. It’s only natural for me to move out. Why should I have to feel guilty about it?
I thumb through the yellow folder of documents organized by the patient’s surname. Dr. Crenshaw wants me to enter this data into the computer system.
It’s mundane, mind-numbing work. But someone’s got to do it. And that someone is apparently a medical school graduate who has racked up more than $100,000 in debt to get her education.
Sometimes it bugs me that for all the work I do in medical school, almost half of my workday consists of recording information. But I tell myself I didn’t get into medicine for the prestige, and even this admin work is part of helping people.
But lately, I’ve been so happy I haven’t really minded the work. Being in love is like wearing a pair of glasses that makes everything seem better. Sort of like those Instagram filter, but it works in real life and not just in digital pictures.
“How’s my favorite little sister doing?”
I jump from the shock, almost dropping the yellow folder in my hand onto the linoleum floor.
Ray grins as he leans against the counter, showing no remorse. He scans the area, his gaze resting on two young nurses who are grappling with some paperwork.
Oh, hell no. Ray’s not going to hit on those nurses and infiltrate my “work” box. He’ll stay where he is, in the “family” box.
Someday I’ll tell Gabe the truth, but it won’t be today. It won’t happen this way, with Ray making a big scene in my workplace, risking both my relationship and my career.
“What are you doing here?” I ask brusquely.
“What, I can’t see my own little sister?” Ray seems distracted. Even though he’s talking to me, his gaze has been flicking between me and something—or someone—behind me.
“You’ve never come here just to see me.”
“Well, you’ve also never disappeared for weeks until Mom gets so worried she nags me to come and find you. What is it, you finally found a boyfriend or something?”
I frown. “Mom did that?”
“You know how she is,” Ray shrugs.
“Where is she now?” I look over Ray’s shoulders down the hallway, expecting to see a brunette who’s secretly sixty, even though she looks forty-five.
“I didn’t take her here.” Ray’s tone seems to imply that I’m crazy for suggesting he’d take Mom to the hospital just to see me. “She’s at home. My friends are there too; we were watching a game. I went out for some beers at half-time and I happened to pass by the hospital on my way to the liquor store. ”
“Oh. Okay. As you can see, I’m fine.”
“Both Mom and I have been calling you. You should check your phone more often. You know how she gets when it comes to unanswered calls,” Ray says accusingly.
My heart grows heavy with guilt. Yes, I know. I know because I get that way too, ever since Sam ignored me and ended up doing what he did.
“I know,” I say. “My bad. I’m sorry. Please tell Mom I’m okay.”
“Okay.”
Ray’s no longer looking at me. His gaze is focused on one particular point behind me.
Has he found a girl he likes?
But his muscles are tense. It doesn’t look like he’s just casually checking out some chicks.
I turn around and feel the blood drain out of me.
It’s Gabe. He’s in the hallway, talking to a nurse. Luckily, he’s not walking this way right now.
But if he sees me, he’ll come here for sure. At the very least, he’ll nonchalantly brush his hand against my butt as he walks past.
I put my hand on Ray’s shoulder and turn him around to face the other way. “This hospital is like a maze. I’ll take you to the lobby so you don’t get lost.”
I start walking, expecting Ray to follow me, but he doesn’t budge. He remains in place, squinting at Gabe.
“Ray, come on,” I say. My mouth feels dry.
Gabe’s far enough for Ray to n
ot recognize him right away. But if he just takes a few steps in the wrong direction, Ray will see who that tall doctor really is.
“Who’s that fuckface over there?” Sparks of anger light up Ray’s eyes.
Things are not looking good.
“That’s, uh, Dr. Dorian,” I say, saying a random name from Scrubs, my favorite medical TV show.
“That’s not…” Ray squints at Gabe once again and slowly twists to look at me. “I swear he looks like Sam’s friend, Gabe. You remember that guy?”
Of course. “That guy” had his cock buried inside me last night in the kitchen, and this morning in the bathroom.
But Ray can’t find out about him. He’s the last person who should know Gabe’s back in town.
I rest a hand on my hip, hoping to appear relaxed. Frowning, I say, “I vaguely remember someone like that, but it’s been a really long time, Ray. You probably don’t remember what he really looks like, because that’s Dr. John Dorian.”
“Are you sure?” Ray takes another look at Gabe.
Shit. This is exactly what I was afraid of.
Adrenaline pumps into my bloodstream, sending my heart rate up. I get restless.
I need to do something. Now.
“Yeah, of course I’m sure,” I say. “I see the guy every day. Come on, let’s go. You look like a creep, staring at some guy like that.”
“Jackie, I’m serious. That’s the guy. I’m sure.” Ray starts to take a step toward Gabe, his hands balled into fists.
“I know you’re sure, but that doesn’t mean you’re right.” I jump in front of Ray, blocking his path and his view. “Come on, Ray, please don’t make a scene here. I work here. Don’t embarrass me at my workplace.”
Ray studies me. “I’m not going to embarrass you. I’ll just walk up to him and ask him what his name is.”
I stop myself from rolling my eyes. Knowing Ray, he’d probably be rude and weird about it. Having dropped out of college and remained unemployed for years, Ray has no idea how to behave in a professional setting.
“No,” I say firmly. “I can’t have you risking my job just because you think an attending physician is someone else.”
“Are you seriously telling me that guy is not Gabe?” Ray asks incredulously.
“I told you. His name is John Dorian,” I say, thanking my lucky stars that Ray doesn’t watch Scrubs.
