His hands went to his hips and a look of pure disbelief crossed his face. He looked ten seconds from exploding. “You’re giving me a work evaluation?”
She couldn’t tell if he was stalling while his mind came up with a snappy answer or if he really didn’t understand how he came off to the world. “You’re great at the job. I doubt you even realize how good you are. It’s a natural skill for you. People listen to you. You’re organized. You can get things moving and straightened out. You’ve been the perfect closer.”
He shook his head. “What does any of this have to do with Jeff Berger?”
Nothing, everything. She wasn’t sure how to explain how it all came together in her head, so she didn’t even try.
She moved away from him, slipped behind her desk. Stood with her hands on the back of her chair. It provided a wall of sorts, a shield for what she feared was to come. “This issue is so much bigger than him.”
He threw his hands up. “Fill me in because I’m lost.”
But that tone. He wasn’t engaged and listening, wanting to get it. That tone was defensive. It was the one he used as he prepared for verbal battle. She’d heard it before. He used it on business associates and on her.
It meant he was already closing a door. She could almost feel it slam shut on her.
“You’re a good closer because what’s required of that job is wrapping up and moving on. Your specialty area.” It seemed so clear to her now. No wonder he volunteered to handle those tasks for Derrick while Ellie was on bed rest.
“We’re back to talking about my dad and what happened back then?” Spence rested his palms against her desk. Leaned down and faced off with her right over her desk. “Are you kidding me? I thought we moved forward.”
“When?”
“Isn’t that what the sex was about?”
The walls shook from the force of his voice. She glanced at the door, happy that it was closed. But people walking by had to know a fight waged in her office.
Let them listen.
She struggled to keep her voice calm. Did not let him see that the sex comment slashed through her. “Have we ever dealt with the underlying issue?”
“That you’re afraid of commitment.”
Her mouth dropped open. She felt it go. “Me?”
He pushed off the desk and stood up straight again. “You are so sure people are going to leave you.”
The comment hit its mark. She felt it right to the center of her chest. But he was missing a very important piece of this puzzle. “You did leave me.”
“I messed up, Abby. I am sorry.” He turned away from her for a second and wiped a hand through his hair. When he looked at her again, his eyes were wild. It was as if the warring inside him was tearing him apart. “I will say it to you however many times it takes to make it better for you. Just tell me.”
It was so tempting to drop the subject. Go to him, hug it out. Pretend that this subject and the worry wouldn’t haunt her nights...but it would.
“Promise me you won’t do it again.” It was an impossible request. So unfair of her, and she knew that. She just didn’t know how else to say what she needed.
She’d spent a lifetime losing the people she loved. She closed the circle, only let a few in. But the point was she had let him in. Now she worried he was clawing against the walls to get out again.
“I...what are you talking about?” His voice came out as a ragged whisper.
“Jeff’s stuff was another hole you could slip through. An excuse you could use to go.”
Spence shook his head. His voice carried a pleading tone now. “I didn’t. I stood in that office and defended you.”
“You wanted to know why I didn’t tell you about Jeff and his threats.” The words stuck in her throat but she pushed them out. She’d only just figured out half of this herself, and it sucked to dump it on him. But it was about him. “In part, I wanted to handle it. Not give Derrick another burden. Back then, not give him a reason to doubt me because he was my boss and you were gone.”
“Sure, that makes sense.”
“This time, I kept it quiet so you wouldn’t have a reason to doubt me.”
His shoulders fell, as if the will had run right out of him. “You are confusing all of these things. They aren’t related to each other.”
“I can’t wait around for you to leave me again.” She almost sobbed when she said it, but there it was. The real fear. The one that spun around inside her, getting bigger, grabbing on to everything. It tainted the good times and made the idea of being pregnant almost impossible to bear.
His eyes looked empty now. The voice, the way he stood there, as if his muscles had stopped working. It all suggested that he was lost. She would do anything to lead him back to her, but he had to help her. He needed to recognize that this was an issue and fight with her.
“How about trusting me enough to know I’m going to stay.”
The words pummeled her. “Trust is earned.”
“You’re saying I don’t deserve it.” It wasn’t a question. He said it as a statement of fact.
That’s not how she meant it. She did not see him as a lost cause. He was smart and funny, charming and sexy. He had a bone-deep loyalty, because that is why he came back to help Derrick. Not out of curiosity.
He was her everything and could be all she ever wanted. When she looked at him she knew she’d love him forever.
That realization had her pressing her hand against her chest. “I haven’t seen many clues that you intend to put down roots. No house. No new work.”
He made a strangled sound. “You and the baby. The maybe baby.”
All the hope ran out of her then. She leaned harder against the chair to keep from falling to the floor. “That’s exactly the wrong answer.”
“Why?”
“I need you to stay because you want to, not because you have to.” It was just that simple. After a lifetime of settling for limited friendships and not going too deep, she wanted it all. “Until you make a decision about that, you need to stay away.”
“Abby.” He reached for her.
She was already moving. She held open the door, knowing he would go. He should. The things he needed to decide had to be done without her. All she could do was hope he’d come back. “The choice is yours.”
* * *
Later that night, after ignoring a series of Jameson-related calls and Jackson’s knock at the door, Abby sat on her couch. She’d put on her sweatpants and curled up in the corner. The move usually made her feel better, but not this time.
She wasn’t alone, but she didn’t blame the company. It was hard to get angry with a pregnant woman who refused to leave the hallway until Abby let her in. Stubbornness ran deep in Ellie.
“Are you supposed to be out of bed?” Abby asked for the third time.
Ellie didn’t take the hint. She leaned into the cushions and rubbed her nonexistent belly. “This sounded like an emergency.”
Not that Abby had thrown up the white flag. She’d purposely not bothered Ellie because she didn’t want to upset her. She also didn’t want Ellie getting together with another Jameson and ganging up on Spence. He needed to come to whatever conclusion he came to on his own.
Just thinking about that sent a new wave of sadness crashing through Abby. Spence was the type who did better with a little guidance. He was someone her grandmother would say needed a good woman. Abby really wanted to be that.
Since she didn’t squeal, Abby knew that left a few suspects. “Derrick told you about what happened in the office.”
Abby was pretty sure her fight with Spence had already made the rounds at the company. They hadn’t been quiet. And the look on his face as he walked out of her office. She felt like she’d kicked a puppy.
“Derrick and Carter told Jackson, who called me. Then Derrick texted. Carter ca
me by the house.” Ellie cited the list in a singsongy voice. “Honestly, it was this weird chain of communication from Jameson men.”
Abby noticed one name was missing. “Not all of them.”
“No, Spence is likely afraid of me right now, which is not a bad thing.”
Ellie’s smile was almost chilling. Abby hated to think what that meant. “What did you do?”
“Told him to stop being a—” Ellie’s voice cut off as she waved a hand in the air. “That’s enough about him. How are you?”
Nice try. “A mess.”
Ellie put a pillow in front of her and held on to it like a life jacket. “I can see that.”
“Thanks.” She owned a mirror. She knew.
“But the look is familiar. I had it when I thought Derrick and I were over.”
Abby still couldn’t believe that happened. “You two are so obviously perfect for each other.”
Ellie snorted. “So, you can see it in others just not in your own life.”
They’d circled right back to Spence. No surprise there. Abby was impressed with how quickly Ellie managed it. “You’re lucky you’re pregnant.”
“Spill.” Ellie threw the pillow to the side and shifted so that she sat sideways on the couch, facing Abby. “Now. I have a ticking clock here. Jackson brought me over. Once Derrick figures that out, he’ll yell this building down.”
Rather than debate about where she should be, Abby dove in. What was the harm in reliving this disaster one more time? “You heard about Jeff Berger.”
Ellie nodded. “Yep, unfortunately. And if I never hear his name again, I’ll be thrilled.”
“Same here.” Some of the energy ran out of Abby there. She’d been holding it together, but only by a thread. When she looked at Ellie’s face now, she wanted to just get the rest out. “He’s a runner, Ellie.”
Ellie frowned. “This Berger guy?”
“You know who I’m talking about. He hasn’t settled in. He’s living out of your house and mine. His workload is a mix of odds and ends, other people’s stuff.” Abby cut off the list before it got so long that it strangled the last little bit of hope inside her. “You know he could pick up again.”
“You’re jumping around. First, this Berger guy. Now the running thing.”
“It’s all part of the same problem.” At least it was in Abby’s head. “He’s looking for reasons to go. I tie him here. Other things tie him here. But does he really want to be here? I just feel like he’s hiding things.”
Ellie made a humming sound. “Like you did when you withheld the details of this Berger guy’s threats.”
Okay...well...that was an annoying comparison. “It’s not the same thing.”
“Sure it is. It’s all about trust. Neither of you have moved past what happened before and forgiven each other.”
Abby got stuck on the “neither” part. “What did I do?”
“Oh, most of the blame goes to Spence and his father. But how much of a fight did you put up?” Ellie’s eyebrow lifted. “I’m betting you assumed Spence would leave, because your life is easier when you don’t connect with people all that much. Then he confirmed your worst fears. Rather than yelling at him like he deserved, you retreated.”
That was ridiculous...wasn’t it? “I don’t retreat.”
Ellie let out an annoying snort. A pretty loud one, too. “Do you love him?”
Abby didn’t stall or gloss over the question. She hit it head-on. “More than anything.”
It felt weird to say the words. To hear them out there. She did love him. Like, couldn’t-think-straight love him.
“Then let him in and insist he do the same with you.” Ellie smiled as if she’d solved all the world’s problems. “As an objective observer, neither of you is going anywhere.”
“I’m not.” Abby was hoping he wasn’t. Which meant only one thing. Ellie was right. “You sort of make some sense. Kind of.”
“That must have hurt to admit.”
Abby made a face. “A little.”
“Good.” When Abby started to say something, Ellie held up her hand. “I mean it’s good because the rest of the family is exhausted by the inability of both of you otherwise very smart people to figure this out.”
This was the lecture Abby never expected to hear, but it made her feel better. She’d been blaming him and waiting for him to step up. Maybe she needed to make it clear that she could take a step, too. “Nice delivery.”
Ellie’s demeanor changed. She grew serious as she reached out and grabbed Abby’s hand. “Trust him, Abby. Then maybe leave a little room to trust yourself.”
Abby realized that for a person who didn’t have many friends, she sure did pick the right ones. “Thanks.”
Ellie gave Abby’s hand another squeeze before she let go. “Before you do anything, do you think we can convince Jackson to get us some food?”
“It is one of his many skills.”
“Good man.”
Sixteen
Spence sat on the edge of his bed at Derrick’s place, trying to reason out what Abby had said. He still thought she’d mixed up events and created a big thing that didn’t exist. The running away issue...he had to own up to that. It was his go-to move and giving it up would take everything he had.
But he’d do it for her. He’d do almost anything for her.
“Why are you here?”
Spence looked up to find Derrick leaning in the doorway. He looked comfortable. Like a man who had finally found some peace At least until the screaming baby came.
“That’s welcoming.” Spence didn’t bother to get up or move over. He knew Derrick would loom there, waiting for the right time to impart some wisdom. That was his go-to move.
Derrick let out a long and very loud exhale. “You should be at Abby’s, insisting you two can work things out.”
“Can we?” That was the question that kept bouncing around in Spence’s head. He’d never wanted anything this much.
“You know the answer. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself.”
As pep talks went, this was not one of Derrick’s better ones. Spence was hoping for more. “Thanks, man.”
“You have a right to. Your life is a mess.” Derrick did step inside then. He walked over and sat next to Spence. “But she’s the right one for you and you know that. Put away the fear and set down roots. You belong here. You belong with her.”
He sounded like Abby. Their comments mirrored each other. Apparently, everyone else could see his fear. So much for the theory he did a good job of hiding it. “You make it sound easy.”
Derrick laughed. “Oh, it’s scary as hell. I know.”
“And I have this.” Spence reached beside him and picked up the unopened envelope from Eldrick. This was part of the requirements that would allow Derrick to take over the business. What needed to be done to make Eldrick slip away permanently, because Spence knew Derrick feared Dad would just walk into the office one day and try to run things again. The ownership percentages allowed him to do it.
“Open it.” Derrick shrugged, acting as if his entire business future didn’t ride on whatever was inside. “You may as well face everything at once. Let’s see if you balk.”
Spence ripped the top open. “And my list of requirements is...wait.”
The air punched out of his lungs. Spence blinked a few times, trying to bring the simple sentences into focus. This wasn’t a legal document; it was...he didn’t know what it was.
Derrick frowned as he grabbed the paper out of Spence’s hands. “What?”
Go find Abigail. Beg her to take you back. She never betrayed you.
“Come on. Is our dad taking responsibility for something? That can’t be right.” It seemed impossible. Spence couldn’t even get the words to register in his brain.
“Yes, but even weirde
r, I think he’s matchmaking.” Derrick turned the paper over then flipped it back again. “This can’t be from Beth or her doing. The envelope was here long before the engagement party, and that’s where she found out. That’s all Dad.”
“Our dad?” The one who harassed Abby and kissed her. The one who sent them down this awful road. “No way.”
“Apparently people can change.” Derrick handed the paper back to Spence. “Your turn.”
* * *
An hour later, Spence stood at Abby’s door. Without saying a word, she gestured for him to step inside. Didn’t slam the door on his face.
That alone seemed like a step forward. “Thanks for letting me come in.”
“You still have the key and the security codes.”
Some of the hope inside him died. Her voice sounded flat and there was nothing welcoming about a conversation about security codes. “Is that why you agreed to see me?”
She stopped in the middle of her living room and faced him. She wore oversize sweatpants and a T-shirt with a rip along the shoulder seam. Her hair was half in and half out of a ponytail holder.
She had never looked more beautiful to him.
She sighed. “No, I agreed because I love you.”
His mind went blank and his mouth went dry. He was pretty sure he made that up in his head. There was no way she said those words. “What?”
“There, I said it. I love you.” She threw up her hands then let them drop to her sides again. “You ran out on me, and I am terrified you will do it again, but that’s the truth. I love you, you big moron.”
He was even fine with the last part. “Abby—”
“I believe in you even though you don’t believe in yourself.”
His brain finally signaled his legs to move. In a few steps, he was in front of her, had his hands on her waist and pulled her in closer to him. “Don’t stop.”
She frowned at him. “What?”
They really did need to work on their communication skills. He decided to start now. “I can’t deny that there’s this whirling sensation inside me. When things blow up and a fight that could shred everything looms, I go. It stops the arguing and I can catch my breath. I’ve been using that defense mechanism since I was a kid.”
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